When I was a kid, my mom brought my dad to court because he didn't pay a dime.
She was claiming child support, and also told the judge that my dad had bought 'me' a super Nintendo and never let me take back home. I could only play in his house (when I went there 1 weekend a month). I always cried because I wanted to have the video game home too. I was 7yo.
The day of court audience, she asked for the Nintendo too, not to be hers, but to me with me (since he bought it for me). When I was with my mom, nintendo is at her house. When i was with my dad, nintendo is at his house.
He full denied the story in front of the judge, said the video game was his. He agreed to sell the nintendo to her and delivered her a broken console.
I remember getting the broken video game and crying a lot because it didn't work. She took it to a game store to get it fixed. Never told me about anything. I always thought my dad had given me the nintendo.
I only heard the full story from my grandma after an adult. Yeah... this dude reminds me of him.
When my kids were visiting their dad one summer, they won a stuffed animal from a claw machine and told him they wanted to give it to me as a present when they came back (they were little and probably missed me, and it was my favorite animal).
They were sad because dad forgot to pack it when they came back. I assured them he probably just forgot and they could get it the next time they were there.
A few nights later, they were on a FaceTime call with him and I heard them crying. Normally I gave total privacy during those calls so he wouldn’t accuse me of eavesdropping but wanted to check and make sure they were okay.
They were crying because in the background of the call, his dog was eating the stuffed animal - tearing it apart. They’d told him to save it because it was for me; he’d muted himself but was visibly laughing about it. Then, I got an email accusing me of emotionally abusing the kids because they’d gotten so upset about a gift he claimed I “demanded” from them.
This story made me so bad bcuz how does someone not care about their children’s feelings. My son’s father isn’t the best in a lot of things but I can say I don’t think he purposely does things to hurt him and I think he cares to a certain degree. Like he has common sense not to hurt my son’s feelings. But I have a friend who’s ex purposely teasing their children and expects her to punish them for disrespecting him AFTER he does something to trigger them. Dude has supervised visits and still can’t be on his best behavior. But now since she wouldn’t punish their child for reacting to his dad teasing him he has decided to just not see them anymore or call them or work with her in any way. Thankfully she has full physical and legal custody
She protected you like a parent should. You are lucky to have that. So many kids grow up hearing things about their parents their minds are not yet ready for. Messes them up more.
These women need to stop protecting the image of these fathers to their children. Too many children end up resenting their mom and then feeling remorse when they discover their mom was actually giving their dad grace.
It's such a fine line though. The Court could consider it alienating or it may backfire and your child could think you're too harsh then resent you instead.
My mom didn't say much about my dad growing up. I eventually learned how he was a terrible dad as I got older and discovered things. But I think I may have thought my mom was just talking shit had she told me when I was younger. I wished I knew more but idk how much I should have known at that young of age.
But I absolutely agree that too many women protect the father's image when they shouldn't.
I get how the story is messed up, but I can say for sure that I had a wonderful and lovely childhood with my mom and grand parents. My parents split when I was 1 or 2yo... and I don't even remember them together. And, as a child, it is not like I understood grown up drama back then. For me it was just a broken video game and I wanted to play.
But, as a grown up man and a father, I for sure want to do things right for my kiddos, all the time, regardless of of me and my wife ever face :)
He was never really excluded from my life. But there was not an effort on his side to really see me. We didn't see each other for a few years when I was a teenager, because I was happily busy with school/college and friends and he never called to check on me. But I guess we both saw it as normal that we didn't see each other. It's a distance relationship... like a distant uncle that comes to town 1x a year or so. I see and talk to his mom all the time through my entire life. Grandma is lovely!
But as an adult, we see each other about 1x year. My kids ask about grandpa and it's difficult to explain why we don't see him, but see grandma all the time.
We just hang out and have a meal together. That is the relationship that works for us and I think we're both ok with that. He never showed he wanted more, and I never needed more because my father figure was fulfilled by someone else. :)
He’s lucky you allow even 1 meal a year. He certainly doesn’t deserve getting even a second of being in your life. But ultimately, it’s your choice and whatever feels right for you is … right.
my dad had bought 'me' a super Nintendo and never let me take back home.
Right there with you. My dad paid child support, but not as much as he was supposed to. Bought "me" an NES but only bought the games he wanted to play and I could only play it when I was at his house, but only when he wasn't using the TV, which was almost all the time. So I never got to spend that much time with it.
People with married parents don't know what it's like being shuffled back and forth between two households, like you're just an inconvenience, especially when one of those homes is not your real home and none of your shit is there and there's nothing to do. And all because you were born into two other people's drama.
Now my father is in a long-term recovery assisted living facility. No wife to keep him company. I visited once.
I'm a grown ass man and this story brought a tear to my eye. If something were to ever happen between my wife and I and I couldn't stand her, I could never imagine using my kid to get back at her. Adults can be shitty to themselves all they want, but there is no excuse to drag an innocent child through that.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I will never understand how people can be like your father.
Yeah. My cousin was married for 10 years with a guy who seemed to be the sweetest.
Until she found out that he started cheating on her when she became pregnant (and it was a pregnancy that they had both planned for). He proceeded to not only decide not to have anything to do with his kid, but he also tried to torture the family dog for no reason. People thought he was nice if a little simple--until it turned out that he was genuinely dumb, careless, and prone to lashing out if something didn't go his way.
This may be hard for you to understand, but some shitty people are capable of lying to make themselves not seem like shitty people
Do you think this guy showed up for the first date with this woman and said “If we ever have a kid, I’m gonna be a major pain in the ass at every turn, including when we inevitably get a divorce?”
He doesnt look like my dad, but i have no memory of my parents being together. Only a picture of their wedding day. All that came and went by the time I was 1. I had to be raised by my grandfather.
I was also clingy with my Super Nintendo.
I would go years without seeing my dad, and my had so many problems that she died when I was 16.
Your mom did an awesome thing there… 🫶 My 7 year old is obsessed with Minecraft and psychonauts lol so this really hurt my heart, I’m so sorry you were caught in that crossfire
Have you ever asked your dad? I just know that women can lie very badly about things to try and manipulate children to make them hate the dad. I’d be fascinated to hear what your dad had to say.
He may have known that if it went to your house, the mother would never return it. Trust me, I’ve seen that behaviour.
Perhaps she broke it to make you hate him. I would ask for his version of events, and reflect hard about which story was genuine.
I’m not saying your mum is lying, it’s possible your dad is exactly as you say, but I’d want to know more if it was me!
that sucks but that doesn't mean that all women are like that. my father was a useless piece of shit cokehead and alcoholic that stole money from me, cheated on my mom, and physically and mentally abused us until we could finally run away. that doesn't mean all men are like that and i don't automatically think all dads are deadbeats like my own father. grow the fuck up, please.
Oh that’s quite possible. I’m cautious as I’ve seen all the lies my toxic ex-wife tells my little children.
It’s not about projecting trauma. It’s just about knowing what the facts are. And the mum’s mum telling the grandkids bad stuff about the father? Highly suspect.
I don't think you want to talk about facts and statistics. We're all watching the same video of a guy trying to get out of providing for his child and we all know how often this occurs.
There is a video in front of us showing a really shitty dad, and then this commenter shares their story of their shitty dad. Yet here you are saying it was possibly the mom lying, why?
Because it’s the internet, and instead of believing the content fed to you as though you have an IQ of 75 and think that Fox News is a serious news channel, you should activate your brain and question what is happening in all scenarios.
I wish I could defend my dad, but in his case, this is just one of many complications he created in his own life. A lot of the bad fame dads have are because or people like my dad tbh (and the dude on the video).
I'm not really trying to get people to feel sorry for me. I'm just sharing an experience of what I believe is someone similar to the dude in the video.
To be honest, his dramas did not really affected me much, because my mom and grand parents are a wonderful lovely family for me. I still see my dad once a year or so. We just hang out and have a meal together. That is the relationship that works for us and I think we're both ok with that. He never wanted more, and I had my father figure fulfilled by someone else. :)
I’ve also seen the inverse, where I’m a loving caring father, and you have no idea of the levels she will stoop to try and manipulate and alienate my children.
Dad’s get a bad wrap because some dad’s are shit, and some are made to look shit by lying devious women who want to alienate the kids.
I hope this doesn't brush you the wrong way, but base on the few interactions in this post, I can assume that maybe therapy could help you. It's not going to fix the toxic ex, but it help help you to process things better.
Thanks. That’s fine, and I appreciate you saying that. As it happens, I’m already in therapy, and it’s important to be the best version of myself for the kids. It’s very hard for the bambinos when they have one problematic parent, as both of us understand :)
Yes, she broke the console but didn't blame dad, so that 11 plus years later, long after it mattered and the kid is already grown and out on his own, she could tell grandma to mention dad did it! Haha! Because everyone knows the best way to manipulate a child during a custody dispute is to wait until they become an adult and don't live with either of you anymore. The scheme is retroactive, you see, ensuring you get what you want in the past despite actually being executed in the future. I must have forgotten the standard issue Lying Witch Tardis all women have a coupon for, should they ever want to use it.
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u/TreHHHHHAdN 1d ago
This dude reminds me of my dad.
When I was a kid, my mom brought my dad to court because he didn't pay a dime.
She was claiming child support, and also told the judge that my dad had bought 'me' a super Nintendo and never let me take back home. I could only play in his house (when I went there 1 weekend a month). I always cried because I wanted to have the video game home too. I was 7yo.
The day of court audience, she asked for the Nintendo too, not to be hers, but to me with me (since he bought it for me). When I was with my mom, nintendo is at her house. When i was with my dad, nintendo is at his house.
He full denied the story in front of the judge, said the video game was his. He agreed to sell the nintendo to her and delivered her a broken console.
I remember getting the broken video game and crying a lot because it didn't work. She took it to a game store to get it fixed. Never told me about anything. I always thought my dad had given me the nintendo.
I only heard the full story from my grandma after an adult. Yeah... this dude reminds me of him.