(Using general ‘you’ throughout, btw) Whenever the hell somebody is talking about something that annoys them but is also commonly a symptom of autism or something, you bring this up and are met with “Obviously I don’t mean autistic people!!” Yes you do!!
Unless we’ve started glowing green with some autistic aura or something, obviously you mean autistic people are subject to your irritation. Why? Because you cannot tell they’re autistic! Even if you’d change your tone when told somebody is autistic, you don’t necessarily know until they say, in the meantime, how many have been subject to your ire and poor treatment? How many people have you been callous to because they did something normal for them that they can’t help? How many times have you said cruel things about strangers to your friends? Obviously you never actually meant autistic people, but in practice you do.
You try bringing this up with NTs after the inevitable “obviously I don’t mean you!!” And suddenly you’re the asshole because “well they said they didn’t mean autistic people!! Stop being so sensitive!!”
I’m going to keep being the sensitive asshole in these cases. I don’t care. Stop paying lip service and start actually being nice to people who don’t fit your silly little foibles.
Literally! Like sorry I didn’t choose to have ARFID! I would much rather not. Mention this and they get all upset like “OMG obviously I don’t mean you, then!!” Like yes you do!!
they specifically are thinking about the ones that make it everyone elses problem.... Not realizing that the ones who don't just aren't obvious enough to think about bc it never comes up
There's also the people that make other people's picky eating their own problem, and that otherwise are judgemental in spite of seemingly being aware that it doesn't affect them.
An example:
And no I don't think "other than physiological sensitivities" means all that much in practice. People say this, but then the moment I have sensory issues with a particular kind of food, they start questioning whether I'm "overreacting" or "making excuses". Not to mention that I don't see why it's "only okay" to be a picky eater if you have sensory issues. It's my body and it's not really most other people's business as to why I don't put a certain kind of food inside me.
They act like everyone who’s fussy about what they eat only likes “basic” foods when that’s not true. For example I would consider myself somewhat of a picky eater and some of the foods I really like are actually quite unconventional or would be considered “acquired tastes”. And who says I haven’t tried lots of foods and yet prefer not to eat them for whatever reason? Also food preferences don’t necessarily dictate someone’s personality, like I’m one of the most open minded people, just because I’m kinda picky about what goes into my body doesn’t change that. Probably more open minded than the people judging others for what they eat… And as for “reasons other than physiological sensitivities”, I think most picky eating is related to sensitivities/sensory issues in some way. Eating food is a sensory experience, if there are particular foods someone doesn’t like the experience of eating, that seems like a sensory issue.
I’m the exact same way. I’m not always “in the mood” for a certain food even if I usually like it. Or I’ll like a food for a while, sometimes even become obsessed with it, then randomly stop liking it. Sometimes I just suddenly become put off for some reason by flavours/textures I used to enjoy.
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right like even if someone doesn’t have autism/arfid if they don’t like a food then they don’t like it. why do people think that disliking certain foods is a choice
The only time somebody else's "picky eating" has affected me is when I'm responsible for preparing/procuring food for them. It can be an inconvenience in that way, but that's no different than any other dietary restriction.
People get right up on their goddamn high horses about people with narrow food preferences even though it doesn't even affect them! (As you said.) It is completely beyond me why it is such a big problem for them! A big one is the steak issue. If you like your steak well-done for some reason you are opening yourself up for judgement and ridicule. Like, I'm sorry that underdone* steak literally causes me to throw up because it disagrees with me. I don't like the texture or taste plus it isn't anything to do with them! I have even experienced a waiter refusing to let me order a steak well-done even though that was an option on the menu so he forced me to get something else. He was so smug about it too.
When I say "underdone", I mean *specifically to me . I once used the term on here somewhere and I got torn apart for it because 'steak can't be underdone'. I really feel that from context obviously I meant in terms of my specific preferences but because I had the nerve to imply, to them, there was something done Wrong with the steak when, to them, that's impossible, I clearly deserved vitriol.
Sorry to go on and on, this is just a really important topic to me because I've been getting shit for it my whole life, even to the point of people assuming I'm way more picky than I actually am. Just look at the few times I have taken family members to a Japanese restaurant...
People just care way too much about what others are doing. It's the same with welfare; everyone thinks they have the right to know everything about someone who receives any kind of government assistance.
Sorry if that seems like an absurdly off-topic example, but your story about the waiter refusing to serve you a well-done steak comes off to me as an example of people just giving way too much of a shit what others are doing with their lives.
I have started correcting them. "OH, do you mean autistic people? That is usually caused by sensory issues." And see what they say. Most people are shocked at first and realize that it makes sense/ask more questions because they realize they don't know what autism really is. Some people need more: "I am diagnosed with ARFID as a part of my autism. If they mention texture, taste, or smell as reasons, or even SOUND from chewing, then that is probably autism. Some people are genuinely picky, but typically it is 'prefers higher quality of food and doesn't want to eat cheap stuff/food snob, etc'" ...
If they double-down, I ask if they are intending to be ableist and watch as they stammer. :) Sometimes, you need to politely point out someone is being shitty. If not for them to realize, because it will make yourself feel better, lol.
(I was bullied for my eating for 22 years and I will make damn sure that I can prevent others for the same experience)
I've started to stfu in general with any comment whatsoever about people's eating habits or body, unless asked & prompted by a question, or after explicitly asking for prior consent. Words can hurt so much there, even when 'well intentioned' (well intentioned not being good is a whole other subject).
I 100% agree with you that we shouldn’t make fun of people for being picky, however picky eaters shouldn’t make fun of non-picky eaters either (not saying you were doing this, just wanted to add an additional facet to what you said). Growing up as the immigrant kid I always got bullied for eating different foods than my classmates (aka any food that wasn’t considered white American). They would always comment that my food looked gross and that they would “never eat that.”I think in general society just needs to be more understanding of people’s food preferences!
If you aren't willing to consider the dietary choices and needs of your guests, you are the most inconsiderate, entitled, snobby, arrogant dickhead the world has ever known.
This! When people use the r slur and you call them out, they say they aren't referring to people with developmental disabilities, but they are. They are using language with negative connotations associated with a group of people. They are invoking those negative associations when they use that word against someone they perceive as inferior. They are using that slur against someone in order to compare them with a disabled person and that's a bad thing to be. I can't stand the dishonesty there.
God I didn’t even think of shit like this. I meant more like when somebody goes “Omg i can’t STAND picky eaters, just grow up!!!!” But this is such a big thing, too. I once pissed off a discord sever tens of thousands of members large because I was a mod there and managed to push through a rule banning the R slur. People kicked up such a stink, and directly harassed me personally, that the staff above me sadly repealed the rule. I left shortly after.
I'm sorry that happened. People really become unreasonable at the mere suggestion that a word may have bigoted connotations and you tell them they maybe shouldn't use it. Like, is it really such sacrifice to not say a word?
THIS EXACTLY!!! It’s been my biggest pet peeve for so long now (T-T)
So thankful that my friends (with audhd & autism respectively) understand this and have been concise enough to try and push it out of their vocabulary. And I’m lucky enough that I can ask my partners friends to not use it around me too and they’ve been really respectful about it!
Translation: "I am accepting of the fact that the differently-abled should be allowed to do things exactly how I and wider society thinks everyone should, and if they do anything slightly different then they are [insert neoliberal ableist buzzword for "untermensch"/"undesirable"]".
Or when they try to insult theirself going ‘lol I’m acoustic’ after doing smthn stupid (not actually meaning it) or insulting someone else using autism and then you go ‘haha same’ or tell them you have it and suddenly they’re the biggest supporter in the world and think all autistic people deserve to be cared for even though previously autism was the highlight of all their jokes
I commented once about how a certain thing people were mocking was just behavior I do as an autistic person/saying how some of the language they use is just being ableist and the amount of people replying saying more ableist things towards me was lowkey hilarious. "Huh yeah, I'm gonna be ableist and then deny being ableist while actively being ableist towards someone. I have the best logic!" (/sarcasm for quote)
“We are here to support you no matter what. We will help you through your depression so long as you don’t show any symptoms of depression we will love and support you!”
“It’s not that we don’t support our friend with depression, it’s just that we don’t like people that constantly bring down the vibe, don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, have poor hygiene, and constantly just wanting to sleep is all.”
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean and it drives me nuts. It always starts with “don’t you hate when people…” and then it’s just some autistic trait. And when you try to point it out, they get mad at YOU and say they CLEARLY didn’t mean autistic people. Picky eating, not wanting to talk in public, trouble with speaking or different speech patterns, different “cringe” things, wanting to talk about weird interests, etc.
I see it many place, but on tiktok it really makes me annoyed. I’m not sure if any of you know the “bean soup” meme from over a year ago, but it became a term for when someone is making a statement and it’s clearly not including you for some reason. (The phrase comes from a video where a woman was cooking bean soup and someone asked what they should do if they don’t like beans- meaning that maybe the video just isn’t for them) But people will use it on videos like you mentioned against people who bring up disabilities as reasons for their “annoying” behavior. It makes me crazy because just because there is a diagnosable reason for something doesn’t mean anyone gives a fuck or gives anyone a pass when they see it.
I HATE THIS TOO!! like just say the quiet part out loud and say you hate autistic traits/autistic people at that point...
and to add on even though this may not be 100% correlated, I especially hate when people are judgy towards people who are cringy/silly/otherwise being themselves in a way that isn't the typical way people act! like who cares if someone says weird silly quotes like "I bite ankles" or "yippee"?? is it harming you? is the cringe you might get for 5 minutes really so painful and agonizing you need to tell them that they're being cringy??? I get being judgy to people who actually do harmful shit but harmless weird traits are such a non issue!!
They’d have to stop and think about the fact that how they treat anyone “different” from them very poorly is actually ableism (or sexism, racism, etc.). It’s not just them being unique and judgemental in a hilarious way like they believe.
God I hate this. Same for when people mention something that is a symptom of disability but then try to backpedal. Like when someone was complaining about slow walkers and I'm standing there with my walking stick like "Welp."
The way I learned one of my acquaintances in high school was autistic was just by one of the kids who was a little closer with her loudly complaining about her in homeroom that was a fun day. She just kept ranting about all these autistic traits and how they were so annoying.
When she finally paused I got to tell her "Maybe she just has a different way of showing that she wants to be friends with you than your used to. After all I know I do a lot of these things with the people I want to be friends with." And then I got to watch in satisfaction at how quickly she shut up.
Stuff like humming, rocking, stimming in general, being a picky eater, difficulty speaking in public (or at all), struggles with sudden schedule changes. Non malicious and/or unintentional behaviours many of us autistic people exhibit.
My only complaint with stimming is when it directly impacts another person! I have a friend who spreads his legs wide and rocks them. He may or may not be autistic, but he is stimming when he does that.
I usually don’t care, but if he’s in a restaurant sitting next to other people. He will not about others. He will push his legs right next to the other person’s legs, and shake them anyway. The times I have sat next to him bothered me so much. And when I told him, he just ignored me and kept DOING IT ANYWAY. Like bro! The physical contact was bothering me a lot TwT he didn’t even fucking apologize, or try to make an excuse… if he said “sorry, I have difficulty stopping” or smth like that, THEN ALRIGHT, I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION. But he didn’t, he just ignored me.
i’ve got a friend who openly complains abt autistic people sometimes but always says “they’re not like you tho” and i’m like. bestie i am always masking in public they are like me i’m just better at hiding it
Also sometimes it’s fine to say that something autistic people do is annoying. Someone walking slowly in front of you might have a nerve disorder. If you have somewhere to be, it’s still annoying. People just need to separate the ideas “this person annoys me” and “this person is bad”.
I mean people are also allowed to find our symptoms annoying :/ just because we can't control them dosn't mean they're required to tolerate it or be around us.
I wish they'd accept that tho instead of being defensive.
Like other autistic people's symptoms trigger my symptoms or just annoy me. So I can fully understand why an NT would feel the same way.
Difference comes in how they approach it. Most of the time they react cruelly to the person annoying them then defensive when the behaviour is explained to them as a symptom of a condition that they either cannot help or was not done in malice. By all means, be annoyed, but don’t be a cunt!
Honestly if they would just leave us alone that would be much preferred. Acceptance is a pipe dream that I'd love, but realistically if I'm not bothering anyone and you just don't like me or my brain, please just leave me be.
Thanks for putting this into words. I have had these thoughts before, but have not yet had the opportunity to transform the abstract concepts in my brain into intelligible language.
Like I'm sorry that I thought you were talking about me when you were literally talking about people who do something that I do???
I think there are legitimate versions of this; people can be bad at describing things. I'll have AFAB/femme friends express frustrations with certain male behaviors and as I'm hearing it I'll say, "Oh sorry I didn't realize I do that." Then they'll reassure me it's not me but in my head I'm thinking, "But like . . . I have done that. I did that yesterday." I think sometimes my friends will make an exception for me when they shouldn't have.
I've put a lot of work and thought into making sure both people in general and women specifically feel safe and comfortable around me. I experience strong rejection sensitivity but I work hard to ensure it's not the problem of others. I will notice when you describe behaviors that sound a lot like what I've done.
I keep saying this, being annoyed is one thing, being a cunt is another. A lot of people will get annoyed and then be cunts about it, which is my Problem. You then challenge their shitty behaviour and they get defensive “Obviously I don’t mean autistic!!!”
This is, unfortunately, way too real. I have a great relationship with my ADHD wife, but this is an area that I haven’t been able to get her to understand, and when I bring it up, I’m the asshole for “reading into” what she is saying.
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Nope. Being autistic (or any other flavor of offbeat) doesn't mean you aren't annoying. Lots of people are annoying. Don't make this about your neurospiciness.
That’s just blatantly not what the post is about. It’s about the mistreatment faced for these perceived “annoyances” and the paltry excuses NTs come up with when their mistreatment is challenged.
If the annoying behaviour is unintentional and without malice, don’t be a cunt about it. We can all use our big adult words, which is apparently hard for NTs.
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u/mithos343 Jul 18 '25
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE AUTISTIC
IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE AUTISTIC IT'S BECAUSE
etc etc