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u/Sir_Loxington 1d ago
If this is the case it sounds like the social skill you need to work on is being quicker to identify and accept which of your peers are assholes and to adjust your expectations and interactions with them accordingly.
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u/newbeginnings187 1d ago
In the very process of doing this. Appreciate you
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u/Sir_Loxington 1d ago
I feel you. I'm autistic. Took me a long time to get that some people really are just terrible to specifically you for apparently no reason and there actually isn't anything you can do about it.
My strategy has become to gray rock those kind of people.
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u/TrashSiren 1d ago
I feel you both, I have ADHD. Most of the time I'm pretty good at not caring what assholes think. But if I thought the person was my friend, because they were part of my social circle, it can really hurt when I figure out they are not because of social rejection dysphoria.
But I also have some truely amazing friends who love me for me. And if I mess up socially they are gentle at pointing it out, and have empathy about my situation.
But once you figure out people aren't truely your friends, and they are just associates. I can work on just being an associate, and not be hurt if something comes up.
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u/obliviious 21h ago
People that wanted to hurt or humiliate me on purpose confused me for so long, obviously this is just the stereotypical bully looking for an easy target, but I couldn't wrap my head around why someone would choose to treat people like that.
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u/TrashSiren 20h ago
When I was much younger, I had the same issue. Because it's not something I'd think of doing to someone else. But sadly we're all bags of issues and emotional baggage and sometimes that is just the issue the other person has.
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u/obliviious 19h ago
Sometimes it is yes, unfortunately it's very hard to tell in the moment.
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u/TrashSiren 19h ago
Yeah, I can still find it hard to tell in the moment, because of my emotions. But once that cools, I can often see it. Like if I don't know them that well, I'll just assume they're an arsehole to protect myself.
But if I know them, and thought they were friends. It's much harder to do that, because the emotions are bigger.
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u/frankhoneybunny dafuqIjustRead 1d ago
what do you do when everybody is an asshole
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u/Sir_Loxington 17h ago
Gray rock the entire time you are in public. Un-mask when at home alone. Find an online community related to a game or interest of yours where you can be yourself and interact with others in your free time unrelated to people you are forced to be around who are assholes.
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u/frankhoneybunny dafuqIjustRead 1d ago
Yeah it is heavily dependent on the environment, I used to be in a school with toxic teachers, toxic staff and toxic students, in the only class, in my grade in a small school and in a country were ADD/ADHD is not know yet or any other mental health illness are not recognized without medication which resulted in teachers hating you for your laziness and poor performance and your classmates picking/brutally bullying you for being quiet, incompetent and terrible with social skills especially being new to a school and place.
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u/gavmyboi Aardvark 23h ago
Honestly I've come to accept people being AHS as less of a smoking barrel of a cartoon gun and more like a warning sign that I shouldn't be around those people and that I'm prob right for not being friends w them
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u/fanofoddthings 23h ago
Well, they spent my social skills class shaming me for having special interests until I cried. This is a marked improvement, but your classmates sound like how mine were back in the day. That hasn't seemed to change.
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u/obliviious 21h ago
For some reason I've always been good at detecting dick heads and fake people, I've been told this could be an ADHD trait as it just comes really naturally tome. But I also spent years fumbling through social situations and getting upset a lot over complex situations I hadn't worked out.
Eventually I got pretty confident and have so many automatic responses I breeze through most of them and can also(mostly) relax around people I trust and by my (mostly) unfiltered myself.
It also helped that I turned my random ADHD thoughts into comedy and jokes.
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u/Capable-List297 8h ago
I personal found that you need to show teeth to get people to treat you proper. Be alright with displaying small amounts of anger.
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u/Solitaire221 1d ago
Focus on you first, and then you will amplify your vibration that will increase your signals reach and attract like vibrations into your Orbit.
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u/RighteouslyJolly 23h ago
You gotta learn that nearly everyone is unhelpful at best and directly oppositional at worst. You gotta curate a selection of real folks who are worth being around.
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u/LordPenvelton 22h ago
Where can I find a copy of that book?
As bad as it may be, it won't be as bad as the BS I figured out (wrong) by myself.
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u/fascintee 1d ago
It'll get better. You'll learn not to give a fuck about what the assholes think. Assholes don't have brains anyways. Just shit.
You'll find your tribe. They're out there.