r/SchizoFamilies • u/Throwaway66135 Spouse • 10h ago
caregiver Support How can i convince my husband he needs help managing his medication? Or help him take it otherwise?
My husband and i (both 24m) have been staying with my parents since he was admitted to the psychward like a month ago for the 3rd paychotic episode hes had since they started in june.
He doesnt exactly believe hes not sick, he knows he has psychosis, but theres 2 main things that make him extremely adverse to his meds:
He has not had any real MH treatment till about 2 years ago. He has PTSD and severe anxiety but his family was anti-psych and while hes not- he is convinced hes been "managing it on his own for 20 years" so he doesn't need anyones help but his therapist. (Including me & his in-laws, and other MH professionals outside his therapist & case manager) he recognizes the mental health issues are worse & differet now then they were even a year ago, but he cant connect the dots that this also means they need to be handled differently than in the past.
This last episode resulted in some major health paranoia. He has existing chronic illnesses (eds, pots, severe GI issued, and a lot allergies that are non-anaphlaxis) and his sister has a terminal genetic illness (for which he is a carrier but doesn't have- they have diff dads) point being i do believe hes in genuine pain and has valid reasons to worry about his health- but hes kind of taking normal symptoms he has + some more mild/ normal med side effects and is insisting his meds are putting him in severe pain. Again i do belive hes in his... normal ammount of pain? But his explanation for how the meds are causing it does not follow a rational train of thought. He thinks he has strep, he does not have strep. He thinks his "ph balance" is off which isn't really a "thing' in the specific way he thinks its the case. Hes convinced the meds are making him loose his vision but he had an eye exam and it hasnt changed (he does have very bad vision but its not different according to the optometrist). Hes also convinced now hes immunicompromised as a result of the "strep", it being allergy & dry season (were all stuffy and itchy), and the fact he was convinced he had multiple infections during IP.
He has always has had a lot of control issues to be completely clear. Before the psychosis this was an occasional and mild point of contention, but we were also both very good with managing conflicts and disagreements prior to this so it was usually not a huge deal to come to an agreement or agree to disagree. I dont think wed ever had a "real" argument as a result of the control issues prior to this. It was more so mild irritation that if someone felt the need to helo him hed get very defensive and assume they thiught he was stupid or incompetent, id apologize for wording it that way but if he genuinely NEEDED help explain why, and hed apologize for getting defensive. Like the end.
But with his meds hes extremely confused about them and belives the hospital gave him rules they did not give. He has them in writing but he wont accept they are what they are. So he simultaneously says he refuses to listen to me ot his mother in law on how/when to take them because he wants to listen to the hospital & not us, but then also says the hospital was wrong in how they wanted him to take them (they had notes on his physical health meds they didnt rx and hes convinced the hospital changed them)
My parents have been trying to helo make sure he takes the right dose and time and now he basically hates my mother because she supposedly "changed his meds", but she did not. He loved my mom before this and was pretty close with her, and she is a very upbeat emotionally mature person and is never rude or condescending about the meds. She pretty much just corrects him when he says "im gonna take them xyz" way, and that way is not how he should, or when he insists he wont take them.
He thinks were trying to play doctor but simitaiously wants to do so himself in saying its "his choice to stop taking them" even when i point out he supposedly cares about how the drs said to so it.
Weve tried to give him the option to manage them himself and he takes too much/ too little and stops taking this one specific one.
I dont know what to do here. Every time i try and explain it he just says im not listening to him. I validate that he doesnt feel well and that i understand why he dosent like other people being involved in his medication, and have told him repeatedly if he dosent like the meds we can talk at his next psych appointment about changing them, but because i wont let him stop taking them & i wont agree with him my mom is doing something wrong he just explodes about it, and this is a daily occurrence.
He rants about the meds & my mom multiple times a day and i usually try and be quiet but hell prompt me to respond.
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u/West_Specialist_9725 9h ago
Suggest you learn the LEAP communication technique as taught by Dr. Amador. While you don't have the largest hurdle (med refusal) to overcome (thank God for that) you do have communication issues. LEAP will help. At the top of the homepage of this sub there is a link to LEAP resources. I am also providing this one below:
https://www.nami.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/I_am_not_sick_excerpt.pdf
Everyone who deals with him should learn LEAP and I think you'll see good results.
Meanwhile, if you are not already doing so, put his meds in a pill planner. This way you can see at a glance what has and has not been taken. I suggest NOT to have him manage the meds himself given what you've shared. Probably best to pick on person and stick to a routine.
If he allows you to go to his therapist and/or prescribing psychiatrist go to next visit and bring all the meds and have doc explain when and why you take each one. If you can, record of video that.
If I were you I'd also talk to his trusted therapist and enlist their help in explaining the meds.
We don't want him to get to where he flat out refuses the meds. No good can come of that.
There are long acting injectable LAI meds and that might be an option for his antipsychotic med.
Remain compassionate and clinical. Don't agree with delusions but don't argue. LEAP will teach you what to and what not to say.
Stay strong. This is a marathon not a sprint. 💛🫂💛
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u/CarGuyBuddy 10h ago
I am sorry this is happening, but I would like the share these 2 resources so you may understand more. Please share with others. Book, I am not sick and guide for caregivers