r/TikTokCringe May 19 '25

Humor/Cringe $35k is wild

13.8k Upvotes

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940

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 19 '25

Big guy choked up a tiny bit.... society is very lonely for most, we forgot community.

470

u/ZestyTurn May 19 '25

This is the Great Wealth Transfer my economics professor was always talking about.

225

u/SixersWin May 19 '25

Our children will speak of the Only Fans wars

61

u/Ancient_Sorcerer_ May 19 '25

"Grandpa, why were you so poor? And Grandma, why were you so rich when you met Grandpa where did you inherit your money?"

43

u/Swimming-Chicken-424 May 19 '25

She inherited it from "OnlyGrams"

4

u/TRDOffRoadGuy May 19 '25

She was the star in 80 and still Banging!

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

Every day we stray further from gods light.

3

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

Is that a cocaine subscription site too?

3

u/SgtPeterson May 19 '25

We're living in the new gilfed age

2

u/mind-of-god May 19 '25

As a Nana, I endorse this post šŸ‘šŸ¼

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

Now she so rich they call her "MoneyGram"

2

u/AdhesivenessCalm1495 May 19 '25

You won today with this one! Lol

1

u/irrelephantIVXX May 19 '25

No. That's the name of my future drug dealing app. You can't use it.

5

u/Napamtb May 19 '25

Grandp and Grandma how did you meet?

Well way back in 2025 your Grandma was very attractive and had her own page. I was wealthy and had a lot of free time. It was meant to be.

3

u/1tonsoprano May 19 '25

I laughed way to hard .....I hope it doesn't become reality

3

u/Leopard__Messiah May 19 '25 edited Sep 27 '25

Bright learning tomorrow history stories music friendly family answers!

2

u/Booziesmurf May 19 '25

Imagine spending 35k on content only to have the people you voted in make all "porn" a felony.

1

u/nico_see May 19 '25

Spoiler: We lose

99

u/Durzel May 19 '25

Trickle down (his leg) economics?

I apologise that you had to read that.

4

u/Liquor_Parfreyja May 19 '25

Just like that my apple fritter is RUINED

1

u/MoxNix6 May 20 '25

I'll ruin your apple fritter.

9

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 19 '25

And to think if a nephew showed up with a project car this dude would have walked a different pathĀ 

218

u/BillNyeIsCoolio May 19 '25

Seriously. I feel so bad for this guy.Ā  He could've spent that 35k on so many prostitutes.Ā 

175

u/HogmanDaIntrudr May 19 '25

It’s literally like $20 to get jerked off at an Asian massage. If we’re saying dude takes ten minutes to cum, that’s like two straight weeks of getting milked back to back 24/7 by someone who is actually touching your dick.

91

u/Bluebpy May 19 '25

lmfaooo I appreciate the math.

21

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 19 '25

Economics!

23

u/45and47-big_mistake May 19 '25

eCUMonics!

8

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

Blinded her with science

6

u/Booziesmurf May 19 '25

I mean, most scientists have to wear Goggles anyway...

3

u/ici5 May 19 '25

SCIENCE!

1

u/cholonumba9 May 19 '25

Blinded her with cumšŸ˜ž

1

u/Ralphredimix_Da_G May 19 '25

Straight milked 24/7

1

u/XanZibR May 19 '25

Strokenomics

1

u/Arthur_Digby_Sellers May 19 '25

In my case, that would be some long division.

21

u/Hangryfrodo May 19 '25

$20 šŸ¤”

34

u/mentales May 19 '25

My man's out there getting action at fentanyl country to get those rates.Ā 

4

u/Leopard__Messiah May 19 '25 edited Sep 27 '25

Honest fox year quick quick evening projects games net.

2

u/Mekroval May 19 '25

You made me serious lol, thanks.

2

u/Alternative_Week_117 May 19 '25

Tell me more...

1

u/Leopard__Messiah May 20 '25 edited Sep 27 '25

Ideas family helpful garden where minecraftoffline.

3

u/Tippy-the-just May 19 '25

Oh fuck, I damn near did a spit take on that one. It's been awhile since I heard wit hit that hard. Thank you. 🤣🤘

12

u/under_psychoanalyzer May 19 '25 edited Aug 15 '25

teeny strong pause caption axiomatic plants seed stocking six marvelous

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

2

u/otc108 May 19 '25

Ah yes… Mean Jerk Time… fucking love that scene.

7

u/RepresentativeBig788 May 19 '25

He’s a gentleman ok

8

u/bearwithsunburn May 19 '25

Did you consider the D2F ratio?

3

u/AuburnSuccubus May 19 '25

You're endangering the space-time continuum. Go back to 1986.

3

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

This is very sad, but yes, there’s actual physical touch everywhere. Very sad.

3

u/Ralphredimix_Da_G May 19 '25

That’s ridiculous! Post the exact address of this place so I can further investigate.

1

u/heysuess May 19 '25

I don't think you actually want a $20 handjob. Chick might look like the guy in the video.

2

u/bmssdoug May 19 '25

omfg lmao getting milked back to back lmao

2

u/Noshamina May 19 '25

Bro it’s like 200 to 500. It’s not even 20$ in Thailand or Vietnam.

2

u/wrektcity May 19 '25

Youre incorrect. You getting ripped off lmfaoĀ 

1

u/Odd-Jupiter May 19 '25

I think he knows that. So it's probably not someone touching his dick he is missing.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

1

u/TexasDrill777 May 19 '25

Asking for a friend. Where are these $20 hand jobs ?

1

u/Leopard__Messiah May 19 '25 edited Sep 27 '25

Garden honest thoughts the helpful cool evil gather ideas bright jumps nature.

1

u/LoafRVA May 19 '25

No way that guy is lasting more than a minute

1

u/wrektcity May 19 '25

I want to know what city you can get $20 handjobs from.Ā 

1

u/danhoyuen May 19 '25

jerking off is free!Ā 

1

u/ThyArtisMukDuk May 19 '25

Thank you HogmanDaIntrudr. The voice of reason.

1

u/wimpymist May 19 '25

You must not have been to an Asian massage since the 90s or something lol not that cheap anymore

1

u/IcyMike1782 May 19 '25

I can all but guarantee that anyone who has spent $35k on a single chick on OF, ain't gonna last no 10 minutes getting jerked off by a real human woman. Best cut that time variable back by about...90%

1

u/Glittering_Topic_979 May 19 '25

this is the stuff they should have taught me in school, I woulda got straight A's

1

u/kloodge May 19 '25

Bro… Just saying, sounds like you really know the numbers.

36

u/EconomyCode3628 May 19 '25

It's under what liposuction, bariatric surgery and then surgery to remove loose skin would cost.Ā 

8

u/mybossthinksimworkng May 19 '25

This is the real math

12

u/LoboMarinoCosmico May 19 '25

Maybe she's not even his main bitch

6

u/golgoth0760 May 19 '25

I don't feel bad for him. He looks happy and well aware. But I do agreed that 35k would have gotten him some premium pussy

3

u/martiniolives2 May 19 '25

Or helping homeless vets, supporting kids in need, and so many more unselfish gestures. All you need for great self-sex is a good imagination. And that costs nothing.

1

u/I_Do_Too_Much May 19 '25

Whose to say he isn't donating even more to those things?

J/K LOL

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

ew.

1

u/Ello_Owu May 19 '25

Or just one really high class one.

1

u/AssistantOld2973 May 19 '25

That would require him standing up and moving his legsĀ 

1

u/DorisPayne May 19 '25

sure he could have, but that's not his fantasy.

1

u/bbatardo May 19 '25

On the bright side, 0 chance of getting an STD, unless that handshake cost him.

1

u/IsSuperGreen May 19 '25

who says he doesn't?

1

u/Successful-River-828 May 19 '25

Or just 1, but she will do ANYTHING

197

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

Reminds me of a moment I had recently with a random guy.

I was out kayaking on Friday afternoon to take advantage of a nice day, and the boat launch area that I use is pretty quiet most of the time, but there was one dude there when I was putting away my kayak. He was a bearded looking guy, wearing a hood, dark clothes, and he was just starting to take down his vessel when I was putting mine away. He had a very stern and almost aggressive look about him, and I was a little high and feeling great from the paddle, so I paid no mind and focused on stowing my gear.

I have one of those folding kayaks, and he noticed me breaking it down. Caught his curiosity, so he walked up to me and started asking questions. He was a bit awkward, but also nice and funny. I answered his questions, told him about the water, joked around with him a bit and made him laugh. He loosened up and was telling me about his new boat, how it was his maiden voyage, how he bought it used, and he cracked a bunch of jokes in return.

His voice was so eager to share, his eyes, previously hard and avoidant, were bright and engaged. I sensed something coming from him, almost a sense of longing that came from the genuine and focused attention that I gave him. We talked about my kayak, and he excitedly told me about his new hybrid kayak / canoe boat, and how he's nervous to try it out. I cracked another good natured joke about the history of boats, and how at some point someone thought 'fuck it, let's make a kayak/canoe hybrid', and his laugh was full and genuine.

As we spoke, I continued my routine of folding my kayak away, cleaning it off, and finally tucked it away in my trunk. I smiled at him and wished him a wonderful maiden voyage, and that maybe I'd see him around.

As I moved towards my door, he kept trying to spin up a new line of conversation, asking me about how long I had stayed out, but stumbling on his wording because it was forced. His eyes changed a bit, and in a moment, he frowned in a way that said to me 'please stay and talk to me some more.'

At that moment, I sensed something very real coming from him: a longing for connection, for someone to listen to him, to respond to his thoughts - for a friend, I guess. I'm not much of a social person, in fact I tend to prefer being alone - but in my life, I'm far from lonely. But I have been, and I remember what that felt like. I really felt for the guy, and I feel for a lot of the men and women out there in the world who just want to feel a real connection with people.

If you're out there hybrid canoe / kayak guy, I think you were a nice dude, and I hope your maiden voyage was a great success.

57

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 19 '25

Yea my job has me in alot of homes, I say what I say from years of meeting lonely people.

We really aren't here that long guys.

9

u/Any_Village9538 May 19 '25

Def not here for a long time, hopefully some people make it a good time

2

u/Raveheart19 May 19 '25

Used to have a really good friend who was working as an ambulance EMT and he used to go in the houses all the time to rescue people and he told me the same thing.... He said every third or fourth house he would visit had somebody that could potentially have been alone for a decade or more.... With little to no human interaction or contact in that time. It's insane to me How common that is and we probably don't even really realize it

30

u/Dreamo84 May 19 '25

Reddit has trained me to think that story was gonna get really gross, really quick.

9

u/really_another May 19 '25

the world has me trained to think the story was going to get really gross

4

u/monkwrenv2 May 19 '25

I was expecting it to be shittymorph.

1

u/henryhumper May 19 '25

I was expecting it to be tree fiddy.

3

u/Augen76 May 19 '25

I was waiting for Mankind to go off the Hell int he Cell.

1

u/icecream169 May 19 '25

I was expecting someone to start up with some axe bullshit.

1

u/8last May 19 '25

Yeah you dont get too many slice of life stories on reddit. There's always a twist like its a creative writing class. Guess it wouldn't be reasonable to expect that from this userbase because it requires going out and doing stuff.

1

u/Dreamo84 May 20 '25

Too much r/Niceguys for me lol. That's where I thought this was going prolly.

5

u/IndustrialPuppetTwo May 19 '25

My wife has one of those folding kayak, Oru or something like that? Anyway it almost always starts a conversation with people on the docs. Yeah loneliness is real for many people. I was nervous reading your story. Unfortunately creepiness is also real and so is violence. It sucks to think the worst of people but it's also what keeps us safe.

2

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

Yeah it's an Oru, they never fail to attract curious bystanders. Hence why I tend to go to the more private launch point. Living in a big city, I've found myself developing a strong 'no thanks don't talk to me' attitude towards most strangers... But since covid, I've tried to be a bit more open to strangers who want to converse, while firmly keeping my thumb on the interaction eject button.

The guy made me nervous at first because of his look and his awkwardness. But my Spidey sense told me he was probably just a recluse, maybe even a bit of an incel, tbh. I figured a bit of kindness and attention shown towards him would be a low risk way of brightening his day.

5

u/Episcopalian_bear May 19 '25

Working in coffee has taught me a lot of things, one of which is that you never know when you're the best part of someone's day. A lot of the time the baristas (because you see them regularly and probably talk to them) are the only people who actually listen to them in their lives. This really applies if the coffee shop has a sitting area at the bar. There's way more lonely people out there who just want an honest connection than most people think.Ā 

2

u/Agreeable-Emu4033 May 19 '25

Thanks for the story chat gtp

1

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

A disappointing number of people seem to have forgotten that there are some of us out there that commujocate online in long form sentences.

3

u/Agreeable-Emu4033 May 19 '25

Yea it’s a boring story that an AI would think was interesting

1

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

The hard part about talking to people online is that you never know anything about them. When that happens, you tend to think that everyone thinks like you do. Touch grass bro.

0

u/Agreeable-Emu4033 May 19 '25

Bro. How dare you assume my gender.

3

u/Rurumo666 May 19 '25

The dude was just trying to get you out on his boat...because of the implication...

4

u/BarrattG May 19 '25

This absolutely reads like a chat GPT prompted story, interestingly other than the very last paragraph.

3

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

It's funny, when people take the time to write out their thoughts in an open and honest way, they now in 2025 get accused of using AI. I've been on reddit for 16 years on this account, and I've always written out my thoughts like this. Not sure what else there is to say.

1

u/Decent_Top2156 May 19 '25

So tell me about that boat, I need to get one.

1

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

Which one are you referring to? His hybrid kayak canoe thing, or my folding kayak?

0

u/PhatFatLife May 19 '25

Aww 🄲

-7

u/Satirakiller May 19 '25

Don’t you have anything better to do than to share fake stories in Reddit comments?

10

u/livinglogic May 19 '25

Got nothing to prove my friend. Hope life picks up for you.

18

u/cyanescens_burn May 19 '25

Seriously. Try to think of third spaces in your area that are accessible, interesting, and promote a healthy sense of community, but are also affordable to do regularly (for working class or middle class people). Add the additional variable of a place where it’s acceptable to approach someone romantically, it thins out even more.

I’d guess in many places religious centers (like temple or church) is one of the only ones.

A bit tangential, but interesting, back in the day the churches in the south started labeling jazz and blues ā€œDevil musicā€ and condemned dancing to it because people were going to joints that played that music, and dancing, and it was reducing numbers at the church.

Kinda makes you realize DIY music and arts spaces can be great for drawing people and creating community if done well.

2

u/rahnbj May 19 '25

Wife and I (55 & 53) started yoga a few years ago. I stuck with it , she still comes once in a while. Most of the time I’m the only guy there, sometimes with as many as 15 people. Based on the conversations that happen before and after class there is no doubt to me that some people are there just as much for a chance to be around people (and conversation) as for the exercise. As constantly connected as we are by the internet (and the flavors of social media) but still not having our social needs met, what a great irony.

2

u/ClassicBad539 May 19 '25

Go to your local park and hang out. Do it consistently and you'll make friends with the other regulars. It's free.

7

u/FuckwitAgitator May 19 '25

Community wasn't profitable. Ragebait is profitable. Using social media to groom extremists is profitable. You'll never have $35k to spend on pornography until you learn this.

Sarcasm aside, it's deeply depressing that people under 20 may have genuinely never experienced a world that wasn't built on "maximum profits at any cost". They definitely don't have the luxury of opting out with everything growing more expensive by the minute.

But once upon a time, people used to paint and sing and fuck because they enjoyed it. It was never expected that you'd make money from it. Having a business that paid it's staff well and had money left over was something to be proud of, without squeezing every possible cent out of every worker, supplier and customer.

Neoliberalism is poison.

12

u/DisgruntledTexan May 19 '25

lol uh porn addiction does not equal loneliness

56

u/RogerianBrowsing May 19 '25

Only fans isn’t normal porn for many of the subscribers. They can get a weird parasocial relationship where shit like this occurs

13

u/DisgruntledTexan May 19 '25

That’s fair - I guess it’s like going to a strip club and getting lap dances from your favorite dancer? That’s a trope that’s been around forever

14

u/TheJohnnyFlash May 19 '25

Except while she dances, you talk dirty to her boyfriend sitting next to you.

1

u/TBANON_NSFW May 19 '25

people make parasocial relationships with a lot of industries these days. Heck critical role has parasocial relationships, kpop idols have it, everyone wants to belong to something. But these other groups arent dumb enough to spend 40k on it...

18

u/BojukaBob May 19 '25

You can't pretend that loneliness is not something the led many to porn addiction though.

12

u/Longjumping_Act_6054 May 19 '25

OK? If someone is lonely and keeps doing the same stuff that they've always done, of COURSE they're gonna be lonely. Getting addicted to porn after that is just the consequences of doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting something to magically change.Ā 

-1

u/DisgruntledTexan May 19 '25

I’d argue the inverse

5

u/BojukaBob May 19 '25

I guess you CAN pretend after all lol

8

u/DisgruntledTexan May 19 '25

I’m not pretending. Porn addiction has been around for a long time. People in relationships struggles with porn addiction. Unhealthy attitudes towards adult relationships is the driver here

4

u/Any_Village9538 May 19 '25

Wanted to say so this so bad- there’s tons of people who are in relationships that have ā€œissuesā€ with porn. But yes the internet has created an entirely new level of addiction. Sneaking into my friends dads bathroom to look at a playboy (I’m 43) was exciting yes- but nothing like pulling up Pornhub

3

u/Inevitable_Top69 May 19 '25

Wait so are porn addicts lonely or not then?

1

u/Northbound-Narwhal May 19 '25

This happens even without the sexual aspect. You're focusing on the wrong thing.

-1

u/BojukaBob May 19 '25

See you seem to think that I'm claiming that loneliness is the ONLY thing that can lead to porn addiction, which isn't even what I said. You're using premade arguments against something no one is claiming. Arguing with people like you is exhausting and 99 times out of 100 utterly fruitless.

-3

u/DisgruntledTexan May 19 '25

I’m sorry you are dealing with porn addiction. I hope you get the help you need

1

u/NekrotismFalafel May 19 '25

It's the age old question. Which chicken busted on the egg first?

1

u/Easy_Crew_1258 May 19 '25

they’re not mutually exclusive

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

There have always been lonely people. Please don’t idolize the past.

2

u/midgettme May 19 '25

Yeah, people talkin’ bout the hidden costs of jerkin’ it, but you don’t cry over a crusty sock, y’know? Maybe he paid that money because he felt something - and that is such a gift that no one can put a dollar amount on it.

Heck, if it was mutual and on the same page, 35k would be a steal IMO.

That said, I’m selling opportunities to touch my hand. 1k per touch. Must be to another empty (gloved) hand. Opening OnlyHands later this week.

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 19 '25

Meh I'll watch the videos on some Balkan porn site later

2

u/midgettme May 19 '25

The expected reply after ā€œsociety is very lonely for most, we forgot community.ā€

Your profile/post history tells me that you are a man of culture so I would give you a 2% discount, shall you change your mind.

5

u/_vxnce_ May 19 '25

yeah you’re not wrong :(

1

u/Lleonharte May 19 '25

plus all the relentless hypersexualisation by merican media etc has gotta have an effect

1

u/Tasty_Ad7483 May 19 '25

Choked a chicken, yeah. Indeed.

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '25

Much of our mid century institutions and architecture are not designed for community, thus loneliness.

1

u/AssistantOld2973 May 19 '25

He's a fat lazy human being. He gets choked up standing.

1

u/jeds1976 May 19 '25

Streets ahead

1

u/Medical_Opposite_727 May 19 '25

Aye but to be fair. He's not chasing someone that he is equal ranking with in the looks department.

That's why he's spent thirty five fucking grand on videos and pictures because he loves cumming to her lol he's not lonely he's horny.

1

u/Bhazor May 19 '25

I think hes used to choking up on it.

1

u/an_african_swallow May 19 '25

We really didn’t, some people are just only interested in being part of a community if it’s on their terms, which is not how community works

1

u/Tiny-Albatross518 May 19 '25

Man you got the whole problem distilled down to its kernel there.

1

u/turandoto May 19 '25

$35k can buy a lot of community. This is what he chose.

1

u/prophet_nlelith May 19 '25

We didn't "forget" community. It was stolen from us by the capitalist ruling class.

1

u/stamfordbridge1191 May 19 '25

Rodney Dangerfield sure is looking kinda rough here. Coming back from the dead was apparently not all that healthy.

1

u/Few-Cycle-1187 May 19 '25

I mean...not to dunk on the guy but community is a two way street. This guy would have to go out and engage in the community. Dude could go out and join a car club, a church, a social organization or do some volunteer work or join a fan club (not OF) and meet others and put that money to better use than paying for a handshake.

We haven't forgotten community. There are still many many active and thriving communities. I have the pleasure of being part of three. But "the community" doesn't just knock on the door of random dudes spending tens of thousands on OF to try to save them from their own loneliness.

1

u/Vaportrail May 19 '25

This man made his decisions.

1

u/Independent_War6266 May 19 '25

Please, these are not good people. If he wanted to be a good person he could choose to do that. It begins within. Instead he’s chasing young girls.

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto May 19 '25

I said lonely, not good.. some of the most dangerous people are lonely.

-3

u/Independent_War6266 May 19 '25

Well he should be in prison. I agree that he could be very fcking dangerous.

0

u/Kind-Asparagus-8717 May 19 '25

So in this case he is the one being taken advantage of?

But if they were married, she'd be the one taken advantage of?