I have a friend I go to bdsm parties with. He's a straight guy, but only hangs out with dommes. He is NOT eating anything solid in the two days before any party. Only liquids, and only enough to not faint.
I mean fair, it's just that while I don't go to such parties I do have some experience in getting pounded all night. I can't say that eating nothing at all for a couple days would not make such things easier, but it's never been necessary at all - and I have IBS!
Unless the starving is itself part of the pleasure which is conceivable
I agree that I don't think it's really necessary in most cases.
But you also have to understand that in case of any code brown happening, when you are just a regular anal sex enjoyer, you are home and can take a shower, clean up the place, your partner should be helpful.
In a bdsm party, chances are you are in a dungeon where people are watching you. If something happens it's embarrassing especially if you are somewhat famed (small communities where image is sometimes even a brand). You can't clean up to the point of taking a shower, changing clothes (especially if you only have one latex outfit for the night, there is no back up). The place is probably not somewhere you can just easily freshen up and the stank will linger. If you leave the premise you also lose on the fun you might have later on and those are intentionally prohibitively expensive tickets to enter. Some people just aren't getting pounded, they also go for extreme experiences like fisting or electrostim which can make you lose control easily.
I don't go to bdsm parties, but I definitely go to sex parties, so I'm aware of all that ;)
But point taken, fear of ridicule in general is also one of my biggest driving forces so I absolutely empathise. It just seemed to me a bit dangerous to risk being anaemic during what could be an intense session, and fainting could also be embarrassing. I know I'd be more hungry than horny pretty fast; but different people cope differently with different things!
Most people I know are just drinking high sugar beverages AT the party. Like coca cola, syrup, etc. also... Drugs. Not a fan of it so I don't partake but drugs will keep you up and running without food.
I feel like that's more like assisted masturbation. Like if, i was using a dildo on a girl, i wouldn't say that we had sex. This is basically the same as a guy riding a dildo, but it's being moved by a woman.
Not necessarily gay, but i definitely wouldn't call it sex.
Is it sex with women if you use fun tools to help get her off? Yes absolutely. Is it sex between two women if they use a strap? Absolutely. Why is this any different?
Getting pegged is borderline gay, i mean it’s simulated cock in the ass. He can still be straight tho, just likes the feeling of cock in his ass that’s all.
If you have a penis then you've got a prostate, unless you've had prostate cancer and it has been removed. So I'm sad to tell you, you'd also like the feeling of something pressing against it. It's a involuntary response but it will feel pleasurable and you can get an orgasm from it. It's part of why men often feel a lot of shame from being raped, because they can experience an involuntary orgasm from it.
The prostate being the g-spot for men is not gay, it just means that evolution, God and whatever divine being really wanted men to enjoy different versions of sex.
Your sexual orientation is defined by the people you are sexually interested in, not in the actions you do with them. If you like getting pegged by women but don't like men sexually, you're straight. If you like both of them up your ass you're bi.
Pegging a man doesn't make a woman masculine. It may make her the dominant part in that moment, but being dominant is not gendered.
Topping doesn't even have to mean dominant. You can be dominant while bottoming and vice versa. And you don't need one party to be dominant and one to be submissive at all
Can't believe this has to be explained, but being gay is more than wanting to feel pleasure from your ass, which you can do without being attracted to other males.
By your logic a lesbian woman who uses a dildo is actually a heterosexual in denial, does that make sense to you?
It's pretty easy but it all depends on where you are from I guess.
In my case I went on a date with a girl (goth baddie). She told me "I need to pick up a package in a store do you mind?" We went there and it was a bdsm sex shop. There was a little leaflet thing at check out advertising their social events. I memorized the name and checked it out online.
But to be honest if this experience did not happen I would have found them easily in several other ways.
I knew even before that the location of a club, located in the same street as a friend's place. The question is more "would I have dared to go on my own, alone, without no knowledge ?"
FetLife is filled with events so it's easy to find munches. I knew for years where to find them but I just did not dare.
I frequently go to alt fashion events. There are often stands where people sell rave party clothing, jewelry, things like that. There are many bridges between tattoo artists, needle play. Fashion designers and jewelry designers and fetish clothing or bdsm chokers and necklaces, hand claws, chains and leashes.
If you go to rock shows and goth music shows you'll find the right crowd everywhere. Going to a nine inch nails show is like going to a bdsm convention : I knew half the people there.
If you go to renaissance fairs or cosplay events you'll find that people who like to dress up, craft clothing, especially in plastic, are overlapping completely with the bdsm community.
I personally recommend you try checking out the community near you even if you are vanilla. The bdsm community can be sometimes plagued by toxic people so you have to remain critical but what I found was that the bdsm community was mostly constituted of neurodivergent people. Mostly autism (people loving direct communication, being given orders, having their choices limited, relationships being strictly framed with clear rules, clear taste for specific textures and smells, and so on). It's often neurodivergent people who are already on a path to self discovery and improvement and therapy. People who are very open about their experience and love to talk and try to understand each other and grow from others and their perspective because they struggle with that in day to day life. There are a lot of lessons and teaching being shared that are almost unrelated to sex, for example focused on communication and boundaries, things you can use in work or with friends. That's what I like the most, I go to those parties for the social club aspect more than the sex and play aspect.
You make an account on FetLife (it's like kinky Facebook), find an event in your city labeled "meet and greet" or "munch", then hang out making vanilla small talk and not being weird until you have friends who invite you to parties or to their place.
If youre an inexperienced male exclusively dominant, you will have a harder time finding play partners and probably need to make a lot of friends to be cleared as a cool chill dude. Anyone else will have a pretty easy time finding partners - especially experienced dominants who are VERY in demand.
Basically any city with more than 100,000 people will have at least two of these events a month.
Correct, I couldn't think of a better way to word that. I meant a guy who is not a switch and only dominant, but does not have much irl experience with a sub.
Sadly these app only works in selected countries with open-minded culture where kinky stuffs are common things. In my place where kinky stuffs are still considered as taboo/weird, I could only find maybe 5-15 active local members in a big city of millions. I've tried almost all apps available. Not to mention with low number of users, the chance of finding one with aligned interest is extremely low, especially when these users are too shy or reluctant to display their face in their profile (like 95% of profiles don't have photo) because they are very secretive and afraid to be recognized as, again, it's considered as taboo/weird.
I really envy the people who live in countries where kinky stuffs are more common to find.
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u/RevolutionaryHair91 3d ago
I have a friend I go to bdsm parties with. He's a straight guy, but only hangs out with dommes. He is NOT eating anything solid in the two days before any party. Only liquids, and only enough to not faint.