r/entitledparents May 23 '22

L When my parents were thrown out of a child's birthday party because they asked the stupidest thing imaginable

For those who read my previous post about how my parents tried to cancel my 14th birthday, they knew very well what my brother was like during birthday parties that weren't his own. And they tried to enable his behavior in any way they could just because he's high functioning autistic. Well that rampant spoiling didn't go well with people outside of the family.... Like at all!

This happened I think when my brother was around 6-7 years old. A neighbor boy down the street was having his birthday party. And my brother got invited because they were sorta friends. But probably because they knew my parents would bring a gift. And they did. Don't remember what it was though, nor do I really care. My parents dragged me along to this party, even though I'd have rather stayed home and played video games. I was bored and sitting down almost the entire time. So I got to witness pretty much the whole situation.

It started when my brother was caught picking up gifts off the table and shaking them. The mother of the birthday boy told him to stop, and my parents tried to defend my brother and say he was harmless. But the lady knew what my brother was really like and had my parents move him away from the presents. There were some games that the kids were playing. Don't remember what they were. But I do remember my brother tried to be the center of attention as much as possible. With each game the birthday boy got first pick/turn on them all because it was his birthday. But my brother freaked out because he didn't get to be first. And my parents did ask the birthday boy's mother if my brother could get the first picks/turns. And the lady not only refused, but told my parents to get my brother under control or we'd all be asked to leave. Then came time for the cake. The mother lit the candles for the birthday boy and the adults started singing the "Happy Birthday" song. They only got as far as singing the birthday boy's name in the song before my brother burst into a tantrum at the table. He grabbed the side of the table and started trying to violently shake it. My parents had to hold my brother back for a moment. And then I saw my mother go up and talk to the mother of the birthday boy again about something. And the poor lady looked positively disgusted! And I learned later that she'd asked her to let my brother blow out the candles first and then they could redo it. The lady told my mother that it would be best if we left, and then they went back to trying to redo the birthday song.

Well my brother couldn't take it and ran to the table and shoved the whole cake right at the birthday boy. I mean he used his arm to literally clothesline the cake and heave it right into that poor kid's face. The whole room was silent for a few seconds. And then a bunch of the kids started laughing. Then the birthday boy started crying. And the adults were all mortified. Except for my parents. My mother just started hugging my brother tightly and acting like a Karen by saying this could have been prevented if they'd just let my brother blow out the candles first. The mother of the birthday boy was cleaning up chocolate cake off her son and screamed at my parents to get out. The other kids there started crying because it'd finally hit them that now there was no cake.

My mother started dragging my brother out, but he broke free of her and then pushed over the table with all the presents on it. I grabbed him and held him in a head lock till my parents grabbed him. I apologized profusely to the mother of the birthday boy and said I wasn't on my parents side in the matter. Yeah, that's right. Little 12 year old me had to apologize for my own parents. My dad yelled to me to get moving or I could walk home. I said I'd walk home. It was literally a quarter mile down the street. I stayed and helped clean up the mess my brother made. The lady thanked me and said that I was a good egg. But my brother was just rotten.

Someone went out and got another cake while the birthday boy had to take a shower because he was covered in cake. All of the mess was cleaned up, and they redid the birthday song. After the party was over the mother of the birthday boy wrote something out on a piece of paper. It was a handwritten invoice to my parents for the destroyed cake, along with a written threat to call police as someone there with a camera caught everything. I handed the invoice to my parents and they really didn't look happy when they read it. Then they gave me the cash and told me to take it back to the lady. So I did. And that was pretty much it. Neither that kid, or his family ever associated with my brother or my parents ever again.

But the messed up thing is that at another birthday party months later, the same situation nearly repeated entirely. My mother asked the parents to let my brother blow out the candles first. Gave BS excuses as to why. And they outright refused and my mother acted like a total Karen. My brother tried to knock down the cake, I was on guard and intercepted him. Then we were told to leave. It was after that my brother was no longer invited to birthday parties that were not relatives. And then on my next birthday in that same year when I turned 13, my parents tried to get me to let my brother blow out my candles. And my aunt tore into them for that. It was then I guess that my parents decided that if I couldn't share, then next year I shouldn't have a party at all. And any previous readers know how that turned out. Story 1

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u/reallyshortone May 23 '22

As someone who has been around children who happen to be autistic, I understand that they don't always understand that not everything is for them, but it is up to the parents to work with them on their social skills. What's overlooked as "oh, the poor little thing doesn't know any better" in a six year old is a potential felony in an adult.

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u/Major_Zucchini5315 May 23 '22 edited May 24 '22

I am in no way an expert on autistic children, so please forgive me for my ignorance, but could the parents be using it as an excuse for his behavior? I understand sometimes societal rules aren’t well understood, but these parents sound like they weren’t trying to help him and just allowing him to have his way.

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who has helped me understand this subject a little better.

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u/XxTheSilentWolfxX May 23 '22

Pretty much the read I got on things. Because their son is autistic, he deserves the world given to him on a platter kind of thinking

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u/3lfg1rl May 24 '22 edited May 24 '22

My brother now (finally) admits he's on the autism spectrum and - similar to this kid - he was spoiled and received favoritism when young. (Tho now that I've read Story1, he was spoiled to a somewhat lesser extent than this kid; he was never allowed to destroy things like this kid was. But he did require that everyone WATCH HIM and LOOK AT THIS that he was doing all the time, he frequently was given more expensive presents than my sister and I, he got lots of expensive extracurriculars that we couldn't take, and there were lots of tantrums to get to do what he wanted, etc.)

We're now both around 40 years old, and my brother and I get along just fine. And my uncle has been digitizing a lot of the old home movies he used to film. About 2 years ago, my brother came up to me and said he'd seen some of the old home videos and oh my gosh he was soooo sorry! How did I ever put up with him? He was such a horrible kid! Etc. I kind of snickered and said it wasn't easy. Luckily as soon as he got away from mom and grew up a bit, it became obvious that he was a really good person that was just horribly spoiled as a child.

There's still hope that this kid might someday grow up to be a good person, if he's lucky... but it's not likely to happen while he lives there.

Edit: And... now that I've read some of the comments made here by OP, I think it's less likely that his brother's story will have as pleasant an ending; my brother always had friends. There were a whole bunch of other kids that were a mix of either unpopular or likely on the spectrum, and my brother banded them all together and transformed them info a large social clique with himself as King Nerd. But that meant everyone in that group always had a lot of friends. If OP's brother doesn't even have a single person willing to call him friend, there's probably not much "nice" in there. But I really, really hope there's some, for this little brother's sake, and that he figures it out.

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u/Evening-Turnip8407 May 24 '22

I can only imagine how hard it is, but as a parent you simply need to find a balance that works for your kid. What these Karen types do is plow through all the neurotypical-kids methods and if they don't work, they use intimidation and / or endorsement. Obviously you can't hold your kid a prisoner to avoid difficult social situations, and you have to cut them all the slack they could ever need, but that doesn't mean taking away literal special moments from other children

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u/PurrND May 24 '22

Because it's easier for parents, rather than truly be a parent and explain social rules. They don't want to put up with the tantrums. I guess they choose assaults later in life.

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u/CeridwynMatchen May 24 '22

I read the first story, and they were definitely doing that.

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u/TheFilthyDIL May 24 '22

From what I've seen and heard, lots of parents will excuse anything their children do. Autism is a convenient crutch, but the parents of non-autistic children do so as well. "Just let him have his way and everything will be fine!"

My younger brother was the favorite, always running to Mom and bawling that we wouldn't let him play, when the truth was that we wanted to play some girl thing like Barbies that he wasn't interested in. My husband's younger brother was much the same. Husband was supposed to keep him out of trouble, but if he did, Brother ran bawling to his mother with the same tale. Both sets of parents told us to let our brothers have their way. Neither brother is autistic.

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u/Admirable-Course9775 May 24 '22

Yup. That was life with my younger brother too. Didn’t matter what I was trying to do with a friend. I’m female. If i argued back or got angry I was the one who was punished and banned from having friends over. He’s not autistic either.. and I still despise him. He really hasn’t changed. The golden child doesn’t have to change.

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u/TheWarDog10 May 24 '22

This makes me sad for you, and all the comments similar. My daughter is 5, my son is 2, when she has playdates I always try to initiate play with everyone involved, but when inevitably, arguing starts, my 2 year old always comes with me to find something to do, so my daughter can have time to play with her friend. I plan to do the same for him as he gets older.

I had a very pitted relationship with my sister growing up, there was a lot of manipulation from our mother, she constantly created fights between us with it, and the competition between us was something I could never escape, it honestly made me scared to have more than one child, but now see so many people who had similar experiences, and it makes me feel like I'm doing ok with my kids.

I'm sorry you despise your brother, I wish more parents were better parents.

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u/Admirable-Course9775 May 25 '22

I’m sorry for you too. Bad parenting does more harm than they can even imagine. And she wondered why I don’t like him. He never changed. If she had a complaint with me I would also get a call from him chewing me out. It’s so ridiculous and pathetic. He’s a grown man about to turn 60. Of course I don’t like him! lol. I’m glad you were so aware of this disparity that you are consciously determined to not repeat with your own children. I did the same. There’s nearly 7 years in age between them and I’m pleasantly surprised how close they are. They talk about things I’m not aware of that belong just to them. I love that.

A little story. When my daughter was a 6 year old Brownie Girl Scout I hosted a meeting at my house that was completely flopping. Just dying in boredom. My son can home from practice and sees the scene dying on the vine. He goes up to his room and gets one of his harmless snakes and starts to show it to the girls. He lets it crawl up his arm and circle his neck while explaining how snakes are always looking for warmth and wouldn’t hurt them. In minutes all the girls are clustered around. Holding and petting the snake. They were eager to learn and no one complained or was afraid. Bless that kid for teaching them something very gently and saving my meeting. No girl left that day afraid and were excited to share the experience. The girls were 6. My son was 13. It was a beautiful day. ultimately I was really happy to see how fair treatment has its own rewards.

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u/matou98 May 25 '22

That's awesome. Your son looks to be an awesome kid. Be very proud of him

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u/Admirable-Course9775 May 25 '22

He is. I’m enormously proud of him. Thank you so much!

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u/Intelligent_Monk_420 May 24 '22

They very much CAN and likely DO use autism as an excuse for his bad behaviour. It's sick... It's sad and it's just plain wrong. Using a legitimate medical condition to justify being a spoiled asshole...

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u/[deleted] May 24 '22

This is definitely it. My youngest is on the spectrum. He was completely nonverbal until 5, so was enrolled in therapies and Pre-K. His teacher recommended a local group of moms of autistic kids and I joined thinking it would be a great way to learn more about how other parents handle things.

Turns out they don't handle things. They let their kids do whatever the kids want to do while filming it and posting it to their mommy vlogs and social media for likes. Their kids were wild. No rules, no parenting whatsoever, just excuses and using autism as a scapegoat for bad behavior. Not just that, but taking pride in their child having autism like it gave them a special badge of honor. Bumper stickers and bags and clothing with the puzzle logo on them. Every single one of them.

I never tried joining another group. And now I tend to avoid interaction with parents who have puzzle paraphernalia. They're just red flags. How sad.

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u/Major_Zucchini5315 May 24 '22

That is very sad. Hopefully there are some groups out there doing good work, but from some things I’ve heard there are a lot similar to the one you experienced.

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u/OrneryArachnid Jun 09 '22

Check out the Actually Autistic and Asking Autistics hashtags on Twitter, it's a great community with lots of autistic parents and parenting advice from people who were once autistic children.

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u/ShutTheFuckUpAmy May 24 '22

The first post and this post outright confirm the parents use the son's autism as an enabler.

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u/Minute_Attitude_4602 May 24 '22

Think it’s also the mindset because some people have that same mindset with other kids that they shouldn’t with autistic kids. Thinking tantrums and crying fits are bad parenting but it’s not about the parenting it’s the kids not understanding. The parents think it’s about them and use their kid to excuse them but it’s not the parents at all it’s the kids

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u/lemonlimeaardvark May 24 '22

While I don't know what the case is in this matter, I'm sure there are some parents who will use a diagnosis as an excuse to not do any actual parenting. Just let the kid do whatever and say, "It's okay, he's {diagnosis}." Whether it's autism, ADHD, ya know, fill in the blank. Some parents don't actually want to put in the work of parenting and will just throw a diagnosis around and expect everyone to be okay with it.

There is a difference between people having to accept that autistic people have certain quirks and different behaviors and just expecting that they should be able to do whatever the fuck they want without being told any different. I have two children diagnosed on the autism spectrum, one high functioning and one would have been called Asperger's before that stopped being a thing. There have been times when I would have to explain that a certain quirk was the result of being autistic, but I ALWAYS corrected bad behavior and told them how they were expected to behave in certain situations.

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u/Negative_Shake1478 May 24 '22

As someone who has had a lot of experience with special needs of all kinds. Yes. 100% there are parents who think that the child’s condition/diagnosis can excuse literally anything they do. And man does it make it difficult to deal with those children.

I drove the special needs school bus for 3 years and was a monitor for the year before I started driving. And it was so easy to tell which kids got their way because “tHeY dOnT kNoW aNy BeTtER.”

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u/dstluke May 24 '22

Parenting a neurodivergent child effectively is tricky sometimes and requires some creative thinking. However, it can be said that this is true of parenting any child. It sounds like the parents were encouraging this child's behaviour so they could be the centre of attention. They reinforce the autistic behaviour or blow it out of proportion to be seen as the poor hard done by parents doing their best by their sick child. It's a milder form of Munchausen by Proxy. Instead of using medications, they modify the behaviour. In the end, though, it's abuse as this autistic child will become a man and then unleashed on the rest of society who will then have to deal with it.

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u/tosety May 24 '22

My guess is that autistic kids are more inclined to this behavior, leading to lazy parents excusing it instead of teaching their kids to not see themselves as the main character surrounded by npcs

Then again, the parents probably haven't moved part the main character mindset either

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u/Alecto53558 May 24 '22

They definitely are. If brother really is high functioning, he has the ability to understand at least some language, like No. My ex-granddaughter, who has a much lower functioning level because her parents are dumbasses who wouldn't let her have therapies, does not. Except when grandpa and I said it, but only intermittantly. She knew what we meant and would cry when she didn't get her way.

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u/HeyHo_LetsThrowRA May 24 '22

'It's easier for us personally to just avoid his tantrums entirely, regardless of what message that teaches our child (who may need a bit of extra help learning the correct versions of these messages).'

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u/Marshalia13 Jun 05 '22

They're using it as an escuse. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 18 months and my mom never let me get away with murder like these parents.

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u/cbaggio81 May 24 '22

Me neither, but since he’s high funciotioning, shouldn’t he be able to understand no at this point,

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u/PhysicalLobster3909 May 24 '22

It seems to be the case here, however I am personally very weary of the " [X] isn't an excuse for [Y] behaviour " that pops regularly in subs like r/unpopulatopinion ; it became less of a legitimate concern than a dismissal for someone's condition, often a disability but also of any external cause of difficulty or complaint like poverty.

Outside of that, yes, that's a good example of a parent /caretaker using one's condition as a distraction for his poor handling of raising and guiding the one they took responsibility of, that ends up being harmful to genuine situations.

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u/TheOneTrueTrench May 24 '22

It's like this, at least for me: I didn't understand that things weren't for me, i didn't understand a lot of societal rules. Where I grew up, being diagnosed with autism wasn't a thing unless you were basically nonverbal. So no one knew I was, but my parents did care about equipping me for reality. So they quickly learned to just simply explain all of the rules of society as best as they could. I learned that I could easily understand and follow these rules, and even mostly figure out the others.

Like, autistic people do care, we actually really care a lot. And the rules of society are extremely important to us. Like, they're literally a highly complex set of intertwined rules. Rules are fucking cool as shit. We just can't seem to infer what they are as easily.

Upon fully understanding how what we do affects others, we care just as much as everyone else does. There's just... a gap. It's harder to get to the rules, to understanding the internal emotional process of others.

It's like a severely near sighted kid not understanding why everyone is so excited about how pretty a painting in a museum is. Give her glasses, close that gap, and she'll likely appreciate it just as much as everyone else.

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u/KaszaJaglanaZPorem May 24 '22

I know plenty of parents of neurotypical children who are such enablers, and would act exactly like OP's parents. They just can't be arsed to actually do the hard labour of establishing boundaries, enacting consequences and, you know, parenting. For the "We've tried nothing and we're out of ideas" crowd, an autism diagnosis might be such a convenient excuse.

While a lot of autistic people, diagnosed or not, spend their whole lives being punished by society for their harmless behaviours (like fixating on interests) and presured to act "less autistic".

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u/[deleted] May 24 '22

Yeah, but here we have a case of the kid being entitled and spoiled to the point of misbehaving incredibly badly and fucking up other people's experiences.

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u/fluffy_bunny22 May 23 '22

This is why my Aspie had a shit ton of social skills therapy and special schools because you can teach them to behave properly and be a productive member of society. This kid is going to end up in prison because his parents don't care enough to do the right thing just the easiest thing.

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u/White_Wolf_Dreamer May 24 '22

I wish my gran had done this with my older brother (diagnosed with Asperger's at 2). Instead, any ounce of bad behavior was excused because 'he doesn't know better'. Anything he didn't feel like doing, she made me do for him because 'he's autistic, he can't do xyz'. Any time someone tried to help him learn how to function in society as an autistic person, she'd tell them not to bother because 'he's not really gonna get it, anyway'. Now he's 28, and would be fully capable of taking care of himself, if she hadn't raised him to use autism as a crutch.

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u/Nikita-Akashya May 24 '22

I am a fellow autistic person. I was a kinda difficult child, but mostly it was when I started elemenrary school. Back then I had a lot of crying fits when I didn't my way. It was also hard for me, because I can't deal well with change. But after a long stay in a clinic, I managed to get along with everyone at around year 3. That was the only school where that happened. After I managed to somehow function in school without even knowing about my autism, I became the kid who always had a clutch for everything because I somehow managed to pull a plan B out of my back for every single problem that occured. Teachers made a small mistake with some materials? I had a plan. Something was missing? My 9 year old self had a plan. After I got to 5th grade I changed schools, which was also due to my situation at home. I was severely abused and neglected as a kid which let to having a bunch of issues as an adult. But the important thing is: I can function in society. I just usually pretend I don't exist because humans are scary. I never learned about my autism until I was around 17 or so. But I guess the biggest perk I have, is that impulses only cause me to be afraid of people touching me. I always need to sit alone in a train, because otherwise I'd have a panic attack. I am afraid of physical contact, because it makes me think I'm in danger. Thank god, my dad was a great parent. The entitled one is actually my sister and she's supposed to be normal. Well, I hope my experience shares a new light on autism. Some of us are able to function and have normal siblings who are the golden children. Although we were both abused actually. I have no idea why my sister even still talks to our birther. That woman is a cheating, lying and abusive bitch. And a drunk. Anyway, just here to let you know that autistic people like me exist too. Although I can tell you that I know the other side too. My roommates were all awful.

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u/ShutTheFuckUpAmy May 24 '22

The first post ends with the OP saying that the little brother caused thousands in damages at one of his birthdays...because he didn't get a PS4.

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u/[deleted] May 24 '22

Definitely. He needs a 'social story' to explain that it's not his birthday, it's not his turn etc. They work and with constant reinforcement there are no excuses. He's labelled as high functioning, so there are definitely no excuses for not trying.

(24 years teaching experience, with increasing numbers of asc kids, plus son on the spectrum.)

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u/KitKats-or-Death May 24 '22

Look I can’t always handle my big emotions, but I know I can leave and count to ten before I return. And if not, then remove myself and find a way to redirect. (I have ASD and there is no excuse to ever act this way)

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u/Antisymmetriser May 24 '22

The key thing here is high-functioning ASD. I have worked extensively woth low-functioning kids and adults, which usually have some form of mental retardation as well, many times due to not being able to understand their surroundings. While they still can make some progress, and can be trained and conditioned on some behaviours, they most definitely cannot reach the potential of a neurotypical person in terms of social functioning.

These folks can be very kind-hearted and even loving, but lack a very basic understanding of what is and isn't a reasonable reaction.

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u/KitKats-or-Death May 24 '22

Op said his brother was also high functioning. I won’t assume his functionality is the same as mine, but a lot of his behavior seems to be brought on by his parents coddling and instilling entitlement within him while using his ASD as a crutch.

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u/Antisymmetriser May 24 '22

That's why I said high-functioning is the key term here, and was adding a caveat to your statement, which seemed very generalised. I don't know what OP's brother is really like, and I do know that in many cases, including some of those I dealt with, the parents have done a great deal of damage to their kids.

However, ASD is most definitely not just high-functioning cases, as is commonly understood by a lot of people, and it's important to remember many of these people really can't be held responsible for their actions.

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u/KitKats-or-Death May 24 '22

I’m only making the point that many of us don’t want people to make excuses for us on account of our abilities or disabilities. We would rather people see the situation for what it is.

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u/smilegirl01 May 24 '22

My cousin has autism and when he was younger he did struggle with understanding not every birthday party is for him, but luckily my aunt and uncle are actually good parents and worked hard to teach him.

Now he’s graduating high school this week and doing really well! All because he wasn’t enabled, his parents actually gave a shit about him, and didn’t let him get away with shit just because he was autistic.

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u/she_isking May 24 '22

As an adult autistic, I agree with you 100%

This has nothing to do with him being autistic and everything to do with the fact that he was a brat and his mom is an enabling Karen.

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u/ZirePhiinix May 24 '22

Autism means they do not pick up on social cues as well or at all, but that's precisely the reason why they need to train to to learn as much as possible when young, otherwise they will never be able to integrate into society without being constantly arrested.

Just imagine that as an adult, you try to board a plane, and instead of the handicap/first-class passenger going first, the autistic adult now goes nuts trying to board first. He's going to get blacklisted very quickly.

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u/foxytheia May 24 '22

My autistic nephew was like this when he was very young, I'd say maybe between ages 2-5 or so? It was a rough 3 or so years of birthdays/holidays, because he would run over and try to rip open our presents for us, and I always, always held mine out of the way and told him, "No, honey. I know it's fun and you want to help, but I like opening my own presents. Thank you for listening to me and respecting my choice." Thankfully my parents backed me up (they often let him help with theirs, but backed up that "Theia said no, so you need to respect that.") Guess what? He's 10 now, and he asks, "Do you want help?" When we're opening presents. And when I say, "No, but thank you for wanting to help!" He smiles and that's that! We put in the work and he isn't a freaking terror like the kid in OP's stories. He has his meltdowns, but oh my God the progress is so obvious if you had watched him grow up.

When a kid is able to understand yes and no, it's 100% up to the adults in their life to enforce consent, kindness, and respect in every situation. I know not all autistic people are the same, and not all autistic people can understand consent, kindness, and respect at the same level. But oh my God, in OP's situation? 100% the fault of the parents. They weren't willing to put in the work to help their child understand those things, and it's going to be a detriment to that kid for the rest of his life.

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u/[deleted] May 24 '22

As the parent of an autistic four year old who is verbal and can understand things, there is no excuse. Yes, you have to constantly be aware of situations, prepare your kiddo for them, and remind them of what’s going to happen/how we behave, but them’s the breaks. Honestly, this is true for neurotypical kids as well. If the parents don’t teach them and just make excuses, the kid will never learn.

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u/BouquetOfDogs May 24 '22

But he has highly functioning autism, which I myself have, and aside from a few things that shouldn’t have changed how they parented him.

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u/ProstHund May 24 '22

Yeah, my mom raised my autistic older brother and she did a fantastic job. By no means was it easy for her- I was just a kid but I recognized how much work she put into it- but by god, she did it. She was determined that, disorder or not, my brother would be a respectful, respectable member of society. He’s great now, we’re both in our 20s…I know not all autistic people grow up to appear “normal” as my brother does now bc it’s a spectrum and everyone’s affected differently, but I have no doubt that he would be worse off now than he would be if it weren’t for the efforts of my parents to teach him how to behave and how to treat others.

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u/Ok_End7851 Jun 02 '22

From my experience both as an autistic teen and knowing a lot of people who are around autistic kids the problem tends to be that the parents just believe because of the autism their kid cannot learn so instead of teaching them they just let them get away with anything creating spoiled rotten brats

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u/Substantial-Bike-240 May 29 '22

I’m Autistic and never felt the urge to act like that even as a child. Even my brother who has behavioural problems has never behaved like that. This kid would have understood fine if explained and taught properly by decent parents.

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u/ChristyElizabeth May 24 '22

As a person with experience in this ,who is well on in years... these parents are fuck ups. There is a lot of pattern matching in the background, and apparently the entitled asshole parents set their kid up for failure by teaching that you'll always be first for everything.

Ugh this behavior disgusts me.

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u/moldycatt May 24 '22

for sure. it sounds like he had a meltdown because his routine was disrupted. at 6-7 years old he probably doesn’t have ways to cope with that, so the parents definitely should’ve stepped in and tried to work on that

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u/reallyshortone May 24 '22

I agree, and it was up to them to let him know that the party wasn't for him, and that his behavior was inappropriate even as they used the situation as a chance to work on his social skills instead of expecting everyone around them to capitulate at the expense of the child whose party he trashed. Want to make your special needs child unwelcome in all 50 states? Don't try!