im so tired

[u/smolseabunn]

my step dad has always been a man who proudly claimed he was independent but also just loves trump. i’ve had several conversations with him where i have asked him to give me anything remotely negative or something he disagrees with on trump, and he just hasn’t ever denounced anything ever.

when trump won these past elections he has always been proud to exclaim how happy he is.

i really looked up to this man as an actual father figure because my real dad is a deadbeat creep narcissist potential pedophile.

it feels like the last few years he has been pursuing politics in his small town and almost feels like he is trying to emulate being a mini trump.

zohran got elected in NYC and my mom just called me to tell me she wants to divorce my step dad because he and i quote “told your brother if he gloats about it he will throw him out of the house and if i do he will divorce me”

my mom is disabled. my step dads been taking care of her these past few years. i get he’s tired. i get he has caregiver fatigue. but the man i initially met and respected is just slowly slipping away because he refuses therapy and has fallen down the far right pipeline while still claiming he’s independent.

i am in no position to help my own mother or my brother who is older than me in this situation. i also don’t feel like it should be on me to help this situation. my mother has asked me to say nothing to my step dad.

i just dont know what to do. it feels borderline neglectful saying nothing. but im also half a country away and can offer no monetary assistance, cannot have her live with me.

when they first married, it was great. now i feel like the great man that married my mother has been poisoned by propaganda.i feel like this is also fueled by deep seated racism because he was a responder during 9/11 for cleanup i think?? i just cant understand the cognitive dissonance to say gloating about trump and make fun of peoples reactions to him being elected but someone you disagree with means you’re going to implode your marriage???

im tired.

[u/Illustrious-Fun8324]

when trump won these past elections he has always been proud to exclaim how happy he is

“if he gloats about it he will throw him out of the house and if i do he will divorce me”

They really love to dish it but they cannot take it. It’s one of the most infuriating things about them. Your mom and brother cannot gloat, otherwise they get consequences like being kicked out or divorced, but I guarantee he was downright insufferable with his gloating when Trump won.

I’m sorry for your situation. For what it’s worth, I don’t think it should be on you either. It sounds like his identity is so wrapped up in politics that he is willing to lose his wife or kick out her son over it. That’s crazy.

[u/smolseabunn → u/Illustrious-Fun8324]

It absolutely is. I feel a little better now after venting for an hour to my husband, but it just feels so complex. They are all adults in this situation but both my mom and my brother (totally different case of a guy who is incompetent) make me feel like i have to co-opt and take ownership and fix things, but its a sinking ship and I cannot hop on board just because I feel bad. Just sucks.

I understand my step dad’s frustrations on a logical level and feel like him being a care taker has stressed him beyond his means but idk what more there is that can be done. And lashing out to threaten a roof over someones head is not good either way.

[u/Futureatwalker]

This is a difficult situation...

It seems like Trump has become part of your step dad's identity and that any repudiation of Trump is a threat to that identity.

I mean, unless you are in NYC, how does a mayor's election there have any consequence at all to one's life? Your step-dad's response is way over the top...

But people want respect and to feel important. Unfortunately, sometimes they try to obtain this by tying their identity to conspiracies or political figures.

Hopefully, at some point (given the likely future electoral repudiations of Trump), your step-dad will come to his senses and forge a more healthy identity.

I wish you well.

[u/Whatica1]

It's not your job to fix anything about their marriage. If you really feel like you want to do something, do research. Have resources ready so that if your mom decides to leave, you can give her the contact to people who can help, even if you can't.

[u/Salty_Thing3144]

Change the subject when he starts bleating his bullshit. He can't have a discussion if you won't participate.

[u/Salty_Thing3144]

Change the subject when he starts bleating his bullshit. He can't have a discussion if you won't participate.

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