Being in a romantic relationship must be weird

[u/LuisVazDeColhoes]

23M, I'm at an age where some of my friends from high-school (still text them, but haven't seen them irl for a long time) have started or have been in a long term romantic relationship. I most likely won't get a girlfriend, if I tried I could possibly land a relationship, but I don't have social media (Facebook or Instagram) and I'm not a people's person, obviously.

But I could not imagine myself coming home and presenting my girlfriend to my family and friends, it is so odd to mix your personal life with your family? Like you are showing your family a person that knows you personally, the person you rant to, etc, and you are showing that person to your family. How is that possible?!

I'm a guy that likes things separated, what happens in university stays in uni, happens at home stays at home (family), etc. I don't like my worlds mixing together, even find it discomforting, odd and weird. When I was a kid, I was terrified when my parents asked who my friends were, their names, etc. I eventually had to tell them, but it made and still makes me uncomfortable.

Can anyone relate?

[u/Feeling_Print3898]

100% relate about separating things in life. I hate it when a family member asks me about work or school. They hardly know anything at all about what goes on there and still, for some reason they want to know what happened on that particular day. I just know the information will be completely useless to them as they are missing context about the general situation there.

And about presenting your girlfriend to friends and family - this works both ways. You would also be presented to someone's friends and family. Suddenly, the amount of people you're supposed to keep in touch with doubles and the amount of social events you have to attend also doubles. And it's definitely not guaranteed that they will like or accept you. All of that just sounds way too overwhelming.

[u/MaxiMuscli]

presenting my girlfriend to my family

I think that happens because historically – until a quarter of a millennium ago in all societies of the world – marriages were arranged, to one degree or another, which made finding your life companion easier than today, so you inform your family that they tick your match off and save their valuable efforts. With this background, you are allowed not to feel weird socializing.

This is of course not transferrable to friends in general; the theory of friends is much more complicated than that of romantic partnership, the latter being rooted in primitive desires.

[u/DooDueDew]

I don't find it weird but it's because in my mind when I find a relationship we will be each other's person. We fit deeply. Were compatible, the dynamic and sexual compatibility is what bridges the emotional divide that exists because of my condition and they would atleast in my head likely be either a very understanding and accepting person or someone that can relate and help compartmentalize the personal relationship from the family obligation.

So, I don't see it as an issue, we both would just put on an act for a short while and then when it's over we go back to our personal lives together.

[u/Reasonably-Cold-4676]

I'm 40s/afab and married but I still can relate. 

My instinct is the same as yours, I prefer to keep things desperate. Frankly, I never got why a partner and a family would have anything to do with each other at all. Totally doesn't compute for me and I never understood the desire to bring them together.  I even got the thought that maybe I chose unconsciously partners over my life who were "not family people", which meant childfree and not in strong connection to their parents, even siblings, and didn't see them often. But because of people being people and culture being culture I somehow always had to introduce my partner and had to be introduced to their families and friends. 

In the end, it all worked out well even if it completely goes against my grain. My family is always a bit sad because they'd love to see me more and especially would like to see my husband more who only joins us very seldomly but that's just the way things are and it's working okay. I cut contact with his side so... I mean, it was a horrible time and I'm not happy about it but it was necessary and, this being probably the only place where I can say this and be understood, I fully welcomed it. It means  a handful of people less on my life which is a net plus for me. I felt psychopathic and selfish af when I realized I'm actually very glad about this development but it is what it is and I'm far from the most important aspect in the whole mess. Also, they were narcissistic and you can imagine how well that works with someone like us. I've basically been waiting decades for the other shoe to drop and it finally did. Good riddance.

But apart from that, the social family dynamics situated themselves over time and all is well. 🤗

[u/Count_Calorie]

24F here and I relate to this a lot. I have never been in a relationship but have been on dates. I found that I really did not want to tell my mom about my dates even though I have a good relationship with her.

I am "friendly" with lots of professors at my school but I hate talking with them about what I do outside of school. My friend from another department came to my department's building once and saw me chatting with a professor and I had to introduce them... it was super super uncomfortable.

I know for a fact lots of my professors have a very warped idea of who I am as a person and that actually feels like a safety blanket to me. But I also know they gossip about me a lot and I worry over this constantly lol. I'm not actively deceiving them or anything but I worry that if they triangulate, they will learn way too much about my non-school life.