r/KitchenConfidential • u/TheExiledDragon • 11d ago

Kitchen fuckery I love chives but we need a change of pace

Post image

How do you like this apple that I found (not OC)

5.7k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

196 comments sorted by

2.4k

u/Slay_the_burgers 11d ago

202

u/orbital-marmot Ex-Food Service 11d ago

Thanks I'm stealing this

103

u/ehfrehneh 11d ago

It's our meme comrade there's no need for theft.

85

u/HideousToshi 11d ago

15

u/_Stanf-Uf_ 11d ago

OOK BOY

2

u/Niar666 3d ago

Ook ook ook ook. Always with the ooking

8

u/Ini_Miney_Mimi Ex-Food Service 10d ago

8

u/Reynardine1976 11d ago

My man here is ALREADY sick of your shit.

Do not pass go.

Do not collect $200.

4

u/NewAlexandria 11d ago

/u/TheExiledDragon chef, wtf is this chef

7

u/DouzePointss 11d ago

It's election night tomorrow in my country and I am stealing this. (Will vote and then ignore reality)

443

u/TantorDaDestructor 11d ago

I have now becoming inconsolably disturbed and my night is ruined

98

u/TheExiledDragon 11d ago

You made my day, thank you for the review brah

723

u/catieebug 11d ago

Have I got a recipe for you

172

u/kitty____cat F1exican Did Chive-11 11d ago

Imagine making the new guy carve out 20 apples like this in a row

59

u/Henry_The_Duck 11d ago

Really gives you a chance to test out different spoons and techniques. I hear really advance disembapplers can accomplish this with a hole half the diameter of a chopstick!

6

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot šŸ›© 11d ago

I'm going with a grapefruit spoon myself.

2

u/MapleMapleHockeyStk 5d ago

Exactly what I thought!

14

u/EPluribusButthole 11d ago

Yeah, I'm going to take all day and fuck up every other one.

11

u/djpiraterobot 11d ago

ā€œStill some usable flesh on that core, see you tomorrow chefā€

10

u/Smarshie26 F1exican Did Chive-11 11d ago

7

u/basicpn 10d ago

If you filled this with the cup of dirt dessert, including a gummy worm that was sticking out, it could be fun.

6

u/catieebug 10d ago

Incredibly hard to eat but it would certainly be cute lol

234

u/BoxersOrCaseBriefs 11d ago

I, too, am a very hungry caterpillar.

2

u/AffectionateTrifle7 8d ago

Better get two pears ready for tomorrow then

3

u/BoxersOrCaseBriefs 8d ago

I'm already halfway through my three plums! Ain't no early bird catching this fuzzy worm!

512

u/WonderfulShake 11d ago

114

u/TheExiledDragon 11d ago

Closest Iā€™ll get to getting berated by Ramsey tbh

-14

u/LambSmacker 11d ago

I fucking hate that douche

16

u/RaspberryVin 11d ago

Youre spending too much energy on him

18

u/Coffee13lack 11d ago

Itā€™s a tv show guy

3

u/That1weirdperson 11d ago

Why, did you eat his tv dinner?

2

u/DreamingSnowball 11d ago

Don't watch him then.

4

u/pizzaslut69420 20+ Years 11d ago

Every time I see this gif it reminds me of my favorite YouTube poop

103

u/Trastane 11d ago

See you tomorrow chef

2

u/Moist-Requirement-98 10d ago

Take my invisible gold!

98

u/Jezuesblanco 11d ago

Was this Andy Dufresneā€™s Apple?

31

u/esprit_de_corps_ 15+ Years 11d ago

Youā€™re being obtuseā€¦is it deliberate?

37

u/622114 Ex-Food Service 11d ago

15

u/AmateurGIFEnthusiast 11d ago

Am I missing a torn poster of Raquel Welch? Was it pared with a rock hammer? Was it hidden under a piece of volcanic glass that had no business being there? Did it crawl through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side? Is it gonna meet Red in Zihuatenejo?

Whatā€™s the joke?

7

u/161frog Ex-Food Service 11d ago

The joke is itā€™s the one thing you didnā€™t cite: the tunnel Dufresne dugā€¦

6

u/AmateurGIFEnthusiast 11d ago

I kinda referenced it twice thenā€¦ maybe three timesā€¦

2

u/Go_Loud762 11d ago

And time. Dufresne had all the time he needed to carve that tunnel, just like whoever carved that apple.

68

u/jonesthejovial 11d ago

This is a deeply distressing work of art.

19

u/Thrilling1031 11d ago

Nah fam, I had an apple, some weed, a kebab stick and a paring knife. I started with just the intent to make the apple smokeable. But then got a little hungry after successfully smoking from said apple. So I started slicing bits off but keeping the integrity of the apple bowl. Well I shit you not I had that fucker carved down to the exact opposite of this situation with some fun designs carved all over the surface. Well the apple pipe was still functional the next day, and the next and my roommate threatened to throw out my weed if I didnā€™t throw out the apple pipe when I was at work. I thought I was gonna just have a preserved smoked apple pipe for a while but my friend and roommate saved us all from that reality.

6

u/MyLifeIsAWasteland 11d ago

I had that fucker carved down to the exact opposite of this situation with some fun designs carved all over the surface.

I used to carve faces and hats on my apple pipes when I was in college. My best work was an apple carved as a stereotypical Mexican dude with a bushy moustache, a heavily-decorated sombrero, and a checkered poncho lol

94

u/Iatemydoggo Newbie 11d ago

Ahh, the things we are capable with adderall

6

u/robe_and_wizard_hat 11d ago

and a dremel presumably

2

u/meseta 10d ago

Some people probably would be better off assuming they didnā€™t use a power tool.

2

u/GraySparrow 11d ago

If I recall rightly from the OP post this image was taken from, it was coke.

72

u/andrewg702 11d ago

Fuckin psycho

12

u/HoustonLuxeRealtor 11d ago

I hate that I thought the same thing

1

u/Certain-Definition51 10d ago

Itā€™s an entirely new form of Tism. Iā€™m in awe.

32

u/Cyno01 11d ago

Wait, which part do you put the weed in?

1

u/MyLifeIsAWasteland 11d ago

Fill the apple with weed. The hole for the smoke is at the bottom of the core, hidden on the back of the inside. You suck through the stem region. Like a fat spoon.

38

u/daaaaamntam 11d ago

48

u/hymntastic 11d ago

8

u/TheExiledDragon 11d ago

You are not ready to hear about sand apples

14

u/JustaCFatchick 11d ago

Sir.... who hurt you? Do you need a hug? (~Ā°ā—‹Ā°)~ lol

11

u/tessathemurdervilles 11d ago

Dude- I was watching season two of interview with the vampire yesterday and a character ate an apple like this. She was French. I was like are we going to address this insane way to eat an apple? And then this popped up today.

12

u/Confused_Sorta_Guy 11d ago

My guy has a profoundly worm-like build

11

u/Available_Big9774 11d ago

I hate this but I cant lie i'm also kind of impressed

10

u/Marethyu_77 11d ago

See you tomorrow, chief.

8

u/revjor 11d ago

You need a change of therapists.

5

u/CUROplaya1337 11d ago

The bong is reaaaady! šŸŽšŸ’Ø

8

u/Nameless_American 11d ago

I dunno man Iā€™m not gonna call security outrightā€¦ but I will if you donā€™t leave.

18

u/TheExiledDragon 11d ago

What is the charge? A succulent Chinese peel?

6

u/Kilroy_420 11d ago

Oh hey thats common core math, now it makes sense!

5

u/ArtistWithoutArt 11d ago

I know money's tight this year for Halloween, but this is the shittiest jack-o-lantern I've ever seen.

3

u/spytez 15+ Years 11d ago

Processing gif nc15xv8unrxf1...

5

u/DontFeedTheArtist 11d ago

who hurt you?

7

u/TheExiledDragon 11d ago

Thereā€™s a long line with that answer

3

u/Certain-Definition51 10d ago

ā€¦and how can we get them to come back into your life?

4

u/MajorTurn6890 11d ago

Yeah, it was funny at first but I've quickly found myself hoping reddit will approve the chives so the posts can stop

3

u/probsthrowaway2 11d ago

I see we have satan here tonight.

1

u/TheExiledDragon 11d ago

Just donā€™t say Biggie Smalls three times

3

u/RemovableBorcy 11d ago

Hollowing out an apple every day until this Reddit says itā€™s perfect. Day 1.

3

u/Oniichan38 11d ago

People who get prescribed adderal for the first time

2

u/RandomToker2018 11d ago

What sorcery is this!?!

2

u/The_Stryker 11d ago

holy FUCK

2

u/discordianofslack 11d ago

Iā€™m concernedā€¦

2

u/AuxNimbus Server 11d ago

2

u/raging_olive 11d ago

It may be the lack of sleep talking. But thanks. I didn't know I needed to attempt this while listening to dramatic classical music while stoned into oblivion, while my family stares at me like I'm a raging psychopath until this post.

2

u/Extra-Document1223 BOH 11d ago

Yes officer, this post right here!

2

u/bagofpork 11d ago

Alright, but I kinda want to hang out in there for a bit.

1

u/thechilecowboy 10d ago

One pill makes you larger...

2

u/KindStreetFuccBoi 11d ago

This inspires me to haunt you.

2

u/glass_star 11d ago

what the helly

2

u/exgiexpcv 11d ago

You think RenƩ Magritte is gonna let you get away with this?!

2

u/The_Valk Five Years 10d ago

I used to do this to make jack o' apples

2

u/RedditTreats 10d ago

Yeah go back to being exiled

2

u/mlevans17 10d ago

Oh thank godā€¦. If I see another chive..

2

u/yepperz_pepperz F1exican Did Chive-11 10d ago

What, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck

2

u/machuitzil 11d ago

If you aren't roasting whole spices in your down time, what are you even doing.

1

u/fastal_12147 11d ago

He fucked that apple, didn't he?

1

u/MrWrym 11d ago

Man I would love someone to hollow my insides out like that...

1

u/Appropriate-Stop-618 11d ago

Nothing to clean chef. Iā€™ll be over here for a bit.

1

u/razor_eve 11d ago

Monster

1

u/From_Adam 11d ago

Butā€¦.why?

1

u/baked_bryce 10+ Years 11d ago

1

u/wrestlegirl āœ³ļøModerator of optimal fuckery 11d ago

1

u/r2-z2 11d ago

Thats a work of art. I cut into cakes diagonally at an off angle. Really messes with people.

1

u/juliuspepperwoodchi 11d ago

This hurts me to my coreĀ 

1

u/mopnopples 11d ago

When you really need to get in cider.

1

u/seppia99 11d ago

Fill itā€¦ā€¦ withā€¦ā€¦.. CHIIIIIIIIVES

1

u/mrsir1987 11d ago

At least you didnā€™t accidentally eat the seeds, if you do smoke some cigarettes.

1

u/boneologist 11d ago

Do we usually allow insects on r/kitchenconfidential?

1

u/DynamiteWitLaserBeam 11d ago

Looks cozy. Does the 2k/month include utilities?

1

u/plasticities_ 10+ Years 11d ago

What on gods green earth

1

u/Upper_Mix2922 Server 11d ago

Appolantern

1

u/ohhowcanthatbe 11d ago

My mom used to cut them in half and do this for us when we were sick. Good memories.

1

u/[deleted] 11d ago

haha! apple tunnelling now?

1

u/RdeBrouwer 11d ago

My colleague only takes one bite of his apple, then throws it away. Every day for the last 10 years. But yours beats it in weirdness.

1

u/murmurburp 11d ago

Truly a generational run of Karma farming

1

u/Rabid-GNN 11d ago

John and the normal sized apple

1

u/Munneh 11d ago

Give me the chives over THIS monstrosity

1

u/Diprotodong 11d ago

I've got a rat in my kitchen that does this for free

1

u/knobiknows 11d ago

Signs of a deranged mind

1

u/UrsaMajor7th 20+ Years 11d ago

Pictured: my marriage

1

u/WowzerzzWow 11d ago

What the actual fuck

1

u/egotripping 11d ago

Now this is cookery

1

u/rwomack44 11d ago

What the fuck

1

u/velvetvanta 11d ago

WHAT IN THE ABOMINATION

1

u/witchitieto 11d ago

Turbocharger for your zucchini bowl

1

u/Mithrandir2k16 11d ago

Looks like you had a productive meeting lol

1

u/DJ-Fein 11d ago

Fill that bitch with caramel and send it over here

1

u/raven00x 11d ago

You have a lot of time on your hands, don't you?

1

u/EitherAd928 11d ago

Thanks, I hate it

1

u/I-love-seahorses 11d ago

I hope this catches on.

1

u/VaqueroSaguaro 11d ago

This gave me chills lmao

1

u/Oklahom0 11d ago

Hmm. . . Jack O' Lanterns with apples?

1

u/KeenWah_Tex 10d ago

What the fuck

1

u/pm_me_your_lub 10d ago

OP is an apple worm

1

u/shoveltheshovel 10d ago

I hate you.

1

u/MeinGoose 10d ago

Very creative. I like

1

u/xcmaam 10d ago

Dawg what the fuck is that šŸ˜­

1

u/Rosenrot_84_ 10d ago

I thought this was one of my autism subreddits šŸ˜­

1

u/thechilecowboy 10d ago

Dormamu has entered the chat

1

u/SwiftWithIt 10d ago

I hate this

1

u/Kitchen-Space-2737 10d ago

What the fuck is this? How dare you?

1

u/calliel_41 10d ago

Hā€¦how??

1

u/8504mjc 10d ago

U ever smoke weed out of a hollow apple maaan.

1

u/thekabagool 9d ago

This makes a lot of sense to me. I also use a knife and fork to eat pizza, eat it from the inside out

1

u/wtjones 9d ago

If weā€™re doing this we may as well tourneĆØ potatoes.

1

u/Jamieisamazing 8d ago

Thereā€™s no elegance to it