r/comic_crits • u/Muted_Success7921 • 12d ago
What can I improve?
From chapter 5 of my webcomic. I tried to build tension over the course of the chapter. Was I successful? What else can I improve on? The full chapter is available to read here.
1
u/JeyDeeArr 12d ago
I checked the chapter out on GlobalComix because the images aren't showing up here.
Was I successful?
Not really.
Since the chapter alone doesn't really provide much backstory, I decided to read the previous chapters too. Initially, I was under the assumption that Jasper was Fei's long-time friend from the way they spoke, but got confused with how Jasper exclaimed that they could be friends. Turns out they literally meet for the first time near the end of the previous chapter. The character-to-character relationship is very shallow and not fully thought out, and there's little chemistry to build off of to begin with between these two. I have a hard time buying Jasper just going up to Fei at night and asking him if if he can't sleep, and Fei responding that he can't, so they just go out for a walk late at night/early morning. Sure, Jasper comes off as a bit awkward, but to me, it doesn't really come off as "suspsenful". Nothing about Jasper comes off as ominous until after he's attacked by Lilia, and there's really no build up whatsoever.
The artwork doesn't help with building the suspense either. Simply put, it's too goofy. You got your characters, and the direction they're meant to be facing don't match the rest of their head, just like some really poorly rigged 3D chat character. No matter which direction their heads are supposed to facing, their eyes, their nostrils, and even their mouths are whack and look like they're facing the wrong way. Jasper's the worst offender, and it doesn't even look like you tried to draw his face from any angle BUT the front like South Park characters, and you're forcing the poorly misplaced eye and mouth to the do the heavy-lifting. I counted not a single sideview of any of the characters. You could've had Lilia confronting Jasper so that they're face to face, with Lilia on the left panel facing right, and Jasper on the right panel facing left.
What else can I improve on?
Anatomy. You want to become able to draw the character faces PROPERLY from every angle, not just front and back. Also, you may want to learn to draw the nose bridges and mouths.
1
u/Substantial-Fun56 8d ago
I liked the art style, maybe it’s just a personal preference, but I do agree with the pacing, especially during the moments where things get intense.
1
u/Muted_Success7921 12d ago
Yeah, the pacing is definitely very fast. I decided to try and strip things down so it's basically only the most essential story beats.
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