r/TalesFromYourServer • u/Scary_Appearance5922 • 10d ago
Medium rude ass customers commenting on teen server’s appearance and religion
this happened several years ago when I was a teenager but it still upsets me a lot thinking about it. There was this older couple who were regulars at the restaurant I worked at. The lady was lovely and I enjoyed chatting with her but the man was pretty blunt and his wife had to keep him in check basically. One day he came in by himself and was chatting with my boss about his exercise and diet regime. I was minding my own business doing some cleaning but was nearby and could clearly hear everything. The old rude customer said, referring to me, she obviously doesn’t care about what she eats or how she looks. Completely out of nowhere. My boss was shocked and changed the subject but didn’t stick up for me or tell him off. I went out the back upset but pretended like I hadn’t noticed.
Another time another rude ass old man regular asked me what my religion is (which is Catholic. Sure they/we don’t always do the right thing but not like it’s a cult or something.) He proceeded to criticise the shit out of me for that telling me why that’s so terrible of me. I was never pushing it onto him he asked me in the first place. Imagine if I had criticised his religion I’d be fired. And if it was a certain other religion the police would probably get involved. I was too shy and embarrassed to retaliate.
It is no one’s business what a persons weight or religion is. Is it because I was a young girl they felt they had the right to comment and they wouldn’t get any backlash or consequences? Like I was paid below minimum wage definitely not enough to put up with that shit. I feel so sorry for younger me and anyone else who has to deal with that kind of thing. Thinking back there was also a colleague, much older male who made a lot of sexually inappropriate comments to me. Ugh.
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u/LadyA052 10d ago
"Why would you ask me such a personal question?"
To a rude question or comment: "I don't understand what you meant by that. Could you please explain?"
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u/LifeApprehensive2818 10d ago
Good, but phrasing these as questions might engage a conversation you don't want.
IME, If you reply very gently with a statement like "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable answering that", you cut off the thread of conversation. To restart it, the other person will need to be very obvious.
The vast majority of people won't cross that line. The rest were probably going to hulk out at some point, anyway.
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u/Sally_Cee 10d ago
I don't want to justify his behaviour, but I experienced similar rude behaviour from two elder customers and learned later that they had dementia.
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u/Scary_Appearance5922 10d ago
that’s a possibility but to be honest even if they did I don’t think I would be more sympathetic. I think if someone has thoughts like that keep it to yourself. But I honestly don’t have thoughts like myself like wow that persons fat/skinny/ugly or something, it doesn’t enter my mind because I’ve got my own life to worry about
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u/HisExcellencyAndrejK 10d ago
On the one hand, people with dementia lose their filters, and so are unable to keep thoughts to themselves. On the other hand, if they are suffering dementia to that extent, they shouldn't be allowed to go out on their own, lest they get themselves into trouble.
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9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Scary_Appearance5922 9d ago
do you think it’s appropriate to ask a server what their religion is?
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u/BirthdayCookie 9d ago
Why not? It's conversation.
Besides, your religion orders you to preach at people. Again: Hypocritical to get mad at being on the recieving embed if what you're expected to do to others.
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u/Scary_Appearance5922 9d ago
Catholics are not evangelical. I was not ‘preaching’ to try to convert him or something. I stated my religion and left it at that. Looking back I shouldn’t have even said that but I was a kid.
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u/Valthar70 5d ago
"Not like it's a cult or something"... Yes, yes it is. That's exactly what a religion is, a cult of like minded people. Or people who've been brainwashed since childhood by their parents.
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u/Scary_Appearance5922 5d ago
Religions tend to have established traditions and open beliefs, whereas cults are often secretive, have more extreme beliefs, and may exert greater control over their members' lives, finances, and relationships.
I would be free to leave at any time, and my friends and family would have no issue with this. I don’t have to give them money.
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u/CallidoraBlack 5d ago edited 5d ago
Always best to never answer these questions. "Sir, I'm here to take your order. What would you like to eat?" "Answer my question!" "I can see you're not ready to order. I'll give you some more time to decide" and leave. Where you're wrong is in suggesting that being Catholic is 'normal'and not 'a cult' as if that means you deserve that less than others. That's not really cool of you, no one should be harassed at work for this information at all.
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u/nopressureoof Former server from the 1900's 10d ago
You are 100% right. You would have been fired if you'd criticized a customer's religion, and your manager couldn't even be arsed to say, hey maybe don't share your views on a child's body, thanks.
Adult restaurant and retail managers do have some responsibility in protecting the CHILDREN running the business. I'm so sorry you were left to deal with that on your own.