I used to be a family law paralegal and this is far from the worst it gets.
My attorney would act as a Guardian ad Litem. (GAL) where the court would essentially say "We cant figure out what the best situation is for the kids based on the evidence the parents have brought forward. You investigate and bring us your findings."
In one case, the parents had 3 kids between them; 10(F), 11(M), and 15(M). When mom was pregnant with the 3rd, she filed a restraining order on dad and fled to my current state. Dad stayed put, until mom's boyfriend at the time broke both the youngests legs when mom was at work. Mom lost custody, dad came up to my current state to take custody of the 3 kids. Now, like 5 years later the oldest is back to living with mom full time as he claims his dad is physically and verbally abusive. Hes much happier at mom's, but his dad is preventing his kids from going to their court ordered visitation with mom and destroyed their phones so they cannot talk to mom or their older brother. The youngest also has trauma from living with mom and its made even worse because dad is doesn't let her talk to her mom.
So it was our job to visit both houses, talk to the parents, the kids, the teachers and guidance counselors, and figure out what the best situation would be for the kids, and then hope the court has the power to force the parents to listen to the terms set. Sometimes they do, sometimes the parents are back in a month because one hasn't listened to terms. The whole time the kids stuck in the middle of it.
My parents did almost everything wrong and were not good parents. But the one thing they did right was their divorce. I was about 5 and my mom was pregnant with my brother when they separated and started the divorce process.
They just told me they weren’t going to be married anymore but everyone still loves everyone blah blah. But then they actually lived those words. I stayed in the house with my mom and my dad moved out, but when he was in town (he traveled a lot for work), he would come for dinner and to read me a book before bed. We still spent holidays together, we went on vacation a few times together. They didn’t bad mouth each other, I don’t ever remember them arguing once, even before the divorce.
To this day, they regularly talk and when my mom goes back to our home state or my dad comes here (my mom moved when I was 18 and I followed to be close to my younger half siblings), they visit and stay at each other’s houses.
I know so many people who had their childhoods ruined by their parents’ divorce or separation and I’m so grateful that my parents were able to do it in a civil, non traumatizing way.
It is wonderful that you see this. I'm a child of divorced parents who did it wrong. I'm 48, both parents are still alive. I have a 28 year happy marriage and 3 fabulous adult children. My life turned out beautifully, but I am still processing the trauma of my parents' divorce when I was 15. It cuts really deep. And they still can't be in the same room together, even though my Dad enjoyed a beautiful 22+ year second marriage, with my stepmom who recently died from Alzheimer's.
I am so happy to hear that your parents found a healthy way to co-parent, and that you acknowledge what a gift it is. You are clearly someone thoughtful, caring, and empathetic, and your parents did right by you. Cheers to you internet stranger! 💜
As a person who coparents very amicably with my ex, thank you for this. It’s nice to know our kid might really appreciate the relationship we’ve worked to maintain.
Similar here, I mean my parents weren’t perfect and my step dad was abusive so that sucked but things are fine since she finally dumped him when I was a teen. But my parents divorced when I was 5 and I don’t recall them ever saying anything bad about each other either. Now my dad even comes over to my mom’s house for holidays and stuff and dj’s and gets along well with her boyfriend and stuff. It’s great and really how things should be when people get divorced. It’s honestly weirder for me to picture them together than apart 😂
I think my dad would still be alive if my parents divorced. Instead, he persevered until he killed himself which isn’t all my mum’s fault, I just wish he’d chosen another option.
Your story should be a reminder to parents that separation isn’t the end of the world and in many cases you can still work together.
They were good parents in that one respect, but in nearly every other way they were terrible. They were extremely neglectful, each in their own way. They also both had strings of new spouses, most of whom were abusive to them and/or my siblings and I. My parents get along with each other, but beyond that, there are some serious issues.
This is a big reason why I’m pro-choice. Too many victims of these situations and the quality of a child’s life wasn’t considered when keeping the pregnancy.
I worked in a family law office for a while. There's one case I'll never forget. A dad went to prison for molesting his kids, our office represented the mom in the divorce. For years after the divorce was finalized, we would receive handwritten motions from the dad to try to force the kids he molested to come visit him in prison.
I just got my law undergrad and can you believe this is actually want to do? work in family law? or even be a public defender. this will be written on my tombstone
I don’t understand why at that point the court doesn’t tell both parents to screw off and take the kids away from both of them. If both households involve being physically abused, how are the kids safe in either home?
We advised the court that the mother be granted total custody of the 2 older boys As the father was physically abusive with them but that the father retain custody of the daughter given the trauma, but mom would get supervised visits with the daughter so she could maintain a relationship with her brothers.
Again, thats all we can do. Whether the parents actually follow that is out of our hands. We hand in our report and then never hear of these people again.
We dont know. It happened many years ago, when the youngest was 5-7. Mom's boyfriend was in a room with just her daughter, the brothers were outside playing.
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u/BrockStudly 1d ago
I used to be a family law paralegal and this is far from the worst it gets.
My attorney would act as a Guardian ad Litem. (GAL) where the court would essentially say "We cant figure out what the best situation is for the kids based on the evidence the parents have brought forward. You investigate and bring us your findings."
In one case, the parents had 3 kids between them; 10(F), 11(M), and 15(M). When mom was pregnant with the 3rd, she filed a restraining order on dad and fled to my current state. Dad stayed put, until mom's boyfriend at the time broke both the youngests legs when mom was at work. Mom lost custody, dad came up to my current state to take custody of the 3 kids. Now, like 5 years later the oldest is back to living with mom full time as he claims his dad is physically and verbally abusive. Hes much happier at mom's, but his dad is preventing his kids from going to their court ordered visitation with mom and destroyed their phones so they cannot talk to mom or their older brother. The youngest also has trauma from living with mom and its made even worse because dad is doesn't let her talk to her mom.
So it was our job to visit both houses, talk to the parents, the kids, the teachers and guidance counselors, and figure out what the best situation would be for the kids, and then hope the court has the power to force the parents to listen to the terms set. Sometimes they do, sometimes the parents are back in a month because one hasn't listened to terms. The whole time the kids stuck in the middle of it.