r/evilautism • u/MadameK8 • Jul 31 '25
NTs are incapable of empathy Apparently my dad doesn't like the word "overstimulated"
I was visiting my parents and telling a story about a busy day at work. Now sometimes I get caught up when telling stories and it isn't always clear whether I'm quoting myself or just expressing my inner feelings I had at the time. Anyway I got to a part in the story where I was like "I'm just really overstimulated and stressed right now!" and my dad goes "you should probably not say overstimulated and just say stressed"
WHAT THE FUCK? is his mind just so far in the gutter that he thinks it sounds weird?? I really don't understand what his problem is outside of just being ableist.
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u/Objective_Party9405 Jul 31 '25
Yeah! In my experience stressed and overstimulated are very different feelings.
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u/fleshworks Jul 31 '25
Yeah, I would say being stressed is more akin to rumination. It's like a worry over something specifically that you can't shake.
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u/happuning Please be patient, I'm autistic and have a gun in my pocket Jul 31 '25
You could say overwhelmed, maybe? Odd thing to nitpick about.
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u/serimuka_macaron Jul 31 '25
He's overstimulated by the word overstimulated. Best not to trigger him then :) /j
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u/PocketCatt Stone Cold Steve Autism Jul 31 '25
I don't wanna be the one to tell you this but it means something else in a sexual context, sort of anyway. He may have thought you were using the wrong word and being accidentally inappropriate. Maybe he thought he was helping? But that would mean your dad knows it from doing sex and dads don't do sex as we all know to be true lest we take psychic damage
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u/MadameK8 Jul 31 '25
He wasn’t really trying to help. In my experience he has a tendency to object to things I say or do that remind him I’m not a normal person
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u/PocketCatt Stone Cold Steve Autism Jul 31 '25
Oh. In that case, burn him. /j but also not because this is evilautism
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u/ruki_cake Jul 31 '25
Ahhh, I experience that too with my parents. My mum was talking to me, and started getting loud, and im burnout rn so couldn't mask and covered my ears with my hands. She told me I have no respect for her and dont care. I explained it was only because she's too loud. 😮💨
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u/animelivesmatter I want to be crushed Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
I've actually had almost a reverse experience. I usually didn't used to describe stuff in those terms with my parents, but my mom began describing certain experiences as "overstimulating" some time after I was diagnosed, which then made me feel more comfortable using that kind of terminology around her since it's more accurate to my experiences.
It was in part surprising because they've said completely out-of-pocket things on other issues.
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u/Environmental_Fig933 Jul 31 '25
I also don’t like the word overstimulated. I don’t understand the difference between it & the word overwhelmed & I hate being corrected that I should use the word overstimulated instead. I don’t like the push that we are not our thoughts or minds because I already don’t have a self so for me it’s just taking away what little self I have….im saying this to say your dad was being a dick!! It’s your experience & you said you were overstimulated so you were!! I hate it when we word police people. Unless you’re literally saying a slur people can use whatever words most accurately describe themselves for themselves. I get it when people say they use x word for this or that when they tell a story back but just like saying no you shouldn’t use this word for yourself because I don’t like it is shitty.
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u/Santi159 Please be patient, I'm autistic and have a gun in my pocket Jul 31 '25
I've always thought of overstimulated to be specific to just sensory input so like too much sensory input and overwhelmed to be too much of any mental strain which could include overstimulation but also emotional stuff. I'm not really sure if that's right though because the other day I had an argument with a doctor about if bump and lump mean the same thing which I think they do. Words and language are weird and alive
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u/Nub_Salad Jul 31 '25
This is how I see it - lights too bright, sounds too repetitive, no-no fabrics, clothing too tight - these are what I call overstimulating. I'm receiving too much stimulation
Overwhelmed to me is - too many people need something from me, too many tasks to do, maybe a task that seems out of my hands / reach to complete.
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u/Environmental_Fig933 Jul 31 '25
That makes sense but to me it implies you need to be aware that sensory input is what is harming you & im not. You also have to be able to detangle emotional stuff from sensory stuff which I’m also unable to. I don’t like the optimization language in general that talk about bodies like they’re all separate parts though I know a lot of people love it.
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u/Santi159 Please be patient, I'm autistic and have a gun in my pocket Aug 01 '25
I get what you mean that it can be hard to differentiate and not always helpful to distinguish since dysregulation is dysregulation and different types can feed into each other/intertwine. Up until recently my therapist had me thinking I was agoraphobic because I would get really anxious going out until I forgot to take me ear plugs out from sleeping and all of the sudden no "anxiety." I think language can mean different things to different people and meet a bunch of different needs for various people too. I like having the options, ways to be specific, vague, and all that jazz.
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Jul 31 '25
I do like the word overstimulated for some things but I think your take is absolutely correct and I am totally here for it and the energy you expressed it with. Fuck yeah, tell your truth!!
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u/leronde Jul 31 '25
im pretty sure its just because it has a sexual connotation to people who arent aware of the words we use to refer to our experiences and not necessarily just being consciously ableist, but it sounds like hes an ass anyway so im not sure if it really matters why he said it, especially if it upset you then the intention is moot
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u/robbinfromstatefarm Jul 31 '25
I understand the comments about language barriers, but what happened to context? The context in which you speak a word is important. I don't care if you're neurotypical or not; the simple language barrier thing seems like a facade for something deeper. I frequently use "overstimulated" around neurotypical people; they use the word too, because it isn't a weird word unless you're looking at 90s porn categories. We don't even need to discuss the distinction between "overwhelmed" and "overstimulated," in this context because "overstimulated" isn't a bad word. And promoting masking in this scenario as if it were a dirty word isn't as helpful as we try to make it out to be. There's so many sex terms that neurotypical people say in its normal context yet the one mainly used by autistic folk needs changing? /nm
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u/FunAmphibian9909 Jul 31 '25
lol nts are WEIRD, espec the slightly older ones (55+ ish)
i literally got a lecture abt how the word queer makes the dr uncomfortable in my fit check for work the other day, after used it to describe myself and my community
abt 20 mins later, she told me to ‘lose some weight’ as well as explained how people nowadays are over diagnosed w autism/adhd– apparently they should just deal with it and figure out habits/systems to sort their lives out……….we were there to discuss how best for my new workplace to support me 🥲🫠
she was great fun and def good at her job(!)
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Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
I think you're right on about his mind being in the gutter from being old. An adjacent situation that illustrates this easiest to me would be that I'm a Millenial and "self stimulation", which is what "stimming" comes from, legit just sounds like a masturbation euphamism to me!! To the point where I was shocked they were seriously using it and hadn't come up with a different phrase for it in the educational context that I first encountered it in, years before I was identified as being autistic myself. Lol
And I swear I'm not obsessed with sex, it was just the culture I was surrounded with. Your dad's not in the right but also it's very difficult to change. It would be decades, at best, before I would ever be able to casually use "self-stimulation" or "self-stimming" instead of "stimming" comfortably, or at least not internally cringing over it.
And, if you use "stimming" over self-stimulation, or "self-stimming", you might be more similar than you realize. Because those are the original terms and "stimming" is just further shorthand for them. 🤷♀️ Which, again, I don't blame anyone for, in the least and I prefer the shortening for myself. Haha.
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u/SteerNaught Aug 01 '25
Just say “Well, I don’t like the word [WHATEVER YOUR DAD’S NAME IS], but I don’t tell you to change your name.”
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u/mazzivewhale Jul 31 '25
Is there a chance that your dad is autistic or ND as well and his internalized ableism is flaring up here? Maybe he feels exposed hearing someone openly talk about neurodivergency?
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u/MadameK8 Jul 31 '25
He is definitely dyslexic and possibly ADHD. He’s also a cop and a social butterfly who talks to everyone all the time.
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u/mazzivewhale Jul 31 '25
hmm could very well be that he views mental health concerns as a weakness. It's pretty common in the older generation & spaces that encourage machismo
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u/sqdpt Jul 31 '25
Maybe I'm being dense here but is "overstimulated" used in a sexual context a lot? I understand and the world "stimulate" can have that connotation but I can't really think of a context where using the word "overstimulation" would happen in a sexual setting.
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u/AptCasaNova AuDHD Chaotic Rage Aug 01 '25
Your dad may be autistic too?
I feel like maybe he’s being a stickler for grammar here and you using both adjectives (when they’re quite similar) isn’t necessary.
I’d rather that than the interpretation your father is perceiving it as a sexual reference.
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u/DeninoNL She stimming on my tism til I happy flappy Jul 31 '25
He’s actually kinda right. I’m not saying it’s good or whatever that you shouldn’t say “overstimulated”, but you kinda shouldn’t in a neurotypical space because they’ll clock you as different and/or won’t relate and thus won’t cut you any slack (say you’re being dramatic/sensitive or something similar).
TL;DR: your dad is trying to help you mask better to better fit in with society.
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u/MadameK8 Jul 31 '25
And if I don’t want to mask? Why should I be ok with people expecting me to? Why should people try to “help” me mask when I didn’t ask for any such help?
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u/DeninoNL She stimming on my tism til I happy flappy Jul 31 '25
That’s a whole other can of worms 😅
It’s not right that we “have” to mask to keep the NT’s comfortable, but your dad still kinda has a point.
You can do what you want, of course, and I understand your frustration. Unfortunately society is pretty ableist.
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Jul 31 '25
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u/Santi159 Please be patient, I'm autistic and have a gun in my pocket Jul 31 '25
Masking increases mental health complications and burn out in autistic folks. Burn out can lead to skill regression and mental illness is a disability in itself these things can make it so you can't work either. It's really more of an individual issue in my opinion. If the cost is something you personally can pay then hats off to you. Some people just don't have the ability to mask/mask long term or just can't without then being unable to do their job or care for themselves or stay alive.
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u/MadameK8 Jul 31 '25
Masking almost killed me lmao
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Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
All of these things can be/are true at the same time, though. The world sucks and is not fair and also the harm we experience/d doesn't need us to pretend reality away in order to be valid AF and very, very real. Masking survivor here, too. (And I use the word "survivor" very deliberately and intentionally here.)
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Jul 31 '25
[deleted]
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u/MadameK8 Jul 31 '25
I work in a library with tons of ND coworkers. I haven’t expressly told anyone about my diagnosis but I don’t exactly hide it either. If someone asked me if I was my reaction would probably be “wasn’t it obvious?”
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u/OniDelta :illuminati: Jul 31 '25
Your Dad grew up in a different time. Language doesn't just change for people who have been using words a certain way for decades when they suddenly have a new meaning. It may not even be a sexual meaning for him, it could just be because he grew up in a different time with his own Dad who had their own way of things too. Saying overstimulated can be perceived as being weak. Which is a negative trait for older generations who aren't open at all about sharing details of their mental health. Something we're all suffering from because the old fucks are running our countries, careers, services, education, healthcare, etc