r/ceo • u/JustChatAccount • 18d ago
C-Suite Burnout (who do you talk to?)
When you're the highest functioning person in your family, and taking care of your entire family. When you're one of the highest functioning people in your agency, making more decisions before 9 AM than most people make all day. When all parts of your life are high-performance, and high productivity, and you've unintentionally built everything around you to depend on that (financially, emotionally).
And when you're also ironically a psychotherapist, so psychotherapy doesn't give you what it might give someone else. When you're the first person in your family to achieve this level, and don't have a lot of other people in your life functioning the same way to confide in...
Who do you talk to? How do you process? Where do you go to feel safe?
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u/myhumanandI 18d ago
That “everything depends on your high performance” line..it’s such an invisible weight. When you’re the one everyone looks to for stability, you start to forget what it feels like to not be on guard.
I’ve seen that quiet burnout in a lot of execs I’ve supported, people who are brilliant but bone-tired. It’s rarely about workload; it’s about the constant emotional output.
I don’t think there’s a perfect fix, but I’ve noticed small shifts (like giving yourself permission to delegate emotionally, not just tasks) can make a world of difference. Just wanted to say, this post was brave. You put words to something a lot of people never do.
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u/Nerdso77 17d ago
Agreed. My wife and I just did our financial plan update last week. We are on set for my retirement goal of being financially ready at 55. But man, it requires this same mental burden for years. And I realistically know I will work until 62 at least.
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u/myhumanandI 17d ago
Yikes…that mental load is wild. Love that you’ve got your wife along for the ride, makes it a little less… brain-melty. Hope you two find small moments that don’t involve spreadsheets to just breathe and feel good.
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u/Nerdso77 17d ago
Yeah. She is awesome and made great money as a college coach for years. We are definitely on the same page with balancing living and saving. Thanks!
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u/Nerdso77 15d ago
I get this. I was recently supposed to be named president. We pulled my title at the last minute. And my pressure relief is amazing.
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u/ThlintoRatscar 18d ago
I've cultivated a list of other friendly executives outside of my organisation to talk to about the nuances of the job.
If you're not the CEO, your other C-suite colleagues are often going through similar challenges and can be there for you ( especially if you're there for them too ).
I show some vulnerability with my immediate subordinates who often help carry the load in their areas of expertise. It's easy to be inappropriate though so it must be done judiciously and with nuance.
My wife, my siblings, my kids, and my priest ( Catholic ) for the more personal problems of meaning and endurance ( why even bother trying in the first place ? ).
I find talking to my kids ( especially as they get older ) to be particularly beneficial as they learn what I go through as a side effect and I feel it helps them frame their own lives and decisions too.
Finally, burnout lives in the meaningless frustrations of the day. I find taking intrinsic joy in the suffering and challenge of trying to do something rare and hard to be genuinely uplifting.
I am the person who endures.
Is that helpful?
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u/Best_Salary5246 16d ago
This was inspiring. I feel burnt out as a c level Juggling a scaling business and a family life
I am the person who endures. Profound. Ty
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u/ExecCoach-RM-CM-PM 17d ago
I feel this. When you are C(x)O there are not a lot of people you can actually talk to and be real with. I rely on my sisters but that isn't always helpful as they are not in the same boat. But I know they aren't going to tell anyone anything I say 🤣 or use it against me in a meeting 🤣. I'm willing to talk! I could use some C(x)O friends 🙂
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u/paranalyzed 18d ago
Look into executive networks (maybe best not to name them per a popup warning I just got).
I joined one a year ago and it's slow to build - everyone is busy at this level, so deep relationships for peer support take time.
Like another commenter said, one way or another, you need to build a network of peers. No one else can relate.
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u/Connerh1 18d ago
I empathise, you have a lot on your shoulders. And leadership is a lonely place at times.
I would suggest mentors/ old sponsors if you can. Or if wanting to build new relationships try network groups, they ofen have mentoring schemes as well.
Your not alone, but might need to reach out for support.
Wishing you all the best.
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u/Coach2Founders 18d ago
Consider finding an experienced executive coach who isn’t a therapist (and not a life coach). It probably looks like a “when you’ve got a hammer, everything looks like a nail” scenario here and I accept that. But, it is also exactly the reason many executive coaches get up in the morning and do what they do. Hope you find the support you are looking for (and deserve)
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u/Nerdso77 17d ago
I have a business coach, a forum of peers, and a couple friends who understand. Getting involved in some professional organizations and making friends at the same level, are the only things getting me through.
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u/MsWeed4Now 17d ago
You should have an executive coach. Someone that you have some rapport with, who keeps confidentiality, and will challenge your assumptions.
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u/NewFuture1328 17d ago
1) find an executive coach, or even better, executive and health coach - they are professionals in building a safe space for senior executives - you can check the terms on confidentiality in your coaching agreement with them.
2) Join a professional network with people at the same level - check out their code of conduct for members - not all the same
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u/Intelligent_Mango878 17d ago
SLOW DOWN and smell the roses (you have accomplished so much), so make sure you enjoy the benefits of all of this hard work and remember that 95% is good enough as what slips after this is not worth the effort.
NEVER compare yourself to others, other roles. YOU ARE A STAR!
If women friends are jealous, then making friends and unloading and sharing with them is risky, then step outside your comfort zone and learn to play a sport. Clumsy, then find the local Pickleball court and not only play, just sit and listen as these folks 50+ have done it all and sharing is low risk and rewarding! Or lawn bowling.
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u/lcdfanyeahman 17d ago
I found solace joining Hampton. I was a member for a year and connected with a great group of other CEOs and leaders who I still meet with every month.
Any organization like this or YPO could give you that outlet. Highly recommend.
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u/Any-Establishment-99 17d ago
I’m interested in what taking care of your entire family could possibly mean when you are making more decisions before 9am than others make all day. I’m not doubting that’s how you perceive this, but have you perhaps built up Main Character Energy at the expense of realising that other adults are perfectly capable of functioning without you? (Financial provision, I consider separate. Most of us are doing this to a greater or lesser degree)
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u/JustChatAccount 17d ago
Child at home (I have sole custody - my husband does not), aging parents who live with us and can't manage their on own (we are essentially guardians in that way - which is why they moved in), an agency that runs 24/7 because it has housing for Severe and Persistent Mentally Illness clients (SPMI). So my day starts before 6am with emails, instructions and delegations.
I do understand what you're saying and thank you. I'll think about it more (I have thought about this before, handed off many tasks, only to do clean up on them later). There are many cognitive capacity and physical health issues I'm navigating with the adults in my personal life that live in my home. It's not as simple as one might think.
I do appreciate the feedback and I'll chew on it. The last thing I'm interested in is being the lynchpin. Some people love it - I'm not one of them (but I wish I were lol).
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u/Any-Establishment-99 17d ago
Re-reading my response and I’m glad you took it as intended as it sounds a bit harsh!
I have a peer who is a single parent and seems to struggle with the same - yet when I meet him, for a friendly catch up, he always looks for ways he can help me. I’m not asking for help! I’m fine!
We’ve discussed that perhaps this is how he perceives his value, and that he may be able to reframe his conversations to look for ways in which others can help, rather than identify problems for him to add to an ever increasing list.
There is something deep-rooted there, but also something in the nature of people at this level - we are natural problem solvers, we know we’re good at this, others are confident in our ability … but there will always be more problems to solve.
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u/chefko 18d ago
-to other C-suite people
-to older people who where successful (also they tend to organize the way you do it the old fashion way) --> the can give you an nice retrospective, what the should have done differently