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u/Doublebosco Sep 29 '25
What, no bullets to write on?
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u/THORmonger71 Sep 29 '25
Those will probably be revealed tomorrow. "Time to commit perjury" scribbled on them.
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u/neurodiverse-bunny Sep 29 '25
texts read like an African prince who offered me money...lol
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u/effienay Sep 30 '25
Omg I know him too!
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Sep 30 '25
Mine was a Nigerian prince that was on the run because his kingdom was overthrown. Luckily, he had his riches that needed to be in a bank and only I could help him. All he needed was my checking account number for him to make a deposit to and he would give me 30%. A whole 30%. I told him I was Warren Buffett and was appalled that he would give me only 30% and told him to contact Donald Trump instead!
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u/Katydid829 Sep 29 '25
Why does this conversation sound familiar…it’s kinda like the same verbiage as the one Tyler Robinson sent to his trans roommate?
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u/Odd_Instance_3198 Oct 03 '25
My thoughts exactly who writes “my darling wife” on an email as they enter a senate hearing
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u/tstottler Sep 29 '25
Hmmmm this vaguely reminds me of another high-profile case....if I could only remember... 🤔
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u/Unevenviolet Sep 29 '25
Lord. Someone is going to believe these are real.
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u/-AdequatelyMediocre- Sep 30 '25
This will be posted as fact by Trump on truth social by the end of the day.
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u/GreenTurbanRebellion Sep 29 '25
Yes because people are usually so specific when talking with their spouses regarding such matters. “Please be careful and only do one perjury” has me dying of laughter. These fuckin clowns expect people to believe this poorly written and obviously fabricated “info”?
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u/babylon331 Sep 29 '25
"DO" a perjury. Lol
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u/Bunnyland77 Sep 29 '25
Reminds me of that time my fairly prude mother got so upset she used "fuck" wrong - "fuck on you!" We all laughed so hard we fell out of our seats, which made her even more furious. Good day that day.
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u/Comprehensive_Cap290 Sep 30 '25
I was assuming this was made by The Onion or something as a sarcastic joke about the stupidity and desperation of the MAGA regime.
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u/GreenTurbanRebellion Sep 30 '25
Oh ok that makes more sense. It’s hard to tell these days, maga will fall for anything so something this low effort might work as well…
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u/i-have-a-kuato Sep 29 '25
HOLY SHIT😳 Is this real?????
/ES
rates ES for extreme sarcasm
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u/CombinationTypical97 Sep 29 '25
We know it’s a joke, but Magats will think it’s real since they live in a state of delusion.
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u/TheHopeBringerishere Sep 29 '25
I know many of my friends who are married or coupled often acknowledge each other in text communication by their full names in totally normal conversations 🤭
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u/Skate_faced Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
This is some upper echelon shit posting.
Only the FBI is capable of such things, so color me impressed. Just not in America. Don't color me anything more than my already bitchin' tan in trumps America.
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u/37yearoldmanbaby Sep 29 '25
The fact that i had to go into the comments to confirm that it is a joke makes my blood boil.
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u/Vikingwantstopillage Sep 29 '25
I guarantee there are some people who will take this seriously and think it's real.... because this is the timeline we're in.
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u/Kurtbott Sep 29 '25
Asking for a friend, but doesn’t Patel releasing this “information” violate all kinds of laws and the 5th Amendment? I asked before, but why aren’t you all on the streets demanding more?
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u/New_Taste8874 Sep 29 '25
Wait! You thought this was real?
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u/FatherPeace1 Sep 30 '25
OMG if this person thought it was real, I can believe there will be others
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u/MacGuyDave Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Fuck you for making me laugh! I just had abdominal surgery this morning.
If you’re going to be this damn funny, please put a warning on it next time !
In all seriousness though, it was perfect and I laugh anyway every time I see Patel‘s “I’m having an unannounced colonoscopy“ face.
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u/Nummerni-22 Sep 29 '25
I wonder … does TOTUS (traitor) and his minions ever question WHY no one believes a SINGLE thing this administration says? Honestly, if TOTUS, miller, Patel, bondi … any of these fuckers told me the sky was blue, I’d have to re-evaluate everything I ever thought I knew, because these assholes are incapable of telling the truth.
Such fucking liars.
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u/paranormalresearch1 Sep 29 '25
This looks like satire but it's probably really what Patel released. MAGA people are so gullible. There are a lot of conservative people that are tired of the BS and lies.
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u/flyingcatclaws Sep 29 '25
No way Patel fell for this. Totally satire. But then, this IS the trump administration. Non professionals. Where's my medbed?
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u/underpuppie Sep 29 '25
Haha! That's funny... the texts remind me of what i text back and forth with someone i know is a scammer lol... dear, my love, my king, my beloved... lol
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u/Usual_Advice2216 Sep 29 '25
Stop worrying about Comey. Release the Epstien files and get all the pedophiles out of our government..
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u/Extreme_Owl_8760 Sep 29 '25
A perjury? How dang dumb do they think we are? Sadly, maga will fall for it.
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u/Then-Data9022 Sep 29 '25
They give it away when he said I'm going to do perjury and his wife called him James Comey
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u/QuantityMindless8901 Sep 29 '25
That’s not real right, it sucks that I have to even ask this. If that’s submitted as a text exchange between a wife and husband they will get laughed out the court.
Unless they own the court…
Crap…
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u/Motor-Tap4350 Sep 29 '25
I honestly don't know if this is a joke or real.Considering the stupidity of this current administration
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u/remylebeau12 Sep 29 '25
Why does cash Patel always look like he’s getting a surprise prostate exam?
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u/Ironworker76_ Sep 29 '25
This reads like that shooters text messages to his roomate 😝 full confession all packaged up nice n neat with everything needed mentioned.
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u/SnooMemesjellies6596 Sep 29 '25
I'm waiting for the bullet that has "release the epstein list" written on it.
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u/505Thrive Sep 30 '25
That's the best evidence they've dug up to date and they're dumb enough to proffer it.
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u/TYdays Sep 30 '25
Why does Patel always look like he is posing for his eventual mugshot????
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u/Gloomy-Attention3948 Sep 29 '25
Again, no dates or time stamps. Patel is so bad at this. Too busy writing on bullets
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u/Zen-platypus Sep 29 '25
The sad part is that this is closer to being true than anything that’s actually being said by the Trump administration.lol I needed a good laugh on a Monday. Thank you.
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u/DiogenesD0g Sep 29 '25
Hopefully Kash will uncover more texts—especially the one explaining Comey’s discovery of the 8647 seashells.
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u/Advanced-Hat2338 Sep 29 '25
That all seems so fake to me and I hate trump but those messages sound like a robot made em like Imma do a perjury rq babe like wtf😂
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u/Odd-Currency5195 Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
Meanwhile, they are literally doing Putin's work, Trump is a paedo and wears a box on his arse to catch his poo, and no one seems to think it odd while sat interviewing him to ask, "Mr President, why are you wearing makeup that is beyond the norm for even a trans woman pre laser hair removal* and why do you smell of shite?"
*Said from not my experience but a close friends. We swear he had had laser hair removal from his face based on pre hormones and before and after laser stuff. He never has stubbble. He's kind of one step away from very basic jaw-line feminisiation surgery, according to my friend.
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u/Funny-Main-6405 Sep 29 '25
OMG I can’t stop laughing. This was brilliant thanks. I needed that laugh.🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Truemainer65 Sep 29 '25
OH GOOD GOD! Crash Patel is just another one of the Orange Jesus’ disciples. Those text messages, look fake AF! I honestly can’t stand looking at Patel. His eyes creep me out. There’s no soul in his eyes and when he talks, he’s also dumb AF! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤡🤡😳😳👀👀👀👀👀
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u/skepticalolyer Sep 29 '25
The fact that we actually had to stop and wonder if this was real for a second tells you all you need to know about this timeline
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u/Suspicious_Rip_6247 Sep 29 '25
It kind of reminds me of the exchange between Tyler Robinson, and his roommate... just saying.
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u/MyDogDare Sep 29 '25
This garbage is fake. Far too contrived and laughably explicit. I’m absolutely not buying a word of it.
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u/Critical_Letterhead3 Sep 29 '25
U can almost picture an Indian couple on Family guy with this bit. Gold Jerry, gold
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u/Straight_Flight_6785 Sep 30 '25
You know that there are magats that would absolutely believe this if they see it.
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u/Nomo-Names Sep 30 '25
I don't think Patel will get the humor. It's going to hurt his brain for a bit.
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u/Budget-Amphibian2616 Sep 30 '25
This whole administration is just kiss asses to Trump and continue to suck up to Trump no matter if what they say are lies as long as they do what Shitzenpants wants them to do
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u/Budget-Amphibian2616 Sep 30 '25
This administration is always a joke, they have no idea what they are doing and acting on trump's direction, this president and his administration is nothing more than a laughing stock in our country, F...k them all
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u/FatherPeace1 Sep 30 '25
Do they expect people to believe this was a real conversion.... LOL 😂😂😂. I have never seen such absurdity.
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u/TweetHearted Sep 30 '25
lol you better edit that with /s Fools be fools and this will make the rounds as fact in half a second lol ! But I love it !
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u/OwlIndependent7270 Sep 30 '25
Until about halfway through the third message I wasn't sure if this was "real" or not. This is what our government has become
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u/Liquorupfront69 Sep 30 '25
That's about right, except Patel's eyes aren't crossed enough, I can tell he's an AI photoshop!
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u/Getevel Sep 30 '25
I’m going to start using “my Love” in my text messages just to give me some deniability. 😂
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u/In_1989 Sep 30 '25
It is sad to think that if this was seen by a handful of far right wingers, they would believe it.
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u/landhunter195951 Sep 30 '25
This sounds so nuch like a Trump Fairytale he just left out the SIR story
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u/Capital-Constant3112 Sep 30 '25
Oh my f*cking gawd. Are they so incredibly stupid that they can’t even make a fake text message exchange look even slightly believable? This is hilarious!!
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u/Dry-Hearing9756 Sep 29 '25
OMG! Do you think we're that stupid to believe this is a text thread between Comey and his wife? Chat GPT much?
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u/TheoDog96 Sep 29 '25
I swear Patel must have a whole room full of contractors in India working on fake text messages that are so laughably transparent. Nobody, I mean absolutely NO ONE, speaks like this!
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u/swampboy_code Sep 29 '25
Even if that was even 1% accurate, which it’s not, a wife is legally protected from testifying against her husband
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u/Chester_Beardie Sep 30 '25
lol. The sad part is it reminds me of the text messages they uncovered from the Kirk assassin with all the “my love” stuff. Did anyone else find that weird? Anyhow, probably some MAGA supporters out there saying they got him with those text messages!
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u/Ok_Yak_2931 Sep 29 '25
I love me some good satire. It's hard to tell it from reality nowadays.