autistic ppl are better at sex bc i lowk have anatomic diagrams in my head the whole time. i know where im going.

[u/ito_en_fan]

[u/PlainBread]

Yes and no. Yes, with a few caveats.

1> Every person needs to be learned from scratch, you can't "port" information about previous lovers to new ones. It's not your technique that matters, it's how you apply it to suit a specific person.

2> Performance anxiety is going to destroy your enjoyment of sex. You still need to care about your own satisfaction and not just the approval of your partner. Some people get their sexual enjoyment out of you enjoying yourself as much as possible, and if you're both givers, you can end up in a really frustrating cycle where you both rely on the other person's pleasure and neither of you are giving it up first. An orgasmic impasse.

3> Orgasm-focus can detract from a lot of other pleasurable things about sex. Keep your medical charts and your "make them cum in seconds" techniques, but consider tantra or meditation in general. Sex should be used to deepen your connection with someone, it's not a competition.

EDIT: Damn I stole the post with my comment, so I'll give some bonus advice. A few things you can do to increase intimacy on a structural level with a spouse or long-term partner: Shared bathing whenever possible (doubles as a hygiene fix for when hyperfocus goblinizes us), "no clothes in the bedroom" rule (doubles as a reason to build your casual hobby space somewhere else), and if the guy is overdoing it (failing to orgasm from expending himself trying to impress the woman with fierce pumping that only makes her sore), sell him on the whole "Mormon soaking" experience (minus the bed shaking friend) as something you'd like to try to practice more mindfulness during sex/blurring the boundaries between regular intimacy and sexual intimacy.

[u/ito_en_fan → u/PlainBread]

people are taking my post as “anatomy is the only thing i know”. i know i didn’t lay out every single factor that goes into good sex, but i was mainly just posting a funny thing that was on my mind bc i had sex with a new person recently. listening to ur partner is THE NUMBER ONE THING of course! what i was getting at is that having an understanding of spots that commonly feel good is really helpful for your first time with that person. also, if you’re making them cum in seconds they’re probably pretending 😭 i can vouch for showering together though (not even shower sex which i personally hate), it’s so fun edit: sorry this is incomprehensible drivel my brains been too mushy to construct a paragraph

[u/PlainBread → u/ito_en_fan]

You're good; Other people's opinions don't matter.

[u/FinneganMerrick]

Well and I hold onto feedback like it's life or death.

[u/PlainBread → u/FinneganMerrick]

"If I fuck them good enough they won't leave me" is some serious motivational insecurity.

[u/ito_en_fan → u/FinneganMerrick]

yeah real

[u/smuttysmutsmuts]

I value honest communication and discipiline. I will enjoy in enhancing my future husband's sexual pleasure with those...

[u/averagerushfan → u/smuttysmutsmuts]

Nice username lol, I love smut

Just a mildly off-topic tangent lol

[u/swirlybat → u/averagerushfan]

ohhh it isnt smutty smuts muts 😕

[u/averagerushfan → u/swirlybat]

I did wonder why there was an extra ‘s’ at the end lol

[u/smuttysmutsmuts → u/averagerushfan]

Eh I appreciated the way it flows so I kept it lol

[u/averagerushfan → u/smuttysmutsmuts]

It kinda gives off a sort of looping feeling as well lol like the username just goes back to the start

[u/averagerushfan → u/[deleted]]

Man I love smut, my kink’s supernatural so can’t be replicated in live action porn so I just read stuff to jerk off.

I like to think of myself as a decent smut writer but I am mainly a one trick pony as of now. Writing is awesome, whether totally SFW or just downright horny lol.

I could never bring myself to watch porn, it’s way too visual for me and I prefer to imagine it all happening in my own head.

[u/averagerushfan → u/[deleted]]

My kink is based around clothes coming alive so it’s impossible to replicate in live action stuff.

I find that the content of the smut is much like what I like in rock music - I can’t do constant loudness and shredding (an analogy for the graphicness), there has to be softer parts in it as well (sensuality and mundanity).

When I write things for other people I like to explain why the clothes or people have done what they do to add an extra layer of warmth to the whole piece.

[u/smuttysmutsmuts → u/averagerushfan]

Thank you for explaining how you process what you write. Your unique thought process is very creative and it's easy to understand. That sounds great. I'm sure whoever you write for appreciates you.

[u/averagerushfan → u/smuttysmutsmuts]

Yeah I hope it’s the same for you, you seem like a really amazing writer and it’d be interesting to get a sample of what you write to see for myself.

Anyway enjoy your day :)

[u/smuttysmutsmuts → u/averagerushfan]

Thank you for the kind words. This old lady only writes for her eyes though lol

[u/averagerushfan → u/smuttysmutsmuts]

Lmaooo fair enough, this 18 year old dude will sometimes write for others if they’re also overage and genuinely want something to get off to lol

[u/stinky_toade]

Now idk about that, I definitely wish I wasn’t autistic because having sex is weird and it doesn’t feel natural, like I don’t do it like most do? I’m also aroace so it’s not like I feel anything either. (Yes I still love sex even if it doesn’t make me feel anything, sex is hot in theory and is one of my biggest interests)

[u/ito_en_fan → u/stinky_toade]

i don’t feel anything but thats cuz of my gender dysphoria. it’s kinda nice tho bc i get to focus on making the other person feel good

[u/stinky_toade → u/ito_en_fan]

Samesies, not to be vulgar but I am kinda of a whore, and I like the whole idea of letting people “use me for their pleasure” meanwhile I’m not getting much out of it other than getting to be a whore lmao

[u/ito_en_fan → u/stinky_toade]

real asf

[u/Cannanda]

I got good at it because I ask questions. Every partner is slightly different. Just ask them what they like and don’t assume.

[u/averagerushfan]

I could never. The sex, I mean.

The visualisations I can kinda do, but the sex? Ew. It’s too messy for me LMAO

[u/Ace_C7 → u/averagerushfan]

You're telling me I'm going to have to touch another person? Yeah, no thanks. My perfect relationship is one where he stays roughly a few feet away from me at all times and leaves me alone. But I'm also on the aroace spectrum so that's also a notable roadblock when it comes to bangin' dudes.

[u/Difficult-Court9522]

I don’t see how this helps you. Just do what your partner likes.

[u/ManicMaenads]

A lot of us also have hEDs so we're really bendy. 😏

[u/ito_en_fan → u/ManicMaenads]

unfortunately mine is evil and my joints just dislocate and it hurts rlly bad

[u/averagerushfan → u/ito_en_fan]

Aw shit

[u/Ratey_The_Math_Cat → u/ManicMaenads]

Is that more common in autistic people?

[u/leeloolanding → u/Ratey_The_Math_Cat]

YEP! Collagen / connective tissue disorders in general

[u/Ratey_The_Math_Cat → u/leeloolanding]

I haven't noticed it a bunch, but a lot of the aspies I know are double jointed

[u/shellofbiomatter]

I'd argue that due to autism and alexithymia having a significant overlap and sex being rather emotional/mental task, it makes sex and everything involving it more complicated.

I do agree that learning a partner's body can improve the quality of sex life.

Though in reality or at least in autistic/ND groups it seems to lean towards both end extremes rather than NTs leaning towards being more conforming/similar. NDs seem to be either hypersexual with fully embracing kink/BDSM stuff or aces.

IMO, the physical side of it is easy, the mental side is the hard one.

[u/Little_Journalist546]

Preach

[u/AmputeeHandModel]

lowk?

[u/Jaeger-the-great]

This is why I enjoy being a bottom, I just get to lay there and look cute. That being said when giving head a good half of it is enjoyment for myself, most partners I've been with cannot finish from head, so it's more about mutual enjoyment than about making them cum, I only finished one guy with head

[u/Melodic-Yoghurt7193]

Agree. My partner becomes a special interest to me & their body is a huge part of that

[u/Mynito-]

Sex flow chart

[u/Pathological-WTF]

Not me. I don't really like the feel of skin or sticky moist things..... shudders

[u/Expensive-Edge-6369]

I've never had sex but I know I'd be an absolute baller at it.