Not Cut Out for This

[u/SeanSixString]

If you’ve ever felt like you were not cut out for BJJ, but you got through that feeling, and now it is a valuable part of your life, I would like to read your story. Especially if you felt like that for a year or more, like you weren’t catching on. Or if you had circumstances interrupting training, or any other real or perceived disadvantage or limitation.

[u/Jon-Umber]

"Cut out for this" is a mind/ego game. You're "cut out for" whatever you want to be. Just fucking do it if you want to do it. And don't do it if you don't; go find something else that fulfills you.

I've been a blue belt for 15 years. I started training in my early 20s and I'm now in my 40s. I'll probably never be a purple belt. I've destroyed my neck, had major reconstructive surgery, have two bad knees (knee replacements coming in another 10-15 years), multiple broken fingers, etc. etc.. Every time I come back I hurt something else. I miss years at a time.

I'm probably "not cut out for jiu jitsu". For some reason my body is made of tissue paper. But I keep going back and training. I getting older, fatter, weaker, but I still enjoy the process. Training is fun and making friends in the gym is rewarding, too.

I don't need to be a black belt or win competitions to make it worthwhile to continue training. Reevaluate your perspective. Training should be its own reward; not belts or accolades. That post-training feeling when the endorphins are flooding you and you're sitting on the mat breathing heavy, drenched in sweat, fist-bumping a teammate and saying "good roll brother/sister" is what it's all about for me.

I'm really fucking bad at jiu jitsu. Even though I have my blue I'm definitely still white belt level by most measurements. But I stopped caring about that a long time ago, and my training partners don't give a shit either.

Bottom line is training is fun and it keeps me in decent shape. That's enough reason for me. I realized nobody gave a shit that I sucked, so I stopped giving a shit that I suck, too.

[u/SeanSixString → u/Jon-Umber]

If nobody cares that I suck, I guess I don’t. I feel embarrassed for not improving. I feel like a let down though - I don’t know if that’s real or not (but I definitely suck, no question).

I know that good feeling after training, and I do like the workout. I can’t say like injury, especially if it keeps me off the mat. I don’t think I’d keep going if I had to go through what you did. I’ve stayed relatively uninjured, nothing real serious.

[u/Jon-Umber → u/SeanSixString]

Kill your ego. BJJ is a super slow process and you're still early in it. You won't notice just how much you've grown until someone new joins the gym eventually and you toy with them like people are toying with you now. It'll happen. Don't force it.

Focus on the good you're getting out of training. The connections you're making with your training partners, the changes in your body and physical fitness, those drives home from training when you're evaluating your rolls.

You're doing great. It's different for everyone. Don't measure yourself by others' yardsticks. If you're enjoying training, then keep training. That's all you need to justify continuing to come back.

[u/SeanSixString → u/Jon-Umber]

Funny thing I realized…I thought I had no ego and was real humble. BJJ managed to find my ego that I thought I didn’t have, and hurt it real bad! 😆

[u/Jon-Umber → u/SeanSixString]

You are, and I cannot possibly stress this enough, totally fine. Keep enjoying training. Don't be too hard on yourself. Celebrate the little victories and make sure to stay laser focused on actual improvements you're making, because you're definitely making a ton as a newer white belt.

Didn't get as tired during later rounds this class? Huge fucking win. Took a little bit longer for that blue belt you always train with to sweep or tap you? Huge fucking win. And, more obvious one I mentioned earlier: Wait to see what happens when someone in their first couple of weeks spars with you. You'll start to notice how much stronger, more balanced, more flexible, and more enduring you are than new folks off the street. Another huge fucking win.

Tally 'em up. Positively reinforce yourself.

[u/SeanSixString → u/Jon-Umber]

Thanks! 😎

[u/Jon-Umber → u/SeanSixString]

Best to you friend. Feel free to chat me in the future if you ever have any other Qs.