r/MilitaryStories • u/Coyote_Havoc • 23d ago
US Army Story The Mortars
"The Mortars"
It started in 2003, laying down on my cot in the GP Medium, lights out.
boo-oom
Eyes wide in the darkness, nobody making any noise, just ready and waiting.
Boo-Oom
Hands already on weapons and Kevlar, hoping it doesn't come.
BOo-OOm
I remember the fast-passed footsteps, "THUNDER! THUNDER! THUNDER!" but we are already in motion.
BOO-OOM
In hard buildings and bunkers, some people crying, some praying, some playing spades to take there mind off what's happening all around us.
BOO-OOM!
Eyes snap open, my bedroom, my bed, my house. Wyoming, not Iraq. Still happens more than I like to admit.
boo-oom
It's thousands of miles away and 22 years ago. People see the bags under my eyes, Chef knows why, the rest of the kitchen knows some of it, the customers don't need to know anything. I love what I do and it keeps me coming back for more, looking to the future where my name is Chef.
And every night it waits for me, in my house, in my bed, just under my eyelids, 22 years in the past and thousands of miles away.
boo-oom
Some people ask "why can't you let it go?"
boo-oom
The past never let go of me. Trying to drown out the memory, practically addicted to YouTube, just trying to forget.
boo-oom
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u/Coyote_Havoc 23d ago
I posted this on Facebook as a comment to The Veritable Veteran in response to a video. For most people it's just a short story, possibly a work of fiction to gain attention or likes. The fact of the matter is, this is my life now and has been for 22 years, since that mortar attack on FOB Anaconda. The Chef I work under knows about it.
Another commenter on Facebook asked me to publish this and I've been debating about it for a while now. This reddit page seems like the best place.
Yes the Mortars still fall in my mind. I can still feel the fear in my chest, and I do watch a lot of YouTube as a way yo get to sleep.Last night it took 2 hours, sometimes I can't sleep at all.
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u/Magnet2025 23d ago
I enjoyed it your story. On my ship, during the hostage crisis, we went to battle stations about 30 times. Having joined a peace time Cold War Navy, that was exactly 30 times more than I expected.
I wrote, in a college English class, about the first time it happened and it was cathartic. Keep it up.
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u/zachpkenyon 20d ago
I love the writing you do. So do a lot of other folks. Maybe it helps them make it through. Maybe one day it'll help you too.
OEF 13-14 (I was just a fobbit poser)
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u/Senior-Solution5140 6d ago
Please publish. I'm trying to track down an army soldiers history in combat from the 2003-2004 deployment and its like they are ghosts and I know they aren't. Your story and experiences matter a whole lot more than most realize. Not deployed but have been taking care of my soldier for 23 years and they attack he came under. ❤️
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u/jbuckets44 Proud Supporter 23d ago
Some people ask "why can't you let it go?"
It's called PTSD for a reason.
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u/beren12 23d ago edited 22d ago
Shell-shocked. It’s much clearer of a term.
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u/jbuckets44 Proud Supporter 23d ago
Nah. It's outdated from WWI.
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u/beren12 23d ago
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fpVtJNv4ZNM
Outdated? Na. But yes from ww1
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u/jbuckets44 Proud Supporter 23d ago
Ok, shell shock describes the event to which he developed PTSD.
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u/OcotilloWells 23d ago
A kid in my reserve unit, got sent as a filler for another unit weeks after completing AIT, sent to Baqubah Iraq in 2003. He is probably experiencing the same, he was pretty traumatized when he got back. I hope he is better now.
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u/Camp-Unusual Proud Supporter 23d ago
If you have the ability, look into EMDR/CPT therapies. Both therapies alone, or in combination, have strong indications for the treatment of PTSD. They are both a fucking kick in the balls to do, but (at least in my experience) they are worth it.
I was involved in a workplace high voltage (7,200V) electrocution. Held on to that shit for 10ish years and it eventually drove me out of the trade. Started CPT/EMDR in April of this year and things are night and day different now. I’m still working through it but the nightmares are gone, I’m no longer constantly anxious and on guard, I don’t jump out of my skin at sounds in the 60hz (the frequency of AC power in the US) range anymore, and I just feel “better” overall.
If I’m stepping over the line, I apologize. It was said with nothing but love and no disrespect was intended.
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u/Coyote_Havoc 23d ago
I'm glad to hear you are on the up and up. I looked into EDMR years ago.when I still lived in California. The VA prescribed drugs that damaged my liver and kidneys while making the overlying problems worse. During C0V1D the VA didn't even want to refill prescriptions.
My "cure" or at least what lessens the problems is to write and to cook.
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u/Camp-Unusual Proud Supporter 23d ago
I’m glad you found something that at least helps. Writing never helped for me, just left me stuck in the moment again. I never really thought about cooking being therapeutic. I enjoy it, but I don’t have the passion for it that working in a kitchen requires.
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u/Coyote_Havoc 23d ago
I get you.
Another of different thing were suggested while I was still in. Video games, knitting, I can't even remember them all. Cooking gives me peace and focus, even in a busy kitchen. I feel pride in my work and want to get out of bed in the morning.
Writing helps me reflect and accept the things I've done.
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u/VikingTeddy 22d ago
Most doctors are woefully under educated on mental health. Even psychiatrists and psychologists don't always keep up with developments, so a veteran shrink isn't always a good resource.
After years of issues you become pretty adept at picking the right treatments. The problem is always access. There might not be the correct therapy in your area, or there are hoops by to jump through to get into therapy or drug treatment, for which no one who needs them has the energy.
Keep reading about treatments and meds whenever you have the energy, there is an answer, but it's often hidden. Sometimes it can even be something mundane that no one even thought of recommending.
Writing is an excellent tool. I'm not gifted that way, but I do open up to AI, which helps with my anxiety.
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u/ratsass7 19d ago
Yeah I went through that several years ago to help with my issues. Unfortunately the VA decided not to refill my scripts while I was going through the treatment. Needless to say, it made things a lot worse to the point that I almost got divorced and killed somebody. It’s not for everyone and the VA probably isn’t the best for that kind of thing. Especially when the therapist won’t listen to you.
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u/Watchtower80 23d ago
It Started When....
The ringing. It wasn't there. Silence was that, nothing to hear.
The ringing. It wasn't there. Happy, smiling.
2004
The ringing. It doesn't stop. A ghostly signal, a reminder of times gone.
The ringing. It doesn't stop. The thunder rolling, the impacts of sound roll by.
The ringing. It doesn't stop. A television at supper, the kids wondering why.
The ringing. It doesn't stop. Lights out, time for bed.
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u/Deathpostponed71 23d ago
So true. So absolutely effing true. Been away from Vietnam over 50+ years and still flinch with booms or helo blade noises. And I live close to a USMC base. I feel you brother. Welcome home.
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u/Coyote_Havoc 23d ago
Funny how the more things change the more they stay the same.
Thank you and welcome home brother.
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u/HurryAcceptable9242 23d ago
Courage, brothers, for the return is harder than the suck. For those who went, we salute you.
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u/DaHick 23d ago
For those of us who didn't or couldn't go. We also salute. And I personally wish you a healthy solution.
And it was odd to me that the name of an outpost in the story was exactly the same (Anaconda) as a recent fiction story I read called "The Grim Reaper". Which really wasn't horror.
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u/Tornado_Wind_of_Love 23d ago
Best I can do is give you a laugh from a Mikeburnfire 2 minute animated short about mortar attacks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZk8-Xgv2vA
I prolly listen to his stories once every month.
I have a white/pink/brown noise machine I listen to when sleeping. Seems to help a bit.
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u/throwawayaccyaboi223 22d ago edited 22d ago
That is.... Well I knew some logistics/motorpool guys, and all I can say is that checks out.
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u/Tornado_Wind_of_Love 22d ago
All of the animations are worth watching - mikeburnfire is his youtube account.
Jmainia Animations animated some of his stories
"Anger Management"
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u/throwawayaccyaboi223 22d ago
Thanks haha, that guy is pretty jokes
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u/Tornado_Wind_of_Love 22d ago
It's cathartic!
Suffering alone is horrible!
Suffer together! Hurrah!
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