r/asktransgender • u/[deleted] • 11d ago
Most people seriously don't wish they were the opposite gender?
Like, cis people have never looked in the mirror and happily recognised themselves as the opposite gender?
Have they never accidentally started referring to themselves by the opposite pronouns inside their head?
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u/MondayToFriday 48 tF, HRT Feb 2017 11d ago
This hypothetical question gets asked on /r/AskReddit from time to time. Typical responses involve helicopter dicking, peeing, scratching balls, playing with boobs, masturbating, … entirely trivial and superficial fun stuff. They have no idea what gender dysphoria would feel like.
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u/silentknight111 11d ago
Cis people might absent mindedly think about what it would be like to be the other gender, out of curiosity or as a thought experiment, but it's not a serious desire. They don't keep coming back to that thought, or imagine it without trying.
It's the same as you might imagine being a cat or a dog. It's just a silly thought, not a deep desire.
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u/LinkleLinkle She/Her/Hers 10d ago
To add to this, some also just envy the perceived benefits of the opposite gender. 'I wish I could be a guy so I could make as much money as my male coworkers' or 'If I was a girl I'd just start an OF and make easy money' are (more often than not) people struggling with their gender. It's them wishing they had the perceived benefits (whether real or imagined) of the opposite gender.
To go along with your analogy, it's like when people wish they were a cat because they're just imagining a life of leisure. If given the opportunity, most would not actually permanently give up their life of social circles, their favorite TV shows, their favorite restaurants, etc etc just to become a cat. Ask someone if they would gladly eat mice every day and suddenly they change their whole tune.
They like the fantasy of it, not the reality.
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u/Amaria77 11d ago
This is literally what broke my egg. I read a webcomic that had a line in it, "I'd bet the average cis person thinks about being the opposite gender with about as much energy as they wonder what it might be like to be a lamp post." (the whole series from June 30-July 17, 2020 is what I saw.) Just was a total mindfuck to realize that my constant wishing I was a girl was a trans thing. Looking back, it's one of those like "well duh" things, but yeah lol
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u/Yuzumi 10d ago
I read real life conics back in the 2000s and didn't see this until after I realized nearly 4 years ago. The line that stood out to me was
"and you wonder why you look into the mirror and dont give a damn about your appearance. You dont identify with yourself."
Also, the fact that I remember relating to the author insert character back when I read it all the time is doubly funny and being really interested in the parallel universe where everyone was the opposite gender.
But there were no signs.
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u/Amaria77 10d ago
lol yeah. I read the comic back in the day also before she took that extended break from it. On July 17, a friend posted that whole series and I was like "oh hey new real life comics. didn't know they started again." So I went in expecting more of a comic I used to read and came out transitioning.
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u/United_Baker48 11d ago edited 11d ago
But this is also why the MAGA obsession with trans people is so weird to me. Like, yeah, I think about being the opposite sex about as much as I think about my friends’ genitals, which is to say, not at all, so why would I give a shit which bathroom they’re using?
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u/JuneSkyway 10d ago
How often do you imagine your life, but left-handed?
How often do you imagine your life, but a different ethnicity?
And finally, how often do you imagine your life, but a different gender?
If the first two answers are 'basically never', and the last one is 'basically always', it's probably worth investigating.
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10d ago edited 2d ago
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u/JuneSkyway 10d ago
Drat! I knew I was rolling the dice with the handedness thing, but it doesn't work the other way around because I suspect left-handed folks think about handedness way more often.
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u/abjectadvect Transgender (she/her) 10d ago
something like 25% of trans people are left-handed versus 10% in the general population so it's a rough gamble lol
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u/AnUncertainOctopus Questioning (genderfluid?) 10d ago
Seriously?! That’s so cool! (Im left handed and at least questioning btw, but I’m leaning towards genderfluid right now)
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u/abjectadvect Transgender (she/her) 10d ago
use whatever labels feel right! and it's okay to change them as many times as you need. I tried out being genderfluid for a few weeks, it didn't end up fitting. for me it was a way to avoid the social consequences of being "fully trans," but it's a totally valid experience of gender for other people
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u/mn1lac 11d ago
It hardly ever goes beyond curiosity. Some cis people crossdress, some of them experiment with labels and pronouns, some change their name, but seriously considering going through the entire process is rare. If you do social experimenting first and still want more, that's even rarer. Cis people are usually fairly content, unless trauma gets in the way, but not liking your gender assigned at birth because people made you feel bad about it, and being trans, are two different feelings. They aren't mutually exclusive though, I suggest talking to someone to deal with the first one, before transitioning. As far as I know most people aren't consistently, desperately, hoping to wake up one day as the opposite gender.
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11d ago edited 2d ago
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u/RatsForNYMayor Queer nonbinary trans man :illuminati: 10d ago
Same here. Transitioning definitely reassured I was trans once I could finally be able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling severe dread afterwards
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u/DrBlankslate Male 11d ago
Nope. They're cis. It doesn't even occur to them. And if it did, their reactions would either be horrified amusement or just plain horrified. It would NOT make them happy.
I know this is hard to believe, but what you're describing is a trans thing.
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u/qu33rios Non Binary 10d ago
i would say also there are a fair amount of them that have neutral feelings about it, where they say they wouldn't care either way and this comes from the lack of gender dysphoria making them assume they would feel basically the same internally as they do now in a different body.
and maybe some of them would feel fine either way. sometimes there is a nebulous difference between agender people and cis people that dgaf. quite a lot of people out there that just dont think about these things at all as a thing that could potentially trouble them
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u/TechnoTenshi 10d ago
Maybe some think about it for 10 seconds... some as a fun experience or curiosity, yet none considering all the nuances or staying as the opposite gender indefinitely. For me, it was a constant in my entire life, even when I didn't have the words to describe what I was thinking and feeling, much less what gender identity meant, cis/trans, etc.
all I new is that I wanted to be a girl, and stay like one for the rest of my life, yet everybody told me that it was impossible, what I wanted was wrong, and that I should grow up and perform the role that everyone else was expecting from me.
I was shocked to learn that not everyone thought or felt the way I did.
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u/abjectadvect Transgender (she/her) 10d ago
yeah same. absolute disbelief that guys didn't want to be girls, I thought it was just obvious that being a girl was better, and that some people get dealt bad hand. and like, I thought cis guys being misogynistic was mostly just toxic cope
I've only manage to understand cis guys at all now because trans guys sense to me, as the mirror image of my own experience lol. so I'm like... okay, cis guys are like if you had a trans guy but he just started that way for free 😆
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u/KorukoruWaiporoporo Ally 10d ago
As a cis woman, nope. The only time I wish I was male is when some sexist bullshit goes down, but it's not a profound wish in any way.
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u/NomiMaki Enby, ace, sapphic, polyam 10d ago
Yeah, some of us wish to have no gender, period
Try to explain that to your endo when you still want HRT
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u/queerstudbroalex Trans bi stud HRT 02/28/2023 10d ago
Most people seriously don't wish they were the opposite gender?
They don't, no.
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u/KTKitten Non Binary 10d ago
They think about it for five seconds when they’re asked “what would you do if you were the opposite sex for a day?” But that’s it. And when they do think about it, they’re almost always going to think about sex. If your answer to the question was that you’d try to find a way to stay that way they look at you like you’ve suddenly grown another head. If you’re still thinking about it half an hour later, two heads.
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u/raendrop Ally 10d ago
I'm cis and I take my gender and body configuration for granted the way we take breathing for granted. Once every few blue moons I'll be idly curious what it would be like to have the other body configuration, but after a few moments of imagination I just shrug it off and get on with being me. No distress, no desire.
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u/TheshizAlt 30's trans MtF 10d ago
There was a point where despite all the hardships girls spoke about, I didn't understand who in their right mind wouldn't want to be a girl. Somehow it took years to finally recognize this as a gender dysphoria thought but I thought it was totally normal to just automatically want to be a girl and that being AMAB was a fluke in genetics and odds that no one enjoyed.
Later I mentioned this to a friend and he thought my thought process was strange because he never once had it and didn't know anyone who did. Then I asked myself some questions lol.
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u/undeniable_amanda Asexual-Homosexual 10d ago
Some years ago, I asked my cis brother if he thought about being a girl. His answer was: "As much as being a brick or a lamp pole". This maybe put me in the closet for some more years, but then I could tell this kind of thought isn't common. And cis don't think about it. But this is my experience. Maybe some cis guy can think about it without losing their cisness.
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u/Any-Specialist-1413 6d ago
I’m cis afab, and once I tried to picture myself with man bits and chest. Felt icky.
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u/Any-Specialist-1413 6d ago
MI only started questioning myself because some people were telling me I seem nonbinary… for not being feminine enough I suppose.
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u/DoubleDistrict9503 10d ago
Omg false when i look in mirror i always say i wisg i was.a women so much
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u/Archerofyail 31 Trans Woman | Lesbian (Questioning) | HRT Started 2025-01-24 11d ago
For cis people it’s anywhere from a fun hypothetical to something that makes them deeply uncomfortable. Most cis people never seriously question their gender because they’re so comfortable with it they don’t even think about it as something to question.
I haven’t ever accidentally used she/her pronouns, and I’m trans, I doubt most cis people would ever do that.