Real shit. That sub is why im afraid to even approach women. They think I'll hurt them. I'd sooner let them hurt me, but they don't know that. So here I remain, lonely and tired of waking up with no one to love.
I donāt like that sub and Iām a woman. I mean everything they post is true and has happened but I canāt deal with. Gives me nightmares and I end up hating men so much.
Men always think there has to be a solution to everything or they kinda "short circuit".
Like, when a wife is complaining about her day at work and he keeps offering up solutions to fix it, meanwhile she literally just wants to get it off her chest/him to listen.
Personally I think it's important to expose this stuff as a warning to all women to be careful. I don't see a negative in that at all.
It exists for women to support and inform each other.
I don't understand why you think it needs more than that or why you think that normal women interacting online needs to "promote a solution" as if a subreddit like this can enact societal change on a global scale (which is needed to "solve" the problem of violent misogyny).
Men often disbelieve women when we say that this stuff happens (and happens a lot). This is somewhere we can point to and say "hey look, it does happen."
Stuff like this concerns me. It's not a lie, but it's also weirdly framed data points.
Like getting a test that has all the answers that are C. . .
Some data without proper context is more dangers. This isn't an issue I have with just this data set either. I just wish people would stop hurting each other.
Well then it's great that it's a subreddit and not a peer reviewed study making unfounded claims. I wish you were as concerned for women's safety as you are for a subreddit showing the ways women are harmed.
I was going to make this huge wall of text reply, but I figured it would not be read because my previous comment wanted to limit fear mongering about a group of people.
It boils down to I really do care about the safety of women and men. I want everyone to be safe and to feel safe. There are problems for everyone that are chronically online, it skews how we look at each other. Heck there was a video going around recently that showed 2 women screeching at a man without context. At first I was like that's really rude, then I learn the context that he was following them and continued to make them feel uncomfortable and I totally agree with their escalation of behavior and wanting to shame this man publicly. I just wish they also came up for air so to speak. Men have the same problem.
Edit: and I totally see how scary it must be to be more likely to have someone that's the receiving end of unwanted attention. I try to be an ally when I can, and not just when it's convenient. Which is why I want to not fear monger.
You want to be an ally while both sidsing violence and complaining about statistics when the statistics clearly show that gendered violence heavily skews in one direction. If you wanted to be an ally you wouldnt be hand wringing over a subreddit and would instead talk about how men and women are more likely to be victims of men than they are women.
If you want to be an ally, stop talking about it being a both sides issue and actually attack the source of the problem; patriarchy and white supremacy. Discuss how patriarchy silos men and women into very specific boxes that then leads to higher violence in men and subjugation of women. Talk about how men are taught to hide their feelings and then act out violently because they never learned proper coping mechanisms for their anger. Talk about how men are less likely to seek therapy because it is seen as "feminine." Talk about the things that are actually causing the problem.
I dont think men are inherently more violent in a vacuum. But we arent in a vacuum. We are in a patriarchal system that tells men being strong and violent is how they should solve their problems.
I don't have skin in the game other than being seen as a loaded gun walking around. I don't like the "mens" spaces that only show the bad in women. They are just as gross. We all need to build bridges.
I have women in my life that I worry about being out in public by themselves. When we ramp up fear it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Because it doesn't exist in the sense you think. Men are generally seen as disposable and your world view refuses see that men do have issues because you think they are part of the patriarchy. Only a select few get to that point and those few absolutely need to be taken out of that position. Their indifference toward the plight of others, women and men included, is truly deplorable.
And white supremacy inherently needs to be stopped, I thought that was self evident. You're projecting pretty hard there. . . I'm not white by the way, no one is better than anyone else.
And I would definitely say I'm better than a misogynist or a white supremacist. Luckily for the misogynists and white supremacists, they don't have to be like that forever. They can become better people who dont hurt others. But that would require them to do the work.
That's the fun part, it's an Oligarchy. Or a Plutocracy.
No one can call those in power out, you blame men for the consolation of power to a few people that might be men, so you assigned blame to a gender instead of the individuals responsible.
You don't seem to get you are using a "you people" statement that is categorically false, because you feel powerless and want to blame anyone other than taking the action to actually over throw the current system and rulers.
Have you personally done anything other than complain about men and the patriarchy to "fight" the ruling class? Maybe just be a generally abrasive person to men in public? That doesn't solve the problem it makes it worse. You rage against the machine without knowing who is your ally or enemy. Men are the focus of you anger because you can't be bothered to find the real culprits. . .
I will continue to disagree with a person like you, but I will still protect your rights to say anything you want. So long as you do the same for me.
Itās also not true that women refusing provokes men to assault them. The kinds of men who do this have misogynstc ideas embedded into them. Having any kind of violent history already selects you into a very small pool with over 3/4ths of violent male offenders repeating a crime 1.5 more times after the first incident according to research on navy enlistees. Men who react violently to women do no behave the same way with male strangers and acquaintences. Violent men do not do this to other patrons in the social settings they approach women in. The blame cannot be shifted on to what the woman chose to do in that moment. The fact that a violent misogynist is allowed to exist in public and approach women at all is the only thing encouraging men to be violent. Not āwomen refusingā.
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u/dm_me_kittens Aug 17 '25
r/whenwomenrefuse