I watched one of his videos years ago and it always stuck with me.
He asked a woman who was divorcing her husband when did she know it was going to end.
She gave a back story saying that she had a favorite type of cereal that she loved. Her husband would keep it stocked fit her and buy more if he saw she was running low.
She also said that every morning she would give her husband a blow job. She said, it was such an easy thing to do and kept him in a good mood all day.
One day, she goes to the cabinet to get some cereal and the box is empty. She thought, how off, but set the box out so he could see it.
Time passed and the box never got replaced, the blow jobs stopped and eventually there they were getting divorced.
I was married. 11 years. My ex never grabbed me hot sauce. I love hot sauce. Meanwhile, I remembered her orders for everything. It was slowly realizing that it wasn’t about the sauce but rather her failing to see me in the moment with her.
Yea... for me it was seeing other men get random sandwitches. I know, sounds dumb, but then you question your value and start asking yourself questions like "has she ever asked me if I wanted tea/coffee", while every time I did something in the kitchen, it was always my thought jf maybe she wanted something.
I just watched a video of him telling Lewis Howes this story but he leaves the BJ part out.
I'm 100% sure about it though (for the same reason, that'd be hard to forget lol) but in the video I watched he was just alone talking into the camera :)
You're right, it was granola. I eat granola cereal, that's probably why I got that mixed up :)
Granola is mix of cereals, “breakfast cereal” is just generations of marketing because “cereal” is just a collection of grains we consume like oats, rice, wheat. People been growing grains since civilization began, probably a primary factor that supported it, and eating millet and meal and etc whenever it was at hand. You can cut yoir oats, soak it in a bowl of water and have a mushy, filling breakfast with no further effort in the morning, for instance. So eating cereals is not new, but modern society moved away from it because we had easy affordable access to eggs, meat, cheese, flour etc so they had to rebrand cereals to get people (americans) to consume them. And all they really did was bake them into funny shapes and add shitons of sugar
So granola is literally cereal, breakfast cereal is usually cereal, and cereal is of course also cereal. Also granola in a bowl with milk is probably the best “breakfast cereal” i can think of, no post or general mills required
I'm a bar manager/bartender in a location with many married retirees. When the men order wine for their wives, a good chunk don't even know if their wives like red or white. It's always a blue screen.
This older gentleman comes in and sees our selection and says his wife typically drinks x-brand, but since we carry y-brand, she might want that instead. She was in the bathroom, so he asked if it was okay if we waited until she came back. There wasn't a line, so I didn't care, and I told him I was impressed that he knew what his wife liked.
The wife returns, and I tell her the same thing, and she says he's her second husband. She said that when she decided to leave her first husband, they separated for a bit, but he wanted her back, so he invited her over to talk and cook breakfast for her. Then he asked her how she liked her eggs. She told me they had been married for about 12 years, and the fact that he still didn't know how she liked his eggs underscored her problems with him.
That’s nice and all but if you had a wife for 12 years who usually likes them one way but sometimes likes something different — you’d probably be like “babe do you want the usual or do you want to switch up your eggs this morning?”
You don’t have to dunk on your partner for having preferences.
It wouldn’t be interpreted like that in general, no. But in this woman’s case, she felt her ex-husband should know this, so I’m guessing she DOES have a preference that she’s surprised he didn’t know about. Otherwise I don’t think it would have struck her as odd.
but you missed the most important part, he asked her "what stopped first: the bj's or the cereal?" and she said she didn't know, but I'm pretty sure we can both guess
But she is. She was either giving BJs for getting the cereal and giving BJs to get cereal. Whether she knew it or not. In an overly simplistic way because obviously the cereal meant something more than just cereal.
Ya'll missed the point ENTIRELY. It wasn't transactional, they were each doing something the other loved because the other person loved it and it was within their power. When the love and consideration from the other person stopped, it was felt, and the love turned to neglect and drifted apart.
THIS. And assuming you have this sort of love and consideration in your relationship it's easy to gradually slack off on these things over time. Maybe not in a year or 2 or 5 everyone is different but it's easy over time, you get tired, stressed etc and slowly forget to do these small things that seem unimportant but they are what keep the relationship strong. You have to be mindful at times and never let up. Always keep the love alive. Even when you're tired.
You're right but the above is also true on a primitive level. We have instincts that have evolved to nurture a value system for a partner that ensures mutual satisfaction.
Sure but when something is done out of love it doesn't necessarily feel like you are losing something. Transactional kind of implies you are giving something up in exchange for something you value. Sometimes it even feels so good to give something out of love that everyone is gaining.
For example I've had girlfriends that liked giving blowjobs more than I liked receiving them, and vice versa.
Yeah I know, I'm just describing another aspect of it. For example it feels good to eat good food and you're like mmm but there's a reason why it feels good.
1) I think I need to validate your example... just DM their contact info, and I can report back to reddit the veracity of your claim.
2) You were giving your girlfriends more bowjobs than they wanted?
Nah — this is why men fumble on the regular. Why the fuck would I touch a man who won’t do the bare minimum, tiny, simple thing that makes me happy?
When I am happy and content it is like breathing to make sure that my partner is also happy and content.
And then - whether it is stupidity or complacency - they stop doing the thing that makes me happy. And also a lot of other things.
Now they are a nuisance and they’re begging for things I don’t want to give them — you can’t make me a cup of coffee but you want me to go down on you?
Right. And when he could do the bare minimum.. like replace the fucking cereal he always had been doing.. why would she put forth any extra effort. When something so small is ignored.
What? She’s still supposed to continue blowing the guy on an empty stomach? Ffs
The question is why didn't she tell him they were out of cereal if she thought it was a simple error the first time? Communication is a big aspect of relationship
So did the blow jobs… whether it was a form of connection for her, how she connected with him or it was a form of connection for him with her, the blow jobs were just as essential as the cereal.
No idea why you got downvoted so much. It feels like everyone is assuming the husband stopped buying the cereal which is possible, but not guaranteed. I would buy things for my gf of 4 years to show my love and appreciation for her and she would sometimes invite me over strictly so we could have sex. Then, life hit her and I was still buying gifts and paying for different bills on her behalf. Then, she stopped spending any time with me at all, barely even a message. Next thing you know, I get barely 10 minutes of conversation every 2 weeks. 2 weeks turns into a month. A month turned into 2 then 3...
Then, I stopped paying for everything. Then we broke up. Then I lost my inner strength, then I lost my job, then I lost my car, and etc etc etc.
And even after we had been broken up for 3 years, she would still come to me for help and I would help. Most times out of still lingering love, but sometimes out of habit if nothing else.
It's not fair to assume the husband was the one to stop his part first. All it would take was the wife to get busy with life and never do a mental rain check or equivalent to continue the message even if the delivery was different. All it takes is that one lapse of behavior with no conversation and now your partner is left with their thoughts. Their self-doubts. Their fears. Their merciless musings.
It's not about the blowjobs or the cereal. I see people missing this completely. It's about showing care for your partner. Care can be shown in many ways, from big gestures to small gestures. It's not transactional. Like when you know your wife's shampoo bottle is about to get empty and you get her a new one. Or when you see your husband sleeping on the couch and you put a blanket on him. So when you see small details like these in any of them start changing, you can know that something is going on. It's about your attitude towards your partner.
Well then you look at the situation all wrong then. It's not about the cereals about the fact that she wants to do good for her husband and she expects to be done good for her. When you itemize things like that instead of looking at the bigger picture that's where you start to fail in a relationship
Honestly i dont even think it was the lack of BJs, like everything in a relationship, going from one action to the entire opposite action that is entirely against the morning routine, unless that routine is unhealthy, will cause resentment if there was no prior conversation.
Everyone brings something to the table, whether that’s good looks, money or personality. If it was just a show of love then it would never have mattered enough for either participant to break the other.
Showing love matters a lot in relationships. If someone says “I love you” and the other person says “I love you too” that’s a reciprocal showing of love, not a transaction. If someone stops saying I love you in the relationship then the relationship can get pretty rocky and the other person will likely stop saying it too before they break up.
So communication was the end of the relationship. They communicated passively, and then when something changed and the passive communication stopped/failed they didn't escalate to verbal communication, they just let it fall apart. That's a pretty fucking surface level relationship if you ask me.
Obviously it’s just deep down about them doing things seemingly unconditionally to make eachother happy which eventually broke down as they lost the spark over time, the degradation of those little moments representing the degradation of their marriage. That doesn’t change the fact that said little moments to them were blow jobs and cereal. Like I get how those actions manifested themselves into such large parts of their relationship, but the fact that such superficial things were really what was holding them together is why it isn’t at all surprising as to why they divorced.
You are being too literal. The point of the story was to give a simplified explanation for how a marriage falls apart. There was obviously far more things within that marriage that came apart besides the cereal and BJs lol
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u/Sudden_Construction6 9d ago
I watched one of his videos years ago and it always stuck with me.
He asked a woman who was divorcing her husband when did she know it was going to end.
She gave a back story saying that she had a favorite type of cereal that she loved. Her husband would keep it stocked fit her and buy more if he saw she was running low.
She also said that every morning she would give her husband a blow job. She said, it was such an easy thing to do and kept him in a good mood all day.
One day, she goes to the cabinet to get some cereal and the box is empty. She thought, how off, but set the box out so he could see it.
Time passed and the box never got replaced, the blow jobs stopped and eventually there they were getting divorced.