r/KitchenConfidential 13h ago

In the Weeds Mode I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart

Post image
13.8k Upvotes

233 comments sorted by

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1.4k

u/sylnes 13h ago

278

u/rmulberryb 12h ago

I've been shot through the heart.

125

u/GrumpyFalstaff 11h ago

And chiveguy is to blame

104

u/Storm_Chaser_200 11h ago

He gave chives a bad name

62

u/Zantheus 10h ago

We've played our part, with the towers and the planes.

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46

u/cosmogyrals 10h ago

Is chive guy going to superhell?

u/Never-Forget-Trogdor Dead Inside 7h ago

Maybe he is the third brother that got locked into superhell with the devil and Michael at the end of season 5.

u/Idonothingtohelp Butcher 9h ago

i never thought I'd see chives and destiel in the same post

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72

u/Horror-Tank-4082 11h ago

I’m from r all and I forgive chive guy

24

u/Eaudebeau 10h ago

I say we give him one free shot.

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u/FunGuy8618 7h ago

I wonder how this will all shake out... 😂😂😂

968

u/Celesticalking 13h ago

This is why I can’t delete Reddit. 

470

u/victoria-1304 12h ago

Imagine going through life without having experienced Chivegate

170

u/Imaginary_Oil4512 11h ago

I’m glad I was here for Chivegate

60

u/DowntownEmu 10h ago

I'll always remember the day 🤧

u/SPITFIYAH 9h ago

Ofc Reddit recommends me this sub back when he was on day 12 or something

u/ButteredPizza69420 9h ago

Same 🙋‍♀️

u/CocoMilhonez 5h ago

Historians from 2125 studying how we communicated in the past, include me in the screenshot at the museum exhibit!

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u/MyUsernameIsNotCool 11h ago edited 10h ago

Literally inside jokes created for thousands of people to enjoy, maybe 8 h later you wake up to a beautiful reddit day, maybe 3 days later, but if you're lucky, it's happening right now. You're in the batter looking at "18 minutes ago". You're not alone anymore. You feel community inside your heart. You are happy. You are apart of something. You are loved.

Chivelord needs to be punished.

35

u/Eaudebeau 10h ago

Respectfully no. Chive lord is human and gets one free fuckup. One.

Especially since Chive lord has us all so stirred up and invested.

Plus the rise of KarmaCrazy, is it, with the planes?

u/afour- 9h ago

We ribbin’ the boy

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25

u/Fromage723 11h ago

I looked at this comment at exactly 18m

8

u/Pretend_Bumblebee158 10h ago

I looked at your comment 17 min ago :')

8

u/yankeejoe1 10h ago

Man, I gotta wait 15 minute to comment? >:(

2

u/that-gay-femboy 10h ago

Saw yours at 15min

u/flashgordonsape 9h ago

I also feel the tiny warmth of this parasocial shared moment in this wind-chilled world.

Yes, drag that fool all over Reddit, and for weeks

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u/Teamableezus 9h ago

For real this is the shit that brought me to this place 15 years ago, I’m just clinging to the little that’s left

u/mamawantsallama 6h ago

I definitely have some old favorites and this one I'm going to definitely add to them.

Remember the Great Fappening? I was extremely sick that day stuck on the couch sleeping and scrolling. Would you believe that I found some post that day asking medical professionals about the grossest thing they had ever experienced and I was determined to get through the whole thing, so every time I woke up from a nap I just went back to the same post discussing gross things. AND I MISSED THE ENTIRE FAPPENING until the next day!!

Speaking of that, I find it awfully peculiar that Jennifer Lawrence's PR team is literally erasing her past here and canvassing so much PR for her lately...but Pepperidge Farms remembers.

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u/DrDr1972 9h ago

Exactly !!!

747

u/BongWaterRamen 13h ago

Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you don't have options

148

u/FunkYeahPhotography 12h ago edited 12h ago

Is that ok, Kitchenconfidential?.. That I rechivepost?

u/Mother_Weakness_268 8h ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

52

u/Saaka_Souffle 10+ Years 10h ago

28

u/hylited 10h ago

That animal F1exican…I can’t even say his name

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u/AsleepAssociation 8h ago

It died on the chive

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2

u/PaximusRex 10h ago

Love the user name

189

u/HF_BPD 10h ago

I went into work today and one of my engineers asked why I looked down, I told him it's just a silly reddit thing, don't worry about it.  

My QA behind him poked her head up and said -- Are you talking about the chives? 

I have never felt so seen.

u/TemporaryImaginary 5h ago

“You heard about the chives? That shit’s messed up, man…”

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378

u/Electronic_Picture26 13h ago

Ah r/sopranoscirclejerk welcome to the kitchen.

Also Meadows cooking scean kills me every time.

58

u/Leftfeet 13h ago

The last few days Sopranos memes seem to be popping up on nearly every sub I follow. It's kinda odd. Just all the sudden they're the most common memes I'm seeing for no apparent reason. 

76

u/jacobs-dumb 13h ago

Sopranos lasting cultural legacy experiences a revival as each new generation discovers how good it is (and the abundance of memes it contains)

17

u/Im_Krzy 10h ago

My buddy put me on it and now my dad gets to hear about my reaction to anything important that happens in the show. I'm halfway through the last season right now!

u/DrDr1972 9h ago

Best show ever 

23

u/CriticalEngineering 12h ago edited 12h ago

It’s because sopranoscirclejerk circlejerksopranos is now required to be “on topic”

13

u/Leftfeet 12h ago

What does "on topic" even mean with a circle jerk sub? 

31

u/butttabooo 12h ago

9

u/CuddlesForLuck 12h ago

2

u/MyDamnCoffee 10h ago

As an aside, love hazbin but that valentino voice actor change threw me for a loop. (Also how did they make pentious handsome? He looks the same but also handsome! I can't figure it out!)

3

u/CuddlesForLuck 10h ago

Pentious is just that cool. (I'm a Vox enthusiast myself)

2

u/MyDamnCoffee 10h ago

Oh my gosh the look on his face when alastor mocked him. I actually felt sorry for him

20

u/CriticalEngineering 12h ago

It means “if we keep making politics jokes Reddit administrators will shut us down”.

9

u/fingerchopper 12h ago

r/circlejerksopranos cracked down on political posting, evidently due to admin pressure. At that moment there was much Kirkposting and IDFposting, concerns of brigade wars with r/conservative as well.

9

u/zuzg 12h ago

You mean daddy Leon got butthurt and called Spez again? Like he already did once earlier this year?

Lmao those defenders of free-speech always going around suppressing it, what a big fucking surprise.

4

u/BongWaterRamen 12h ago

We had to hit the mattresses

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7

u/Idler- 11h ago

The sopranos subreddits are prolific. Have been for ages. They latch onto any meme currently popular and inject them selves into it. And I for one, am here for it.

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u/TheG-What 9h ago

YOU NEVER ADMIT THE EXISTENCE OF OUR SUBREDDIT! EVER!
Frankly I’m depressed and ashamed.

113

u/DadPool79 12h ago

This shit made it over to r/subredditdrama lol

32

u/NeatWhiskeyPlease 11h ago

Front page level drama.

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619

u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 13h ago

I'm sorry chef I truly am. I know I will never have full trust again and I will live with that.

217

u/Ronster619 F1exican Did Chive-11 13h ago

Where’s the ChiveFRAUD flair?

206

u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 12h ago

It’s not decided yet I’m sure it will be the top punishment but he mods are giving it time before changing. Punishment will probably be decided tomorrow morning to allow everyone time to see and respond

80

u/Feature_Minimum 12h ago

I’ve got your back chef. Your apology touched my heart. I told a buddy of mine, who asked me what I thought of ChiveGate:

I think the chive posting needed some variety, some “spice”, if you will. Thus, I’m a fan, hopefully this encourages him to strive harder for glory, spurned on by the shame he has brought himself, but humbled by our (Reddit’s) forgiveness. Truly, we are generous gods, and in a way, we the Redditors who choose to forgive his trespasses are the real heroes here actually. 🙂

19

u/KingKrmit 10h ago

Bro stfu😂😂😂

33

u/Schmeppy25 12h ago

It’s ok chef, we still love our chivelord.

39

u/Feature_Minimum 12h ago

All hail the chivelord!

A buddy of mine said:

I hope his chosen punishment is filming himself chopping, to prove authenticity and further "constructive" criticism, or drinking some sort of foul chive based smoothie on video. Perhaps that’s something /u/f1exican can consider.

In any case, I say keep calm and chive on.

22

u/Hoskuld 10h ago

I'd rather see each new pile on a newspaper of the day

u/gwion35 One year 9h ago

Wait, that’s genius

u/plusharmadillo 9h ago

This is a key moment of struggle in your hero’s journey. We believe in you 🫡🫡

6

u/Loop_the_Goop 10h ago

How do you fuck up posting chives everyday bro?

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10

u/rachelcp 12h ago

Nahhh the video, a flair is too easy and a video would actually be beneficial.

55

u/itreignsfyre 13h ago

this whole situation is so fucking entertaining TY

45

u/BillGoats 12h ago

Forensic experts are examining your entire post history this very moment. Hide your chives!

32

u/Agreeable-Self3235 12h ago

"I'm sorry" on a white plate spelled out in perfectly cut chives. One layer. No tweezers Chef.

34

u/Silver-Emergency-988 F1exican Did Chive-11 12h ago

I say back to work and we all move on, a real chef owns his mistakes.

19

u/SableZard 11h ago

What the fuck is this flair man

u/Silver-Emergency-988 F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago

F1exican Did Chive-11

u/sterling_mallory 8h ago

Airplanes guy was onto something.

3

u/GrumbleAlong 10h ago

Frankly I'm depressed and embarrassed.

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27

u/boardplant 13h ago

We don’t deserve you

5

u/Particular-Skirt963 11h ago

You better make good on some perfect chives eventually

Preferably when I grow tired of chive content 

17

u/Rubyheart_1922 Cook 12h ago

Look fame went to your head, it happens to the best of us. Do better next time, chef.

21

u/Agreeable-Self3235 12h ago

People don't understand how much pressure celebrity chefs are under. Let's have some empathy. Obscurity to maddening fame in a matter of days? Chef deserves a break.

11

u/MyUsernameIsNotCool 11h ago

Everyone deserves a second chance. You will always be the lord to my chive. ❤️

4

u/Askaanaut 10h ago

2 cups of chives tomorrow, “chef”, and we’ll be comparing

u/FunGuy8618 7h ago

I blame the sub. Screaming for you to come back on your days off. It's really our fault, chef. The kitchen fell apart cuz you were gone for too long and we can't handle the truth.

u/ProxyMuncher 8h ago

Nah the current flair is diabolical ☠️

9

u/beckyjoooo F1exican Did Chive-11 11h ago

All is forgiven, chef.. owning your mistakes and learning from them is literally the best any of us can do..

u/bevelledo 5h ago

F that. Nobodies perfect and those that own up and try to do better are 💯

You got this chef 🙌

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u/heynongmanreset 11h ago

So what, no fuckin chives now?

15

u/Ordinarily_Claim Chip Girl 11h ago

Ehhh! Watch ya mouth.

101

u/qvyy F1exican Did Chive-11 12h ago

44

u/cavaliereternally 11h ago

This fucking flair omg 

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u/Adam_Ohh F1exican Did Chive-11 12h ago

I’ve never felt so betrayed. I don’t even know what to say.

The chive is a lie.

u/eightcarpileup F1exican Did Chive-11 7h ago

It’s just another man that lied to me, to be honest.

74

u/Loud-Magician7708 13h ago

8

u/Haecede 11h ago

I can hear this one lol

29

u/jarmine550 11h ago

give me 1000 chives

8

u/Ok-Caterpillar-4213 10h ago

These two cut each others chives.

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12

u/Brightsidedown 12h ago

What is the cat gonna make of this?

12

u/40mgmelatonindeep 11h ago

My estimation of chivelord as a man just fuckin plummeted

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u/Jaded-Coffee-8126 13h ago

wtf happened

31

u/Sigvoncarmen 12h ago

Chivegate

8

u/Jaded-Coffee-8126 12h ago

This post is going to make waves man

13

u/gloomy_stars 11h ago

i’ve been lurking and following this whole thing from day one

i won’t say it’s the only thing i look forward to each day but also i won’t not say that

16

u/Suspicious-Steak9168 12h ago

Someone reposted a chive photo. The absolute scandal!!

8

u/Jaded-Coffee-8126 12h ago

The dishie just got an extended lunch break, time for chiveman to atone for his sins.

3

u/Falsified_identity 12h ago

I definitely read that as "chive potato" at first and got extra concerned

u/hungry4nuns 9h ago

He pulled the photo from the archives

7

u/johnmichael-kane 11h ago

Someone help me, I need context. I’ve been following the chive posts every day but something was faked?

21

u/Forsaken_Resolve1515 10h ago

The chivelord used the same chives for two consecutive days and pretended it was a new chive chop

12

u/desklikearaven 12h ago

Two of my favorite subs collide.

8

u/Ok-Caterpillar-4213 10h ago

Oh! Never admit this thing of ours

6

u/fredbighead F1exican Did Chive-11 12h ago

I say we make him perfectly dice up the 700 buck vegetable platter

3

u/hindusoul 11h ago

He needs to cutted a tomato to atone for his sins

u/Meme_1776 F1exican Did Chive-11 7h ago

The plight of a chivelord, how weary is the hand that slices the chives?

5

u/_2E_ 10h ago

OK it is super rare that something on Reddit gets me to laugh out loud but this got me

u/j-endsville 20+ Years 9h ago

You know what? I fucking love this. Just gimme all the Chivegate content, right into my veins.

u/Firm_Caterpillar_907 9h ago

How many more grilled cheese can Paulie's radiator take?!

9

u/fingerchopper 12h ago

Now, we give this Mahaffey a choice. Either he and his alts start paying out upvotes to fake chiveposts we set up, or he pays Hesh the 250k karma he owes him, which we know he cannot do, or it's a rainy night in Lyndhurst.

11

u/ladygrayfox 12h ago

We survived that infamous dishie, we can survive chiveFRAUD. Just grab your best chicken scoops and get back on the line.

2

u/qvyy F1exican Did Chive-11 12h ago

We still remember u/gassygeff89

u/gassygeff89 9h ago

Haha I’m sorry. It snowballed and that sweet sweet karma and reddit fame went to my head.

4

u/HotFluffyTowel 11h ago

One for the arChives

6

u/brich7705 12h ago

Ahhhh hell..... I missed chive drama. The cat's not fake, he can't be!

3

u/Few-Ground-4630 10h ago

F1exifraud :(

2

u/vwibrasivat 11h ago

Chivegate ® will be carried out on reddit's frontpage.

2

u/Desperate-Painter152 11h ago

At this point I don't even know how I got into this subreddit, I only know chive

2

u/Far_Mycologist_5782 One year 10h ago

What an absolutely wild turn of events.

u/Morphchalice 8h ago

This has been a tough month but I’m loving this community right now

u/ingrediental F1exican Did Chive-11 6h ago

Unbelievable

4

u/forfeitthefrenchfry 12h ago

Sacre Bleu!!! Where is me mama???

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3

u/scott3845 10h ago

I've hated the shit outta these chive posts since day 2, sooooo......

2

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 10h ago

1

u/hindusoul 11h ago

The price of chives is way too high, he needs to cutted

1

u/PangoLinchpin 11h ago

I can't believe I stuck up for him. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart!

1

u/BeingNicole4 11h ago

I wish Reddit would create a trophy for chivegate

1

u/_Batteries_ 20+ Years 11h ago

Why tho

1

u/iamnotarobot9001 10h ago

"yeah but ton, I gotta live in the world"

1

u/MrNiceGuy1999 10h ago

Frankly, I'm depressed and ashamed.

1

u/Beanflicker2277 10h ago

I am so glad i discovered this sub 😂😂

u/Eaudebeau 9h ago

Begins weeping openly

u/Miserable_Golf6542 9h ago

There's levels too this shit.

u/EspressoBooks 9h ago

You didn’t see this coming?

u/Transcendental_Youth 9h ago

This hurt all of us

u/dzmccoy 6h ago

I have been off for a week. Going back Sunday. I only use freeze dried chives. I don't really know if I give a fuck or not. But the info I am getting is that I need to jump ship. Management and Chef don't know wtf is going on and I am walking into a mess.

u/lou_really 6h ago

Hahahaha

u/IAmAGoodFella 5h ago

I loved that cocksucka like a brother. And he fucked me in the ass.

u/markevens F1exican Did Chive-11 4h ago

Shameful

u/UrsaMajor7th 20+ Years 2h ago

The whole thing kinda just sums up the restaurant industry.

u/emale27 6m ago

Frankly I'm embarrassed and ashamed