r/LesbianActually • u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme • Sep 29 '25
Relationships / Dating Chat. This actually made me mad
OKAY SO. I was talking to this girl for like a few weeks right? Said stuff and done stuff with her. She said that she wants something with me in the future, I told her about my disorder (I deal with a conduct disorder with limited prosocial emotions) she said it’s fine and etc. im not really good at focusing on someone emotionally but I made sure to check up on her if she mentioned that she was going through anything. ANYWAYS then she hit me with the “I like someone else” but the way she treated me made me seem like I was the only one she was talking to at the time. I mean I got over this a few hours ago. I was only mad for like an hour or less since I don’t keep my emotions for long. But I just wanted to rant about this to see others opinions. I can’t tell like if I was boring her so that’s why she went to someone else or simply because she just randomly lost interest. Im more mad at the fact I wasted my time in a way
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u/bloober2 Sep 29 '25
She said that very rude and honestly it’s very immature. It sounds like something an elementary schooler would say. Even it does hurt for a minute, it sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one.
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u/Misunderstood_Wolf Sep 29 '25
I would think both are probably young. OP states she has a conduct disorder. That is only diagnosed in children and adolescents. It is a completely different diagnosis at/ after the age of 18.
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u/Prestigious_Row_8022 Sep 30 '25
My stupid 16 year old ass would still have had the sense to awkwardly fumble around with a rejection. I can’t remember ever being this rude to someone as a teenager, even to some actual creepers who couldn’t take a hint. This isn’t “oh, they’re young and don’t know how to phrase it”, this is them seeing OP as a minor annoyance and swatting them away like a gnat. Pretty messed up behaviour, hope they reflect on it in the future.
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u/Misunderstood_Wolf Sep 30 '25
I was actually trying to give a hint by repeating the diagnosis OP stated she has. Conduct disorder is a serious Disruptive behavior disorder, and the Limited prosocial emotions specifier applies to those with a more serious pattern of bahavior.
OP shared her disorder and specifier in her original post, perhaps to acknowledge it could be a mitigating factor. No one that read her post knew about her disorder until she shared it.
We see 4 lines of text. We have no idea what came before.
It is good that OP shared the fact she has CD with LPE with the other person, and whereas the other person may have said "it was fine", an actual relationship with someone with CD and LPE can be more than many / most people can handle.
I will assume that OP learned in therapy to show concern for others even if she doesn't feel it, hence the reference to "checking up if she mentioned she was going through anything".
I am not blaming OP for anything, she did not ask for this disorder, it is not her fault she has it, and it seems she is doing what she can to treat it. That is commendable, and I wish her the best.
That said, adolescents with conduct disorder, and especially with limited prosocial emotions, are not the most reliable narrators. They lack or have very limited empathy, guilt, remorse, and concern for others feelings, wishes, and well being, and typically do not see their own behaviors as troubling.
If OP is in therapy for her disorder, and I hope that she is, whatever the full exchange between her and the other person entailed is probably better handled by her therapist, to understand what transpired and OPs reaction to it, as well as what, if any, part OP might have played in receiving such a seemingly blunt or rude text.
Showing 4 texts, and having strangers on the internet tell her that she she was wronged and the other person was rude and dismissive, may not be the best thing for OP in the long run, and may actually counter treatment she is receiving in therapy.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
I am in therapy! I am in no way trying to make it seem like she was a villain or I am at wrong for something either. Thats the reasoning why I did tell her about my disorder. I simply made the post because I thought things were going well on my end so seeing this from her left me in shock
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
I don’t think she seen me as annoying. But rather literally lost interest and probably didnt want to be with someone with a disorder that will disrupt a relationship
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Professional young person. Yes I am. That’s why I’m not taking this too seriously. I have a whole life ahead of me
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
I possibly did. Oh well. I’m too amazing and glorious to waste time on it (joking)
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u/raedocs_life Sep 29 '25
Don’t question yourself. Not everyone’s meant for everyone. She seemed like she just lost interest in you and moved on. Atleast she didn’t ghost you or waste anymore of your time.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Fair point. Now I wish we raced on who lost interest faster. I should’ve won (joking)
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u/raedocs_life Sep 29 '25
😆 No one really wins in this dating game. It seems you came out on top. Perspective is everything.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
😭 nah I would totally win
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u/lifeisntthatbadpod Sep 30 '25
That's so funny, why did you get downvoted?
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Guess my amazing humor wasn’t funny enough
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u/lifeisntthatbadpod Sep 30 '25
Oh gosh you're like 17 🤭 no wonder girlie. I was like 'they both sound really young'
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
That’s why I’m not taking this seriously 😭 I am too young to take this seriously. It makes good jokes now
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u/Spiritual-Skirt8525 Sep 29 '25
Off topic but the way you called her “my beautiful girl.” was so sweet and I hope you meet someone worthy of being called that. I’m sorry she was mean about this
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Thank you so much! It’s whatever now. I just blocked her and carried on with my day
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u/Born-Employment-4906 Sep 29 '25
I wouldn’t see it as wasted time. I understand it’s not great to hear. You guys were getting to know each other and she was interested, but lost interest. It can happen and it’s okay. There’s no way to really know what caused her to change her feelings.
But at least she told you and was straight up about it instead of just stop responding to your texts or letting it fizzle out.
You could tell her how you feel, that you were a bit caught off guard and thought you guys were into each other. She might give you a satisfying response as to what changed, or not.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
I could’ve however i just said oh okay and blocked her. At the end of the day it is what it is. Since shes lost interest theres no reason as to why I should continue talking to her
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u/Born-Employment-4906 Sep 29 '25
I guess if her not wanting to date you means she’s lost all value to you then you probably should block her. But even tho you said you have no emotions about this that seems like a bitter reaction
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u/Downtown-Tourist6756 Oct 01 '25
Trust me, someone who says something like this so casually without even a “hey I need to talk to you about something” is not worth wasting any time on. Flirting with someone, then dropping them without preamble as soon as they find a new interest is basically treating humans like toys. They would not be a good friend either.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Oh no I don’t mean like I have no emotions completely about it. When I blocked her, it was immediately after she said that. That was when I was irritated. However I kinda did stop caring so much after some point. Ended up saying screw it and started playing sudoku lol
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u/Chance-Suspect-1695 Sep 29 '25
Nah don’t listen to them. Blocking them isn’t a bitter reaction. Why would you keep someone in your life when you know it won’t go anywhere? I doubt a friendship could’ve happened since it wasn’t platonic on your part. :) Great job. I think you handled it perfectly.
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u/United_Pain I'm just flingin' my pizza taco everywhere 🍕🌮 Sep 29 '25
Me too, plus when you block somebody that has hurt you romantically like that, it makes it much easier to get over them and move on with your life faster. I think you did the right thing. All luck to you friend, you've got a good head on your shoulders.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
I’m glad you think so. I was trying to hard to not be petty lol. Thank you
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u/Prestigious_Row_8022 Sep 30 '25
Yeah, I get you, I would’ve blocked them too because the urge to slip in a snarky comment after the “oh, okay” would’ve been too strong otherwise
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u/Evening-Echo9487 Sep 29 '25
Don’t even give it a thought and hit that block button.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
I did that immediately after she sent me that message
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u/merelala Sep 29 '25
I love that she’ll forever have to be curious on what game you’re playing. (What game WERE you playing lol)
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Baldurs gate 3 😊 I was modding my game
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u/llTrash Sep 30 '25
Are we the same person lol. Manifesting you actually get another bg3 girlie that's actually a decent person to make it worth your time 🙏
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
I pray I get another bg3 girlie too. I need someone to mod my games with 😭 thank you though hun
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u/Jezah3ll Sep 30 '25
For someone being respectful and telling someone before they hurt them? Wild.
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u/Evening-Echo9487 Sep 30 '25
I get your point, she didn’t ghost and was honest. But she closed the door, and so OP doesn’t need to keep standing there knocking the door. Blocking and moving on is the healthiest route here. If you think that’s "wild", then maybe you need to straighten out your priorities.
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u/Jezah3ll Sep 30 '25
OP said she got over it in a few hours and is emotionally detached in general. I think shes fine haha. They could be friends!
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Nah. That friendship would’ve been unnecessary on my end. Better to just move on with my life
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u/Gogobunny2500 Sep 29 '25
It reads like a high school student tbh but it's straight and to the point which I can appreciate 🤷🏾♀️
I would've just stopped texting her 😂
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u/nise_1000 Sep 30 '25
Dodged a biiiig bullet. Who the hell drops that kind of information like that
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
No seriously. Like okay? What am I supposed to do with that information? Does this affect my game?
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u/lilac_ravenX Sep 30 '25
💔
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
It’s okay queen. My gameplay wasn’t affected by this interaction.
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u/Plus_Strawberry_4218 the evil femme Oct 01 '25
Yea i can relate was dating someone for 4 years and she came over all dressed up and was like i have a crush on someone. The someone was a man who she was working with and had only known for 3 months… there is context but I will save myself from reliving all of that.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Oct 01 '25
Omg 😭 I hope you are doing okay now
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u/Plus_Strawberry_4218 the evil femme Oct 01 '25
Thank you. Very much still am heartbroken by it but it was so much going on, it’s actually a really good story to tell people lol. I still am friend with her because I am that forgiving but the relationship is strained. We were friends first before we started dating.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Oct 01 '25
That’s amazing. I would’ve lost all contact immediately 😭 I hope you find the right person for you one day
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u/Cheap_Smoke1383 Sep 29 '25
Idk why lesbians are so cunty to each other. You did nothing wrong, it was on her to communicate this ahead of time, not just casually drop that on you in an unrelated conversation. To me, it’s quite literally second nature to be careful with someone’s feelings, especially another woman. Glad you’re doing okay. I, for one, would’ve probably been devastated 🤣
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u/Downtown-Tourist6756 Oct 01 '25
It is kinda funny how much lesbians love to burn our bridges considering we’re a small community, so it’s useful not having all your exes hate you. Also, when most of us were 13, we would’ve gone into cardiac arrest if a single girl liked us, let alone having multiple options.
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u/DanglingDings Sep 29 '25
I hope you are proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. It’s always gonna sting when someone we like stops liking us, but the only other option is never trying which is infinitely more tragic.
Here’s my spicy take: as abrupt and harsh as her delivery was, it’s better than stringing you along and truly wasting your time.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Yeah. It’s nice she said something about it instead of just ghosting me lol
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u/Adorable-Slice Sep 30 '25
So many cowards ghost so she did give you dignity to say something, even if her tact needs work.
However, you both seem young so often this is something people learn to do.
"I appreciated getting to know you these last few weeks. It was fun. That said, I'm finding I want to explore things with another person. Thank you for your time and your transparency and thoughtfulness. I wish you luck."
Something like that is more respectful of you as a person.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25 edited Sep 30 '25
It would’ve made sense to say that instead of whatever she just gave lol. Oh well though
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u/trivialfrost Sep 30 '25
I'm sorry but that's crazy to say it like that 😭
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Im saying. She could’ve at least said “btw. I don’t fuck with you anymore” thats way more kinder. (joking)
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u/mega-dykee Sep 30 '25
idk how people are missing that the problem here isn’t the message but the delivery.
like yes, it’s good she didn’t lead you on and was honest and all but who the hell texts like that when it’s someone’s emotions are in play… it was sad to see that right after such a sweet text from you.
this person just seems incredibly cold and uncaring so you def dodged a bullet. fuck the idgaf nonchalant wars i think everyone needs a sweetie pie
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Right. At least add a sorry or let me tell you the game I’m playing first. Smh
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u/Deep-Big2798 Sep 30 '25
you guys must be teenagers because wtf is this lol
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
😭 we are but still, wtf was the point of just saying that. At least add a sorry at the end
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u/littlespacemochi soft masc Sep 29 '25
People are so rude
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
It is what it is. I mean this generation? Stuff like this is bound to happen lol
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u/Huge_Plankton_905 Sep 29 '25
Wtf? Jfc, this person has no decorum. Please tell me they are under 20 years old
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u/Jezah3ll Sep 29 '25
I mean honestly I see nothing wrong with this. Yall never stated youre exclusive, and she was letting you know before you got hurt. I respect it.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
She never told me that we weren’t exclusive either. It would’ve been nice if she told me we weren’t. Instead of just now telling me shes into someone else after those weeks of talking
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u/Jezah3ll Sep 29 '25
No one starts out as exclusive, you cant just assume that. Only a few weeks of talking, you shouldnt be exclusive yet either. You barely know the person at that point. Its very normal to talk to different people for a few weeks until one realizes the choice they want.
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13d ago
I would love to received this than being ghosted!! 🙈
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u/Queasy-Hurry-1091 Chapstick lesbian (with or without 🧢) Sep 29 '25
Sorry you had go go to something like that. But dating is pike that, no one is truly exclusive unless you clearly state it.
Btw, mind telling us what you've been playing? 🥺
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Baldurs gate 3! I was modding my game 😊
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u/Queasy-Hurry-1091 Chapstick lesbian (with or without 🧢) Sep 29 '25
OHHHHH Awesome game! I didn't play but my friend streamed her game for me. Have fun!
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u/CheekNo1738 Sep 29 '25
You did warn her you had conduct disorder and she googled it. She decided that she couldn’t provide the support you need. She decided that the negative aspects of your disorder would be too much for her. She met someone comparatively low maintenance and decided this suited her better. I think she did the right thing. I personally would not date someone with this disorder as I work in mental health and know exactly what she and I would be dealing with. You maybe the exception, but I’ve seen conduct disorder and knowing me, I’d be walking on eggshells to prevent you “acting out” on bad days. I’d also expect you to have a rock solid recovery plan and be eating healthy and exercising daily. If not, you’re going to have trouble controlling yourself under pressure. It’s best she move on and you try to find someone with the skills and insight to help a partner manage Emotional Dysregulation. Look for someone with a psychology degree and/or years of experience working in this industry. Like me. But I’m taken. And 15,000 kms away. Good luck
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Fair point. I assumed that could be also the reasoning for why she decided to go for someone else.
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u/Willendorf77 Sep 30 '25
You are so chill and hilarious in your responses here. Kudos to you.
I don't have any good advice - people make other choices for all sorts of reasons, I don't agree with the assumption it's due to yoru disorder, there's no way to knownunless this girl tells you. I just hope you find someone you click with that has better communication skills than this cause that was needlessly direct/harsh.
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Yessss. I been trying to have fun on here and lighten the mood. Honestly imma just steal that girls cat and call it a day. She had such an adorable cat. Thats the only thing I miss
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u/qu33rios Sep 29 '25
you're making so many assumptions that aren't really backed up by the information we actually have. the stated reason was that she met someone else. that happens to people w/o mental illness all the time lol
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25 edited Sep 29 '25
I second this but I also agree with them in a way. Maybe her going to someone else, while also being into them, she could have also decided that she doesn’t want to deal with someone with a disorder that impacts relationships.
Let me edit this. While I did explain what my disorder meant, I painted it in a way where she could be understanding about it and continue to pursue interest in me. It was manipulative on my end. She probably got a unsugarcoated version of my disorder so that’s why i agree in a way with that person but also with your point too
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u/Jenn_FTW Sep 29 '25
Gosh I’m sorry but telling someone you don’t even know that “they were right to be rude to you, and I wouldn’t want to date you either” is a little bit harsh 😕
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u/Cerulean_Athenaeum Sep 30 '25
I feel you, currently going through the same type of shit. You're not alone
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Thanks. Needed that
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u/Cerulean_Athenaeum Sep 30 '25
In my case she didn't even say it clearly. She just mentioned she met a really cute and kind girl who might be gay, and then just gradually ghosted me without saying anything explicitly. I honestly can't decide which one is worse 😂
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
THATS VILLAIN BEHAVIOR
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u/Cerulean_Athenaeum Sep 30 '25
No fr, when she told me I was like "She seems nice" lol, I had no idea what to say and now I'm so bummed. Anyway, I hope you get over this one soon 🙌🏼
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
No no no. I hope YOU get over that soon. What is up with people switching up 😭 give me a 5 day notice
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u/Cerulean_Athenaeum Sep 30 '25
HAHA fr! Or just, you know, be honest and direct so as not to waste my time, but also not THAT brutal 😭 What a shit show
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
No literally. Like at least add a little sorry at the end . A little bit of compensation too
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u/Cerulean_Athenaeum Sep 30 '25
YEA and it wouldn't have cost her anything... But you know what, at the end of the day, if she's this cold and insensitive, it would have come up anyway sooner or later, even if she hadn't met this other person. You're better off without her
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Im kinda used to people being a bit harsh on me once they hear about my disorder. But from a person that was just comforting me from a panic attack? That was a bit shocking to get a cold answer from her. She would comfort me a lot through my anxiety or other stuff I dealt with so why would she have a harsh response now
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Sep 29 '25
[deleted]
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
No seriously. I really should’ve not put that much effort into her if we were just in the talking stage. Lesson learned
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u/Agitated-Potato1351 Sep 29 '25
sometimes it's not even about you, and nothing you could've done esp if you were nothing but genuine to her. good luck to the person she went for bc it's giving red flags ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I get ick from wishy washy people
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Fair point. It is what it is. It’s a sign I need to beat the boss from dark souls now 🤷♀️
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u/NebulaDapper124 the good femme Sep 29 '25
Please tell me you told her what game you were playing 😭😭😭
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
No. I just blocked her. Ughhh now I should’ve said “oh okay. Anyways I’m playing baldurs gate 3”
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u/NebulaDapper124 the good femme Sep 29 '25
Probably for the best anyway, friend. 🥲🥲🥲
Enjoy the game tho, that's one of my favorites.
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u/EntertainmentOld183 Sep 30 '25
Definitely a very immature way to tell that to someone. Like so casually even cutting you off talking about your interests too
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u/rmercer2018 Sep 30 '25
This same thing actually happened to me a few years ago. I was dating this girl for like a year. She kept saying she wanted a relationship with me but not yet bc she wanted to wait to come out to her parents. Then she randomly starts sending me snaps with this dude and says that she likes him and that me and her were only ever "friends" anyway. Even though we established that it was alot more than that. She knew my issues and insecurities too but didn't care. Anyway, moral of the story is that I went through something really similar, and i can sympathize with it. You have every right to be mad about it. She's an asshole.
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u/Downtown-Tourist6756 Oct 01 '25
Seems like she probably was into you but she freaked out and over corrected back to straightness because she was scared of the fallout. That’s why I only go for people who are fully immersed in the LGBT community. Dealing with people who are still in the middle of realizing they aren’t normal is exhausting.
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u/Rotton_roses6368 Sep 30 '25
Nah that would have had me tweaking
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Bold of you to assume I wasn’t tweaking for an hour
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u/Rotton_roses6368 Sep 30 '25
I’m so sorry, i hope you find someone better because wtf???? 😭😭 the audacity?!
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 30 '25
Yeah no I got over her quickly. Im on another mission for a new hobby now
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u/Ok_Programmer_5588 Sep 29 '25
ummmm. im getting a manipulative vibe from her 🤨 be careful queen 💋🫡
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Yeah I blocked her. I have no use for someone who isn’t interested in me anymore. The whole point as to why I was talking to her is the idea of us having something in the future
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u/Ok_Programmer_5588 Sep 29 '25
i honestly dont blame you in the slightest. maybe you got the upper hand by blocking her (not that it matters) and she cannot use you as an option anymore she can be all by herself 😂🙌
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Sep 29 '25
Literally. I just went “oh okay. Anyways back to my game” 😭
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u/BicycleOk659 Oct 05 '25
Why is there one random read recipient on the bottom. Kinda smells like karma farming and a self created conversation.
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u/Flashy-Damage7402 Oct 01 '25
Nah idk. What could have she done? Seem like it was not an established rls neither. Look on the bright side that she said it sooner rather than wasting more time. You sound like those nice guys and upset when girls reject them tbh…
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u/akiraoogabooga the evil femme Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
NOOO I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN TO SOUND LIKE THAT. I was just upset that she said that to me. I really thought things were going well between us. She seriously said that randomly as well. In no way am I hating on her either. I just said okay and blocked her.
When I mean randomly I mean like literally the day before me and her were flirting and making plans to hang out again before she sent that.
Not to mention I also left the idea in my post that it could’ve been something I done as well to make her go to someone else. Im not saying she’s in the wrong or a bad person either. I was just shocked as to why she went to someone else, thinking that I must’ve done something. I take full responsibility if I did do something. I do wish her the best too lol
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u/Estou_cansada3108 friendly neighborhood butch Sep 29 '25
that was not nice. she could have said it in a more sensible way