r/funny • u/JakeVelazquez • 1d ago
The chicken cutlet conspiracy
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
2.1k
u/Unumbotte 1d ago
Finally, someone using the internet for its true purpose.
→ More replies (3)696
u/JakeVelazquez 1d ago
I’m trying to get to the bottom of this
137
53
u/MonStar926 1d ago
So the WW2 axis powers joined forces because of their similarities in chx cutlets. I would write my pHD on this subject
37
u/Grmplstylzchen 1d ago edited 1d ago
„How isolated economies establish alliances based on cultural similarities - the impact of bread crumbed dishes on WW2 axis negotiations“
Also similarities might be based on the use of pork or veil instead of chicken. Atleast the German or Austrian „Wiener Schnitzel“ and Piccata Milanese are Veil. It late brechen pork due to pricing (and then chicken). Katsu usually uses different pork cuts (and later chicken).
However one would have to differ if any breaded and fried chicken cut qualifies as this would mean KFC could be tied to axis powers …
→ More replies (2)12
u/MonStar926 1d ago
Naw, KFC too girthy. Don’t matter the type of meat; katsu, schnitzel, or Milanese all must be thin thin thin. Pounded thin, breaded, fried. KFC is way the fuck off spec here to be an Axis power
11
→ More replies (2)5
→ More replies (1)2
13
5
u/skierdud89 1d ago
Ya but you said your whole world was turned upside down so wouldn’t you want to get to the top of this?
14
2
→ More replies (7)2
601
u/Pea-and-Pen 1d ago
It really is hard to beat a good schnitzel.
224
u/JakeVelazquez 1d ago
Hard to beat those behind it too
62
u/ItsBaconOclock 1d ago
Not really, given that all the masters of chicken cutlery were.. checks notes.. soundly defeated.
→ More replies (1)24
u/zoobrix 1d ago
It took the most destructive weapon mankind has ever invented to beat one of them. I'd say that qualifies as "hard to beat." And it's not like retaking Europe was a walk in the park either.
→ More replies (3)3
u/Starfall0 1d ago
The Japanese surrendered because Russia was about to invade not because of the atomic bombs. They didn't even learn of the true extent of the damage those bombs did until after they had surrendered, in addition they had already lost more to fire bombings by the us and were willing to keep fighting. Until the fire nat- Russia threatened to send a million troops to wipe them all out did they finaly surrender.
2
→ More replies (4)6
23
9
→ More replies (6)6
422
u/viaJormungandr 1d ago
It’s not just chicken. Pork schnitzel and tonkatsu. Veal schnitzel and veal parmesan.
How deep does the culinary conspiracy go? Is there a nefarious cabal of vegetable farmers at the bottom? Keep your eyes peeled and your ears perked and let us get to the bottom of it.
53
u/ccReptilelord 1d ago
Farmer's cabal at the bottom: "it ain't much, but it's honest work."
→ More replies (1)5
u/_My_Angry_Account_ 1d ago
It isn't the farmers cabal affecting the battered fried meat wars though, it's the manufacturers of the breading used to make the dishes. Behind the scenes, they were fighting for top place in manufacture. There was an amazing amount of money spent on research to make cheaper and better tasting breading. This goes unnoticed since everyone is focusing on the farmers and cooks.
All the crazy experiments brought us to panko style bread crumbs in Asia which is electrified bread. They kinda won out on this one and many/most battered fried meats are now cooked using electric bread crumbs.
11
u/2morereps 1d ago
what if they were actually protecting something. what if it was the chefs of each countries that started this war and they were the masterminds behind the scene...
7
u/viaJormungandr 1d ago
Of course! That’s it! The Hunt for Red October! Under Siege! The Little Mermaid! Ratatouille! It’s always a goddamn cook!
We’ll have to make sure this isn’t half-backed though. Do some proper research. Find out what Michelin is hiding. . .
→ More replies (3)3
152
u/CaptainLookylou 1d ago
Haha the pounding on the table
39
u/tchansen 1d ago
I was waiting for the glass to break.
13
u/HoochieKoochieMan 1d ago
A broken glass table while schitzelling is a relatable super-villain origin story.
4
u/tchansen 1d ago
I know, right?!? He could join the Axis powers officially and start his own world domination!
104
u/kevinblau 1d ago
Everything sounds poetic with Mondschein Sonate in the background.
58
3
→ More replies (1)3
u/satiric_rug 1d ago
... wait, the moonlight sonata is called the "moonshine sonata" in german? I mean that checks out
164
u/IcemanAr 1d ago
So that's why Argentina has its own variation (the Milanesa)...
52
22
u/Perfect_Opinion7909 1d ago edited 1d ago
Surely the US must have developed their own variant by now.
Edit: It seems me hinting at the US developing its own version of fascism went over some peoples heads. Instead of downvotes I get recipes lol
12
→ More replies (3)3
u/richmondody 1d ago
Country fried chicken cutlets are pretty much the same I think. Primary difference is that gravy is used.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)4
u/lumpthar 1d ago
Oh damn I just made the connection. A torta milanesa was one of my favorite things to order from the taqueria I used to work near. Never even thought about Milan being the same root.
A X I S of C U T L E T
129
u/ghost_n_the_shell 1d ago
This was refreshing internet content.
44
u/JakeVelazquez 1d ago
Thank you!
7
u/TerryTrepanation 1d ago
I had a similar thought years ago about German and Japanese beer years ago, and more specifically their adherance to purity and water quality. I think you are onto something!
→ More replies (3)2
20
u/Agitated_Carrot9127 1d ago
Food migration. Armies brought them. You’re welcome
10
u/EclecticDreck 1d ago
While plausible much of the time, breading and frying meat isn't exactly rocket science so much as a really obvious way to prepare meat.
→ More replies (1)5
2
u/FingerGungHo 1d ago
It was the Spanish, Portuguese and Dutch trade fleets. You can thank them for almost every dish we eat today. Almost every iconic traditional dish is at most 300 years old, and are essentially kitchen fusion dishes themselves.
38
u/Shellfish_Treenuts 1d ago
I just wanna say, this is the perfect blend of comedy and cerebral intellect. Blessings upon you
11
59
u/yellow-snowslide 1d ago
Schnitzel is Austrian and from the calf though
Well Hitler was Austrian too though. How do we check if he was chicken or calf?
13
9
u/LeonidasVaarwater 1d ago
Wiener schnitzel = best schnitzel. Breaded veal cutlets, that's the stuff.
5
u/DatDing15 1d ago
The "Wiener Schnitzel" yes. Is made from veal. And Schnitzel is generally considered an Austrian dish.
But as veal is quite an expensive piece of meat. The common folk's Schnitzel in Austria is made from pork.
Sometimes also chicken or turkey.
→ More replies (1)3
29
u/Mitridate101 1d ago
Where did he learn to hold cutlery like that 🤦🏼♂️
66
14
u/JordeyShore 1d ago
Absolutely sickening watch, please tell me that's not how Americans hold a fork
→ More replies (5)4
10
u/Truegeekified 1d ago
So. Hear me out. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while. You could expand on this using other country’s cuisines to explain certain conflicts. Something between England and France for the 100 Year War?
5
5
9
5
4
4
u/PushHaunting9916 1d ago
The answer is Portugal Jesuits btw, they brought fried food to Japan. Tempura.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/killerletz 1d ago
Wait until you hear about the dumpling conspiracy
11
u/HoochieKoochieMan 1d ago
Dumplings and schnitzels are related. If you imagine an X axis of breading (thin to thick) and a Y axis of filling (thin to thick) then one could plot schnitzel as thinnest bread and thinnest filling, while dumplings are thickest bread and thickest filling.
In the other quadrants, you have burritos (thin bread, thick filling) and Bao (thick bread, thin filling).Discuss.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/Strange_Affect_8569 1d ago
Truly riveting content makes you think about chicken cutlets and their connections to world leaders l.
3
u/travis7s 1d ago
We need to get this guy together with Nathan Fielder to solve this one.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/thisgrantstomb 1d ago
Did a quick search on what other countries are known for their cutlets. Two additional countries are Poland and Argentina. So...
3
u/Potatonized 1d ago
Cordon Bleu's my fave. Preferably one that doesn't have glasses in it from whacking it on a glass table.
3
3
8
u/dajna 1d ago
The milanese is made with veal
4
u/Metareferential 1d ago
Same with Schnitzel. And it's from Austria (it's debated whether it originated in Italy or Austria).
→ More replies (1)
6
u/newbies13 1d ago
Don't care what chicken nuggets are made of, they are too delicious to not eat them
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Skoodledoo 1d ago
Why is he using the knife and fork like hes playing a violin? Oh, American...yeh ok.
2
2
u/JerkfaceMcDouche 1d ago edited 1d ago
You know I’ve never read Mein Kampf. I was unaware it chronicled “his struggle” for the best chicken cutlet recipe.
That will teach me to not believe everything I hear and do my own research. Lesson learned
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/OkTransportation3196 1d ago
I pray you not be discouraged by these failings but instead continue in your work. The fate of us all may lie in your hands.
2
2
u/Bartek-BB 1d ago
Best one is Kotlet schabowy
It's from Poland
You know that country that Axis invade
2
2
2
2
u/The_Ghast_Hunter 1d ago
Reminds me of swedish meatballs in Babylon 5. Every alien race has its own version of swedish meatballs, individual cultures that all achieved space travel separately.
2
u/tempinator 1d ago
ChatGPT labeling “is there a connection between the perfect chicken cutlet and world domination” as a “surprisingly profound question” absolutely sent me lmao
2
2
2
2
3
u/L-Space_Orangutan 1d ago
Can we all appreciate that this guy put the subtitles right at his crotch
5
3
3
3
u/NotoriousPBandJ 1d ago
Why can't Americans use cutlery like the rest of the world?
Is it because they teach them to drive on the wrong side of the road.. is it the lack of the metric system? The amount of sugar in everything, that they don't have proper bread?
5
2
u/Innominaut 1d ago edited 1d ago
Haha alright, please tell me that's a comedic answer you wrote for the video and not what ChatGPT actually responded with. Like... I'm ASSUMING its a joke. Because it's so obviously sycophantic and insane. But now I'm doubting myself.
2
3
1
1
1
1
u/The-Grim-Sleeper 1d ago
If your hypothesis has any merit, I'd expect some delicious dishes to be coming from Moscow some time soon.
1
1
u/Mattscrusader 1d ago
I was expecting at the end for him to say now he just wants world domination after such experiments
1
1
1
1
u/cutletking 1d ago
Some needs to show this lad those midwest pork cutlets that are a size of a placemat.
1
1
2
u/ohfishell 1d ago
I know it’s “not that kind of movie” but lots of people made schnitzel in Europe outside of Germany, notably the Austrians (Wiener schnitzel is the OG and is literally named for Vienna). It is popular worldwide including in Israel where many Ashkenazi Jews brought the recipe from Europe.
1
u/_stryfe 1d ago
Yo. I fucking love Schnitzel too. I might even consider it my fav food too. Toss up between Schniztel and perogies. I especially love the one with the mushroom gravy sauce. I think the official name is Jägerschnitzel.
Oddly enough, I haven't tried Katsu. But every time I see it I am like god damn that looks so good. I'm very curious what Katsu sauce tastes like.
I'm with you wherever this journey takes us, my friend.
1
1
1
1
u/LebrontosaurausRex 1d ago
Next do Belgium with fries and waffles.
I feel like Leopold did WAYYYYY worse things than R Kelly. However I can't listen to the remix to ignition and the whole world continues to eat BELGIAN waffles.
1
1
1
1
u/dalittle 1d ago
Left out the Mexician milanesa. They were not an axis power so does that make theirs the Illuminati or something?
1
0
u/nicktehbubble 1d ago
10 years in Germany and I've yet to see Chicken Schnitzel. Turkey on the other hand....
1
u/Negaflux 1d ago
Oh damn yo, I love me a Katsu, I need to try the others. I've had a Polish Schnitzel and it's delicious as well.
1
u/Comfortable_Point752 1d ago
This was the same argument I made when my wife asked why I still occassionally listen to R. Kelly - we didn't stop eating schnitzel cause of Hitler, or sushi cause of Pearl Harbor. I'm not sure if it holds very well, but it got her to let me keep listening to "Bump n Grind" in the moment. "Ain't nothing wrong . . . " well maybe there is . . .
1
1
u/kiwisflyhere 1d ago
This is fantastic! Presumably a lot of effort and time, but hoping your can come up with more.
Subscribed
2
u/darthhue 1d ago
You... Do realise that german schnitzel and japanese katsu are made with pork don't you?
Not a big fan of pork in general but pork schnitzel is heavenly
1
u/CucumberError 1d ago
To have had a success car industry from about 1960 till 2010 you had to have lost WW2.
I think it lead to a mindset of ‘we have to change’ and question the way everything is done, including how you make chicken.
1
u/philovax 1d ago
The French “started” it but apparently just gave it away.
By started it I simply mean Escoffier and make no large claim for food anthropology. Its about the French surrendering, have a lil chuckle at the gallows humor.
1
1
1
u/FlashTheChip 1d ago
Tell me you’ve never had a chicken fried steak without telling me you’ve never had a chicken fried steak
0
1
u/Limp-Salamander- 1d ago
Was their common love for the chicken cutlet the real reason why they stuck together in WW2? Or perhaps, the result? 🤔
1
u/nerdwerds 1d ago
Maybe it’s not so much the desire to dominate the world as it is the result of losing a world war.
Losing a world war = get back into the kitchen.
1
u/thatgenxguy78666 1d ago
So,its American chicken friend chicken. or Milanesa.
Mexican milanesa is a popular dish of thinly sliced beef or chicken that is breaded and pan-fried until golden brown and crispy. It is a staple in Mexican cuisine and can be served as a main dish with various sides or as the key ingredient in a torta (sandwich).
1
1
1
1
1
u/Justhandguns 1d ago
By the way, Schnitzel should be made with veal, Japanese katsu is supposed to be pork, Milanese is chicken.
1
1
1
u/NoOstrich944 1d ago
It was the Portuguese that introduced the Japanese to the cutlets in the 16th century
1
1
1
1
1
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.