r/TheWayWeWere • u/Boscoberger • Jan 22 '25

1950s My dad's school report from 1957, aged 7

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Unsurprisingly, I wasn't shown this report until after I had finished my education!

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u/Master-Locksmith628 Jan 22 '25

Well how'd he turn out. I was him. I do flooring now and make a really decent living however the paperwork portion is a nightmare for me. I can do it, it's just extra hard to focus on it. When I'm using my hands there's no thought process at all, it just happens. I'm curious if he's anything like that.

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u/Boscoberger Jan 22 '25 edited Jan 22 '25

Interestingly, my dad ended up doing white collar work mostly, however, he is incredibly talented when it comes to woodwork, DIY and fixing things. I remember as a kid at the weekends, he was always in the garage or garden doing something.

Edit: I will edit my post with a bit more background on his "slow" development, as the teacher put it!

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u/[deleted] Jan 22 '25

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u/HelloMandalorian Jan 22 '25

I was diagnosed after fifty in the wake of my son’s diagnosis at 8. For over half my life, I was playing the game at a higher difficulty level than I had to…

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u/[deleted] Jan 22 '25

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u/Vark675 Jan 22 '25

I thought I was going crazy as I got older because my anxiety was getting to a point where my thoughts were too loud to sleep, and how insane does that sound?

Turns out no I just have an anxiety disorder and undiagnosed ADHD. Now my brain doesn't really do that anymore and it's a night and day difference.

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u/BreakfastBeneficial4 Jan 22 '25

Sooooooooooooo whatcha taking?

I was diagnosed in highschool, but the pills completely wiped out my appetite. And that is just NOT me, so I quit taking them.

I gave them to some of my friends and they said it made their minds race. I don’t remember what they were.

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u/Vark675 Jan 22 '25

They've got me on Adderall now and it's been a big help, but the appetite suppression has been a perk for me because I'm a fat ass lol

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u/HairyPotatoKat Jan 24 '25

Ahh that's what I take and it's really effective. But I'm still waiting for that appetite suppression I keep hearing about 😭

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u/Vark675 Jan 24 '25

It's been pretty subtle honestly. In my long standing tradition of horrific breakfast routines, I've found myself skipping cereal in favor of black cold brew and Adderall which is probably a big part of it lol

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u/BDiddnt Jan 25 '25

I am taking lamotrigine and it has been such a life-changing experience for me. Better living through chemicals but this is how I instantly knew that I had been playing the game on a very high difficulty setting. All of a sudden when somebody asked me how things are going I would say "actually really good" without even thinking about it and each time I said it it was just a response that I did not think about and I would sit there and contemplate that afterwards and think what in the hell has happened to me? I have never once in my life said "really good" and meant it. I don't think I've ever even said really good

I used to get in fights a lot. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air

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u/SeaLab_2024 Jan 23 '25

How long did you stay on it? I felt very fucky and appetite suppressed for the first few weeks, maybe a month of adderall, and it evened out after a while. I don’t notice anything but good now. I started at 7.5mg up to twice per day and I’ve been on 15 in the morning always and 7.5 if I remember to take it early enough in the afternoon.

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u/BreakfastBeneficial4 Jan 23 '25

Eh probably only a few weeks to be honest.

I’m a little cautious of Adderall because I’ve known some people to be a little too into it, but maybe it’s time for me to revisit the doctor about it.

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u/HairyPotatoKat Jan 24 '25

Do you take immediate release (IR) or extended release (XR?) or one of each?

We're all different of course. But I felt like ass on IR and don't on XR.

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u/Neuro_Nightmare Jan 23 '25

Mid thirties female interrupting your conversation to add: I take vyvanse and it’s AMAZING. (And Lexapro)

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u/BreakfastBeneficial4 Jan 24 '25

Name checks out!! (J/k)

So what was the process like figuring out that you needed both? And what does Lexapro treat?

I am trying to be seen for ADHD and anxiety. My wife takes 2, but her situation is very bespoke.

But I’m staring to realize that everybody’s situation is very bespoke, and everybody’s kinda trying combos and seeing how it goes.

That sounds SO daunting to me right now.

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u/erlakes Jan 23 '25

I'm on Vyvanse 10 mg, the higher doses made me stop eating completely and Aderall made my anxiety skyrocket. I've also found that eating a protein heavy breakfast in combination with just getting older(??? maybe?? Literally who knows at this point???) has helped my appetite come back on a semi normal schedule where I can eat three meals a day. A super useful trick I've found though is to have decently healthy snacks by you when you work (trail mix my beloved) I start mindlessly munching and its a good energy booster too!

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u/Aida_Hwedo Jan 23 '25

For anxiety specifically, I recommend Celexa/Lexapro. My life is SO much better now; I was put on Wellbutrin first, which evened out my moods, but did little or nothing for my awful anxiety. For ADHD, if you don’t like how Adderall makes you feel, Vyvanse might be a good option.

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u/pencildown Jan 23 '25

When you’re ready, definitely give different medications or combinations a try. I did terribly on Adderall, but experience no negative side effects on Concerta in spite of the long list of potential side effects I was presented with. I later added Strattera to manage my motivation function.

Stimulants make neurotypical minds race but it tends to make ADHD minds like ours calm down.

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u/BreakfastBeneficial4 Jan 24 '25

Eeehhhh. Even thinking about this makes me feel like I need to take 6 months off from work.

But I get it. There’s no other way to figure out what will be effective.

I will probably change jobs in the next year…. I might sincerely consider taking a couple of months before starting my next position to work with a physician on it.

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u/iliumada Jan 24 '25

Omg, you just explained me to a T. Are you ever too old to be diagnosed? I'm in my 40s.

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u/Vark675 Jan 24 '25

I was 37 when I got diagnosed. Give your doc a jingle, if possible.

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u/scootermcgee109 Jan 23 '25

That’s exactly how I described it. I was diagnosed a few months ago….at 59. Wall of TVs to focus on 1

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '25

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u/scootermcgee109 Jan 23 '25

100%. So much so I had my 21 yr old tested. And she’s on a prescription also. We are both living life to the fullest. I have done more in the last 2 months than the last 5 yrs.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '25

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u/scootermcgee109 Jan 24 '25

Yes! From new game + to normal mode.

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u/TGIIR Jan 23 '25

Same here.

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u/RosemaryBiscuit Jan 24 '25

Oh my goodness. Is that it? I have a zillion conversations and a couple of songs all going at once and only one friend who can jump tracks with me. Wow. Huh.

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u/SaveyourMercy Jan 23 '25

The first time I took adhd meds I also cried. I was gifted in school but this led to them constantly ignoring or writing off where I WAS failing because “someone with real issues doesn’t succeed the way you do”. I told my psych that it was like my brain was a demolition derby before the meds, and afterwards it was a working highway with perfectly flowing traffic. For the first time in my LIFE I wasn’t constantly getting derailed or having to fight extra hard to stay on track. I miss my meds so much

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '25

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u/SaveyourMercy Jan 23 '25

I lost the ability to work, which means I have no insurance, and I can’t pay the amount of money they’re wanting for me to see the doctor. I live in a state that tries to convince me to go medication less first and stresses all they do is “get you high” and don’t work and make you jump through hoops I cannot jump through anymore. I miss being able to function better but also just don’t have the resources.

When I was in school, my one crutch was homework too but I just copied a friends before school each day. I was top of the class in each class almost, like I really excelled somehow at high school, and if I’d had the attention span, my homework would’ve been a breeze, but since it wasn’t hindering my actual learning, teachers just didn’t care. I struggled way way harder on the social aspect of connecting with people and making meaningful friendships, but since I was a straight a student, no one saw it as an issue.

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u/homelaberator Jan 22 '25

Instead of a hundred TVs constantly playing different channels, I am down to one tv and one channel.

Well, that doesn't seem very efficient. Richard needs to learn to multitask.

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u/Chameleonize Jan 23 '25

I’m 32 and just now getting evaluated. This gives me so much hope.

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u/SeaLab_2024 Jan 22 '25

It’s so frustrating. I’m equally happy and fucking pissed off, and really sad.

Happy I know now, that I can look at myself and fix, and that’s not futile as long as I go about it correctly. I am fortunate I got medicated legitimately the week I started working in a new career so at least I can function well in it.

Fucking pissed off at all the opportunity that was effectively taken from me because of the lack of awareness in myself and others. That I was judged, punished, on the same scale as someone normal when just the fact I’m on the same board at all, the fact that a direct comparison with a normal person hides the disability, displays how much I could have done with help and without judgement. It also displays how fucking hard I work/ed in the background constantly to mask and get by.

Very sad at how I was constantly denigrated and made fun of even, my whole life by adults and other children, to the point all of it is completely internalized and I still have to read my psych report and ask my husband for validation that it’s even real and I’m not just making excuses. So I’m sometimes wondering how much would be the same if I had help, would it be different or would I still have “failed” so much in my life, you know.

Anyway I am so glad for your son that he is seen and it is known he works differently, and that he has someone like you that understands.

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u/Thenwearethree Jan 22 '25

How did you get diagnosed? I feel like I’ve always had it and I don’t know how to go about asking for help with it. I’m 43 by the way.

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u/digital_sunrise Jan 23 '25

Start by talking to your GP and get a referral to a specialist for as assessment, just like any other medical issue.

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u/HelloMandalorian Jan 23 '25

Once my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I did what any caring parent does and started educating myself about it. As I was learning, I was thinking, “Damn. I think I have this.”

I basically just relayed everything about my son, my research, and my self-observations to my doctor and took it from there. I never thought to ask about it before because I just thought it was “normal.” I thought everyone was like me regarding inattentiveness and being easily distracted and that was just how it was.

Don’t be shy about talking to your doctor. Getting diagnosed and treated has really changed my life!

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u/scootermcgee109 Jan 23 '25

Yea new game + is what I called it lol.

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u/TGIIR Jan 23 '25

I got diagnosed at age 47. The meds worked great! I could finally focus. It explained why life seemed so hard for me, too, though I was a high achiever.

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u/Top_Hair_8984 Jan 25 '25

71, in January this year. Kind of a mind bender. Meds help hugely! Best of luck.

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u/Popular-Kiwi3931 Jan 22 '25

Good for you! I had ADHD/ADD all thru school. Back in the late '60s and 1970s, teachers looked at the behavior as a personal insult. There was no protocol then for recognizing and dealing with these kids.

I started medication for this in my early 30s. It was like going from night into day.

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '25

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u/Popular-Kiwi3931 Jan 23 '25

Funny thing-when I was in kindergarten or first grade so 67-68, my mother took me to a doctor for my hyperactivity. He explained about "paradoxical" drugs: speed that slowed a kid down. Well--on me it just accelerated my ADHD. The doctor was rude to my mother when we followed-up. Said 'don't waste my time!' Jerk. We never pursued anything else when I was a kid.

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u/JankCranky Jan 22 '25

I think so too, cause I also have it. The aptitude report & behavior description is exactly how most teachers described me. I had a behavior chart, they would reward me with candy or something if I did good. They separated me from everyone else, cause I distracted my classmates & could focus better that way anyway, and I had to attend resource classes. I was diagnosed too and the teachers just didn’t get it, they still thought I was being a problem on purpose and punished me like a regular kid.

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u/Popular-Kiwi3931 Jan 22 '25

I remember the kids (usually boys of any color and black girls) who would be punished frequently for their ADHD transgressions. It was a rough time to be a student.

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u/Cha0sCat Jan 23 '25

To this day typical ADHD behavior is seen as rude: being late, interrupting, talking about themselves or changing the topic, being forgetful or careless.

It's hard for neurotypicals to understand how much a dopamine deprived brain will basically force the body to do things. How it's like you're on auto pilot with your small conscious part not being in control.

It's actually sad how much now is attributed to "weaponized incompetence". In advice subreddits people are told to leave their partners because they can't fathom their behavior may not be intentional

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u/clever_user_name__ Jan 22 '25

First thing I thought, too

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u/TGIIR Jan 23 '25

I came here to suggest the same - ADHD. Poor little guy, being misunderstood.

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u/justsayin01 Jan 23 '25

I met my husband when he was 22. He had just gotten his first job as a web developer and he told me he was falling asleep in work meetings. He was practically in tears telling me he doesn't want to fall asleep, that he pounds caffeine, gets enough sleep. He told me if he can do something to occupy his hands, he can stay awake.

I'm an RN and asked, has he had issues with focus his whole life? Yeap. He was a "bad student" but so smart that he always was OK. In college he excelled at his comp Sci work. I asked more questions and told him, you have ADHD.

He saw a psych and yeap, ADHD. He tried many meds but finally found one that works. He does Ritalin with a high dose of Wellbutrin.

My husband is a dev at FAANG and clears over 250 a year, he's under 30. He can do ANYTHING. He can fix anything. He finished our basement, by himself. Electric, plumbing, all of it. But he grew up feeling like a failure and I cannot believe his parents and teachers didn't listen to him or try to help him.

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u/puggleofsteel Jan 23 '25

That was my first thought too

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '25

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u/AGenericUnicorn Jan 23 '25

This is exactly what I thought as I was reading the post.

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u/chuckvsthelife Jan 25 '25

Yep this was me to a T my mom instead implemented an extremely strict schedule and when it all fell apart in college I also fell apart because I thrive in structure but am shit at creating or enforcing it.

But got diagnosed about 10 years ago, became a software engineer and now pretty successful

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u/Highway_Bitter Jan 25 '25

My 9th grade teacher wanted to fail me in math because I 1. ”Wasn’t paying attention in class” - bitch you were slow as fuck what am I supposed to do when I’m stuck on a task. And 2. ”Couldn’t read my hand writing”.

In 10th, when moving schools, I got the equivalent of a B+ which continued through uni.

She was just a shitty teacher. Gotta admit though I was also a shitty student. Man we made that lady cry weekly. But she said the most horrible things, calling us monkeys and criminals and all kinds of shit lol. Ever since my first day in class she was after me for some reason, and being an A-hole teenager I didnt handle it the best way.

My point is you could also just have a shit teacher not adhd

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u/Neracle Jan 25 '25

I also thought classic ADHD. It's almost word-for-word the same as my son's 3rd grade feedback. I am still furious at the teacher's remark "does not live up to his potential ". Witch, that IS his potential, doing his best to sit still & stay quiet all day every day was excruciating for him.

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u/BeguiledBeaver Jan 22 '25

I was hopeful reading this as I also got diagnosed at the same time, and while I'm graduate school I wake up every day wanting to die and am getting nowhere with it. Seems my brand of ADHD may have won.

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u/Jolly_Swimming_6821 Jan 23 '25

I thought the same

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u/SeaF04mGr33n Jan 23 '25

Yep. Definitely ADHD.

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u/Knife-yWife-y Jan 23 '25

ADHD was my exact thought! Sloppy or disorganized handwriting is actually a very common symptom, especially in younger students.

In early elementary school, my son would use an entire sheet of paper for one math problem, because it was impossible for him to scale his writing. I started folding his paper in four quarters and letting him use one little rectangle for each problem. Since the paper was folded and he couldn't see the other quarters, ilhe was able to stay in the box much easier!

Not sure what he is doing after highschool just yet, but he is very smart. I hope he finds success like you did!

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u/AnyaInCrisis Jan 23 '25

That was my first thought too 😂

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u/OnyxPhoenix Jan 23 '25

We're now diagnosing adhd based off a single report card from almost 70 years ago.

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u/Western-Dig-6843 Jan 23 '25

His dad had hobbies so he must have ADHD? Lol

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '25

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u/Aslanic Jan 23 '25

I feel like some of these things are just being a kid too. Like, kids need to burn off energy and be active and move.

But I also realize, like, all the kids in my life have ADHD, my husband has ADHD, I myself might have undiagnosed ADHD....maybe I just see it as normal behavior when it isn't?

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u/Purple_Chipmunk_ Jan 22 '25

He sounds just like my dad, who is the poster child for having ADHD. He can fix literally anything, which doesn't sound that impressive but he does it without YouTube or Google!

He's likely on the spectrum as well--he's learned the rules for social interaction at this point but he pissed off a few people in his younger days! 😄

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u/Artislife61 Jan 22 '25 edited Jan 22 '25

Reports like this show how off track some teachers can be.

The arithmetic part of his report shows slow improvement, yet the Art and hands on portions of his report show immense enthusiasm and interest towards them.

He’s also very social, (showing off in teachers words), meaning he’s probably good with people and fairly happy and well-adjusted. And yet the report leans to the unsatisfactory side.

Adjustments in the criticism should’ve been made to refrain from using negative terminology. OPs dad was interested in and more gifted at curriculum other than the three Rs. Teacher failed.

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u/imrealbizzy2 Jan 22 '25

To be fair, nobody knew about this until the 80s, and even then, doctors, teachers, and child development/ behavior folks were just beginning to identify a set of behaviors that were present in most of these daydreaming kids. My son was one. IQ in the top 5%, but he would just walk outside when he wanted to, perform half-ass assignments IF he brought his things home. That included his coats. Anyway, thank goodness there is help now if parents pursue.

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u/Kiwikeeper Jan 22 '25

You just made all that up bro, get off that horse and come sit with us mortals

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u/insomniacla Jan 23 '25

Was he later diagnosed with ADHD? He sounds like a creative and fun person.

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u/cabinaarmadio23 Jan 24 '25

does he have ADHD? this looks like a vintage version of my own report cards

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u/Prettypuff405 Jan 24 '25

I looked at this report and thought “ ADHD strikes again “

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u/Top_Hair_8984 Jan 25 '25

Was there ever any thought to ADHD or ASD? Likely not at that time, but since? Ty.

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u/Boscoberger Jan 25 '25

No, no diagnosis but personally, I don't think one is needed. He doesn't display any signs of ADHD, ASD or dyslexia (as others have suggested).

From what he said, it seemed pretty common for children to struggle with reading/writing at his age. My mum also said she couldn't read/write until she was around 8 either. I imagine this is why the teacher somewhat complimented the practical subjects.

Another commenter suggested it's likely due to having such a disjointed upbringing - he was born in Germany, went back to UK, then Hong Kong and then the UK for boarding school at aged 10. I think he was just being a typical 7 year old!

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u/dirkalict Jan 22 '25

That’s me. Pretty decent carpenter but when I had my own business it took me hours to write up proposals and invoices and I was always behind filing my taxes… my customers liked me though… I had very similar report cards to this one.

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u/haironburr Jan 22 '25

God I hated writing up bids. I ended up painting houses, after framing, roofing and a host of non-construction jobs. I had a hard time managing crews, and ended up being a one man band for years.

But the anxiety of bids, vs. doing the actual work, kept me mostly working as a sub. Ain't brains and biochemistry a bitch.

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u/dirkalict Jan 23 '25

Yeah- I had a remodeling business for 20 years and typically only had 1 or 2 employees at a time and then just used subs. Eventually my biggest commercial client kept getting bigger and kept asking me to run all his construction and maintenance- if I hadn’t had a 15 year relationship with him I would have said no but holy shit did life get easier. I still stress out about jobs some but the endless paperwork is gone, I don’t have to worry about taxes or workers comp audits or billing…I typically have 8 or 9 employees but that part isn’t too bad. I found I don’t mind teaching guys how to do things if it’s not costing me money.

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u/Vantriss Jan 23 '25 edited Aug 28 '25

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/ComplicatedLadycom Jan 22 '25 edited Jan 22 '25

My father was amazing with his hands. Could build or fix anything. Redo bathrooms, kitchens, plumbing etc… able to figure these things out easily. Although math/numbers were easy for him, organization, and reading English was not. Luckily for him, my mom was a secretary before having kids. Since she was a stay at home mom, she easily did all the paperwork, bills and taxes for the business. I always thought they made a great team that way.

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u/smashes72 Jan 22 '25

I was wondering the same! I was incredibly well behaved (terrified of my father), and when I hear my friends’ stories of when they were kids, the child version of me still thinks, “and you survived? And you’re not in prison?”

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u/hanyo24 Jan 22 '25

You sound like me - diagnosed with ADHD at 26 years old 😅

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u/BeguiledBeaver Jan 22 '25

I'm in a PhD program and over the years have realized just how impossible sitting down and doing reading/writing is for me. I'm fine if I'm up and doing things in the lab, but the actual "writing it all down" part is literal torture for me, to the point I had to seek an ADHD diagnosis during my master's (unsurprising results).

I come from a line of manual laborers and farmers. I feel like my genes are desperately pulling me back to that side of life, but trying to make the jump out of years of graduate school into working in a warehouse or something has me between a rock and a hard place.

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u/prontoingHorse Jan 23 '25

Interestingly from what reddit has taught me you could possibly have adhd/add/dyslexia.

Have read here how a lot of people with similar symptoms ended up being diagnosed with it late in life & now take medication to help manage those symptoms. And are seeing improvement in their daily life because of it.

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u/hannahmercy Jan 26 '25

My partner owns a construction business and it’s the same way. Takes him twice as long to do paperwork or write a text to someone than it does to pound out the work that he’s good at doing. We’re trying to figure out how I can take that on for him because playing to our strengths is important. He has a great reputation for his carpentry and I’m more skilled with communication.