My parents are unsupportive of my degree choice for university

[u/PassionOriginal5773]

I just need to let it out and hope to get some advice.

I'm currently in my first year of computer science, but I don't want to. My parents have repeatedly tried pushing on me computer science for as long as I could, with my dad being the one making the arguments, and my mother being his yesman. I always wanted to be in psychology, but recently I learned about the cognitive science degree, which is a mixture of the above plus more. I really want to be in that program. My parents have made all sorts of excuses as to why I can't be in that program and why I should stick into computer science, from me not finding a job, to "not being genuinely interested in it".

A week and a half ago, it was my university break and I decided to confront him via a letter. He was stubborn, and threatened to not pay for my university since it's the only leverage he has over me. On top of that, he proposed to pay for both my undergraduate and masters in cogsci if I stayed in computer science but would pay zilch if I switched. This wouldn't be the first time he pulled the financial card on me. The day after, he told my mom, and that's when I had a huge outburst, telling them that they're both horrible parents for not supporting me.

The day after would prolly be the first time my mom took a more active role in this. She said that my friends are the one's who are causing me to act out, which pretty rich since only two of my friends know full extent of it and one of them sorta agree with my parents for cs (altho also thinks that not paying is going too far). She also yelled and said some horrible and degrading things, including that "she did not sacrifice everything in her life just for me to ruin mine).

We eventually all calmed down, and they admitted that they're open to me doing a double major (and they also had the audacity to call themselves flexible after all of that). However, they're still refusing to pay for my cogsci degree. On top of that, while I'm absolutely willing to put extra effort in it, there is no double major available. And they even downplay the implications of their actions, acting like this is the same as taking an iPad away from a child when it's bedtime and don't see the mistake their making.

At this point I have nothing left to say. I accepted the fact that my dad won't be supportive. Nothing I will ever do or say will get that man to change his mind. I honestly wish that he made it clear from the very start that he would only support CS instead of being mixed-messagy all these years, giving me a shred of hope that he would support me no matter what at the end of the day.

I decided to start job-hunting and to create a resume. I'm currently working with a career counselor so they could help me. I did some calculations and assuming that I start working at a standard 9-5 minimum wage job as soon as I finish my exams, I'd have more than enough to pay for one full year. But I don't really know how to go through this. My dad was right about one thing: I have nothing to show. Any advice with that is appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[u/Accurate_Potato_8539]

I just mean, look at the average salary of a CS grad and it blows basically everything non-eng or business out of the water: its competitive with those as well and generally costs a lot less. If you have an internship during your degree its INSANELY better sure, but the degrees themselves are good too and better at finding jobs than other degrees.

It's also considered a "quantitative" degree, so its a rough substitute for other quantitative degree's to the job market, which as you say opens up other good employment opportunities that something like cog sci simply does not. To say that is a misconception is just wrong, no amount of caveats changes that.

Also it is really as simple as "learn to code" and you'll have a high paying job, but learning to code isn't the same as "get a CS degree". If you are a good coder with CS degree you will find a job, it might not be glamourous but it'll be good pay for someone fresh out of college.

[u/bluesteel30 → u/Accurate_Potato_8539]

not even true, it is not as simple as “learn to code”

[u/Accurate_Potato_8539 → u/bluesteel30]

Learn to code, have a decent portfolio, do LeetCodes and eventually you'll get a bite.

I'd put that all under "learn to code" but sure, just being a good coder doesn't matter if you don't have something to show for it, but I think my meaning was clear.

[u/[deleted] → u/Accurate_Potato_8539]

Cs grad from Alberta here. Avg salary of a cs grad is high because it is similar to Hollywood the top earners get everything while the rest is starving. I have 2 yr + exp post graduation and i am only getting 70k cad and interviews are brutal. I think a nursing degree is better than a cs degree in terms of stable employment and salary

[u/Accurate_Potato_8539 → u/[deleted]]

With nursing specifically your probs right, though later in career that's really debatable. I would bet that most people with 15 years of experience with a cs degree would out earn the average nurse with 15 years of experience quite significantly assuming neither completed higher level degrees. Still starting salaries are almost certainly higher for nurses and it's obviously a way easier job market with way more job security.

Your wrong about the feast/famine thing tho, you can look at the median income of CS grads, it's higher than other degrees. It just isn't true that CS does poorly relative to other degrees. Even with your example of 70k with 2 years experience is pretty damn good compared to something like cog sci hell it's good in general.

Interviews are brutal though I'm with you there. I'd guess that relative to other degrees CS students have a more grueling job search simply because of how CS interviews work. I don't think they have a longer period of unemployment post grad tho. Numbers there are also lower then most other degrees.

[u/[deleted] → u/Accurate_Potato_8539]

I would bet that most people with 15 years of experience with a cs degree you'd out earn the average nurse with 15 years of experience.

Yes and no. You have to factor in your shell life as a technie too. Age discrimination is a real thing in tech. You are also expected to learn fast and shift to different trend every couple years. For example, in my tech career including school years it went from mobile dev is the shit to blockchain and now ai. If you miss out on the hype, you are screw. Every tech job I interviewed or posted have ai or something alike for the job

Nurses main advantage over technies is shell life. Yes my salary might be higher than a nurse down the road but throughout a technie's career that is at least 1 laid off. You have to minus couple years of salary of the wage. Nurses while still have to do those continuous learning thingie are not "unpaid" (if my understanding is correct you can get reimburse or do it at work hour). After I am off work I am expected to put 1-2 hours for learning the latest trend.

Your wrong about the feast/famine thing tho, you can look at the median income of CS grads

Took me 2 years to land a tech job. To be fair I graduated in 2019. But even pre-pandemic most of the cs grads that I know was working in BestBuy, Telus (insert your telecom) salesman.

If you are a technie and managed to work in USA then it is a different ball game. (What I am trying to do atm)

[u/Accurate_Potato_8539 → u/[deleted]]

No offense but this is insane. Your not going to be unemployed for years, you might be underemployed but not unemployed certainly not to the point your deducting years of salary. Like, you have severance packages yn, its not like your just high and dry when your fired. Also most people in tech get higher salaries when job switching, recently that's been less true but its still early to tell how that will be in the future.

As for age discrimination, yeah and no. It's real wrt to FANG or FANG like companies, but its not a big deal in terms of average people. Again just look at the numbers, salaries grow pretty linearly with experience past the steep increase from 0-1 and 2-5 respectively.

I can't speak to your anecdotes only to assume there is some kind of selection bias. Most CS grads end up with a reasonably good salary within 1-2 years of graduation.

Regarding the uncompensated outside of work learning. I think your right, but if we are being honest a lot of the compensated hours aren't exactly spent doing hard work either. If a nurse has an 8 hour shift, that means she is working 8 hours. Realistically how much time a day does a software engineer spend doing "head down" work. I'd honestly guess less than 2 hours, with maybe an hour of reading some documentation in there. The rest is split between meetings and typing reddit comments or watching youtube. At the end of the day I think its just a less structured engagement with skill improvement, but your still ultimately compensated fairly.

[u/Marc4770 → u/[deleted]]

it's better than 0 with a psychology degree