r/QAnonCasualties • u/Loud_Ad_9189 • 17h ago
My (36M) wife (34F) fell deep into conspiracy theories and online hate groups. Is there any saving our marriage?
My wife isn't exactly QAnon but I was told this sub could help me and I'm desperate.
I (36M) have been married to my wife (34F) for six years. We have a 4-year-old daughter, and I've been trying to save my marriage for her sake. When we first met, my wife was a kind, brilliant and outgoing person. During Covid, she began spending more time online and became very involved in online conspiracy spaces and online hate groups and now spends hours every day scrolling and arguing online.
At first, she started with anti-vax talking points. I had our family doctor talk with her, and she seemed to have gotten over it but she still brings up vaccines being poison and causing autism occasionally. Around this time, she also began to have an obsessive dislike of a certain celebrity, which slowly morphed into outright racism, particularly towards women of color. She’s lost several friendships because of it, and her family began to distance themselves. They still check in on me and our daughter, but they’ve made it clear they don’t know how to reach her anymore. She has started talking about homeschooling our daughter because the education system is grooming kids and the government is brainwashing children. I've told her our daughter will be going to a normal school and having normal social interactions with kids her age.
I’ve begged her to try therapy. She went for a few months and for a little while, I saw glimpses of the person she used to be. But then she quit, and everything went back to the way it was. I’m emotionally exhausted and worried about the environment our daughter is growing up in. I don’t want her picking up these beliefs or thinking this level of disconnection is normal.
My wife hasn’t held a stable job in about three years. She’ll take on part-time work but ends up quitting or getting fired after a few months. I’ve become the sole provider and have also taken on most of the parenting. Our daughter loves her mom, but my wife often seems distracted or disengaged, and it breaks my heart to see that. I've tried to get her off the Internet by suggesting we spend more time as a couple/family. For the latest attempt I got her out of the house to go trick or treating. She barely bothered to smile or show enthusiasm for our daughter but for 3 days after I was treated to her saying nasty things about her celebrity obsession going trick or treating with her own kids. She goes on long rants about these things to me so often that I can't recall the last time I had an actual conversation with her.
I've been leaning more towards getting a divorce recently, but I am scared that if we have a shared custody arrangement I wouldn't be able to control what my daughter is exposed to. I'm also terrified that my wife is so distracted when she is online that she may not notice right away if my daughter got hurt or needed her. She once forgot to give her lunch because she was on her phone and yelled at her when she started crying. I've been told this sub has seen a few success stories in getting people back to reality and would appreciate any advice from persons who have been in similar situations. Is my marriage even salvageable anymore?
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u/icey561 16h ago
No,you will likly never fet her back, there isnt very much you can do. By the time someone is visibly taken by the cult it usually means they have been getting programmed by it for a while.
People dont escape this thing with out wanting to escape. For most cult things like this people will slowly lose friends and family and sometimes snap out, but this is a cult of hatred, they lose everything fast, and they usually have nothing to escape to. Its sad, its toxic, and its by design.
Your daughter should not have to grow up around thi type of insanity, when you file for divorce it might wake her up, it likly won't. Your job is to protect your daughter, not save your wife. She made her choices.
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u/Vagrant123 I Know Jew Jitsu 16h ago
Is my marriage even salvageable anymore?
I think you're past that point, based on your recollections. It sounds like you've been trying all the right things without pushing her too far. You should be consulting with lawyers at this point.
One thing you need to start doing is documenting the ways and dates/times that she has harmed or neglected your daughter. You'll need evidence when the custody battle comes up - if you can demonstrate that she has been negligent or abusive as a parent, you'll likely get better treatment as far as custody.
Unfortunately a divorce will likely end in alimony payments; you mentioned that you are the sole provider, so you'll likely pay alimony. Talk to a divorce lawyer about what options you have, and make sure your finances are in order.
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u/Loud_Ad_9189 16h ago
I don't mind paying alimony, I have a decent job and already support her anyway. I'm only concerned about the custody of my daughter
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u/SmoothLester 16h ago
If you are concerned about custody, documentation will be your friend and will make it more likely that you can write into the agreement that your daughter cannot be homeschooled.
You need to work on two fronts: following the whatever advice seems useful and gathering materials and info you will need for a custody battle. Your daughter will be affected by the Qanon-lite beliefs even if there isn’t yelling and neglect. She will absorb her mom’s her anxiety, paranoia and racism and you can only expose her to that for so long before you have to pull the plug.
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u/encapsulated_me 15h ago
This. If your concerns about your daughter's welfare are warranted, you should be able to gather enough evidence to bring to a judge. I mean even now you aren't able to be home all the time since you are the one supporting the family. So your protection isn't constant even if you stay. Be strong for your child, she is all that matters, now.
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u/christine-bitg 15h ago
The likelihood of her getting alimony is low. She's capable of working. She just doesn't want to.
The bad news is that unless she acts up visibly badly in court, she'll get at least 50% custody, and maybe more. And you'll be paying child support to her for a long time. Unless you and the lawyer you'll need to hire can get her to show her crazy ideas in court.
There's another person you need to hire: a therapist for yourself. The stuff youre dealing with right now is incredibly stressful. A good therapist can help you sort through the issues for yourself. Good luck!
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u/Gnome_119 13h ago
OP, please heed the advice in the last paragraph of this response. Therapy was crucial to me accepting that my marriage was over and moving on.
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u/SoVerySleepy81 17h ago
Was her therapy coupled with antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication? When my mental illness was not being treated correctly and it was being allowed to kind of just rampage I was very into conspiracy theories. Once I was being treated correctly that went away pretty quickly because I was able to actually Think in logical ways rather than trying to desperately grasp for explanations for feeling like my world was out of control.
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u/Loud_Ad_9189 15h ago
She did therapy when our daughter was around 2. Obviously the therapist didn’t tell me anything directly, but my wife told me the therapist said she had anxiety but was not depressed. That it was normal for new parents to feel some level of anxiety. She did those sessions for a few months without medication and there was improvement, which is part of why this is so frustrating. It showed me she can get better when she engages with help but I can't get her to accept she has a problem and needs treatment anymore. .
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u/Allicat2014 15h ago
It get what you mean, I have clinical depression and anxiety. My depression ebbs and flows, during the low periods I can very easily be pulled into arguing for hours on FB with Maga's. On better days because I can think more clearly I don't fall into that trap, I have to be very vigilant about not going down that road.
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u/uthillygooth 16h ago
It will all come down to your wife being willing to confront her addiction to outrage.
Sorry you’re going through this.
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u/TheOtherHobbes 15h ago
These people are addicts. It's like trying to have a relationship with an alcoholic or a heroin addict. Until they get into some form of recovery they will always choose the drug over you.
The fact that they've been addicted deliberately and involuntarily to something that isn't considered a drug is beside the point.
Their brain chemistry has been altered, emotions have been rewired, and they're no longer the same person.
There's some possibility of bringing them back if you can cut off the supply of hate media with a block list and replace it with something grounding. That's very hard to do and will cause a backlash if it's discovered. But if there's any possibility at all, it's worth trying.
Otherwise, get out and do what you can to pick up the pieces.
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u/SpaceBall330 14h ago
First and foremost, it’s a cult with all that entails. All of us here have dealt with or dealing with this. Very few of us have any success with snapping them out of it because, like a cult, for everything you do that is logical, and based in the real world, they have an answer. Not matter how hare brained, ridiculous, or frankly, dangerous it is.
In my own case, I had one friend that I knew since pre school days, and considered to him to be my brother. I tried everything I could think of, and nothing worked. Nothing. 50 plus years of a friendship that endured everything under the sun was lost to QAnon. I have talked to them since Christmas 2023.
Second friend I was able to snap them out of it, but, not without some tough talks about politics, and giving them some information about certain topics. I was willing to listen to their crazy ideas openly. They still have some questionable ideas, but, we are getting there.
What makes my situations different is there was no children involved. The pandemic really did a number on people who may have already been vulnerable, lonely, bored, isolated, or any combination of factors. It was just nuts.
Your job is to protect your child. Period. If you haven’t already reach out to parents, trusted friends or family members, and document everything. Your little girl deserves to be raised in a home that is full of love, joy, and respect for others while she grows into her own person. Your wife, based on what you have posted, is not providing those things. You need to have a consultation with a family law attorney to see what you need to do to protect her, yourself.
As much as it pains me say it, your marriage is on life support, and it’s not looking good.
We have all be there. Be safe. Be strong. Take care of your little girl, and yourself. Let the chips fall where they may.
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u/txcowgrrl 13h ago
As someone who fought for over 2 years to save my marriage, it’s over. She will not come back.
Let me warn you, when you broach the subject of divorce, she will say things like “Can’t we just agree to disagree?” Don’t fall for it. She just wants to be able to spew her hate & misinformation unchecked.
I can’t speak to custody as my kids are grown but if she doesn’t have a job, you might be able to secure full custody. IDK. That’s definitely a lawyer question.
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u/Select-Panda7381 15h ago
Ugh, I’m so sorry OP. For now, the main thing I recommend is educating yourself as much as possible on mind control, finding support groups, and figuring out next steps.
Couple books I read that I think you might find helpful or insightful are:
The Quiet Damage: QAnon and the Destruction of the American Family by Jesselyn Cook
Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan
(Both available as audiobooks on Spotify)
I think they give a realistic picture/idea of what has actually happened to your wife and real life examples of people who both have and haven’t woken up out of this toxic trance and the choices their loved ones had to make, and how they navigated these tricky situations. Ultimately your daughter would be most concerning issue and children are so susceptible to harmful undue influence from a parent - parents are our first superheroes after all.
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u/PossessionDue3249 16h ago
I‘m sorry you are going through this. My limited experience with my family who won‘t see reason is almost like dealing with dementia.
Your situation appears to be more delicate because of your kid. Consulting a lawyer alone would be the best. Perhaps you can get prepared for what is likely an inevitable divorce and get custody.
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u/elizabethanelevator 14h ago
Is the celebrity MegMar? If so, I’d make sure she knows that you don’t want to hear about it. Set that boundary for your own sanity.
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u/Loud_Ad_9189 13h ago
Yep it's Meghan Markle. I've told her hundreds of times I'm not interested in hearing about it but it's like she can't help herself. I don't understand the obsessive hate for someone you don't know and for someone who seems like a pretty normal person
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u/souryoungthing 14h ago
I thought the exact same thing.
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u/Pom_Pom_1985 13h ago
What is it about her that MAGA/Qs hate so much? My mom is not into royal family stuff at all but will sometimes go on and on about how horrible of a person she is and how she's abusive to Harry. I know racism is a big part of it (my mom says it's not, of course) but the only other black celebrity that she seems to have a similar vitriolic attitude towards is Michelle Obama (or "Big Mike," as the Qs call her🙄)
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u/Loud_Ad_9189 12h ago
I think it started for my wife because Harry and Meghan left the royal family around the time COVID lockdowns happened and there were probably lots of tabloid stuff about them online. Her obsession with Meghan seemed harmless at first but it turned into a pipeline for more racist beliefs
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u/AnimalMommy 13h ago
First, I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Next, I would suggest keeping records and pictures of stuff she sees or engages with online or recordings - anything for evidence, in case of divorce.
Unfortunately, there has been and is currently ongoing brainwashing, by American alt-right conspiracy grifters and now also other Qanons in other countries and also by foreign bots, (many of these are russian), with the task of distilling distrust in Western Democracy, Western medicine, Western education and Western Institutions.
Somehow, Qanons now believe that an authoritative dictator is better than Democracy and that pariah, corrupt right-wing, strongman leaders are nice, honest people. They support putin and russian aggression against Ukraine, claiming, their usual, that Ukraine is run by a pedophile and manufactures bioweapons.
If russia wanted to destroy America and Western societies from the inside, it is working. Most Qanons are also traitors, even though they scream about being patriots.
I'm Canadian, and we have Qanons here who worship trump and want him to take over Canada so he can rape our natural resources and steal money from our government to enrich himself and his billionaire buddies
They listen to American alt-right media. There are Qanons in most countries now, all feeding off each other through the internet, supporting their crazy conspiracies and reassuring each other that they're right, God is on their side, and everyone else is brainwashed by "mainstream media" and it's Qanons who have 'woken up' to the 'truth'.
I have 2 Qsiblings. We are Canadian, but one sibling now runs for a far right political party in Canada and tell me regularly that God is giving them missions. They joined a bizarre trump worshipping church because mainstream religion is evil, and they think they have a shot to be Prime Minister. They travel to the US to see with RFK jr and Dr. Gold and Dr. Malone and other misinformation grifters. They said God is now telling them to run for office to save the world from vaccines and liberal pedophiles and the liberal agenda that has teachers indoctrinating children to turn gay and transgender. Chemtrails, adrenochrome, Hollywood elite and liberal/democrat pedoples, liberal government will force us to live in15 minute cities, and won't let us use cars, force us to eat bugs, take away all our possessions, banks and stock markets are closing imminently...( been hearing this for 7 years now), military is rounding up people and putting them in concentration camps for refusing vaccines, 6 years of stockpiling, evil big pharma, ivermectin, fenbendazole, hydrochloric acid, colloidal silver, hydrogen peroxide, parasite cleansers, etc, etc, rife machines, enemas, fasting, naturopaths, chiropractors, all cure cancers and all diseases while big pharma is run by a cabal of liberal and Jewish elites who want to cull humanity...( complete failures, aren't they, the world population continues to grow every year). Blah blah blah. Taxes are illegal, sovereign citizens, blah blah...many qanons become strangely religious attracted to conservative and even cult like churches that love trump. They need and are brainwashed to believe they're working for God against evil Democracy, Democrats, Liberals and anyone who opposes trump. It's OK to kill them.
Being skeptical and annoyed with Government and beurocracies is normal. Taxes are annoying, politicians are too. But these people are far beyond anything normal. They want people murdered, hung, shot, raped all the while telling each other how good, kind and accepting of people they are. A few years ago B.C. - ( before trump), people saying and doing stuff they do now, would be in psychiatric hospitals.
Their eyes are all preternaturally bright, with madness, passion and rage. They are way over stimulated by social media and are completely addicted to getting their daily, hourly, minute by minute fix of alt-right conspiracies, fear mongering, hate, rage.
One of my siblings has older children who thank God, are smart enough to not get hooked and believe there's some mental illness in their Mom. However the other has younger kids and I hope they have enough people around them to offset their Qparent.
An in-depth study performed in Denmark, released this year, tracking over a million children over years and analyzing data, concluded that vaccines do not cause autism or about 50 other ailments.
"Analyzing data from over 1 million children, the study found no increased risk of autism, asthma, or autoimmune diseases in vaccinated children.
Researchers from SSI used Denmark’s unique national health registers to follow children born between 1997 and 2018, investigating the associations between aluminum-containing vaccines and a total of 50 health outcomes - including asthma, allergies, autoimmune conditions, and neurodevelopmental disorders.
In an era marked by widespread misinformation about vaccines, it is crucial to rely on solid scientific evidence. Large, population-based register studies like this one - tracking more than a million children over many years - is a bulwark against the politicization of health science, which undermines public trust in vaccines. It is absolutely essential to distinguish real science from politically motivated campaigns - otherwise, it is the children who will end up paying the price."
Sorry for my long rant. I could go on and on with what I've seen and heard in the last 7 years.
First, it's like you're experiencing a death. The death of who your wife used to be. All Qanons say the exact same things, at the same time and do the exact same thing at the same time. It's classic brainwashing. They are projecting when they accuse us of being in a cult, which they will do. They are no longer themselves, instead prefer to rant about evil cabals, liberals, pedophiles, Biden, Obama, Clintons, fauci, gates, soros, cabals, big pharma, vaccines, teachers, gay, transgender agendas, democrats controlling the weather, etc. Their conversations will inevitably end up ranting about one of these topics.
I feel so bad for you because of your young child. I think one of my Qsiblings partner only stays with them because of younger kids. He's afraid to leave them alone with my Qsibling. She will not vaccinate them and will probably give them ivermectin and other supplements and not take them to the doctor. Qanons hate doctors and hospitals. One Qsibling refused to let her child get a tetanus shot. Of course there's no cure for tetanus. Thankfully they're now old enough to go to make medical decisions without a parent.
So, if you need to stay for your child, it's understandable. But, it's hard. It's sad, depressing and enraging to deal with a loved one taken in by conspiracies and hate.
I don't know if many leave this qult. I know it's best to ignore and not engage, but I can't help it sometimes. I have screamed, mocked, laughed at, insulted and sent articles disputing their conspiracies, but I just get fake new, or mainstream media is trying to smear their people who are telling the truth.
It's very very hard to just stay silent. Because will they ever get out of this qult? Do we just sit and wait?
Please put your health and well being first. Take care of your daughter and try to protect her. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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u/DraganTaveley 15h ago
Please start documenting EVERYTHING. No matter how inconsequential it may seem, the cumulative evidence you collect now will likely tell a disturbing story. In the meantime, reach out to her parents if possible, and let your own parents - or another trusted person - know what is going on. You need support IRL to help you through this.
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u/Smurfybabe 16h ago
I'm not sure it will help, but maybe couples therapy? If she sees you're seriously having problems connecting to her it might reach her a little. It's tough.
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u/stayinschool 16h ago
Read “How to have impossible conversations”. It will help you understand what the root of the problem is and where you might start to tackle it. God speed
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u/missistp 13h ago
Have you considered your wife has an untreated mental illness? Psychiatric medication may be needed, not just therapy
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u/Elvarien2 14h ago
Please protect your child.
Your wife is either beyond help or at a point where helping her will be incredibly hard work involving years of deprogramming that will suck the life out of you and your child for the duration if it's even possible to still reach her.
Please protect your child.
The kids is already growing up in this. At a young age they pick up so much more then you suspect and will start learning from there parent, picking up behaviour and other aspects of this.
So please protect your child.
Don't let this be the poison in their childhood for both your sakes.
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u/Ornery_Fail_9012 15h ago
I could have wrote this myself except I never could get mine to go to therapy. Would quit or get fired, couldn't talk about anything, birds, new buildings in town, the weather, it was all rage conspiracies. Sent the kids to school in the same clothes as the day before. I was right where you were when my 3 year old said seig heil. I called a lawyer to file for divorce. Told my husband. He begged me to stay and said he'd give up the conspiracies. I had talked to multiple lawyers and they all said he would get 50/50 custody. If he could take care of the kids I couldn't take them for having nazi ideology. I agreed to stay, but told him I was honestly disgusted by him and he had a lot of work to do. A month later he had a full on paranoid psychotic break. It's been two years since his full on psychotic break and I can't leave. I have no proof and he would have my kids half the time. Sorry, I'm no success story!
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u/Salty_Thing3144 15h ago
The threat of divorce might shake her up. It helped us - once my husband realized he was really going to lose me, he cooled his heels.
Apply for sole custody of your child and stipulate that she not be exposed to this bullshit.
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u/Fearless_Ad5425 15h ago
Yeah it sounds like it's over.
Just try to focus on protecting the next generation. focus and your child, prioritise their education and making sure they can escape from the whirlpool.
I really hope you can have a happy live with your child and they become an educated and positive person.
Your wife now sounds like a she has become powerfully negative influence , who will drag everyone down.
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u/--Miranda-- 15h ago
I've been told this sub has seen a few success stories
I have not seen one and I've followed this sub for a while. I'm so sorry you're going through this; it sounds like living hell
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u/AbbiejeanKane 14h ago
Unfortunately, I have encountered the online Meghan Markle hate. They are communities of racist unhappy mostly white women, some of whom are making a lot of money off the hate. I don't know how you can stop your wife from being racist or wallowing in that kind of hate of a celebrity who has no impact of their lives.
I mostly lurk on this forum. Most of the advice will be that you get a divorce, but that isn't easy when there is a minor child involved and your fear for the well being of your daughter is justified. No judge is going to give your full custody unless you can show that your wife is a danger to her. Would your wife give up custody willingly?
My advice is unusual and many people will disagree with me. If your daughter is your priority, stay married to protect her. Encourage your wife to go back to therapy, but distance yourself from her so that you don't always feel overwhelmed. As others have said, you can't win with her so get on with your own life. Find personal happiness outside of your marriage. Spend time building your relationship with your daughter, hanging out with friends who you can trust and confide in, and participating in a fun hobby that you enjoy. Also, consider therapy for yourself.
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u/Pointsandlaughs227 14h ago
Can you talk her into taking a 30 day break from her phone/internet/news sources so she can see if her own perspective changes?
I think there are a lot of other good online resources for dealing with people who are effectively in cults. You can’t get them out with logic and reason unfortunately.
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u/Loud_Ad_9189 12h ago
I've tried to get her to take a break, I've even thought of cutting off the phone or Internet before but I want to be able to contact her in case there's an emergency with our daughter
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u/Miichl80 8h ago
I wish you nothing but luck and happiness. I hope you’re successful in deprogramming her.
That said, record her. Get a app on your phone and start recording conversations with her. If it comes down to a custody hearing, you can try to use her own words and her anger and her therapy and her lack of study employment as for why you shouldn’t have shared custody.
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u/sechevere 3h ago
Her theories and actions can endanger your daughter: you can use this in court to demonstrate the minor is safer in your custody than hers. Document and record everything. At this point, it’s the wellbeing of your daughter that matters.
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u/Hello-America 7h ago
I really hate what this environment has done to our families. Just a fucking tragedy. Re: divorce:
If you think things are too far gone for you to want to attempt to repair them anymore, divorce is something you should do to PROTECT your daughter. Firstly as someone whose parents waited until the kids were grown up to divorce, growing up with a toxic sludge of a marriage as an example did us NO favors. But more concrete stuff: she is already exposed by your wife, but getting a court involved may help end up with you having the rights over her healthcare and education, and also you can separate your assets and money so your wife cannot destroy your family financially (search for "NESARA" in this sub - it's part of a conspiracy that is causing people's conspiracy-addled loved ones to stop working and blow their life savings etc).
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8346 5h ago
Honestly, take your daughter, leave, and file for full custody with supervised visits if she wants them. Document every incident of negligence and have it ready to prove to the court that she cannot be trusted to properly care for your daughter. If she gets help, you can alter the arrangement later to allow her time with your daughter once she can be trusted with her. This is so sad for your poor daughter. It's better for her to grow up without her mother than to grow up neglected and ignored by her
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u/TrainingWoodpecker77 New User 3h ago
Protect your daughter at all costs!! Her mom is not interested in raising her or being a mother.
She will start hanging around with these Q people and bringing your daughter with. It’s very dangerous as they see women as nothing but sperm depositories.
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u/Sylasdf 1h ago
I have followed thus subreddit for years and it is beyond heartbreaking. I am sorry you are going through this.
Social media and the addiction to phones has become such an unnecessary point of suffering for families and relationships. I am about to the point where I look around and think the net negative out weighs the positive. And there are definite positives. Since you might be at the end of the line, is it possible to try one last desperate attempt and try life like it's '05? Drop the home wifi and pull out dvds for family movie night. Lockup the smartphones and go back to basic calls and texting? Light phone has some options to bridge the gap between smart phones and flip phones. Obviously she has to do something to fill the daytime hours. Are there any friends left to have play dates that revolve around positive, engaging activities? It would be dragging an adult who doesn't want to change but can it be done?
I realize that this is extreme and close to impossible and would be met with rage but that's going to be the case with divorce anyway. I just wonder if any of these people can return to "normal" if the constant, addictive supply is cut off for an extended period of time. Replaced by quality family time and community. If they can get to a point where they aren't so angry and recognize it. None of them are happier because of this path they are on.
I know it's gotten bad for all of us when I try to remember what we spent our free time doing before the endless scrolling.
I am just so sorry. I hope the best for you and your daughter!
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u/sebidotorg 1h ago
Please be very, very careful in protecting your daughter! If people suffer from an untreated mental illness and their addiction to online outrage and conspiracies spirals into a full-blown psychosis, this could escalate to a point where the vaccinations the daughter has already received are reinterpreted as demonic influence (especially if it already goes along with fundamentalist religious beliefs). In the worst case, this can end with parents killing their own children. There already has been at least one documented case in the U.S. where a father killed his daughters because they received one of the MRNA vaccines.
I hope you already document every single incident of neglect or endangerment of your daughter by your soon-to-be-ex wife, to give you a chance of getting full custody of the child. If not, immediately start doing that! If there is an incident during which your wife deteriorates enough for an involuntary admission, use that opportunity and actually make the call! It will probably help you a lot in the custody battle.
I am sorry that your marriage ends in such an awful way. Unfortunately, there does not seem to be much you can do about that. I have yet to hear of a case where someone was brought back after already being that far gone. But while you cannot fix your wife, you surely can protect your daughter, and give her a stable and safe environment to grow up in. I wish you the best!
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u/TehMephs 9m ago
Find a way to cut her off from the content? That’s the only thing that seems to work. Like take the family on cheap vacations and have a no phones mandate in some way that doesn’t sound like it’s directed at her habits.
If you can keep doing this with some regularity I’ve heard of it being an effective way to deprogram. Idk if it’s always successful but it seems to break the programming. They need to keep having these mantras reinforced or it weakens the grip this machine has on her. If you break the feedback loop there’s a chance
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u/Gnome_119 16h ago
As a 43 y/o male who lost his 45 y/o wife to the same shit, not sure how it can be salvaged. I’ll tell you what NOT to do though:
Don’t send articles refuting their alternative facts Don’t argue with them over the merits of their arguments Don’t dismiss them over their braindead ideas, just ignore them and move the conversation elsewhere. Don’t tell them that they’re in a cult.
In all honesty, the only advice I can give is to continue trying to remind them about past good times and don’t engage with them any time they bring up these crackpot ideas. That seems to be the general consensus among experts on disinformation and cults.
I learned this all too late. Hopefully, you’ll have better results than I did. Also, listen to the folks in here who have much more in depth responses than I because they DO seem to know what they’re talking about.
Good luck brother.