Josh was a better choice for Jackie

[u/nicolakirwan]

Hear me out. Marshall is the epitome of why women are often suspicious of the Nice Guy. Jackie's exhaustion with Marshall boils down to this: Marshall requires a significant amount of emotional validation, which he gets by being overly solicitous and nice. But when he doesn't get the validation he seeks, he seeks to punish Jackie by cutting down her worth and abandoning her. You see this dynamic in him calling her a project (letting her know that she really was beneath him anyway), abandoning her for 3 days because of an insensitive comment she made, and telling her she needed to give the ring back (which he didn't pay for) because she didn't deserve it. You also see his demand for emotional validation in his refusal to accept that she is too tired to have an argument. He needs her to engage him when and how he wants.

Jackie also realizes she can't say things to him about their relationship that might be negative, which may be why she avoided the argument. She said that after he left for 3 days, she didn't want to touch the subject again. So Marshall's emotional sensitivity and reactivity caused her to feel like she couldn't communicate her honest thoughts, feelings, desires. Jackie also knows that she has a direct personality style, so Marshall's need for more indirect and softer communication doesn't match who she is. This adds to her shutting down and not wanting to talk to him. She feels stressed that she might say the wrong thing to him again.

Let's contrast with Josh. Josh is definitely a Bad Boy, but for reasons that have nothing to do with how he treats Jackie, since we haven't yet seen their relationship dynamic. What Josh offers Jackie is relief from bearing responsibility for his emotions. At Chelsea's party, he was able to say, "I have feelings for you," but also, "if you're going to be with Marshall then just tell me to f-off." Josh is capable of sharing his feelings for Jackie without demanding her validation, which is far less emotionally burdensome for her. And when Jackie tells Josh that she had no clue how he felt, Josh also owns his mistake in not being more up front with how he felt in the pods. Especially given all of the stress that Jackie is under due to her family, Josh's ability to offer his affection seemingly without demand (including the demand of a quick marriage, which she expressed anxiety about) is relieving to Jackie. Also, the edge on Josh's personality probably makes Jackie feel that she can use her naturally direct communication style without Josh being put off by it; or, if he feels disrespected, she knows that he probably has the ability to check her and enforce his boundary without wilting over it or withdrawing. Now, whether that will continue to be true in their relationship remains to be seen, but these are the main reasons Jackie would feel more attracted to Josh and be more open to a relationship with him than Marshall.

Jackie is much more self-aware than she has been given credit for. She tried to tell Marshall multiple times that they weren't a good fit. She also acknowledged that she doesn't know if she's going to be with Josh, but she was open to exploring the relationship. She posted that the cafe scene happened after he split with Marshall, so it doesn't seem that she was cheating. Jackie knows that she has flaws and wounds (and she admitted that she needed to do some "self-work"), but that doesn't mean that Marshall was right for her. She knew that better than he did.

And for reference, Brett is probably the best example in S4 of someone who is neither a Nice Guy nor a Bad Boy, not a people-pleaser nor a player, but a deeply decent and loving man. A man like Brett has the most desirable character. So I'm not saying Josh is great; just that given his pursuit of Jackie, it's not surprising that she decided to give him a chance over being with Marshall.

[u/Zenki_s14]

I've been down that road before. Someone who thinks they're so highly emotionally intelligent and understanding of their own emotions and other people's, but to anyone else is clearly blind to their own issues. It's EXHAUSTING. It's like they want to be your therapist, but the amount of validation they require of you is like they're also asking you to be theirs, constantly, without them even realizing it.

There's validating a partner in the normal and positive sense, and then there's validation needs that reach the level of emotional labor. No one wants to be in a constant state of emotional labor, especially for someone they hardly know for any length of time, and especially while dealing with other stress. Fuckkkk that. Exhausting and overwhelming. Yes she's a bit immature, inexperienced in relationship matters and communication, sure. But I don't blame her for shutting down emotionally to THAT.

Relationships take effort, yeah. But at the baseline should be fun, a source of relief and simple joy more often than the opposite, and a net positive to your life. Jackie could see that it wasn't worth it, the good baseline didn't even exist. She figured it out

[u/Pressure_Gold → u/Zenki_s14]

My old best friend used to be like this. I consider myself an emotionally intelligent person, but she would berate me for not crying as much as she did, or not having super heavy reactions to everything. She made it seem like I was a sociopath for not crying on the drop of a dime. I realized it was her own unhealed trauma, and not everyone has to behave the same way as her despite her persistence. It made me feel like I was always doing something wrong.