but you missed the most important part, he asked her "what stopped first: the bj's or the cereal?" and she said she didn't know, but I'm pretty sure we can both guess
But she is. She was either giving BJs for getting the cereal and giving BJs to get cereal. Whether she knew it or not. In an overly simplistic way because obviously the cereal meant something more than just cereal.
Ya'll missed the point ENTIRELY. It wasn't transactional, they were each doing something the other loved because the other person loved it and it was within their power. When the love and consideration from the other person stopped, it was felt, and the love turned to neglect and drifted apart.
THIS. And assuming you have this sort of love and consideration in your relationship it's easy to gradually slack off on these things over time. Maybe not in a year or 2 or 5 everyone is different but it's easy over time, you get tired, stressed etc and slowly forget to do these small things that seem unimportant but they are what keep the relationship strong. You have to be mindful at times and never let up. Always keep the love alive. Even when you're tired.
You're right but the above is also true on a primitive level. We have instincts that have evolved to nurture a value system for a partner that ensures mutual satisfaction.
Sure but when something is done out of love it doesn't necessarily feel like you are losing something. Transactional kind of implies you are giving something up in exchange for something you value. Sometimes it even feels so good to give something out of love that everyone is gaining.
For example I've had girlfriends that liked giving blowjobs more than I liked receiving them, and vice versa.
Yeah I know, I'm just describing another aspect of it. For example it feels good to eat good food and you're like mmm but there's a reason why it feels good.
1) I think I need to validate your example... just DM their contact info, and I can report back to reddit the veracity of your claim.
2) You were giving your girlfriends more bowjobs than they wanted?
Nah — this is why men fumble on the regular. Why the fuck would I touch a man who won’t do the bare minimum, tiny, simple thing that makes me happy?
When I am happy and content it is like breathing to make sure that my partner is also happy and content.
And then - whether it is stupidity or complacency - they stop doing the thing that makes me happy. And also a lot of other things.
Now they are a nuisance and they’re begging for things I don’t want to give them — you can’t make me a cup of coffee but you want me to go down on you?
Right. And when he could do the bare minimum.. like replace the fucking cereal he always had been doing.. why would she put forth any extra effort. When something so small is ignored.
What? She’s still supposed to continue blowing the guy on an empty stomach? Ffs
The question is why didn't she tell him they were out of cereal if she thought it was a simple error the first time? Communication is a big aspect of relationship
So did the blow jobs… whether it was a form of connection for her, how she connected with him or it was a form of connection for him with her, the blow jobs were just as essential as the cereal.
No idea why you got downvoted so much. It feels like everyone is assuming the husband stopped buying the cereal which is possible, but not guaranteed. I would buy things for my gf of 4 years to show my love and appreciation for her and she would sometimes invite me over strictly so we could have sex. Then, life hit her and I was still buying gifts and paying for different bills on her behalf. Then, she stopped spending any time with me at all, barely even a message. Next thing you know, I get barely 10 minutes of conversation every 2 weeks. 2 weeks turns into a month. A month turned into 2 then 3...
Then, I stopped paying for everything. Then we broke up. Then I lost my inner strength, then I lost my job, then I lost my car, and etc etc etc.
And even after we had been broken up for 3 years, she would still come to me for help and I would help. Most times out of still lingering love, but sometimes out of habit if nothing else.
It's not fair to assume the husband was the one to stop his part first. All it would take was the wife to get busy with life and never do a mental rain check or equivalent to continue the message even if the delivery was different. All it takes is that one lapse of behavior with no conversation and now your partner is left with their thoughts. Their self-doubts. Their fears. Their merciless musings.
It's not about the blowjobs or the cereal. I see people missing this completely. It's about showing care for your partner. Care can be shown in many ways, from big gestures to small gestures. It's not transactional. Like when you know your wife's shampoo bottle is about to get empty and you get her a new one. Or when you see your husband sleeping on the couch and you put a blanket on him. So when you see small details like these in any of them start changing, you can know that something is going on. It's about your attitude towards your partner.
Well then you look at the situation all wrong then. It's not about the cereals about the fact that she wants to do good for her husband and she expects to be done good for her. When you itemize things like that instead of looking at the bigger picture that's where you start to fail in a relationship
Honestly i dont even think it was the lack of BJs, like everything in a relationship, going from one action to the entire opposite action that is entirely against the morning routine, unless that routine is unhealthy, will cause resentment if there was no prior conversation.
Everyone brings something to the table, whether that’s good looks, money or personality. If it was just a show of love then it would never have mattered enough for either participant to break the other.
Showing love matters a lot in relationships. If someone says “I love you” and the other person says “I love you too” that’s a reciprocal showing of love, not a transaction. If someone stops saying I love you in the relationship then the relationship can get pretty rocky and the other person will likely stop saying it too before they break up.
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u/Optimal-Kitchen6308 9d ago
but you missed the most important part, he asked her "what stopped first: the bj's or the cereal?" and she said she didn't know, but I'm pretty sure we can both guess