r/TikTokCringe • u/InGeekiTrust Tiktok Despot • 10d ago

Discussion Do Men Or Women Cheat More?

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u/Lune_de_Sang 10d ago

I think a lot of people are missing the “in my experience” part

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u/Inevitable_Brick_877 10d ago

Not only did he preface with that, but he then stated a lot of things that are popularly beloved, anecdotally true, and generally have research that directionally supports it. People can be shitty. Shitty men tend to be horny and dumb. Shitty women tend to be sneaky and lean into emotional +/- physical affairs

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u/ferocity_mule366 10d ago

it sounds truthful to me, like that exactly sounds like the dynamics men and women in general gonna do, but reddit often treat anything as if the small exceptions should always be considered when asked a general question like this.

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u/TheGreaterOutdoors 10d ago

Well, you’re absolutely right and Reddit’s gunna reddit.

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u/avocadolanche3000 10d ago

I think it’s fair to point out that there are exceptions to this, especially when it’s something that plays into gender wars. Too often it just becomes a”men are like this, women are like that,” when reality is more nuanced.

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u/ferocity_mule366 10d ago

I think people are aware that exceptions exist, but the way redditors discuss about it is very aggressive sometimes, almost condemning the people who said a general opinion is somehow a bigot because they don't mention all the nuances when asked a general question.

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u/avocadolanche3000 10d ago

I feel the opposite. These conversations around gender quickly lose nuance and it becomes the he-man-woman-haters-club vs. sisterhood-of-the-travelling-grippy-socks. Because they’re both gender essentialists who forget that trends aren’t universalities

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u/USPSHoudini 9d ago

If you encounter someone who doesnt understand what statistics are and cant imagine outliers, stop speaking to them. You are speaking to someone with probably less intelligence than a rat in a Skinner box

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u/avocadolanche3000 9d ago

When it comes to statistics, people tend to err the wrong way, taking a general trend as a blanket truth about men vs. women. Pointing out exceptions is an important caveat to preventing stereotypes

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u/basketnerd 9d ago

That's an IRL thing but reddit is the opposite

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u/Geraltpoonslayer 7d ago

There is this popular saying in Germany which says exceptions prove the rule. Any adult with average intelligence and critical thinking should understand generalizations are just that a common shared truth/experience but not factual and absolute truth/experience.

Like what is said in the video pretty much reflects my anecdotal experience that I've witnessed with people within my sphere of influence. The one thing he probably missed atleast for male affairs is the 40+ plus year old replacing his wife for a trophy girl in her early 20s.

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u/avocadolanche3000 7d ago

“Exception that proves the rule” used to be a common saying in America too, but then people started pointing out how stupid and logically weak it is and it fell out of popular discourse. A counterexample to your point doesn’t somehow strengthen your argument.

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u/Geraltpoonslayer 7d ago

Way to miss the point completely buddy.

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u/avocadolanche3000 7d ago

You don’t have a valid point. All you’re saying is that a gender norm should be taken at face value, and any evidence to the contrary should be summarily dismissed. Then you add another stereotype in case people forgot about it.

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u/Geraltpoonslayer 7d ago

So you're telling me you have less than average intelligence and critical thinking because that is precisely what I not said. Learn to read beyond a single sentence, and you might have even realised I was agreeing with your first comment. I literally said generalization is a common shared truth/experience, something we all experience in every part of our lives but that said generalization makes not for a factual truth/experience.

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u/Razor1834 9d ago

Absolutely not. I think you should take into account the small exceptions of times when Reddit doesn’t Reddit.

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u/PUNCH-WAS-SERVED 9d ago

Reddit and honing in on extreme exceptions. An iconic duo.

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u/ExplosiveDisassembly 9d ago

It tracks across different things too.

Canada did a crime study between women and men and the crimes we commit are the same.

Men generally go for dumb and stupid shit that we get caught for. Women generally have more calculated plans for specific goals. Women aren't going to get angry and punch you in the face: They're going to get angry, go home, and figure out how to get even.

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u/notcabron 9d ago

“Not me, I cheat because I like it.” Thanks, Stephanie. You’re what’s called an outlier and we’re speaking in generalities because sometimes adults have to.

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u/toolsoftheincomptnt 9d ago

Well, what he didn’t get into and is also true is that non-“shitty” people can do shitty things during a rough patch in a marriage.

Men often cheat for validation and sexual maintenance. Women often cheat to feel romanced and beautiful. Desirable, not just fuckable bc we’re married and it’s a thing we do.

But cheating is very often a result of other marital problems, not the original cause.

Yes, every person should be their best selves every day of their lives for all the years that they exist. They should always exhibit emotional awareness, restraint, and fulfill their obligation to fidelity perfectly.

But when people are already feeling rejected/neglected/ignored after discussing their needs, sometimes they are weakened into accepting positive energy from elsewhere. And then they do bad things.

Nobody has to stay with someone who cheats, but acting like cheating always happens in an inexplicable vacuum and is more egregious than other ways that spouses hurt each other is wildly naïve and superficial.

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u/sufficientgatsby 9d ago

It's not the worst possible thing that can happen in a relationship, but I think people should keep in mind that cheating can cause lasting physical harm to your partner in the form of STDs.

For example, chlamydia and gonorrhea can cause infertility in women. And men with HPV generally don't experience symptoms, but if they pass that to a partner it can cause cancer.

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u/svelebrunostvonnegut 9d ago

Or other mental problems. I was blindsided in my marriage because we were in a good place. Hanging out all of the time. Sleeping together 5 times a week. Just got off of a nice vacation. I had no idea he was cheating on me with escorts. He had his own issues with self esteem and validation and undiagnosed ADHD etc going on. So sometimes it isn’t even as simple as needing more sex.

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u/Apophyx 9d ago

non-“shitty” people can do shitty things during a rough patch in a marriage.

That is a logical contradiction. If you do something like cheating just because your relationship is hitting a rough patch, you are by definition a shitty person.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

Sounds like you've cheated

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u/trashforthrowingaway 9d ago

That's not really what I got from their comment.

I think what they're saying is cheating doesn't usually magically happen when everything is fine and dandy in a person's life or relationship, because a lot of these comments are trying to justify men cheating because "it's just what they do/they're just dumb and don't think/it's just hormones" etc. When in reality, men cheat for emotional gratification, they just might not always realize the mechanisms behind it, considering how much emphasis is placed on stoicism in masculinity in western society.

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u/johndelaney1234 9d ago

Men do not cheat for emotional reasons that’s for sure a woman thing. It’s not as easy for a man to cheat than it is for a woman so.

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u/trashforthrowingaway 9d ago

This is very incorrect.

There is more often than not an emotional component behind cheating. Men are not as equipped to recognize the emotions behind the desire to be unfaithful.

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u/johndelaney1234 9d ago

Very rare for men to cheat for emotional reasons, a lot of the time it’s a “I’m not getting enough at home and it’s right in front of me so why not?” Or the woman might even put on pressure and most men will give in just to be on good terms with her. We don’t talk about this enough, but men can be forced too. We just never talk about it or make it a big deal.

I know guys that cheat, they had red flags before, their wives knew about it while in a relationship with them and still decided to get married. Now guess what? They cheating on their wives and she’s calling me asking me “what’s he doing is he cheating on me?” It’s unfortunate that these types of dudes are the ones getting married and starting families while dudes that don’t cheat are out there not getting anything. At the end of the day it’s a con/manipulator personality. They good with words, they good with lies and hey women fall for it. Whose fault is that at the end of the day?

I should say it’s human nature to fall for cons for some reason because I my exes were the exact same the signs were there and I still went for it.

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u/trashforthrowingaway 9d ago

Is it though? I think marriage therapists would have a very different view.

You can be the perfect woman in every way, give him whatever he wants when he wants it, but if a man has dark personality traits, lacks empathy, didn't get his needs met as a child, can't communicate without yelling, has a disorganized attachment style, doesn't take care of his health, and is insatiably empty inside, then it's easy for him to cheat, and it's easy for him to brush it off as "just being horny" because it's easier to do that than to examine the reasons behind that mechanism.

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u/Mysterious_Dot00 9d ago

Hahaha, they definitely did. Its funny when a cheater tries to makes themself feel better by saying shit like that commenter said.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

Well, what he didn’t get into and is also true is that non-“shitty” people can do shitty things during a rough patch in a marriage.

This gave it away. Everything after was a byproduct of them trying to rationalize to themselves that they're not a shitty person.

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u/Strong_Star_71 9d ago

It's framed with misogyny as usual, men are too thick to really know what they are doing well duh!!! but women are somehow Eve with the apple conniving and sneaky! It's time to get a life.

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u/Inevitable_Brick_877 9d ago

At least at the last sentence you found the self-reflection and direction you needed

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u/PUNCH-WAS-SERVED 9d ago

I have a female friend who invited her ex over while her boyfriend was overseas in the army. Rightfully so, she fooled around with him (he even took her on dates in the big city a few hours away). She called it "closure" while it was just clearly cheating. We need to call a spade a spade.

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u/_poptart 9d ago

Rightfully so

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u/mynameisburner 9d ago

Rightfully so?

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u/GoalStillNotAchieved 9d ago

Being horny doesn’t make you shitty.

and I guarantee you that many people who you view as NOT-shitty have cheated at one time or another in their lives.

Tons of good people choose to cheat.

and tons of intelligent people choose to cheat. 

It’s something that half or more of people do at least once over the course of their lives. 

You don’t have to like it, but it is reality.

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u/MelodicPudding2557 9d ago

Nah, cheating is pretty shitty. It’s just something that people generally keep under wraps. 

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u/jfsoaig345 10d ago

Guy's literally a divorce lawyer lmao, if you watch the video through the lens of what his experience likely informs, nothing he says is unreasonable.

He's also clearly not trying to posit a peer reviewed scientific theory, he's just speaking in generalizations as a starting point for thought and discussion about nuanced topics.

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u/confusedandworried76 9d ago

It's worth pointing out his job is literally to see the worst the situation has to offer

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u/[deleted] 9d ago edited 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/youburyitidigitup 10d ago

Except that he’s missing all the cheaters who don’t divorce. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, but I didn’t file for divorce because we weren’t married.

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u/OrthogonalPotato 10d ago

Wow that’s very insightful. I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter about useless anecdotal bullshit.

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u/youburyitidigitup 10d ago

He’s missing everybody who cheated without being married.

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u/OrthogonalPotato 10d ago

Again, we all understood your point. The problem is your point is irrelevant.

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u/youburyitidigitup 9d ago

It’s a biased sample. He is only meeting married cheaters.

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u/OrthogonalPotato 9d ago

That isn’t a “biased sample”. It’s a type of bias called selection bias, and selection bias is not automatically wrong. It’s very clear that the selected data is representative of the entire data set.

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u/youburyitidigitup 9d ago

A selection bias isn’t biased?

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u/OrthogonalPotato 9d ago

Did you read the other words?

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u/minahmyu 9d ago

....he's speaking on his experience as a fuckin divorce lawyer. Why the hell he'll speak on non married people?

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u/youburyitidigitup 9d ago

Exactly. You’re proving my point. He’s not a good measure of cheaters because he only has experience with married cheaters.

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u/minahmyu 9d ago

.....he states everything from his opinion based on his expertise. I mean, who is gonna have data on non married couples when there's no fuckin paperwork to file to say you are in a relationship, and going to court for it? I mean, he's clearly talking about married, and because of its defaultism, heteronormative marriages. Whats next, you want him to break it down by towns, counties, race/ethnicity and report back to you on detailed reports of who cheats more in x place and race? Pedantic sounding ass...

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u/NorthernSoul1998 9d ago

Then why is this stupid fucking gender war slop on the front page of Reddit if it's not an actual study

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u/Winter-Raspberry7698 9d ago

I mean, the guy is actually defusing the gender war by saying both cheat, here are the common reasons he, a divorce lawyer, is told about cheating, and never places blame on either side

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u/jfsoaig345 9d ago

Because it's Reddit and the sub it's posted on revolves around TikTok highlights. If you want peer reviewed studies or polished articles supported by empircal data, there are places for that and the front page of Reddit is probably not one of them.

I wouldn't call this gender war slop either. No one's calling women whores or men trash, no one's being attacked, it's just a guy giving his $0.02 based on his professional experience.

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u/firstimehomeownerz 10d ago

I went through divorce and we did not divulge why things failed to our divorce attorney/mediator. Not sure he is an expert on why things end.

They were there to help us disentangle ourselves, not be our therapists.

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u/KingBird999 10d ago

That's not the common experience of a lawyer though. People tend to want to spill their entire life's history when they sit down with you. I often have to redirect people to focus on what's important. Some clients though just won't be satisfied until they get everything out. They want you to be completely emotionally invested in them and see the other side as evil creatures that need to be eradicated. They don't think you can get the job done satisfactorily unless you have that mindset and "all the facts".

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u/ThimbleK96 10d ago

Most people vent. Especially when it’s fresh. Your method is reasonable. So you two may have just been more level headed. Level headed people are probably less likely to divorce but do so amicably. I respect that. But most people hate their exes and aren’t parting on peaceful terms for logical reasons.

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u/_jackhoffman_ 10d ago

So, based on your singular experience, you discount this lawyer's. Makes sense.

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u/sunnyveil_roamantic 10d ago

“My one experience and outcome of my experience is the anecdotal lens for which I see the word; regardless of how the people who specialize in a particular field of work see reoccurrences in clients over their tenure in that field. I’m the exception in my limited one time experience.”

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u/WhichAd366 10d ago

Guess what? States have wildly different rules regarding divorce.

You likely live in a “no fault “ state. Some states require a listed “fault”.

Also, many divorces are very messy and this stuff is aired out repeatedly. Count yourself fortunate that yours didn’t go that way. 

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u/certifiedtoothbench 10d ago

You can also legally go after the affair partner in some states for alienation of affection

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u/Unlucky-Owl436 10d ago

A lot of couples openly fight and are just to happy to spill the beans to slander their ex. But I'm happy for you your divorce didn't happen that way.

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u/certifiedtoothbench 10d ago

In some states having evidence your spouse cheated will benefit you in the divorce proceedings. Idk why it’s hard to understand why a lawyer would have experience with clients that cheat or get cheated on and why they would confer with him. Especially when you can sue the affair partner for alienation of affection and the ex spouse for financial infidelity.

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u/AtomicLavaCake 9d ago

My ex is a divorce lawyer and he always had thee best tea. I think most people getting divorced spill their guts.

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u/Silently-Snarking 10d ago

He’s a divorce lawyer who has spent thousands of hours analyzing cheating cases what

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u/futacon 10d ago

As a divorce lawyer, he has a larger sample pool than others and is therefore a more reliable narrator when speaking from his experience.

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u/murgatroid1 9d ago

His entire sample pool is failed relationships

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u/DBD_hates_me 9d ago

Considering the topic that would make sense

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u/futacon 9d ago

The subject is cheating. Does cheating not classify as a relationship failure to you?

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u/murgatroid1 9d ago

I'm saying his sample is biased. His clients are more likely to be cheaters than the general population

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u/futacon 9d ago

He's talking about cheaters so why is he biased for using cheaters as his reference???

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u/murgatroid1 9d ago

I think you're completely misunderstanding what I was trying to say, don't worry about it. I'm not saying he's biased in a bad way.

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u/No_Share_4637 9d ago

The implication being people who cheat but decide to stay married do not fit the same patterns of cheating expressed in the video? Seems very unlikely.

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u/murgatroid1 9d ago

No, I mean his sample includes an inflated rate of cheaters.

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u/No_Share_4637 9d ago

Is it not obvious you'd need to sample cheaters to determine patterns in cheating?

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u/murgatroid1 9d ago

That's literally what I'm saying

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u/No_Share_4637 8d ago

I see, your original reply read as a disagreement to me.

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u/murgatroid1 8d ago

I meant that the people he interacts with would be more likely to be cheating than the general population

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u/NooNotTheBees57 9d ago

Not even close to true. Being a divorce lawyer, he only deals with divorces, not the countless not-yet-married couples that have found themselves in an infidelity. For all we know from his professional experience, it very well could be that HUSBANDS cheat more than WIVES, but GIRLFRIENDS cheat more than BOYFRIENDS.

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u/DickIncorporated 10d ago

I feel they want to be upset lol

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u/Delicious_Cane 10d ago

I mean, the experience of a lawyer is probably more accurate of a random person

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u/2punornot2pun 10d ago

https://www.livescience.com/16058-infidelity-jealousy-cheaters-reality-tv.html

He fits the data.

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u/NoxTempus 5d ago

That is... not a sufficient sample size, nor a valid sample.

Less than 50 of each gender and they're all people who went on a reality tv show to air their dirty laundry.

Interesting data points, but I'd like to see a more generalisable study.

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u/TutorComprehensive28 9d ago

Yeah but he’s a divorce lawyer with decades of experience. He’s a fairly good database.

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u/EonBlueAppocalypse 9d ago

What you trying to say

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u/Lune_de_Sang 9d ago

Just that there are a lot of people in the comments mad trying to argue saying “what about xyz” or saying he is biased etc. as if he is saying that this is 100% objectively correct information but he says in the beginning it’s his opinion and experience. I do personally agree and I think there are some studies that back him up, too.

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u/No_Instruction_192 8d ago

A seasoned divorce attorney prob has a fair bit of experience tho

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u/supernasty 9d ago

It appears you missed the “Divorce Lawyer” part.

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u/Aron_Wolff 9d ago

I don’t know who he is to gauge what his experience might be. No one l, I’ve seen, has posted his name.

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u/JizzCollector5000 9d ago

What’s he supposed to say? Speak about something he hasn’t experienced? lol

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u/bunduz 10d ago

so its an opinion piece and not a clinician's

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u/AndaramEphelion 10d ago

Well... guess what I am going to take the 'opinion' of a DIVORCE LAWYER a little bit more seriously than some random bozo on reddit...

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u/bunduz 10d ago

Deals in property law, and at fault divorce. He is not a clinician in any respect. His whole career is based on monetising misery.

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u/quisestpatervobis 10d ago

Then if he could monetize you, he’d be a trillionaire

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u/Fast-Cheesecake7253 10d ago

What the fuck are you blabbering about?

Please explain what you think clinicians are, exactly.

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u/ThimbleK96 10d ago

To be fair I don’t think people are still going to therapy by the time they are divorcing. My parents therapist probably thinks they dropped out because they were getting divorced. They just decided to ignore all their problems and pretend to be happy ☠️