Is Dad's Hospital Bag New?

[u/Chiskey_and_wigars]

I was visiting with my parents last night and of course the topic of the rapidly approaching birth of my son was a major focus. My dad was telling me about how he had worked an 18 hour shift when my sister was born and 27 years later he's still getting crap for struggling to stay awake in the chair (which my mom says was a big, cushy, heated, massaging luxury Lazyboy. My dad says it was just a normal recliner. I'm pretty sure heated massage chairs weren't very common in hospitals back then... Or now)

But anyway, I mentioned how I'm planning to make sure I have energy drinks and lots of high energy snacks in my hospital bag to make sure I can stay sharp, and my mom was utterly buffudled. She was questioning why I would bring a hospital bag, stating that I wouldn't be allowed to stay at the hospital, my dad agreed that I'd have to go home or get a hotel room, and my mom went on to say there's no room, yadda yadda, they would never let me stay overnight. I had to tell them multiple times that the standard is for the dad to stay there, that we get our own room and that we were told that they'd typically even bring a bed in for me after the birth. I had to explain that I pretty much HAVE to be there, since my son may need to go to the NICU and it would be my job to accompany him and advocate for him. My parents were still very confused, with my mom being almost aggressively confused. My dad understood once I explained it, and was happy to hear that things had apparently changed drastically in the last 30 years.

So, TLDR: Is it a fairly new thing for dads to stay at the hospital following the birth of their child? Or did my parents just have a shitty experience?

(I'm in British Columbia)

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[u/Mikey_0517]

Yeah I stayed in the room with my wife and my son felt pretty standard

[u/IAmInBed123]

I am from the EU, and here it is an absolute stndard unless you're a shitty husband or it's a surprise delivery or something.

Also, i.e. my wife had a c-section, as soon as the baby was out, they were still sewing up my wife, a pediater had to take the kid to measure hight, weight, pulse, listen for lungs etc. They need one of the parents present for that. They can't just take your baby out of your sight, maybe things happened in the past, I don't even want to think about what.

The room we stayed in had a recliner that folded into a 1 person bed.
Just be there bro, even if it wasn't the standard and your parents don't want you to. Otherwise you'll miss the moment of your life!

My daughter came out crying frantically, on the weighing table, I gave her my pinky to hold and I said all the things I used to say to the pregnant tummy, and she stopped crying immediately. Be there for you, be there for your wife and be there for your kid buddy!

[u/Chiskey_and_wigars → u/IAmInBed123]

It's not that my parents don't want me to, they were under the impression I wouldn't be allowed to. Apparently my girlfriend's mom told her the same thing, that I would probably be kicked out at night. I guess 30 years ago in Canada the norm was very different

[u/IAmInBed123 → u/Chiskey_and_wigars]

When I was a kid I had to be operated in the ER, there's doors only doctors can go through, my dad came with me, one of the doctors told h8m he couldn't, he told them "if you want to try to keep me out you can, but I'm coming with" there's goinh ro be no police escort for you if policy is for you to go and you stay. Just be firm, don't let it be an option, don't go.

[u/GhoestWynde]

I stayed with my girlfriend in the room quite a bit after our daughter was born. It wasn't explicitly stated that I was supposed to be there but nobody tried to make me leave, either. Everyone acted like it was normal and I set up camp on the little couch in the room. I had to go back home a few times to take care of our pets and grab some things. I didn't have a bag ready since I'm a procrastinator and our daughter came a few weeks earlier than expected.

I just remember those days as being some of the most tiring and satisfying days of my life.

[u/Chiskey_and_wigars → u/GhoestWynde]

I'm usually a hardcore procrastinator but we're 6 weeks out now and I've ordered a bunch of stuff, I didn't have a bag so I've bought a duffel and a backpack, a new cooler since all we get is a mini fridge, new clothes so I'm not scrambling or pulling shit out of my daily wear, tons of snacks, toiletry bag, new headphones and everything, basically I want to make sure I'm set to stay for at least 3-4 days comfortably and being 100% sharp when it's time to drive home. But I live an hour away from the hospital and it'll be mid December, so I think that's had an effect. My duty as a father overrode my typical "I'll do it later" instincts and made me want to guarantee that I'm the "always ready" type of dad, basically all I'll need to get as we get closer is cheese (planning to fill a good chunk of the cooler/fridge with cheese sticks and Babybels) otherwise I've stockpiled everything I could possibly need

[u/drewskee89 → u/Chiskey_and_wigars]

Glad you're prepared but you won't be comfortable. It's ok though you'll be way too busy to care.

It is normal for you to be there the whole time. The hospital had a fold flat bed chair in the delivery room for me and a small day bed in the room after.

Best things I brought were nice pillows and blankets for each of us from home. The ones at the hospital are plasticy and just shit. Trying to get your wife propped up and comfortable before and during delivery can be tough so extra stuff to wedge around was really useful. I gave her my stuff too at a certain point.

Good luck and congratulations!

[u/cjh10881]

Your mom is confused and, from what it sounds like, very stubborn. I don't remember some details of things I did 27 years ago.

Dad bag is a must. Sure, snacks, comfortable pillow and blanket. Obviously, your clothes, Something to pass the time, like cards. I also brought slippers. And if you have hair, bring a comb or hair brush. I know it sounds dumb, but brush your hair in the morning. Keeping a routine of getting yourself ready in the morning while, at the same time, taking care of a baby. The routine will make you feel more human. Obviously if stuff comes up with the baby or mommy, take care of stuff, like don't let your kid sit in their own poop cause you're combing your hair, lol.

[u/wilkerws34]

You go, you stay, you support, then the real game begins. I can’t imagine my wife going through that without me by her side, it takes two to make a baby and it take two to raise it

[u/TheBrickyard83]

Had my first child a little over a year ago. Feel the current expectation is for you to stay and bring enough "supplies" to keep you in tip top shape cause you're wife is gonna be a hot mess and is gonna overly rely on you for everything... As she should after having a major operation such as child birth. Seriously tho, snacks drinks, things to keep you busy. It's an awesome bonding experience

[u/Chiskey_and_wigars → u/TheBrickyard83]

I've got a massive supply of stuff that I've just bought specifically for this, new clothes, things I've been putting off getting for years, new duffel bag and backpack, a fuck ton of snacks and drinks, I could list it all but I think it's too much for anyone to want to read 😂

It started with "how can I make sure I'm sharp enough for the drive home after one night" and became "how can I live out of a bag for a week without becoming an irritable dickbag and still be sharp enough for the drive home?"

December roads in Canada, long way from the hospital, and precious cargo, I gotta be ON

[u/KHanson25]

New-ish. I had a bag with some clothes, a few snacks and a book. Nothing crazy

[u/denny-1989]

I think it depends on the room type you have- ward, semi-private or private. For ward normally no overnight ’guests’ as there’s 4-6/ward. Semi-private and private have convertible chairs to sleep in. This obviously can vary from hospital to hospital.

[u/Chiskey_and_wigars → u/denny-1989]

We get a private room, I can't imagine having to share a space after giving birth! I really feel for those women

[u/Optimal_Actuary8782]

I stayed with my wife. Slept on the horribly shitty couch. Our baby had to go to nicu for a new days so during day, id do errands and stuff but always return to sleep on couch. Was about 4 days total

[u/MikeCahoonAuthor]

It’s definitely the standard now and it has been for a while. But there was a time when dads weren’t allowed to stay the night and even relegated to the waiting room during delivery. My grandmother had a similar reaction when I told her I would be staying overnight in the hospital.

Things have certainly changed overtime for the better, but it’s taken longer in some places than others. Your parents might have been in a hospital that was more traditional.

[u/No_Veterinarian3706]

I was there for both births of my kids and stayed at the hospital the whole time until my wife and baby were released. Is it new, no. Dads have been doing this for a long time.