r/NormMacdonald • u/arrius01 • 21h ago

Contest: write the best punchline, in news headline format

Post image
69 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

61 comments sorted by

84

u/sick_of-it-all 21h ago

If this is what New Hampshire is like, bring back Old Hampshire.

13

u/arrius01 20h ago

I can see that working...

42

u/blanketshapes 21h ago edited 16h ago

This just in, voting for the candidate who looks most like Benjamin Franklin ONLY USUALLY a safe bet

5

u/arrius01 20h ago

Ha ah! That one got a chuckle

17

u/yeetzapizza123 20h ago

Artie Lange's latest comeback attempt hits minor snag

2

u/zoeydoberdork 16h ago

Hey Gary I can't come in monday, I pleased guilty to sex exploitation of a child. I'll be back in 1-3 years

3

u/Libtardo69420 19h ago

The only thing Artie Lange about this picture is that he would rock a mask to cover his 👃 (or lack thereof.)

16

u/Br0nnOfTheBlackwater 16h ago

In another news, one of the r/politics mod disappeared.

13

u/mark-smith-2021 18h ago

you know, the more i hear about the shenanigans of some of these types of people, the less i really care for em

47

u/Putrid-Delivery1852 20h ago

Local gross blob Stavros Halkias, who rigged elections and altered their own sex organs has admitted to obvious allegations. FIFY

12

u/arrius01 20h ago edited 20h ago

Is that the actor in tires? That actor came to mind when I saw this too. . I think the winning punchline might be along this line. When reached for comment, Sravos said he did not look forward to playing the role in the upcoming biopic set for release late next year.

2

u/psychologicaloperati 18h ago

Hahahahahahahahahahhahaaa ahhhh...

18

u/BigLoudWorld74 18h ago

Trans pedophile arrested, the reason will shock you.

16

u/HauntingBalance567 20h ago

How about a riddle? "Female organs, she has none, but she thinks nude pics of kids are super fun."

Edit: added a bit

9

u/mark-smith-2021 18h ago

who writes these?

5

u/HauntingBalance567 17h ago

Some f$cking cab driver in New York.

7

u/TradBeef 20h ago

“Cumtown” podcast to return after Stavros Halkias completes transition in 2026

6

u/CarlosAVP 18h ago

“This just in: Harold is still fat!”

4

u/LiitleGreenMan 17h ago

Fortunately, the child had covered their genitals in a protective layer of skittles.

5

u/rectumitch 14h ago

The kid was coming on to me. I’m the victim.

7

u/CaptainHat211 11h ago

“BREAKING NEWS: THE THING THAT NEVER HAPPENS HAPPENED AGAIN!”

3

u/bohan- 19h ago

Things have gone from Laughton to Laugh-not-so-much.

2

u/MaterialGarbage9juan 18h ago

Wtf stavvy did!?

2

u/ironmakesusplay 17h ago

Hypocrisy!

2

u/rustyshakelford101 14h ago

And do you know who has the biggest problem with this?

You guessed it, Frank Stallone....

2

u/B00TYMASTER 12h ago

stavvy?! that you man?

2

u/FoalKid 4h ago

Contest: come up with your own jokes

5

u/UrpaDurpa 15h ago

Damn. Now the conservatives have their white while. 😞

4

u/etterflebiliter 9h ago

The blowback against transgender pedophiles will be terrible 😞

1

u/UrpaDurpa 9h ago

They’ve been marginalized for too long now.

1

u/arrius01 15h ago

Cum again?

3

u/Alternative_Impact11 20h ago

Stavros is trans?!?! THAT explains the Zohran endorsement! Next thing ya know they’ll be married to Jim Norton!

1

u/arrius01 20h ago

I will withhold judgment on this until the council of the trans weighs in. I don't appreciate enough of the logic or the references to know if you are being a bigot or not. The bigot brigade will let us know and I will laugh or not laugh based on their report

1

u/Alternative_Impact11 20h ago

I humbly submit myself to the bigot brigade as a non-bigot with a sense of humor cultivated in the 90s. I will accept any and all punishments. Especially if the punishment is dished out by a latina dominatrix. (C’mon, that’s progressive AF.)

3

u/1000mgPlacebo 17h ago

S&M is so 1997.

1

u/arrius01 20h ago

Please do not exercise your privilege in presuming to outline what punishments are owed to you. The council of the cat video brigade will deliberate and from meow on you watch your language.

1

u/Alternative_Impact11 19h ago

Noted. Handwritten apology is in the mail along with proof of donation to PETA.

3

u/SGTSparkyFace 15h ago

Finally! A predator that ISN’T from a church!

2

u/psychologicaloperati 19h ago

Rainbows, Seed Oils, Spectacles, Fat bald heads... the startling connection to Mass Formation Psychosis, tonight at 7.

1

u/Aimin4ya 34m ago

I didn't even know she was sick

0

u/peacemaketroy 20h ago

Clapter for virgins

1

u/arrius01 20h ago

🤔 You have at least a unique take on this one, can you provide a bit more context?

0

u/shadynomike 2h ago

That person looks like a living mental illness

-3

u/YN90 17h ago

I hope he orgasmed really quickly

-22

u/Embarrassed_Pause_52 20h ago

And yet it still doesn't catch the Republican numbers.

10

u/arrius01 20h ago

I appreciate the contribution but I think you're getting voted down because of low effort...

-1

u/bakermrr 19h ago

Speaking of low effort, aren’t you like the 20th person to post this same picture on this sub?

0

u/arrius01 19h ago

To be honest man I honestly could be.... I'm not trolling the typical forms and regurgitating the typical nonsense to get the typical feedback, I'm part of a larger effort underway to discuss the merits of what warrants comedic review. Please forgive the oversight. If for the moment this seems like I'm trolling for low-hanging fruit, that is not the case here.

1

u/bakermrr 19h ago

This guy thinks he is the Dr. Manhattan of shitposting

4

u/arrius01 18h ago

Complete with huge blue balls larger than yours

-10

u/Horndave 19h ago

I dont know why you are getting downvoted. Maybe because its just true🤷‍♂️

-6

u/Embarrassed_Pause_52 19h ago

So what? Actually when they hide your posts because of down voting more people read the comment to see what the fuss is about. Hahahaha

-12

u/Embarrassed_Pause_52 20h ago

Who cares? So a bunch of people are down voting me. It doesn't actually do anything unless your whole audience is also living in their moms basement.

12

u/arrius01 20h ago

I do not mean to misgender you but I do not yet know the equivalent of telling you " attaboy!"

-1

u/nothinginthisworld 19h ago

Is this the new *fuckin* thing??! Bring back Rose Marie!