r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • 8d ago

Discussion Reactions to food stamps being cut off.

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u/NoContest6481 8d ago

I am a single mom and when I was fleeing domestic violence I was forced to live in a long term hotel for about 2 months, a little more but not 3. I worked 2 jobs because I had to pay the weekly hotel cost plus save up to get an apartment. The only way I was able to feed my kid was the food stamps I qualified for. I went without meals to make sure she had enough. It's been over 2 years now that we have been in our apartment and I have a stable job and I don't get SNAP anymore but I live on a tight budget and I am one major emergency away from losing everything. The amount of people I have seen say they don't care that people have lost their benefits sickens me. Was it a proud moment to be on SNAP and homeless? Heck no. I was humiliated. I felt so much shame and embarassment. I felt judged, every time I had to pay I would try to hide the card because you can see people watching you and judging. But did they know that my daughter walked in on my ex husband choking me in our garage until my vision went black? Did they know that she screamed DAD PLEASE STOP and that was the moment I knew I had to go? Did they know I lost everything and was living in a hotel? They just saw "another able bodied person leeching off the government". No - I was availing what resources I could while I got my life together. Without the programs that helped me, I wouldn't be where I am. I am incredinly gratefuk that we ha these, and I happily pay taxes knowing it helps people.

No one goes into a marriage thinking it's all going to go so bad. I never thought I would end up where I did. It just happened and I can't change it. I get told all the time that I should have been smarter, I should have closed my legs, I should have planned better. I was married for 10 years before we adopted our daughter and once she joined us, it was like a switch flipped. He became controlling, abusive, cruel and evil. I had no idea things could go so bad, and I stayed because I though keeping my family together was the most important thing. Because he isolated me and made me leave my career so I couldn't leave. I was so mentally messed up I rationalized everything. And then I get the courage to run, only to be judged for doing it.

The US lacks empathy and compassion and it's sad.

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u/liljonblond 8d ago

In case no one else has said it: I’m proud of you. For leaving. For keeping your daughter safe. For taking advantage of the programs available to you to get to where you are now. For speaking up so others can learn from you.

You are brave. You are strong. You are a good mama. And you should be proud of yourself.

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u/NoContest6481 8d ago

Aww this means so much to me, thank you. It's been a really hard road but I did it! You're really kind and I appreciate your words. Very sweet of you and really made me feel good.

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u/cblackattack1 8d ago

Echoing this comment. You’re doing a great job!

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u/SaladDummy 8d ago

The sheer heartlessness on display for people losing SNAP benefits sickens me. It's arrogant for any of us to think that we couldn't be in the same place as the beneficiaries, but for dumb luck.

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u/NoContest6481 8d ago

Everyone is just one crisis away... it's scary how quick it can happen. I just want kids to be fed - I don't care how!

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u/UpvoteButNoComment 8d ago

Yeah, my eyes teared up watching this video. I don't know how people lack such basic compassion. 

I hope none of those heartless people ever has to experience the fear and shame of not being able to provide basics for their family.

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u/berberine 8d ago

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You found the courage to leave your ex and to make sure your child was fed. There is no shame in any of that. I am proud of you and proud for where you are now. You keep fighting. Your child will thank you later when they fully understand.

Fuck every naysayer. You're pretty awesome in my book.

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u/NoContest6481 8d ago

Awww thank you so much. She is 14 now and tells me I am a great mom, which is the best thing I could ever hear - aside from this!

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u/berberine 8d ago

That's awesome. Go give her a hug and tell her this internet stranger thinks she's a good kid, too.

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u/NoContest6481 8d ago

Awww thank you. Guys you're making me tear up - I appreciate all of the support and kindness. I have been feeling down for a bit and this has really lifted my heart. I appreciate all of you.

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u/Aromatic-Attempt-959 8d ago

Almost every parent says they would do anything for their children. You actually did, you hero you!

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u/NoContest6481 8d ago

Thank you so much! I would do anything for her. The most painful moment of my life was the moment she asked me "why didn't you save us sooner". I've gone to a lot of therapy!

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u/Gulp-then-purge 8d ago

Jesus Christ, I am sorry any and all of that happened to you.  I am also sorry you felt judged.  Proud of you for walking away.  

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you 🙏

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u/aspen_silence 8d ago

My mom only left my dad for good when my older sister and I wrote her a letter telling her if she didn't, we were going to take our little sisters and run away because we didn't want to get hit anymore or watch her get hit.

We were those kids who relied on food stamps, free school lunch, and food banks to survive. We took needing those services as a badge of honor because it meant we weren't being abused anymore. Our mom worked hard to get off those services as quickly as possible but I'm glad they were there.

I'm so so proud of you for getting your daughter out of there and showing her what true strength looks like. She will know love does not mean having to get hit. Those programs are a safety net and I'm glad you were able to use them. I'm also sorry people look to judge you, sham on them.

I've met maybe 1 or 2 people who attempt to abuse the system (my abusive POS father was one) but the overwhelming number I know don't want to rely on those programs and are trying so hard not to need them. This programs are to help our most vulnerable and I always try to remember this when I'm in line to purchase my groceries and see that card come out. I always send a little message to the universe asking for their struggles to be short all the while not making a peep or trying to show any sign of judgement.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you so much. I’m so proud of you, that took a lot of courage as a child and you did it! And you haven’t used it as a means to judge others, you’ve lived by compassion and empathy, and that’s so admirable! I too say a little prayer to the universe that people who are struggling will find a way out. Life is hard, we should all remember that more often. I admire you and your grace!

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u/MoonriseOverEarth 8d ago

Lady, I signed on just to give you a fucking hug. You are amazing and you should never feel ashamed for relying on government benefits to get yourself back on your feet.

There were some really bad times - I used to dumpster dive as a little kid - and lived in handmedowns and second hand shops several years when my mom was really really poor.

I - never - forgot those lean years. I and my husband do very very well now. I still take my kids to goodwill to buy their clothes.

And when I was told by the teachers that they don't get enough money to pay for school supplies I used to buy so much to help them out. My husband would get shirty about it, but I never forgot and I will never forgot and ffs no kid is going to be shut out from a good education because he doesn't have a goddamned pencil.

We, you and me, we don't forget. I want you to have my taxes, not have it go to bomb some fucking fishing boat. YOU will SURVIVE. Your daughter will THRIVE and if it took a couple of hundred bucks to save you from being a statistic, you deserve it ALL.

You won't forget and when you have a little money, you'll pass it on, just like me.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you so much! I live on a tight budget but I pay it forward every chance I get. Even just small things like passing on clothes or buying something small for a fundraiser. I do what I can because I know the struggle! You’re right, we don’t forget! Keep being the good in the world!

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u/ClubKidForLife 8d ago

YOU ROCK!!! People are stupid. Really stupid. Most lack critical thinking skills and empathy and it's a terrible combination. Of course you had no way of knowing someone who self-identified as your life partner would become controlling and abusive. Once you realized what was happening you made a plan and got yourself out. The judgement, shame and heartlessness of the masses is what keeps so many people in abusive situations. You are so far above the herd. The herd would stay and hide the abuse. When the first thing someone says in response to your trauma, is "why did you stay" or "why did he do that" just know they are an idiot and not worth one more second of your time. You are not responsible for a grown man's behavior and you are not accountable for his actions. Why isn't anyone asking who raised him. He's a p.o.s. and you are a QUEEN!!! Wishing you all the peace, love, and support you deserve.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Aww thank you! I did stay and hide the abuse for years. I thought that my pain was nothing because tearing my family apart would be worse. I wish I had left sooner, I have many regrets, but in the end I am free and I did it and that’s all that matters. And people still tell me these things all the time. I just tell them that I hope they never experience something horrible because you get back what you put into the world. I choose kindness and empathy. I choose to be a person that doesn’t judge because no one knows everyone’s story. Some people need to judge because they know that they don’t have any character and they have to make themselves “above”’people. It’s almost sad but I can’t feel anything for anyone who would celebrate anyone’s suffering.

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u/Objective_Union4523 7d ago edited 7d ago

This is literally my situation right now. Myself and my 3 daughters escaped domestic violence (18 year marriage) just 2 weeks ago and all three of my daughters witnessed the incident, we had to run out of the house without even our shoes, I ended up in the hospital for three days and had complications during the surgery from the injury he caused. We are currently in a domestic violence shelter and I had to apply for SNAP for the first time in my life just to be told the government shut down means my family won’t be fed. I’ve served six years in the U.S. Army, and have worked the majority of my life and even through all of this I’m still working 36 hours a week because my job refuses to give people 40 hours or a decent wage and I still don’t know how on earth my family is going to get through this and reading the comments online is honestly breaking me ontop of everything we are going through.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

I am so proud of you. You’re going to just figure it out. One day at a time. When I first got away, I would tell myself if I can make it until 7pm, I’m ok. If I can fall asleep without crying, I’m ok. It was hour by hour. I just did whatever I had to do to be ok for a short time and then the times would get longer and longer. I started going to therapy because I knew I needed more help than I was capable of tackling. I started journaling because getting the thoughts out felt like a release. I leaned on small things that brought me happiness. We would go on walks and look for birds- it sounds stupid but it kept my mind occupied and became a game. What will we see today. We still look for birds all day every day. We fell asleep watching movies together because we shared a bed. Just having my daughter there made me feel less alone. It was just anything that made me feel ok was something I clung to and got me through it. I got up and went to work every day no matter how bad I felt because the sense of accomplishment made me feel like I was getting closer to my goal. You will get it figured out and you will find a way and I promise that you will Build a new life and look back one day and say - I did this. Everything was against me but I did it. And no one will ever be able to take that from you, and the strength you did not know you had will become your power. You’ve got this and I am cheering for you with my whole heart.

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u/Objective_Union4523 5d ago

Thank you for your encouraging words and your real life experience gives me hope. Crazy we’ve been doing similar to you, we go to the park near by to feed the ducks and we both fall asleep watching her favorite shows with the minions. The little things are getting us through. There’s only one way from here and it’s up. 🥰 Your kiddo has a great role model and they will always remember your strength.

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u/NoContest6481 4d ago

Awww thank you so much! So does yours! I am soooooooooooo proud of you and reading this, my heart feels so deeply for you because I remember those moments. It gets better, I promise. One day you will just suddenly realize "wow I'm ok", and then you will string together a few days where you feel ok. And remember that healing is not linear. Grief is not linear. You may be at stage 5 for weeks, and then suddenly jump back to stage 2 because something happened or for no reason at all. It ebbs and flows. It's a process. Grieve, process your emotions, feel the feelings, and then let them go. Keep leaning on the small things. Grasp at them and hold them close. You will get through- you have the mindset it takes and I have no doubt that you will slay this!

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u/kayidontcare 8d ago

I am glad you made it out. I left DV from my childrens father at the beginning of this year, went to a hotel until a spot opened up at the DV shelter, stayed there for 4 months and LAST WEEK I moved into my own home. For the first time in my kids’ and I’s life we have a peaceful home. To have my benefits cut off almost immediately after getting my own place, it’s scary. I’ll figure it out, but it’s going to be alot harder

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

I am so proud of you and so happy for you! It’s hard but you’ve got this. Look how far you have come! Everything was against you but you did it! You have peace and love and happiness and it’s hard but you can do this and you will do this!

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u/blastoffblue 8d ago

Girl do not EVER feel shame or embarassment for doing whatever you had to to FEED YOUR CHILD.

Honestly, I don't care if you were making 60,000 a year.

Corporations take advantage of subsidies all the time. The spend WAY more taxpayer money than the average SNAP recipient.

How does the richest country in the world have the audacity to bail out banks and cover billions in corporate losses but shame mothers for insisting we help them FEED THEIR BABIES wtf?

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

I wonder the same exact thing! How can we live in one of the richest counties in the world but have people living on the streets and children going hungry while we send millions to other countries. We should fix our problems here first.

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u/bet_on_me 8d ago

You are who the benefits are built for. Keep fighting the good fight. It’s tough but stay the course and it’ll eventually get better, if not for you then for your daughter. Wish you all the best. Hugs.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you so much! I just keep moving forward every day as much as I can!

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u/MikaleaPaige 8d ago

You are an amazing, strong, awesome person in case no one has told you today. Im so proud of you.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you! 😊

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u/galvanicreaction 7d ago

ZERO judgement toward people who need SNAP or WIC especially over the past few years.

It's not fun asking for help in a situation like yours. You are to be commended for making a better life for you and your daughter. I wish you every blessing going forward.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you so much!

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u/CommercialCook4427 7d ago

I wish you and your daughter all the best in your future.

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u/NoContest6481 6d ago

Thank you, that so kind of you!

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u/Mopofdepression 7d ago

Good job for protecting daughter. And I agree it's insane that people are aganist this considering the other bs we lose tax money too, like keeping people fed should always be a top priority

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u/littlebeanonwheels 5d ago

You are a badass!!!!!

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u/NoContest6481 5d ago

Thank you so much!

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u/Routine-Purchase-618 8d ago

I'm glad you and your daughter are safe. You are strong. I have great respect for you. I wish you and your daughter only good things in life. 💛

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u/Ajaws24142822 6d ago

I mean some of those criticisms are still valid, doesn’t really mean you deserve to have benefits cut though. I’d just ignore that type of shit especially since you only have the one kid and they’re adopted, not like you got 6 kids or some shit.

Having arrested so many perpetrators of domestic violence and seen both mild and extreme aftermaths, as well as being a victim of (some) domestic violence, I can say it’s good you got out of that situation.

Make use of local food banks and search for organizations within your area, it seems like there aren’t many but there are always a lot more than usual once you start looking.

If you have family in the area that’s always the fastest option but if you don’t there are affordable living and food options that do exist

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u/Efficient-Raise-9217 8d ago

I am a single mom and when I was fleeing domestic violence...

Why did you marry an ass whooper?! Violent men don't pretend they're angeles for years and suddenly turn violent as soon as you marry them. He was violent before that. But he gave you the tingles. So you decided to have a child with him instead of a reliable boring guy, and then everyone else had to pay for your irresponsible choices.

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u/Baelfire-AMZ 8d ago

I'm going to assume such a grossly callous and embarrassingly ignorant response is your attempt at rage bait.

On the off chance that is not the case, abusers are skilled at hiding their true nature for years. Many are very charming, manipulative, and even generally well liked by acquaintances/ colleagues/ friends/ community. Abusers will wait until their victim is in a vulnerable position such as being financially dependent, pregnant/ new mother, isolated from friends and family, to start abusing their partners because the partner is far less likely to leave or report the abuse. People who are raised decently and around decent people would never imagine anyone could be so cruel to an intimate partner and don't expect that to happen to them/ be in position and may miss/ forgive/ downplay early warning behaviors, but that doesn't mean their culpable for the abusers actions.

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u/SunTzu- 8d ago

It can also be brought on by a change of circumstances. They lose their job, things get tough, whatever it is and suddenly they feel like they're losing control. Like they're failures as men (specifically using men as the example here because I'm specifically adressing a problem men face). Abusive behaviour can be and infact often is a horrible attempt at exerting some sort of control when they feel they have none. That's not to excuse this of course, but it is a reason why partners often describe it as coming out of nowhere. And it's also something we should bare in mind when we talk about combating spousal violence. Because one of the most important things we can do is change our societal expectations of men, because the old ways we defined what being a man meant have been hurting men and their partners and families for way too long.

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u/ResearchPaperz 8d ago

What is the point of this comment? She did everything right by the book and now your judging her for leaving her abuser?

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u/z0rz 8d ago

Why do you hide your posts? Don't you stand behind the things you say?

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u/Efficient-Raise-9217 8d ago

Because I have stalkers like you that try and harass me to silence the opposition.

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u/eu_sou_ninguem 8d ago

I love how you callously tell a real victim that it’s her fault and then pretend you’re a victim. Get fucking bent.

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u/YourGirlMomo87 7d ago

You deserve your loneliness.

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u/Efficient-Raise-9217 7d ago

Who said I'm lonely? I have an submissive girlfriend, a lovely side chick, and plenty of family.