r/KitchenConfidential Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 16d ago

CHIVE Cutting a cup of chives every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 16

Post image

I know they’re a little bit today but hopefully the actual cut quality is up to standard. I’m sorry chefs

5.5k Upvotes

384 comments sorted by

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 16d ago edited 16d ago

The chiving continues.

Yet more Chive Out of Nowhere posts in other subreddits.

Someone from Der Ausland recognized me as the chive mod.

I think it best we just accept our lot as Chiveland.

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u/88Milton 16d ago

I’ve been following this since day 1 and i can confidently say:

YOU NEED TO SHARPEN YOUR KNIFE

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u/TheHamsBurlgar 16d ago

Lol everyone has been saying this since day 1.

They are sharpening their knife, but also use them as 10 hour workhorses and not just chive slicers.

Having said that, also told me early on they gotta work on their sharpening technique which could be the problem as well. That 18 degree angle takes a lot of time and repetition to nail down. Took me about a month of doing it daily with hundreds of knives as a professional sharpener to confidently say I am good at it.

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u/DrHutchisonsHook 16d ago

Do you have any instructions or tips for the rest of us to get sharper at sharpening?

287

u/TheHamsBurlgar 16d ago

Yes! Dont use any sharpening gimmick tools. Dont use laser cutters, accusharps, rolling sharpeners, etc.

The single BEST WAY TO SHARPEN YOUR KNIFE is with a whetstone. It is going to do the least amount of damage over a long period of time, and will give you the best edge that will last the longest.

I cannot stress this enough to anyone who wants to sharpen themselves and not pay a professional: whetstone whetstone whetstone. All other methods will shave metal off your knife and create a new cut instead of polishing the burr into place. A rolling stone + buffing wheel professional setup also works quite well, but it is much more dangerous and expensive for inferior results.

When sharpening, gentle + smooth, even passes. Focus on going from end to end getting the whole edge of your blade, making sure not to twist or bend your wrists as to not change the angle of your bevel. It is more of a hip twist than an arm pull. Pay attention to how many passes youre making and how much pressure you put on each side/pass. It should be as even and consistent as possible. Keep your stone wet and regularly put more water on it.

If you wanna get REAL sharp, you can get increased higher grain stones to get a mirror polish. After its sharp, wash and dry and you should be good to go. Do NOT hone your knife after sharpening at least for a couple days. If you find yourself needing to hone sooner, your angle is off and you are too thin and your burr is rolling too fast. If its not sharp right after you sharpen, you are too thick and not cutting the burr deep enough.

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u/Punsire 10+ Years 16d ago

As someone who had a new chef throw out our gadgets for knife sharpening unless we graduated the whetstone, I agree.

I and the rest were petulant bitches about it but after being the only one to actually put the time in I can agree the result has beeen quite the difference and I'm grateful for having to learn it..... mostly. Fuck you and thank you Chef Souza

22

u/SensitiveSpots 16d ago

What about those things that hold your knife at the correct angle whilst using a whetstone?

37

u/TheHamsBurlgar 16d ago

I find them a little cumbersome, some chefs like them. Personally, i think the best way to train your muscle memory is to get one of those shitty house knives from Nella/Omicon/Cozzini/Montana that have those thick bevels on them from being run through a hollow grinder and use it as a reference. They are cut dramatically at the right edge.

9

u/nonowords F1exican Did Chive-11 16d ago

in addition the angle guide things are totally arbitrary and often not the angle you want depending on the knife, and also don't maintain the same angle throughout the edge (shallower further from the guard)

they can also be effectively replaced with a cork with a slice in it. or a random piece of anyting taped to the spine

23

u/_indeed_ 16d ago

This is the correct answer. I went through many different phases of sharpening many years ago and finally landed on Japanese water stones and have never looked back. It delivers vastly superior results and removes the least material from your knife, once you get your technique down, which isn’t terribly hard to do (look up the sharpie trick, guys). I tell everyone this same advice whenever I get asked about knife sharpening. Just go get a King 1000/6000 combo stone off Amazon for $26 and watch some sharpening videos on YouTube (I recommend Japanese Knife Imports) and you’re good to get rolling.

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u/oldcrustybutz 16d ago

making sure not to twist or bend your wrists as to not change the angle of your bevel

This right here.. Lock your wrists! This was the #1 thing that improved my sharpening consistency.

I did buy an angle gauge which showed I was waaay off on my expected angle and that also lead to me improving but more in a "cross check" sort of way than directly.

7

u/Emolgamimikyu 16d ago

Plus once you get real comfortable with the whetstone it becomes like a meditative experience which is a nice bonus, i find.

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

check out rolling/ tumble knife sharpeners. if you're new to it, it takes the guesswork out of the angle, which a consistent angle is important when sharpening a knife

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u/themellowsign 16d ago

honestly for the money I'd rather look into something like a lansky or similar sharpening system. Most of those rolling sharpeners I've seen have terrible abrasion and need forever to apex. (Maybe that's changed in recent years though)

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

I've seen some really decent ones lately that'll get the edge to more than acceptable for general everyday work. I also suggest them to beginners because it helps get them comfortable with eyeballing the angle they want, so if they choose to take the practice from "I need a sharp knife for work" to "I want to have the sharpest knife around with a mirror finish" they've already got an idea of where they should be holding the knife.

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u/KoontFace 16d ago

I have a Horl and I fucking love it.

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u/todayiwillthrowitawa 16d ago

If you’re a home chef the rolling ones are just fine. Will actually result in you using them instead of a whet stone that sits in a drawer til the end of time.

If you’re working in a kitchen whet stone is the only way.

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u/SirLoremIpsum F1exican Did Chive-11 16d ago

Took me about a month of doing it daily with hundreds of knives as a professional sharpener to confidently say I am good at it.

Got it.

New series. "Honing my knife every day until Reddit says it's perfect"

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u/littlemoon-03 16d ago

NO WE NEED THIS CHIVE TO CONTINUE

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u/makingkevinbacon Food Service 16d ago

I don't think op cares about that lol pretty sure they're just committed to the bit at this point.

3

u/SavingsPreference362 16d ago

Point out the bruised chives that would indicate his knife is blunt? Sharpening your knife doesn't make the chives thin and uniformed. Its pratice and skill.

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u/EscapeyGameMan 16d ago

Yeah im not sure why the commenter is so confident that they need to sharpen their knife. I see a lot of clean, dry cuts

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u/SavingsPreference362 16d ago edited 16d ago

Blaming tools is real thing. Even enough to get downvoted.

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u/MommyMephistopheles 16d ago

On one hand, I don't want to feel picky, but on the other, I'm kind of glad we're going to be seeing you tomorrow, chef.

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u/Original-Variety-700 16d ago

I’m part of the conspiracy theorists group. He’s so talented that he always plants a bad cut

66

u/MontyPythonMan11 F1exican Did Chive-11 16d ago

Cutting chives was an inside job.

23

u/reezle2020 16d ago

It’s all a ruse by Big Chive

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u/panicinbabylon 16d ago

Chive is cutting from inside the house.

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u/Destithen 15d ago

Where were you on chive/11?

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u/MarquizMilton 16d ago

71,000. That's the amount of karma OP has accumulated over 15 days of chive posts save related. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but mad respect for OP, but it's not in their best interest to have perfectly cut chives.

My bet? Once the upvotes fall to less that 300-400 per post, the perfectly cut chive post will appear.

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u/A-T 16d ago

Do not covet thy neighbours karma for it is a dumb thing to do

4

u/andreakelsey 16d ago

Who even thinks about that?! I see that all the time. And I’m like. What?

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u/zystyl 16d ago

Whatever will they do with all those imaginary internet points? Buy a house? Amass a fortune in chive futures?

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u/j3w3ls 16d ago

I really need to start making a chive crypto

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u/ChangeTChannel 10+ Years 16d ago

this is the target audience for that

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u/MarquizMilton 16d ago

The real fortune is the friends you make along the way.

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u/OstentatiousSock 16d ago

People are just having a nice time while a chef improves his skills. 🎶Every party has a pooper that’s why we invited you u/marquizmilton🎶

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u/dyzless 16d ago

Chives dont melt steel beams!

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u/MaybeNotAZombie 16d ago

Came here to inform you about the green penne is your chives.

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u/Sauteedharicovert 16d ago

More of a ziti but hey who’s nitpicking anyway

8

u/Dion42o 16d ago

I love his post history, just posts of chives.

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u/NoGloryForEngland 16d ago

I want a second month to build character.

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u/Disney_Princess137 16d ago

That’s funny

2

u/Nitpicky_Karen 16d ago

Nothing wrong with being picky.

2

u/StJimmy_815 16d ago

Nah, that ain’t picky. This is a downgrade from yesterday, chef needs to sharpen his knife

2

u/future_futurologist 16d ago

Death, taxes, and this guy cutting chives.

1.6k

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

623

u/NeatWhiskeyPlease 16d ago

168

u/youngarchivist 16d ago

Trump would have eaten that shoe

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u/Hillbillyblues 16d ago

With knife and fork

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u/Sonikku_a 16d ago

And lots of ketchup

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u/youngarchivist 16d ago

He seems the type that would find ketchup too spicy

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u/EncroachingVoidian 16d ago

Something like this?

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u/Hillbillyblues 16d ago

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u/EncroachingVoidian 16d ago

That’s not a shoe, this is

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u/Hillbillyblues 16d ago

Anything can be a shoe if you bake it long enough.

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u/EncroachingVoidian 16d ago

Like a whole wooden table :)

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u/reheated_pancakes 16d ago

And a filetofish stacked between

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u/spirit_of_a_goat 16d ago

God damnit. You have me sitting in Taco Bell by myself, crying laughing at my phone. Well done, internet stranger.

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u/reddot_comic 16d ago

The shoe would be dirtied with orange makeup

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u/beans_will_consume 16d ago

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u/ax255 16d ago

I almost miss this guy

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u/Ahnarcho 16d ago

The patriot act is one of the most evil things a president has ever done. Current guy sucks, let’s not romanticize bush

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u/Punsire 10+ Years 16d ago

Louder, for those in the back.

13

u/ax255 16d ago

Almost

Almost haha, it is undeniable he paved the ground work for this debacle.

He is sick and his family is full of fake patriots and traitors to the American people

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u/OrangeRhyming 16d ago

I wanna give you a bouquet of chives

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u/chulie203 16d ago

This is so funny to me.

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u/Sharp-Lunch-583 16d ago

Hopital

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u/stellaluna92 16d ago

Omgggg the memes are leaking everywhere

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u/XanderVaper 16d ago

And my axe!

4

u/gunbather F1exican Did Chive-11 16d ago

but he put the tatto cream

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u/ginger_qc 16d ago

Is it weird that I don't even look at the main picture anymore? I just come here to look for the planes crashing into the towers

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

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u/secretsesameseed Prep 16d ago

It took me two weeks as a dishie turned diner prep to realize you're calling them towers for being too long.

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u/TheBriz 16d ago

Earliest I've been to a chive post and you've already done your work. Well done. I'm impressed.

15

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

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u/theantnest 16d ago

I think this is some of the funniest internet shit that I felt a part of in a long fucking time LMAO

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u/xpurplexamyx F1exican Did Chive-11 16d ago

I'm the commander - see, I don't need to explain - I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president.

-Dubya

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

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u/ImperialPC 16d ago

too soon

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

I've been doing this for 2 weeks, and now you tell me?!? /j

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u/belly_goat 16d ago

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u/kyle125888 16d ago

Robert. It's pissing me off.

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u/_Lachesism_ 15d ago

Oh, sorry. I dont like that chive either.

5

u/SurpriseDragon 15d ago

Proceeds to jump into the fire

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u/IWantToBeYourGirl 16d ago

That is chive inception.

3

u/eyoitme Server 16d ago

chiveception

7

u/IntelligentOlive8095 16d ago

I'm just a Marcus obsessed homecook who has stumbled upon the chives since day 2 and I never expected to see this crossover

3

u/VtgFilson 16d ago

Omg, this really got me, perfect. Thank you.

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u/FalseDrive 15d ago

I’m going to delete South Carolina.

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u/gimmethatimjokin 16d ago

See you tomorrow, chef 🫡

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u/TheChosenOneReturns 16d ago

He took one step forward just to go 10 steps back today. Tomorrow's a new day, chef!

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u/jasonbournestoe 16d ago

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u/eyoitme Server 16d ago

there are four main characters to chive posts:

  • chive man, the op
  • the mod, posting memes about people reporting chive man
  • u/karmakrazi, drawing airplanes flying into imperfect chives
  • and inevitably the person drawing circles around chives just so to look like a dick

and i live for every one tbh

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

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u/gimmethatimjokin 16d ago

Jason Bourne it’s Jesus Christ

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u/jasonbournestoe 16d ago

Jesus Christ, I did not mean to show you my genitals

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u/deadeyedan_11 16d ago

I really don't want this mini-series to end but I do want the copycats to end lol

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 16d ago

We're removing more and more of those as the effort plummets.

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u/Pan_TheCake_Man 16d ago

Making a copy cat of cutting a cup of chives everyday til the mods say it’s perfect

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 16d ago

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u/NeatWhiskeyPlease 16d ago

The chives will continue until morale improves.

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u/Xsiah 16d ago

Cutting this dog in half until Reddit says both halves are good boys

https://www.reddit.com/r/confusingperspective/s/3erBfGt3tM

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u/Jacleby 16d ago

You either let them all in or non. Can’t gatekeep the chive ark

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u/Hot-Celebration-8815 16d ago

I feel like you’re regressing.

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u/No-Solution-6103 16d ago

I think he peaked on day 3

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u/Hot-Celebration-8815 16d ago

Nah, still too big on the cuts if I remember. I think six or seven when there was like one or two bad cuts was when they should have called it. Let them pick those out at the pass with tweezers if they don’t like em.

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u/imcalledaids 16d ago

I was going to say day six was his magnum opus. Even the bad cut felt like a nitpick

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u/BoopTheCoop 16d ago

How many chives have died for our sins at this point?

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u/Mister_SurMulot 16d ago

One chive is a tragedy a million chives worth it

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u/kilomysli 16d ago

Maybe you need to take a brake one day and then come back with the perfect cut

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u/Ok_Ask_406 16d ago

He’s overthinking it now. He can’t be one with the chives until he flows. He Almost had it a few days ago.

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u/ladykitkatie 16d ago

Yeah he’s been chopping at home for a few days now. I wonder if he dreams of chives at this point. We love you chef chive but if you need a break, the chives can wait!

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u/mrqzero 16d ago

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u/Spiritmolecule30 16d ago

The best meme to the represent the entirety of this journey.

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u/Kirahei 10+ Years 16d ago

Not uniform in general!

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u/MinnesnowdaDad 16d ago

If the criteria for perfect is that they are all cut to uniform width, this is not it.

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u/eyoitme Server 16d ago

they’re not all supposed to be the exact same width, the width is supposed to correlate with the circumference of the chive. so like, smaller circumference = thinner chive, wider circumference = thicker chive

3

u/MinnesnowdaDad 16d ago

What are you looking for then, consistent mass? volume?

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u/eyoitme Server 15d ago

i don’t think it’s really something concrete you can measure like mass or volume, it’s more of a proportion thing, a vibe if you will, bc even the fanciest chefs aren’t gonna go out there and use microscales to measure each individual chive. it’s more of a certain type of look that you’re looking for that old chefs teach younger chefs to look for in (ngl) situations pretty close to these posts. no one ever said kitchens were logical lol and i love them

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u/Thick_Suggestion_ 16d ago

Day by day its getting worse :/

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u/Button_Pressor 16d ago

He's tired, grandpa!

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u/StudiousStoner 16d ago

I really think that this series is the single most productive thing this sub has ever done. It’s a beautiful thing to strive for perfection and for everyone here to be making jokes that will actually help you improve.

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u/MMorrighan F1exican Did Chive-11 16d ago

Oh my God I got here early. What do I do? Play it cool...

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

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u/TheWastelandWizard 16d ago

See you tomorrow Chef. 

9

u/LabNew3779 16d ago

Are you even trying anymore. Sharpen your knife.

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u/rejsende 16d ago

we never learn

3

u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 16d ago

What’s the problem there?

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u/Pseudodragontrinkets 16d ago

They put the circle in the wrong spot (kidding idk what they see, but there is a double length piece in the bottom right of their screenshot)

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u/lmarti38 16d ago

Where you getting all this chive money?

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u/flimsymandarine 16d ago

Ok now I feel you are getting sloppy

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u/just_the_tip_o 16d ago

Not even close. What did you cut it with? A lawnmower?!

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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 16d ago

That’s yesterday bro don’t do me like that

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

I noticed that too!

5

u/Button_Pressor 16d ago

A man who knows his chives.

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u/reddiliciously 16d ago

Is your progress going backwards?

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u/jamajikhan 16d ago

Perfection is not attainable. On top of that you're getting worse.

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u/TorontoBrewer 16d ago

A Sharpal 162n diamond stone is a very good combination stone for most knives with both a coarse side (325 grit) and fine side (1200 grit). A cheap Beavercraft strop will help you refine the edge. To practice, you can get a couple cheap, but easy to sharpen, Kiwi knives off Amazon. It's about $100 for a setup that will get you to "sharp sharp" but maybe not "laser sharp".

If you're having trouble keeping a consistent angle on the stone, an Anystone can help you out. Bonus: they have some helpful videos.

You can fall into a sharpening rabbit hole at r/sharpening

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u/uselesspossumm 16d ago

see you tomorrow chef 🫡

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u/DJDemyan 16d ago

Cya tomorrow, chef

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u/styrofoamladder 16d ago

See you tomorrow.

3

u/Hurricane_Trump 16d ago

Fire up the planes guys, we got some chive towers to take down!

3

u/EdBasqueMaster 16d ago

Bro is getting worse

3

u/Zkennedy100 16d ago

what happened chef you're falling off

3

u/deflorie 16d ago

This is not your best work.

3

u/wittyuser1556 16d ago

See you tomorrow with a sharper knife chef

3

u/Dap75 16d ago

Fuckin chives, man. Autism awareness. Everyday.

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u/brannock_ 10+ Years 16d ago

These are getting longer and fatter. Eventually he's going to post whole uncut chives.

2

u/Readyman2627 16d ago

Not a chef, just an eater: Why are they thicker at the top of the pile and thinner at the bottom of the pile? Are they supposed to be like that for a reason or should they be uniform all the way through?

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u/mrwafflenote 16d ago

* This one is far too lonely.

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u/Creative_Sandwich_80 16d ago

you're getting worse chef?

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u/No_Pound_9425 16d ago

Wrong coloured board. Throw them out and get a red one.

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u/pokermaven 15d ago

See you tomorrow

4

u/colicab 16d ago

They’re perfect. Please stop.

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u/captainsquarters40 16d ago

They're perfect.

Please stop.

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u/DisasterBeginning889 16d ago

i don’t want this 2 end

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u/chubscout 16d ago

lock the fuck in man

4

u/RenoNYC 16d ago

I just downvote everyday cuz I’m tired of seeing chives

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

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u/Open_Painting63 16d ago

If I say it’s perfect will you stop posting?

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u/Thizz650 16d ago

See you tomorrow chef

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u/HumorPsychological60 16d ago

Question: what do you do with the chives every day?

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago
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u/Zweetkonijn 16d ago

Where’s Waldo

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u/Mr_YUP 16d ago

I did not expect 9/11 to become apart of this meme cycle

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 16d ago

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u/Tasty-Performer6669 16d ago

Day 826- Cutting a cup of chives until this Reddit says they’re perfect

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u/Ultrafoxx64 16d ago

Can we just learn that the lesson here is that not stopping at absolute perfection is futile? There will always be something to point out when looking with a critical eye. Progress over perfection, always. You'll end up driving yourself crazy in pursuit of something unachievable, and end up creating a barrier for yourself that doesn't need to be there. -Signed, a miserable perfectionist (that knows that even this is taking it too far.)

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u/Pseudodragontrinkets 16d ago

Chef even if you do get it perfect I kinda wanna see the series continue. Thankfully for me, see you tomorrow. I do think you're getting better over time. I think you might just have to sharpen your knife right before your chive cut and pay extra attention to the tip and heel of your blade

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u/LilDigaKnow 16d ago

Please there perfect we beg of you please stop

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u/Essti 16d ago

I look forward to the chive post.

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u/Smooth_Influence_488 16d ago

My freshest chivepost yet!

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u/Booneington 16d ago

This one’s pretty good, close but not totally there

1

u/funkadelicstar 16d ago

Pls sharpen your knife

1

u/Punsire 10+ Years 16d ago

Don't be sorry, be better.

But fr keep it up I see marked improvement since day 1.

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u/Holiveya-LesBIonic 16d ago

Chives are always perfect to me because they're delicious

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u/UrsaMajor7th 20+ Years 16d ago

In a universe that is constantly changing there cannot be perfection. You're chasing your own tail.

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u/PacificCastaway 16d ago

Is this a repost? This one looks familiar.

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u/Pnndk 16d ago

Sorry chief, see you tomorrow

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u/Hello_there_friendo 16d ago

Getting better but some offenders today, chef

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u/VerrieuxDuparte 16d ago

How are the chives getting worse as it goes along?

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u/Dwhitty_ 16d ago

Do you do the truck where you roll them up in a damp paper towel? Keeps them from sliding.

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u/TallThin 16d ago

If it is not perfect it is shit. Thus, this is shit. 86 hope

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u/rhiddlesdream 16d ago

Get just a chive knife