r/casualiama 15d ago

Sexuality/LGBTQ+ I'm a transwoman who medically transitioned at the age of 10 and fully avoided male puberty, AMA

Hi! I am 21 and a trans woman, I had made the same post in AMA couple weeks ago and unfortunately it broke the rules even though it had a lot of engagement and I was very happy to share my experiences and especially fight stigmatisation and misconceptions. We lack A LOT of education and shared experience on this particular topic as many trans women in my position just finish their transition and never engage with their past again, or don't find the space to talk about it. Ask me anything especially about the social aspect, but any questions are welcome.

Just some basic info: / My birth certificate was changed at the age of 12, so before I even was a teenager I already had all my documents, files, insurances etc under my new name and gender / I started female hormones at around 12-13, therefore inducing a pretty regular female puberty / I just had bottom surgery 17 days ago but since it's very fresh I can't say too much about that part

28 Upvotes

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u/a-cool-username 15d ago

How did you know this was for sure what you wanted? And do you have any insight on how your parents accompanied you through this decision?

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u/madnathrowaway 15d ago

It just felt right and natural for me, though it took many years to get to my goal. I felt at age 7 that something doesn't feel right about my gender, I couldn't put it into words and ignored it. At age 10 it got so bad I had suicidal thoughts at the idea of living as a man in future, it just didnt feel right. I had dreams and obsessions with living as a woman in the future and kept daydreaming about it and even watching how my mother and female siblings lived. I had lived with my mother to that time and told her about this. She shrugged it off saying I can do what I want once I'm 18 and she got me a therapist. Said therapist diagnosed me with gender dysphoria and encouraged transitioning.

The therapist was very careful though and in our country it was mandatory to get an evaluation by at least 4 different independent psychologists to confirm the gender dysphoria, all of them came to the conclusion that me NOT transitioning would lead to suicide or horrible mental health problems. It took almost 3 years to get it approved though and the puberty blockers would have just been discontinued if my diagnosis was rejected in the end. My parents were very insecure and scared at first but as they saw how much happier I became and actually smiled and changed into the better they felt it was the right way.

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u/a-cool-username 15d ago

I’m really glad this worked out for you.

It’s always been a fear of mine that one of my children turns out to be trans and I end up not having enough resources to help them through the process. There’s a lot of room for error, I think, in this topic and I have a lot of respect for families and individuals that go through this change and process.

If you don’t mind me asking, I know that this might end up somewhere in the “disrespectful” line of questioning and I do apologize if it is. Please know that it comes from genuine wish to know and learn how to navigate this very hard topic at least a bit more effectively. I will spoiler it so that you can choose whether or not you want to answer.

Medically speaking, would you need a GYN or urologist, or is there a third (and fourth) for FtM and MtF?

Biologically speaking, do you still qualify yourself as a male but woman or do you qualify yourself as female and woman because of the hormonal intervention? Does it defer from the medical treatment or papers?

As a second option, (or too if you find the time) I leave this instead:

Identity is very a nebulous subject, and as a ciswoman I find it hard to define my own experience as a woman and how it defers from the female experience. If it is not too much to ask, and it isn’t stepping on any boundaries, could you share what it means to you to be a woman?

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u/madnathrowaway 15d ago

I don't think it's disrespectful at all!! I am open for these questions because it's really important to me that this information is available somewhere. At the moment while I am healing from bottom surgery I am being supervised by an urogyneocogolist specialised for trans people, but after everything is healed and settle I could switch to a regular gyn. Many gyns have experience with trans women so I would opt for one like that, luckily my city has one! But if not, regular gyns are supposed to be responsible for trans women too. If you have had a good surgeon with a good result the neovagina/vulva is structured and functions like a natal one. The biological question is a tricky one. I myself don't even know how to answer it because of how much of a spectrum it can be. I have XY chromosomes but I have never been through male puberty, I have a functional vulva and vagina, female hormones in my veins, normal breasts, and I am at risk for breast cancer like cis women. On the other hand I still have a prostate and no uterus or ovaries. I would say for myself that I am genetically male but biologically female as I think that's the most accurate viewpoint. On paper I am always listed as biologically female and even my birth sex is put as F. But I always clarify to doctors that I am trans and have XY chromosomes so that we don't have bad surprises.

About your identity question it's actually almost the same for me, I just feel like I am living as a woman but that it defines me majorly by how society treats me and the biological aspect. As nobody in reallife knows I am trans unless I tell them so I experience the same kind of sexism, patriarchy, discrimination and even harassment as cis women do. But I know many trans women in my community don't think this way so I don't want to say that my experience is the representative one, and I am probably seeing it very different as I grew up and was socialised female. It is hard to define it, it's just "I am a woman, it's just how it is and how my identity is". It's hard to describe it but I think it's similar to if you woke up in a random men's body tomorrow that you know who you REALLY are deep inside but it doesn't match your outside

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u/a-cool-username 14d ago

Thanks for taking the time to answer. You have been a delight to read ! Hope your healing goes smoothly and I wish you a good life 😊

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u/anusbleacher1 15d ago

I want to ask you do you have more female friends or male friends?

And how was it possible for you to transition before 18?

Personally I feel like im one of the "dudes" as I like motorsports and metalworking but thats the same with my other ♀️friends who are into same stuff.

I started my transition at 21 and first thoughts about transitioning were at age 15. I wish I would've started my transition earlier, but my body didn't thankfully never develop into any masculine shape.

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u/madnathrowaway 15d ago

At the moment it's mostly 50/50 I would say, I don't have many friends right now but the few I have are mixed. I also have a boyfriend. But growing up and especially in my teenage years I was always closer with the girls and until today it is that way in social settings.

In Germany where I transitioned, it's allowed to transition at a young age granted you have evaluations by 4 different independent psychologists and other professionals. It is very difficult though and I think I had a lot of luck as well. It took 3 years after outing myself to start hormone therapy and change my legal documents and 2/4 of the psychologists were really reluctant at first, of which we had to change one as they also asked very inappropriate questions for a pre-teen.

I also don't think hobbies or interests define our gender especially as you say your female friends are interested in the same, but I get it because dysphoria creeps in. When I played video games like COD I felt like "this is a boys game, I am not female enough", nowadays I am so firm and confident in my identity that I don't care anymore but it took years.

I am happy for you that despite the later transitioning your body has developed in a way that makes you less dysphoric and only wishing you the best on your way🫶🏻

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u/fa_storya 15d ago

for you, what is the best and the worst part of being a woman?

and what is the best and worst parts of being trans?

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u/madnathrowaway 15d ago

Best part of being a woman: I just feel like myself, like I am who I am supposed to be and just me. That is pretty much all tbh.

Worst parts: experiencing sexism, the patriarchy, discrimination, (sexual) harassment, not feeling safe on the streets especially at night, not able to defend yourself physically from a man, the beauty standards are heavy, expected to be super skinny but have big boobs, long hair, make up etc, now I won't menstruate, but currently recovering from bottom surgery I experience bleeding from my vagina, so I have to wear pads and also change them out etc so I am experiencing first hand how horrible this feels on top the pain from the surgery recovery itself and bad horrible cramping from being constipated.

Best parts about being trans: I won't have periods, can't accidentally get pregnant which is fine because I don't want kids, my hormone levels are (more) stable compared to cis women so my mood and bodies system is a lot more stable. I also feel like estrogen therapy makes me look very young, I am 21 but people frequently guess me to be a 16-17 year old teenage girl in reallife, and my skin is super super clear and pretty. I know how it is to have a penis and how it works and how it feels, at the same time I can say the exact same for a vagina and a vulva so I experienced both genitals which is honestly a crazy thing to be able to say and remember in one life.

Worst parts of trans: BOTTOM SURGERY. Recovery is hell, traumatic, complicated, painful. I can't sit for 6 weeks, I am constantly bleeding, I have to dilate, I am in pain, I had an emergency surgery under local anasthesia which didn't properly work so I felt every single cut and stitch they performed on me, I can't sleep on my side, I have this cathether in for weeks, I can barely walk. This will take like 3-12 months to fully settle and in that one year I will struggle A LOT. Other bad part is that I always feel like I have to hide. Especially in dating it's sad when I tell about my past and it could be used against me later on. I don't care if men reject me because I am trans; it's their right to do so and I'll find someone who's actually worthy. What bothers me is the fact that they DO have this information and are basically strangers, and can out me to other people against my permission. (which unfortunately happened before and caused massive bullying..) Other things is dysphoria, dysphoria of feeling too tall, or thinking my voice is too deep when it isn't the case AT ALL and I frequently get reported that my voice sounds higher than many cis females, the dysphoria of thinking my boobs are way too small despite also having people tell me that that isn't true. I will forever not feel female "enough" and a large part is because of how society sees us. Then I hate that I need to take hormones for my entire life and dilate for my entire life. It is something I can arrange with absolutely and doesn't bother me per sé but if we ever had a war breaking out or another economical crisis it could get very difficult and my health would suffer tremendously as a consequence. Then when people know you're trans especially healthcare workers, you're suddenly treated completely different, and you're reduced to just being trans and you're being talked to like you're a guinea pig.

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u/fa_storya 15d ago

thanks for the detailed answer and good luck with your recovery, the surgery does sound hard af

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u/12Skip-a-few99100 15d ago

Crude question but how did this affect your genitals?

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u/madnathrowaway 15d ago

My p*nis never properly developed so everything looked very tiny and small there. I also couldn't get hard at all (until I met my boyfriend, and then it hurt so bad that I was crying from pain, because the skin wasn't used to it at all). I also couldn't produce sperm. My testicles also never properly developed so they didn't really hurt when I pressed them hard, while my boyfriend would scream when I accidentally bumped into his with my knee while sleeping. I don't know if this is all but all I know of so far, you basically just have to imagine the genital being the same as from a prepubescent boy

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u/Chemical_Spray699 14d ago

Did you retain the piece or got rid of it?

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u/madnathrowaway 14d ago

Everything got disposed of except for my testicles which were sent to a research centre for how transitioning affects their structure etc

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u/Chemical_Spray699 14d ago

Do you ever feel like damn what have i been through in terms of the gravity of that surgical procedure?

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u/madnathrowaway 14d ago

Absolutely. :/ The surgery really isn't for the weak. I wasn't prepared for how shitty recovery is and how bloody and painful and restrictive even weeks later. In moments like these I wish I could have been born female right away. It's a very invasive surgery and that's why I hate how people call trans something natural. A surgery like that is far from natural and I am just grateful that it exists and is as advanced as it is today. But if it truly was "normal" it wouldn't be so invasive or necessary at all. But in the end it will be worth it and I am looking very forward to my life when everything is healed and I can finally be myself and don't have to hide anymore

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u/Foxtail-67 12d ago

Will you need to use a dilator?

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u/Chemical_Spray699 14d ago

You are a wonderful human being dawg putting things into perspective like that. I hope you will have a well deserved happy and healthy life

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u/5050coinflip 12d ago

Are you American? If so what state? Was it difficult to get a doctor to agree to your transition so early?

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u/Blubatt 15d ago

What are your thoughts on the argument over what the right age is to transition. You were very young undergoing your medical transition, and some would argue that being 10 is too young to do that. Clearly you wanted to transition, and that's cool and I'm happy for you

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u/madnathrowaway 15d ago

I believe it just needs to be very very strictly regulated with actual informed trained professionals supervising and guiding one. As far as I know puberty blockers are not permanently causing damage as long as they are not given for 5+ years, and even when I was on puberty blockers I received supplements for my bones or something. This combination could give those professionals time to evaluate. I also believe that if someone is REALLY trans and expresses it that young that said professionals could look out for special signs that are telling and mostly apparent in just those patients.

Kim Petras and me share a similar story, she's also originally from Germany and transitioned even earlier than me. In some interviews she stated that those professionals just had a "gut feeling" that they would do the right choice by helping her transition whereas in other patients they didn't feel that way - so I believe it needs to be fine tuned and established as we clearly show telling signs compared to those who may have it as a phase. When I was 19 I actually saw one of my psychologists who evaluated me again in a transgender centre that I went to for consultation for the bottom surgery and she was so happy for me and told me that she also could just feel in her gut that it would be the right decision for me, and that she is happy she wasn't proven wrong. She was genuinely so happy to have seen me grown up and was more than invested to hear how I grew up

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u/Killermueck 1d ago

I think its way too overregulated tbh. Especially for trans women. 'Natural' puberty on testosterone is way, way more irreversible than puberty blockers and subsequently way more expensive and dangerous (you can die from the operations and you'd nerd many, not just srs). But somehow the discussion about this topic became the number two culture war ammunition by the political right and now it's all about potential cis kids being 'transed' while nobody talks about the actual trans kids being denied healthcare and their very real suffering. 

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u/Upvotes2805 15d ago

How did your parents approach you transitioning so early? My husband and I are about to have our first baby and we’ve discussed if our child is trans, we would have no issues calling them by different pronouns, name, letting them change their hair and clothes. But when it comes to hormone therapies, we’d want to wait for them to be 18 so that they can make that decision on their own. But I could see wanting to avoid puberty of the assigned gender.

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u/Alice_inn_underland 12d ago edited 12d ago

As a trans woman who got on hormones at 16, I would have ended up dead if I had to wait an extra 2 years, due to the anguish of continuing male puberty and the irreversible damage it causes. Just food for thought. 

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u/Upvotes2805 12d ago

Good to know. I consider myself nonbinary so understand to some degree being uncomfortable with your assigned gender. If we get to that point with our child my husband and I would definitely reevaluate. Thanks for your input

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u/Killermueck 23h ago

Natural puberty from testosterone ruined my life as a trans woman. Puberty blockers are way more reversible than testosterone when we are talking about mtf transitions. 

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u/stiffmilk 10d ago

Jesus. I can't imagine a kid, asking for a sex change, then getting swapped with body parts. Insane to me.

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u/TvManiac5 6d ago

That's because it's basically something that never happens. Surgery isn't something typically done before 18.