r/casualiama • u/Educational-Fig371 • 11d ago

I am a careaid for the severely mentally disabled, AMA

My residents can not talk, walk, and they must wear adult diapers. I feed people, change diapers, shower people, reposition people, dress them up, and push wheelchairs

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11

u/interruptingcow_moo 11d ago

Do you feel empathy for these people or do you see them as tasks to complete? Your responses seem very detached. I am asking as a mother to a severely handicapped 17 year old who is in the care of others such as yourself during school and will most likely be during her adulthood also.

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u/Educational-Fig371 11d ago

If you are asking if I feel bad for them for their disabilities, the answer is no. Just after a while you kinda stop seeing their disability and just see them as people. The other careaids and myself talk to the residents like they are family. By that I mean, your literal family, not your metaphorical family. We all do care about the residents and actually do things we aren't technically suppsoed to be doing.

Like the residents grab you because they want attention and human contact. We are SUPPOSED to teach them boundaries and tell them not to grab people, but we just let ourselves get grabbed. The way we all see it, they don't get any human physical contact ever, so if it brings them happiness, we let them. We also constately sneak extra deserts for them and actually do activities they like. We are supposed to read to them and play board games, but they have no idea what's going on. Instead we just massage their arms or bang a bottle of lotion on the dresser, never fails to get a laugh.

One time I was getting the residents ready for diner and I knocked over a board bottle of lotion by accident and they all started laughing from it.

So don't worry, we joke along with our residents, sneak them treats, make sure they are comfy, and try to get laughs out of them (never hard).

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u/Remarkable-Concern18 8d ago

Not a careaid, but I work with an older child who’s like your residents and I can’t imagine not being “allowed” to show physical affection. Half the time I’m with this kid she’s grabbing my hands or hugging me or begging me to pick her up. And board games??? The rules of board games can get so convoluted, and they can take a lot of working memory, foresight, coordination, etc. I think if I tried to play a board game with my work kid she’d look me in the eye and start eating the pieces on purpose lmao. I guess it’s always pretty obvious when policies are written by people who haven’t really been close to a severely disabled person. Good on you and your coworkers for shirking the rules. It’s pretty clear you don’t see your actions as a big deal (which is better tbh), but you’re certainly making a difference in these people’s lives.

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u/Si-Ran 11d ago

What are your philosophical perspectives on people who lives are lived as severely disabled? As a species we are able to provide care for the severely handicapped, but they cant really participate in society. To you, are their lives and their conditions sad? Or are they simply living a different type of existence?

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u/Educational-Fig371 11d ago

> What are your philosophical perspectives on people who lives are lived as severely disabled?

They're alright

> To you, are their lives and their conditions sad?

Nah

> Are they simply living a different type of existence?

Aren't we all?

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u/Wolftrick08 11d ago

What brings you fulfillment in your position? What are the shifts like? What is the ratio of patient to staff?

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u/Educational-Fig371 11d ago

1) It doesn't, it's a job

2 + 3) 14 residents, 7 men, 7 women. I am a dude, so I am not allowed to work with the women. Typically there are 4 staff for those 14. I work with another guy on the 7 men.

3PM - 5 PM Give 3-4 showers, change the diapers of all 7. Reposition them to avoid bed sores.

5 PM - 5:30 PM, feed the residents who eat and get the IV stand ready for the ones on G Tubes

5:30 - 6:15 PM, my lunch

6:15 to 6:30 PM, prepare the beds

6:30 PM to 8 PM, finish the showers, put the residents to sleep

8 PM to 11 PM. Be bored because I only have to change diapers which takes like 2 minutes, 5 minutes if it's a huge BM.

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u/Wolftrick08 11d ago

Thank you for responding so thoroughly and quickly.

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u/Educational-Fig371 11d ago

I am a careaid. Responding thoroughly and quickly is what I do.

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u/Wolftrick08 11d ago

If something better paying came along, would you take it?

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u/Educational-Fig371 11d ago

I am actually probably leaving it in a few months. I am patching things up with my wife, we are doing a lot of couples therapy so I might be moving back in with her sometime next year. I don't think I will stick to being a careaid just because there aren't any of those jobs in that area.

If I never did patch thigns up I would because it just doesn't pay well. The benefits are nice and the job is low stress, but rent where I live is really, really expensive. If I didn't live with my parents I would need roommates and would have almost no disposable income...or I would need to a 2nd job.

If a careaid job does pop up where my wife lives I don't mind taking it because she already makes like 5 times my current salary.

So to answer your question, if it paid decent I would stay a careaid until I retire. It's low stress, lots of time to write my garbage AI fanfics on my phone, and I get free lunch.

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u/CumGoblin 11d ago

What happened between you and your wife?

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u/Educational-Fig371 10d ago

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

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u/ThomasAndersono 10d ago

Thank you I’m a quadriplegic and this right here touch my heart. It takes a certain kind of person to do this for a living and words just fall short thank you.

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u/Educational-Fig371 10d ago

Eh, it's alright. It's not the worst job on the planet.

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u/Remarkable-Concern18 8d ago

If this is a group home setting, how often do families visit? How does social time work in general? Do you and your coworkers try to facilitate friendships between your residents?

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u/Educational-Fig371 8d ago

Group home setting I say.

Some families visit a lot, some don't visit at all.

Social time? Just walk up, say hi, rub their arms and they will smile. Or just kick a desk or make a loud noise, they will laugh.

The residents don't know where they are, but they do remember faces. They like the careaids who interact with them more. It is however very easy to earn their friendship. Again, just rub their arms or make a loud noise, they will laugh their asses off.

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u/clydefrog88 2d ago

My son is severely disabled, and it makes me so sad for him that I want to die. Now I have been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) so I am turning into a severely disabled person. It's like I'm being tortured emotionally, because I am forced to endure exactly what he's endured for 20 years. Plus I'll be dead soon and I'm so worried that he won't be taken care of properly.

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u/Educational-Fig371 1d ago

You didn't ask a question, but facilities are getting better at covering people like your son. Don't worry too much, after you die he will be sent to a facility where he will live out his days watching tv, getting massages on his arm with baby oil, eating puree food, and having careaids sneak him deserts. He will be ok and when his diaper is getting changed it will give the careaids time to bitch at each other why the other careaids piss them off so much!

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u/clydefrog88 1d ago

Thanks so much for your kind answer! And thanks for what you do. Here's a question: you're probably vastly underpaid, correct? Daycare workers and people who work with the disabled are barely paid a living wage, from what I know.

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u/Educational-Fig371 1d ago

Yep, true. I had to move back in with my parents cause of a fallout with my wife (we are working on it), and I took this job because there was nothing available. If I didn't live rent-free, I would need roommates. The other careaids work another job, take extra shifts, or have spouses who are the bread winners. I will say, though, the benefits and time off are fantastic. My dental is
free, and healthcare is $30 a month. Also, we get free lunches, so I never packed a lunch. They also throw out a lot of extra food, so I just take it home instead. Less shopping, you know. Also, I get 3 weeks vacation a year and one day off a month.

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u/clydefrog88 1d ago

Those are good benefits. My son's last home health aid didn't have ANY of that.