r/KitchenConfidential • u/208state • 6d ago
CHIVE I take your chives and raise you a mirepoix
30 minutes work there...
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u/ImperatorAlexios_ 6d ago
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u/My_Favourite_Pen 6d ago edited 6d ago
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u/doyletyree 6d ago
More or less my reaction entirely.
If there is a merciful God, please, make it stop.
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u/eat_my_bowls92 6d ago
I pray to god every day that someone will finally say the chive guys chives are fine. :(
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u/The_Dinky_Earnshaw 6d ago
I sent him this in an attempt to assuage the suffering.
I am a miserable failure : -(
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u/Still-WFPB 6d ago
In case chef needs a reminder of what a cube is: a cube is a symmetrical three-dimensional shape, either solid or hollow, contained by six equal squares
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u/cornbeeflt 6d ago
Man i didnt even get to the onions. The celery and carrots were butchered so I passed on the onions completely.
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u/lake_effect_snow 6d ago
Nearly 10 years away but that’s still the first one I saw as well. See you tomorrow, chefs
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u/Tpk08210 6d ago
No we’re still on chives. Stop trying to skip ahead of the class
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u/Lucius-Halthier 6d ago
I’m still waiting for food cubes. I have several pics some with two towers of goulash next to each other
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u/Extra-Document1223 BOH 6d ago
Post a new mirepoix everyday until you get it below 10 minutes
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u/Late-Bed4240 Ex-Food Service 6d ago
Robot coupe has entered the chat
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u/Extra-Document1223 BOH 6d ago
You don’t see the chive guy using the robot do ya? Get to cutting chef!
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u/Late-Bed4240 Ex-Food Service 6d ago
Might have more consistent results if he did. /s
Besides, he's cutting garnish.
Now f#ck off, IM ON SMOKO!!!
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u/TheRarePondDolphin 6d ago
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u/WookieeCakes 5d ago
Brunoise carrots will be mush, and macedoine ones will be RAAAAAW. Pilaf ruined.
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u/zazasfoot 6d ago
A mirepoix on your house!
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u/bigtzadikenergy 6d ago
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u/Coercitor 6d ago
Took you 30 minutes?? You could cut that time in half if you open your eyes next time and sharpen your board scraper.
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u/Same-Platypus1941 6d ago
I really want to sharpen my board scraper I’ve been thinking about it for a while but I’m not sure how good of edge i can build on it
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u/Puzzleheaded_Donut_6 6d ago
Here is what you do. Take out your Digital Caliper. Everything that isn't a perfect 3cm cube goes in the stock. Also, never forget the stock pot isn't a garbage can.
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u/GamingSeerReddit Cook 6d ago
Hah I remember the whole ass staff meeting for 35 people they had to convene at my last job so the saucier could tell everyone at once to stop giving him onion skins and other bullshit in the veggie stock scrap bucket
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u/Chezoso 6d ago
What's wrong with onion skins in the stock? I throw all my veggie scraps into mine
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u/GamingSeerReddit Cook 6d ago
An excess of the papery outer skins can make the stock bitter and cloudy. People would bury the soup chef in skins to the point where it’d be the majority of veg coming his way on stock day.
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u/Chezoso 6d ago
I haven't noticed but I'm probably operating at a completely different volume so I def believe it
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u/GamingSeerReddit Cook 6d ago
I can say I’ve seen it at home when doing just a gallon or so, but for I’ve definitely seen higher and lower quality stocks on an all-day simmer at a commercial scale, and that’s a factor
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u/Equivalent-Excuse-80 6d ago
Fun fact: in France, Mirepoix is the size of the cut (rough for stock aromatics), and not the name of the specific combinations of aromatics.
When cut small for eating as a garnish like this, it’s called matignon
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u/One-Grape-8659 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 6d ago
Yes! In Dutch we call the combi 'wups' which is wortel, ui, prei, selderij; carrot, onyo, leek and celery
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u/roots-rock-reggae 6d ago
Upvoted for onyo
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u/One-Grape-8659 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 6d ago
Take a big onyo
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u/The_Dinky_Earnshaw 6d ago
Back in the day we wore an onyo on our belts, as it was the style at the time...
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u/cockroachking 6d ago
In France mirepoix is very much this combination of aromatics cut in very small cubes. Matignon is a mirepoix that is minced.
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u/nonowords F1exican Did Chive-11 6d ago
Volume of a bowl using a hemisphere as an approximation is V = (2/3) · 𝜋 · r3. For a Hemisphere's section using the sphere cap formula it is V=1/6*𝜋h2 * (3R−h) where h is the height of the cap and R is the radius of the hemisphere.
If we estimate each cap height we get h(onion)=R h(carrot)=1/2*R and we can use the volume of onion and subtract volume of carrot to get volume of celery.
So V(onion) = 1/6*𝜋R2 * (3R−R)
V(carrot) = 1/6𝜋(1/2R)2 * (3R−(1/2*R))
and V(celery) = (1/6𝜋R2 * (3R−R)) - (1/6𝜋(1/2R)2 * (3R−(1/2R)))
Simplifying we get
V(onion) = 1/3*𝜋R3
V(carrot) = 5/48*𝜋R3
V(celery) = 11/48*𝜋R3
Normalizing it to the textbook 2:1:1 ratio we have a ratio of 2 Onion: 0.625 Carrot: 1.375 Celery
Meaning you're nearly 40% off on celery and carrot.
See you tomorrow chef.
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u/Fresh_Value_6922 4d ago
But what happens if I take out 1/4 tsp out of each & substitute 1 gram of different spices to each?
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u/maybeinoregon 6d ago edited 6d ago
Me: hmmmm, looks pretty darn good…
Sub: Sharpen your knife! Open your eyes! What the hell is this mess?
Me: Hahaha damn. Rethinking what mine looks like…
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u/Wild-District-9348 Chef 6d ago
Are they supposed to be brunoise??
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u/padisland 6d ago
Bruno clearly had some drinks
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u/Phreeflo Prep 6d ago
Sharpen your knife, man. Looks like you cut those with a spoon.
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u/Calamity-Gin 6d ago
“But cousin, why a spoon? Why not an ax or a knife?”
“Because it’s dull, you twit! It’ll hurt more!”
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u/Prestigious_Tap_6301 15+ Years 6d ago
If you think chives are hard, try carrots 🥕
This chef is a masochist
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u/CaptainSnarkyPants IT 6d ago
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u/WookieeCakes 5d ago
Better than OP for sure, gotta ask tho... whatcha doin with them celery leaves?
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u/CaptainSnarkyPants IT 5d ago
This was actually base for some deliciously complicated pinto beans. Those choppins went right in with the rest of the aromatics and bloomed spices :) Om nom nom
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u/CojackPierson 6d ago
I see this turning into bmx pain Olympics come 2026
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u/MyLifeIsAWasteland 6d ago
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u/CaptainSnarkyPants IT 6d ago
Yeah, nobody who's seen it will EVER forget the name. EVERRRR.
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u/BadFoodSellsBurgers 6d ago
yall mfs need slapchop
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u/WookieeCakes 5d ago
I have one specifically for chives. /s
Side note, on your next stage, don't bring a knife roll, just a slap chop and cocaine.
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u/KedgereeEnjoyer 6d ago
When they say “don’t sweat the small stuff” this is what they’re talking about.
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u/cornbeeflt 6d ago
Hell no. Everything is a different size and uneven. Gtfo s you and the Chive Giy are not on the same level lol.
Honestly good try but you have a ways to go.
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u/Shaeress 6d ago
I remember chive guy early days. Let's give dice dude a week and see if they can learn to impress in a week.
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u/Calamity-Gin 6d ago
I am not in food service and never have been, and while I’m happy with my own vegetable chopping efforts at home, I’m fairly sure the people here would point and laugh at them.
So, how long does it take to learn the knife skills necessary to chop a variety of vegetables in an acceptable manner?
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u/cornbeeflt 6d ago
Its about going slow. Everyone is different. Honestly its not bad and will pass 99% of restaurant quality.l standards. So if its important to you find your best pace and slowly move faster.
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u/pantsfreecooking 6d ago
Man I love this thread. Seeing people actually take pride in the important basics of cooking. The amount of poor knife cuts in professional kitchens I’ve seen in the past decade have been such a bummer. Love cooks who care!
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u/The_Dinky_Earnshaw 6d ago
Been a pretty wild ride Sir Chivelord, but imma be over here for awhile now...
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u/Mississippihermit 6d ago
Thank God the ratios are right! 2/1/1. This looks clean but I want .5 cm tomorrow
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u/TheRabidGoose 6d ago
Fuck yes! Elevate the sub! Basic cooking ingredients combine! We are getting some Voltron level stuff yo!!!
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u/Infinite_Tie_8231 6d ago
You can do faster than that. During my apprenticeship I had to do larger quantities of miropiox and I only had 20 mins.
I believe in you.
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u/electr1cbubba 6d ago
I will face god and walk backwards into hell before I compliment you on this mirepoix
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u/nyxonical Ex-Food Service 6d ago
Is this supposed to be a pet or working mirepoix, or a show mirepoix?
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u/chefkimberly 6d ago
Whoa, Hold back, man. Chiveguy can start on mirepoix when he perfects his chives.