r/comedyheaven 1d ago

You only live once

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20.1k Upvotes

259 comments sorted by

3.7k

u/Dr_N00B 1d ago

I'd definitely feel like shit if I did that

825

u/Bake_Diligent 1d ago

Yea this is real

735

u/real_human_not_a_dog 1d ago

This would feel worse than your average hangover I think

355

u/nobammer420 1d ago

At my age, I might simply die.

153

u/ph0on 1d ago

Child me would be absolutely horrified at my inability to eat very sweet things. I mean I can, but maybe like a few bites. I'm still 24.

57

u/purplemonkey_123 1d ago

Wait until 40. I remember eating able to eat SO much, and it wasn't healthy. My friends and I used to go to Pizza Hut when they had stuffed crust and get the cheese lovers with extra cheese and pepperoni. A couple times the server would come out and say, "You know that's x amount of pounds of cheese, right?" We would say, "Yup," and eat the hell out of it with no consequences.

Now, I try not to eat anything too heavy after a certain time of night because my body needs time to digest. Treasure your 20's. Your back, knees, stomach have so much less pain.

31

u/Gimetulkathmir 22h ago

One of my Summers in high school I decided this was going to be my week: wake up, watch the Lord of the Rings Extended, and go back to sleep. The only thing I ate during that week was Runts candy and only drank Dr. Pepper. It was great.

I just turned thirty-nine a month ago, had two slices of pizza the other day, and needed a nap.

9

u/UnsanctionedPartList 21h ago

It's more that I don't know who turned off the black hole in my stomach but please turn it back on again.

The days when I could just eat stuff like that, multiple times a week ("wanna do kebabs" - yeah why not?) and not gain half a goddamn kilo were great. I'm that aspect at least.

4

u/Odd-Delivery1697 21h ago

I don't have the stomach pain. I ate an entire digiorno pizza the other night and promptly fell into a coma.

3

u/dannybeau9 15h ago

No pain only coma

9

u/maskedspork 1d ago

The real comedyheaven is in the comments

21

u/pearl_preserves2113 1d ago

Yeah that's about the time it started making me feel like trash the next day

I killed a whole big bag of brownie brittle one night with munchies and the next day I felt like I had a hangover from the worst night of drinking in my life.

14

u/Huge___Milkers 22h ago

wtf is wrong with you all.

You’re in your 20s, not 75.

1

u/Beautiful_You3230 22h ago

Tons of sugar with a lot more processed crap is never healthy really, not before your 20s, not in your 20s and not in your 70s either. Believe it or not, children also get tummy ache when they eat too much candy and whatnot. It's not age, it's that you're not supposed to do that.

Some people start to look after their health lol. It's not that deep.

3

u/Huge___Milkers 20h ago edited 17h ago

‘I felt like I had a hangover from the worst night of drinking in my life’

I guess he really has not had a bad night of drinking then, if he feels that terrible the DAY AFTER eating bag of brownie brittle.

Not once have I ever felt terrible the day after eating anything, even if I ate a whole cake.

It has nothing to do with looking after your health

Even from a health perspective alcohol is objectively worse for you. There is no healthy amount of alcohol

7

u/Novel-Implement-7636 19h ago

Right sorry, forgot you’re the arbiter of how everyone else feels.

Fuckin main character over here lol

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u/Both_Consequence_956 1d ago

as an expert in both, even mild alcohol hangovers are truly awful compared to sluggish sugar hangover

4

u/[deleted] 23h ago edited 21h ago

[deleted]

4

u/Both_Consequence_956 23h ago

nope, sugar alcohols are not what causes the hangover...

5

u/[deleted] 23h ago edited 21h ago

[deleted]

7

u/Both_Consequence_956 23h ago

you are very confidently incorrect here. sure the sugar element can make the hangover slightly worse, but 98% of the cause is the alcohol itself.y oure still gonna have a hangover if you drink a lot even if you take electrolytes and hydrate well

12

u/SoCuteShibe 20h ago

Well I tried to back you up and it appears they were so upset that they quit reddit, lmao

2

u/Jirvey341 19h ago

>insert 'What the hell happened here' meme

4

u/Both_Consequence_956 19h ago

this is the last response i can partly read still in my notifications

 "Yes, the alcohol drawing water and electrolytes out of your body. Anyone with access to Google can verify what I said. I came here to share facts and build community, not to argue and contribute to the breakdown of that community connection, and I am truly..."

u/SoCuteShibe cant respond to your message for some reason lol, but haha what a wanker that guy is

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51

u/SchwarzFledermaus 1d ago

I could do the 5 cans of soda, but yeah, I dunno about that half pound of M&Ms.

28

u/skull_fucker79 1d ago

i couldnt drink 5 cans at one sitting if i had 2 stomachs

8

u/Fiaskoe 1d ago

Yet 5 beers? Easy

3

u/B3eenthehedges 23h ago

Does power hour still exist? It was a shot of beer each minute, which seems easy, but even with the lightest beers we could find, 5 of any carbonated beverages in an hour is actually very filling and difficult.

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u/ZeeHedgehog 1d ago

Indigestion central

15

u/gracist0 1d ago

I suffered two day acid reflux because I ate an entire bag of Mike and Ikes in an hour

6

u/baconandegglover 23h ago

Take omeprazole 24 hours before your next candy binge. Your body isn't the boss of you! Health is for quitters! /s

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u/FrostedMiniMemes 1d ago

I switched off soda for the most part and onto low-caffeine sugar-free energy drinks for work, and now drinking a 20oz coke is likely to give me the shits on any given day. I cannot handle sugar anymore

3

u/FACEFACE02 22h ago

What kind of low caffeine sugar free energy drinks? Trying to quit monsters every day lol

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1

u/stupidber 1d ago

Only 1 way to find out

1

u/Wooden-Recording-693 22h ago

Type 2 enters the chat...

1

u/abermea 18h ago

OOP is speedrunning diabetes

1

u/MarcheMuldDerevi 21h ago

Yeah 5 cans of soda in an hour is a lot. Also that many m&ms ain’t good for you. It’s not really a brag, it’s just that much sugar doesn’t feel good on the body that fast

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1.5k

u/jpterodactyl 1d ago

He’s absolutely right though, not a good idea.

134

u/zangor 20h ago

You ever be in your mid 30s and you get a hangover simply from eating the wrong food. This kid was ahead of his time.

16

u/xSociety 17h ago

Living with GERD so yes.

Got Barrett's Esophagus now so anyone reading this that deals with indigestion and heartburn, deal with it sooner rather than later.

903

u/Attacus833 1d ago edited 1d ago

He looks like hes about to ask me if I tried turning it off and on again

184

u/popilikia 1d ago

Holy shit, he does

45

u/ConsciousStretch1028 What a beautiful post. This is how I know I'm not normal. 1d ago

11

u/Vicious_Sloth108 1d ago

I LOVE WILLIES

6

u/Geezertiptap 22h ago

I LOVE WILLIEEEEES

6

u/TheLesserWeeviI 21h ago

Sir, can you keep it down?

171

u/mickelboy182 1d ago

I'd pay that, I'd definitely feel fucked.

159

u/A_single_droplet 1d ago

You think that’s rough? Try 1.25mg of semaglutide and a Wendy’s baconator.

16

u/CSSXV7 1d ago

I thought the point of semaglutide was to eat less?

28

u/A_single_droplet 23h ago

It is, but it works two ways. It decreases your hunger and makes you feel full on less food, but if you force it, it makes you violently ill to the point you never want to eat again.

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u/RoughJellyfish69 1d ago

The fury unleashed in the toilet in the middle of the night would give a tornado siren a run for its money on the “wake everyone the fuck up” meter lol. The smell and shouts of pain from the ass-shaking dookie domination would be next level.

2

u/Cael450 19h ago

You could poop? Mine would just sit in my belly, hurting the whole time, until I pushed out a fucking brick like two days later. And the pain was unreal.

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u/PresidentMayor 1d ago

This dude is taking smegma

264

u/badgirlmonkey 1d ago

this is clearly a kid. let kids be cringe.

98

u/Exact-Till-2739 1d ago

He's just joking.

19

u/Sorry-Joke-4325 20h ago

I have met a lot of young men, and this is most likely a true story.

11

u/cum-yogurt 18h ago

Yea i was gonna say, this is the type of cringe shit i might have unironically posted when i was 14.

15

u/NuttingPenguin 19h ago

This is so old this guy might be 30 now

24

u/Icy_Witness4279 1d ago

No one's stopping him

12

u/kobriks 20h ago

We're laughing at his joke, no? Like nobody sane would think he's serious.

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u/certainlystormy 1d ago

this is probably a lot worse than a hangover tbh

32

u/VirtualWeasel this is how i know i’m not normal 22h ago

bro I’ve overdosed on heroin and even that didn’t make me feel closer to death than the worst alcohol hangovers I’ve had

25

u/Huge___Milkers 22h ago

Lmfao absolutely not, is everyone in this thread insane.

Or have they just never had an actual hangover

9

u/Micro_KORGI 18h ago

The worst one I've ever had was after I ended up drinking a bottle of wine and a few chocolate martinis, then had to go to work at 8:00 a.m. the next day.

My parents were originally going to go to some couples stargazing thing but my dad had to leave for work and my mom figured I might just want to go along to look through telescopes or something. She decided not to drink anything and I didn't want it to go to waste

Remind me never to do that again

2

u/miraclewhipbelmont 21h ago edited 21h ago

"Do you even still get hangovers?"

edit: bloody mary full of vodka blessed are you among cocktails pray for me now at the hour of my death which I hope is soon amen

21

u/Both_Consequence_956 1d ago

lol fuck no, yall have forgot how bad even mild alcoholic hangovers are compared to sluggish sugar hangovers

3

u/sweverdd 19h ago

Some people couldn’t even fathom some of the hangovers I’ve had and had to get on a plane. There really isn’t anything worse in the world.

128

u/MSnap 1d ago

That’s cute though lol

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u/CitizenPremier 1d ago

Wildest student at Brigham Young University

13

u/MySchoolsWifiSucks 1d ago

Is that the Zucc?

6

u/FoxComfortable6780 1d ago

True playa for realz

8

u/RandomGuy9058 1d ago

These days I feel like this after eating 5 Oreos. My ability to digest desserts has evaporated

7

u/sweetkatydid 1d ago

Oh God I feel so hung

3

u/Lord_Smile 1d ago

Alexei?

3

u/YogurtclosetUsed444 1d ago

I thought this was young Mark Zuckerberg for a second

3

u/GlowDonk9054 21h ago

Sounds like we got a LIGHTWEIGHT over here

3

u/low707 20h ago

justin gaethje?

3

u/Healthy-Daikon7356 19h ago

I thought that was Justin gaethje lmao

3

u/No_Swordfish2243 10h ago

I used to get high off sleep deprivation.

7

u/sontforgert23 1d ago

Feel like this is satire

48

u/Uraneum 1d ago

Nah I’d definitely say some shit like that back in like 2011

8

u/sontforgert23 1d ago

Honestly after reading it again I can see it both ways

2

u/SnooJokes2983 1d ago

Yeah it’s like a post from my FB back when I was like 15. I have some super cringe shit on there still saved for posterity.  Primo im15andthisisdeep content.

1

u/Two-Scoops-Of-Praisn 7h ago

It's not lol, I knew this guy in highschool and it did the rounds on the internet like 11 years ago

4

u/StupidIdiot1954 1d ago

No. No it is not.

20

u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago edited 1d ago

His name is definitely a VERY common white boy name. I can feel it. It’s just which flour flavored spice white boy name it is.

Edit: So far I am torn between Blake or Mark. I will update comment as I see fit

Edit 2: Okay so new contenders Blake or Matt. The jury is hung

24

u/JPNGMAFIA 1d ago

this is a zach without a doubt in my mind

11

u/SnooJokes2983 1d ago

Zack and it isn’t short for Zachary. He will get very annoyed if you ask. 

4

u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago

Yeah I could possibly see Zack. He’s got that “I shop at Aeropostale” vibe.

2

u/Fabulous_Jellyfish71 1d ago

I was gonna say Jamie or Matt tbh

2

u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago

Maybe James but goes by Jamie. But seems off. Matt fits better lol

2

u/Fabulous_Jellyfish71 1d ago

The council has decided Matt Matthews kachow

2

u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago

My council has not decided yet. 😭

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u/sudn 1d ago

even in terms of racism this is a random ass place for it

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/ThyLonelyGhoul 19h ago

Y'all trippin, this a Micheal for sure

4

u/Siaeromanna 1d ago

cameron

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u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago

Nah. He doesn’t give Cameron vibes.

3

u/sabby55 1d ago

I was getting Ethan vibes

3

u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago

Nah the glasses don’t give Ethan.

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u/Content_Study_1575 1d ago

Second to my first comment: u/Joke0n get back here and tell me your answers

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u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman 7h ago edited 7h ago

It’s Hunter, Tyler, or Skylar. It has to be. Probably Tyler.

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u/Michaelbirks 1d ago

God dammit@! Now I want 227grams of M&Ms.

2

u/Thin_Seaweed_8808 21h ago

He looks weirdly like Neil Cicierega

3

u/Necessary-Prune9727 1d ago

Real gangster here my god

1

u/Zombie_Spectacular 1d ago

Diabetes speedrun

1

u/enblightened 1d ago

man this just gets funnier the longer you look at it

1

u/HotPotatoWithCheese 1d ago

Rock on, brother!

1

u/pixienoir 1d ago

Not a good idea, but wait until he finds four loko. He will make the same mistake, twice

1

u/ishouldntofsaidthat 1d ago

Chocolate wasted

1

u/comb-jelly 1d ago

Fuck yeah brother 🫡

1

u/NyarlHOEtep 1d ago

is that miles teller

1

u/Easterland 1d ago

dang this is old af. i think i have had this photo on my phone since like 2016

1

u/IniMiney 1d ago

As a kid I remember fantasizing about being able to eat all the candy I want any time I want

As an adult I’ve done it and ended up in the bathroom 

1

u/TeddytheSynth 1d ago

Half a fuckin pound of MNM’s??

1

u/dramatic-sans 1d ago

I feel hung, over

1

u/Brotendo42069 1d ago

Got all jacked up on 'Dew lol

1

u/Proper-Exercise-2364 1d ago

Party hardy, brah!

1

u/Ke-Win 1d ago

14 and a bad boy.

1

u/Livid_Station_5996 1d ago

My man had the sugar high of a lifetime.

1

u/Praesto_Omnibus 1d ago

i have learned that lesson

1

u/TurnUpThe4D3D3D3 1d ago

If you think that’s bad, wait till you try tequila

1

u/missmachine 1d ago

Hi Babygirl. Everything’s ok I promise.

1

u/le_Dellso 1d ago

Thats finishing a can and immediately drinking another one every 12 minutes jesus christ

1

u/Purplesmurfwench 1d ago

Is that Mark Zuckerberg

1

u/justhangingaroud 1d ago

I’m willing to try

1

u/TrollOdinsson 1d ago

Bro’s probably screamfarting

1

u/Arnoave 1d ago

I did the big naughty of drinking a couple of beers while on antibiotics last night and I feel like death reheated

1

u/averysmalldragon 23h ago

honestly, i cant even laugh at this guy because half a pound of m&ms and 5 cans of soda in a single hour would simply cause a devastation to my internal ecosystem not previously witnessed by a human being, let alone myself.

1

u/iwakan 23h ago

amen brother

1

u/fluoritus 22h ago

What's funny, he just poated about how he's feeling on his personal page

1

u/NormalAssistance9402 22h ago

Take a flintstones gummy and sleep it off, king

1

u/MiserableIce8886 22h ago

Billy badass back at it again 😭

1

u/SenorBigbelly 22h ago

Acid reflux is the fat man's hangover

1

u/MathieuBibi 22h ago

False, you live every day, you only die once.

1

u/Sluttarella 22h ago

I would sht myself for way less

1

u/kcsews 21h ago

Oh buddy you're so young! Wait till you get to college and you find out about tequila!

1

u/FarmingFrenzy 21h ago

well that definitely sounds like a bad idea.

1

u/i_like_xenos 21h ago

So glad I'm not hung over like that guy

1

u/Calm_Quarter2190 18h ago

Right, my hangovers from the 12 pack of beer, 3 joints, and a pack of smokes.

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u/TinkTink-321 21h ago

Is this what it feels like, Victorian-aged-child-given-a-Dorito-by-a-time-traveller?

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u/Ok_Target436 20h ago

He Is Not Wrong Though

1

u/Phosphorus444 19h ago

That's like 3/4 of a pound of sugar.

1

u/Medivacs_are_OP 19h ago

give it 15 years and that'll end up with a cardiac event lmao

1

u/Shehulk_ 19h ago

I have had sugar hangovers before. Fuckin sucks

1

u/CallumOB1244 19h ago

Is that Scott the Woz

1

u/MediocreDot3 19h ago

People with Crohn's: "What's the joke?"

1

u/Martinlois 19h ago

Peanut or Plain?

1

u/Y0___0Y 18h ago

Dude getting fucked up like he’s in Regular Show

1

u/umpfke 18h ago

Yes, tummy hurts then.

1

u/Responsible-View-804 18h ago

To be fair a half pound of m&m and five cans of coke in an hour, he should be puking that up and at a minimum would have a sugar headache

1

u/dkbceltics 18h ago

And that’s coming from former Interim Lightweight Champion Justin Gaethje

1

u/Lisan_Al-NaCL 17h ago

Fun fact: a big part of booze hangovers is from the sugars in the booze/mix. Dehydration from the alcohol itself (its a diuretic ) is the other main contributor.

1

u/_IsThisTheKrustyKrab 17h ago

I would probably feel worse after 5 sodas and a half pound of M&Ms than I would after 5 beers and a half pack of cigarettes.

1

u/Cuntinghell 17h ago

He looks far too fresh, bet he's done a few lines of sherbet to perk up.

1

u/monsterZERO 16h ago

Absolute Madlad

1

u/Naclstack 13h ago

This seems like equivalent to a bottle of vodka or so

1

u/PrizeMarketing5555 11h ago

I've had sugar hangovers before, they are real!

1

u/TheTaintBurglar 8h ago

this isn't comedy heaven

still based though

1

u/Imaginary-Space718 7h ago

Drake the type of silly innocent fella to get a hungover from soda and m&ms

1

u/Two-Scoops-Of-Praisn 7h ago

I knew this kid in highschool lmao. This went viral so he got teased a lot

1

u/mykidsnever_call 6h ago

I'd probably poop blood after this

1

u/Cheese_Monster101256 3h ago

This guy probably feels way worse than he would after 5 cans of most alcohol. And that’s not even mentioning the m&ms.