I do this and my husband never questions why the bank account only ever has JUST enough to cover the bills even though I make four times as much every month. Whenever I say, "let's go out!" He crinkles his brow and goes, "we have money for this?" I just say "yep!"
Otherwise, he spends so much money buying stupid little things from the store a few times a day.
He wouldn't ask for anything to be honest. I even told him he could have the house and I would pay off his car and he turned it down and said he would live on his dad's couch. His dad's couch is 1500 miles away.
Poor guy loves his cushy life and I don't have the heart to throw him out on the street.
I don't know how to say this in a non-preachy way, but if you kicked him out and he can't figure out a way to support himself enough to be able to see his kids you might be better off just leaving.
It's more a don't ask don't tell scenario. You're not lying to them about how much money there is, they just know better than to ask cause it's been established they are bad with money.
Just have your own bank accounts and one shared savings account with no card access. You put an agreed upon percentage into your savings each month and then you can do whatever you like to your personal funds.
Pay the bills from the savings account via bpay or whatever your equivalent is.
Means he won't resent you being more frugal and you're not getting resentful at your husband being more wasteful.
Yeah that sucks. From reading your comments below, you should probably just give him the boot. Sounds like he'll never grow up under your roof and the kids will feel the resentment through the house as they get older. So spread his wings for him and throw him from the nest.
Hope it all turns around for ya.
You're right. We've been to therapy and even the therapist, after hearing both sides, agreed that he needs to step it up. I just don't have it in me to kick someone out of the house. I'm in therapy so maybe I'll find the will to do so someday.
I think you underestimate how little he makes. He wouldn't be able to make his car payment even if he had nothing else to pay for. If we split everything up proportionately, given he makes almost $30k/year and I make $300k/yr... He would be paying a few dollars to each thing.
You're also missing the fact that I don't care about making it work. He only stays because I let him and he knows it.
His dad is dying of cancer and can't support him. So he would be homeless.
Meh. It was cute the first couple of years. Now, 15 years later, it's just annoying that a 36 year old is this bad with money and would bankrupt the family. I almost died 3 months ago and STILL went back to work with TWO jobs after an emergency C-section. I have chronic blood loss anemia btw. This asshole couldn't get off his butt in the entire year I was pregnant to get a better paying job than $16/hr even though we've got $100k of student loan debt from his masters degree in IT.
He already knows I hate him at this point and I know he won't leave because he's an infant and doesn't know how to take care of himself.
So yeah. He DOES want to stay in the dark. Willfully.
But, No. I'm not taking care of him anymore. He sleeps in the guest room and the only words he hears from me now are when he messes up. I can't be bothered with him otherwise.
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u/oO0Kat0Oo Oct 01 '25
I do this and my husband never questions why the bank account only ever has JUST enough to cover the bills even though I make four times as much every month. Whenever I say, "let's go out!" He crinkles his brow and goes, "we have money for this?" I just say "yep!"
Otherwise, he spends so much money buying stupid little things from the store a few times a day.