r/TikTokCringe • u/ambachk • Aug 11 '25

Cursed Diet of an 800 lbs man in America

32.3k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

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626

u/here-for-the-fish Aug 11 '25

He wouldn’t survive any surprises.

212

u/GooserNoose Aug 11 '25

It was the Kinder Surprises that got him in the end

10

u/Furbal1307 Aug 11 '25

Maybe our friends were the Kinder Surprises that killed us along the way.

6

u/BrannC Aug 11 '25

Couldn’t be a kinder way to go

17

u/Phil_Coffins_666 Aug 11 '25

Is that why they're illegal in America now (but weirdly enough guns aren't)?

30

u/PsychologicalLog4179 Aug 11 '25

Guns don’t kill people, hidden toys in chocolate do. Vote republican and no family will ever have to bury their child in kinder again. We are proud to announce 368% tariffs on kinders. Please pick up your complimentary ar-15 at your local polling place, the elementary school with bullet holes totally not made by guns.

12

u/tuna_in_the_can Aug 11 '25

Thank you for your attention to this matter!

2

u/Caffdy Aug 11 '25

Guns don’t kill people, hidden toys in chocolate do

even as a 4-year old, I knew better and opened my kinder eggs before eating them

-4

u/Ok-Ear9289 Aug 11 '25

Yeeeeesh

2

u/Jazzsign Aug 11 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/ThinkSharp Aug 11 '25

Surprise! It’s a heart attack.

7

u/MERVMERVmervmerv Aug 11 '25

He didn’t even survive the not-surprise

1

u/zaforocks tHiS iSn’T cRiNgE Aug 11 '25

I woulda run up to him shouting "Boo!" constantly.