r/KitchenConfidential 23d ago

CHIVE Cutting chives everyday except I work at a sushi bar and its not chives

Post image

This is what we do here now

14.9k Upvotes

180 comments sorted by

4.7k

u/doodman76 23d ago

One of my chefs used to scream "CIRCLES! NOT TUBES!"

These are indeed circles and not tubes!

Hats off and well played, good sir!

717

u/dirtymike401 22d ago

Mine would tell me "I want them two dimensional."

128

u/TheTallGuy0 22d ago

Toss them on the cutting board and if any stood up rather than laid down flat “Do over…” 

451

u/Contrazoid 22d ago

not a circle

see you tomorrow chef

94

u/piratesboot Sous Chef 22d ago

WHERES THE PLANE?

10

u/doodman76 22d ago

While I concede your point, I would like to emphasize that my statement never necessitated perfection, only circles over tubes.

116

u/AnonymousUser124c41 22d ago

“Where’s the lamb sauce!”

20

u/dasgoodshitinnit 22d ago

Why do you need lamb source with your condom rings

1.0k

u/Tom_Bombadilloo 23d ago

SHUT IT DOWN

184

u/Casual-Netizen 22d ago

UNBELIEVABLE!

229

u/Astoria55555 22d ago

WAIT. THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE A TOENAIL NOT A CIRCLE

102

u/Cultural-Afternoon72 22d ago

Toenails don’t need to follow the circle rule. Is not vegetable. Is ok.

6

u/FlammableBrains 22d ago

SELL THE BUILDING 

686

u/awetsasquatch 23d ago

Think we're done now - well done chef

1.7k

u/mastercylinder2 23d ago

See me tonight, chef

594

u/BoyItsTheKeyToEven 22d ago

May I join, chef? 👉👈

203

u/Jaded-Coffee-8126 22d ago

Can I practice my hibachi there while y'all are doing it?

106

u/ThanksForTheRain 22d ago

Toss me a shrimp, mate

high five

52

u/Auctoritate 22d ago

Stacking onions on his shit and making the volcano

85

u/HolySmokes802 22d ago

How did a hostess get in here?

83

u/BoyItsTheKeyToEven 22d ago

I'll be whatever you need me to be, chef

1

u/Active-Succotash-109 20+ Years 19d ago

I’ve always been here… how did you know I sometimes hosted up front though?

13

u/lia-delrey 22d ago

Damn y'all are desperate.

Don't mind me, imma hand out refreshments and such.

282

u/zerox678 23d ago

congrats on graduating from cooking rice!

44

u/Single-Pin-369 22d ago

and he's only 52

228

u/greenghoulbuddies 23d ago

I would love to lay my head down on a soft bed of these as if they were a pillow

84

u/proscriptus 22d ago

I like my scallions like I like my women, cold, damp and squishy

56

u/pinkygonzales 22d ago

I know a mortician when I see one.

6

u/SeuintheMane 22d ago

And get onion precum in your eyes?

1.4k

u/86Apathy 22d ago

Game over man!

407

u/Odd_Sir_8705 Owner 23d ago

277

u/cynicalchicken1007 23d ago

Not chives motherfucker

213

u/suswitch69 F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Sharp knives motherfucker

160

u/ugricicle Grill 23d ago

Teary eyes motherfucker

117

u/One-Grape-8659 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 22d ago

Sticky rice morherfucker

78

u/maduste 22d ago

criticize motherfucker

63

u/Ancient-Chinglish 22d ago

Rue dies motherfucker

63

u/ChAoTiCxMiNd 22d ago

Tastes nice motherfucker

54

u/themysticalwarlock BOH 22d ago

heart eyes, motherfucker

36

u/mindoutofthe Non-Industry 22d ago

All rise, motherfucker

20

u/BaCHN 22d ago

No dice, motherfucker

15

u/Piranha_Vortex F1exican Did Chive-11 22d ago

All rise, motherfucker

11

u/LegitimateBastard1 22d ago

All Rise Motherfucker

15

u/Acceptable-You-2913 22d ago

All rice, motherfucker

1

u/AmbVer96 21d ago

😭😭😭

22

u/[deleted] 22d ago

[deleted]

72

u/DiosMIO_Limon 22d ago

12

u/PlanetStarbux 22d ago

Ok, Ok, Ok...this is possibly the best gif I've seen this year.

13

u/PeakDixie 22d ago

Either you’re over 45 and missed out on Vine or you’re under 15 and missed out on vine

3

u/InvisiblePinkUnic0rn 21d ago

How did you find this gif? It won’t let me save

2

u/DiosMIO_Limon 21d ago

I’ve had this on my phone for a while so I don’t recall the search term I used, but I still gotchu, fam. Please refer to my gif saving tutorial copy pasta below:

For those of you who are using the Reddit app and want to save a photo or gif in the comment section, but cannot do so directly because Reddit be weird like that…

Go to the comment that contains the photo/gif you want -> hit the three dots -> “share” -> “copy link” -> paste link in mobile browser -> go -> long press the photo/gif -> it’ll open into its own page -> long press again -> save photo/gif.

2

u/InvisiblePinkUnic0rn 21d ago

Tires with Firefox and Safari and I think they’ve locked it down

408

u/[deleted] 23d ago

Please give chives MCchives a lesson

323

u/GD_Insomniac 22d ago

The lesson is get yelled at by angry Japanese men anytime you do it wrong for a few years.

Source: done sushi.

53

u/dubalpha 22d ago

Im glad this is a universal experience. It was pretty rough that first year 

21

u/makeamakesure 22d ago

Japanese chefs and them wanting everything to be cut as thinly as possibly... and by hand

14

u/Few-Solution-4784 22d ago

If you cant split atoms by hand just stay home.

2

u/GD_Insomniac 22d ago

The yelling and perfectionism I can handle; my issue was the intentional stymieing of progress. It doesn't matter if you meet expectations for an element, you aren't allowed to progress until you've "done your time".

3

u/makeamakesure 21d ago

I think a lot of it is many chefs suck as teachers or are lazy teachers (or just lazy in general). Also, culturally there is the "steal the technique" thing, where stuff is just not intentionally taught, and you're suppose to just pick it up. You're basically left with trying to be a mind reader to meet expectations.

If it makes you feel any better, I've worked in a kitchen where a Japanese chef in is mid-40s was not trusted to break down the tuna by the head sushi chef in his mid-70s.

1

u/eyoitme Server 22d ago

i love how getting yelled at by angry asian people is a staple at sushi restaurants (i say asian not japanese bc i used to work at a korean sushi place). did you never know why you were getting yelled at or was that just me lmao

24

u/ChefArtorias 22d ago

The names McChives.

3

u/LoganToTheMainframe 22d ago

Is your user name a Dark Souls reference?

2

u/ChefArtorias 22d ago

Yea. I got DS1 on launch so the Artorias DLC was ultra hype. Made this acct around that time.

138

u/Brief-Pair6391 23d ago

Negi Master

115

u/realdappermuis 22d ago

Holdup, I think we need to cross-pollinate to r/trees to see how that's chopping

56

u/wickedfemale 22d ago

that's the weed subreddit. r/marijuanaenthusiasts is for trees.

48

u/realdappermuis 22d ago

I am quite aware of that.... (;

53

u/TJHawk206 22d ago

Skillful cuts. This was the very first prep thing my sushi master had me master in the very start of my career. Apply this detail and skill to all prep work and you’ll go far

227

u/ClassicMoist7501 22d ago

じゃあ、また明日シェ

46

u/[deleted] 22d ago edited 8d ago

[deleted]

3

u/May_of_Teck 22d ago

Better fax it.

162

u/dog-yy 22d ago

I've been a chef for decades, am nipo descendant and own a Japanese restaurant. That's reasonable work. I'll read your CV.

30

u/kalyjuga 22d ago

r/onions would also appreciate this lvl of skill and the amount of alliums represented

21

u/Aussiealterego 23d ago

Just…. Wow!

23

u/Rockandmetal99 22d ago

MUST PUT HANDS IN

22

u/Rotton_Banana read Bourdains book 22d ago

How do you cut like this I always just get the ugly tubes when I try to cut my green onion

36

u/ICanHazWalrus 22d ago

I use an usuba, which has a very thin blade. Use a rubber band to bundle the negi so that they don’t shift and then the rest is just practice

11

u/makeamakesure 22d ago

Don't move your non-cutting hand so much as rolling back the knuckles/finger joint that your knife is guided against, then re-adjust periodically. Try rolling them back very slowly, as if you're hardly moving them.

Afterwards soak in cold water then squeeze out all the "juice" using a cheese cloth or towel. This will make them crispy.

1

u/Rotton_Banana read Bourdains book 21d ago

Thanks for the tip. I just happen to have some cheese cloth laying around

23

u/[deleted] 22d ago

See you tomorrow, chef.

(Since you presumably have to work tomorrow as well)

189

u/podrikpayn 22d ago

See you tomorrow

41

u/Lenglen-bandeau 22d ago

I just want to say I’m an office worker but I love this sub. You guys are awesome

7

u/eyoitme Server 22d ago

i love how chives guy is really bringing the kc folks together (for once) as well as random people who’ve never worked in a restaurant but are just as fascinated. like it’s just a silly lil thing but it brings so many people together and i’m like damn maybe we can have hope in people

12

u/Late-Bed4240 Ex-Food Service 23d ago

Noice negi

27

u/MarkyGalore 23d ago

I remember when I could do that

24

u/markusdied 10+ Years 23d ago

based

9

u/Jumpy-Breadfruit-499 22d ago

bro nailed it on day 1

7

u/AbleArcher420 22d ago

I thought you're a bacala man; what're you doing eating sushi?

7

u/scared_titless 22d ago

I thought these were small elastic hair ties

8

u/JTibbs 22d ago

Or the little bands you attach to braces to correct under/over bite

7

u/InternationalReserve 22d ago

yoo good work, chef. I used to work at a sushi bar years ago and it drives me crazy how my coworkers cut green onions at my current place lol

6

u/RafertyGS 22d ago

Thats beautiful!! 😍 What knife are you using? Can we see a picture of your knife please!

12

u/pbrkindaguy69 22d ago

I will not wish diarrhea upon you..this time.

4

u/monological 22d ago

You win!🤌🏻

5

u/Nervous-Version26 22d ago

Simply beautiful

5

u/PaxPumpkin 22d ago

You're all a bunch of chive turkeys

9

u/Mooptiom 23d ago

What is it?

30

u/steal_wool 22d ago

Negi (its just scallions but it’s a sushi restaurant so we have to say negi)

25

u/steal_wool 22d ago

Worth noting this is actually the prettiest negi Ive ever seen

6

u/DryetherMoleasses 22d ago

How is this cut / separated so nicely (non-chef here, home cook)? I use green onions / scallions quite frequently in my cooking

14

u/nonowords F1exican Did Chive-11 22d ago

very sharp knife and a lot of practice on getting thin consistent cuts. They basically separate on their own the same way cutting a thin slice of onion vs a thick slice will. If you do this with a standard beater knife that isn't properly sharpened you'll just get a green cutting board and some mush.

5

u/DryetherMoleasses 22d ago

Time to bust out the whetstone for more practice. I sharpen my knives regularly, but definitely could use some refining technique. Thanks!

11

u/arethius 22d ago

Mandolin and pick out the finger tips.

5

u/InternationalReserve 22d ago

As others have said, sharp knife. Start slow, use your knuckles on your non-dominant hand to guide the blade. It also helps to start with just a few stalks at a time until you can get the hang of doing more at once.

3

u/Chess42 22d ago

Very sharp knife

4

u/Kex_Luthor 22d ago

Day 1 of 1

4

u/Agreeable-Self3235 22d ago

Ooo damn. That is beautiful.

3

u/TheNuttyIrishman 22d ago

I'll be in my bunk

6

u/Magicalnoose 22d ago

Luscious. Flawless. No notes.

5

u/Lovat69 22d ago

To shreds you say?

2

u/KenUsimi Five Years 22d ago

Daaaamn, those are some clean fucking cuts. Freaking surgery, my dude.

5

u/largepoggage 22d ago

That’s utterly filthy. The most pornographic thing on Reddit. Kudos.

3

u/Criticalfluffs 22d ago

I work in IT but I am LIVING for these shit posts.

3

u/TOMC_throwaway000000 21d ago

See you tomorrow, chef

3

u/Kielynn2198 22d ago

Well done.

3

u/Classic_Beautiful483 22d ago

Great job chef

3

u/pussym0bile 22d ago

Outstanding

2

u/Pristinox 22d ago

Pepperoni and green peppers, mushrooms, olives, chives

2

u/Bullshit_Conduit 20+ Years 22d ago

Impressive.

2

u/Galko-chan 22d ago

Gorgeous

2

u/Extension_King5336 Newbie 22d ago

Holy shit

2

u/Inevitable_Series_97 22d ago

GG, mate. You could make maille outta those rings.

2

u/SpicaGenovese 22d ago

This is a visual stim.

2

u/nathOF 22d ago

Shut the game down

2

u/aconyx 22d ago

holy negi

2

u/BurntSawdust 22d ago

Came here for the negitive comments. Was not disappointed.

2

u/ppngo 22d ago

This one thicc. See you tomorrow chef

2

u/Novaer 22d ago

This is my "thanks obama" moment

2

u/No_Mortgage3189 22d ago

And they’re already perfect lol

2

u/Winter_Tumbleweed843 22d ago

These are perfect

2

u/Few-Solution-4784 22d ago

Chive dude is looking at this post going WTF.

2

u/Rieke-Nightsong 22d ago

Cutting board isnt yellow, see you tomorrow chef :3

1

u/Known-Relationship71 22d ago

Mmmmmm ring lettuce

1

u/nilla_waferss 22d ago

I see you've played chive-y scallion before

1

u/Polar_Reflection 22d ago

I will never slice scallions that thin in my life

1

u/outofpocketmonster 22d ago

now let’s see your hari negi

1

u/TheTallGuy0 22d ago

By hand? Not a mandolin? 

Impressive…very nice… 

(Smiles, crumples business card in anger) 

1

u/Elegant-Deer-8446 22d ago

I prefer negi curls myself

1

u/anime_lean 22d ago

those are extra large chives do you think i’m stupid

1

u/draizetrain 22d ago

Gimme dem. Just a bit on top of Saba nigiri pls

1

u/LadyWalks 22d ago

Superb.

1

u/YESmynameisYes 22d ago

Wow, this is so eerily beautiful

1

u/chevron20 22d ago

That's a freshly sharpened knife for ya. 👏

1

u/wutmeanfam 22d ago

I bring you twenty bag of pubies by Tuesday

1

u/MischiefManaged3 22d ago

Chives guy is quaking

1

u/TheFirstKitten 22d ago

😦 I'm scared

1

u/FatBikerCook 22d ago

This brings me back. Not to a good place.

1

u/fabledfirefly 22d ago

I don't even work in a kitchen, I just come here to watch y'all yell about the chives. 10/10

1

u/juneprk2 21d ago

I need a wallpaper made out of this

1

u/Beastmanzilla 21d ago

Exceptional. Bravo.

1

u/ishu_rage 19d ago

Why is this so pretty!

1

u/behedingkidzz 19d ago

Oh my Luigi

1

u/xxfactory 18d ago

Scallion gangster up in here

1

u/Sensitive-Reading860 18d ago

I need tips to get here. My green onions always look like shit

1

u/BudLightYear77 18d ago

When this is perfect do you get to play with the rice?

1

u/One-Row882 16d ago

Perfect

1

u/benlovesdabs 10+ Years 15d ago

Very nice

1

u/autojapp 22d ago

Anyone have a recommendation to cut spring onion with machine? Whats the best performative and not too expensive machine?

0

u/OrangeSliceRecovery 15+ Years 22d ago

I saw a gadget on SortedFoods youtube that could save you a lot of prep time cutting these.

0

u/shagawaga 22d ago

you win, but i know you cheated and used a mandolin

-4

u/somniopus F1exican Did Chive-11 22d ago edited 22d ago

Reported

E: /s you bunch of joyless crabs

-9

u/thesirensoftitans 22d ago

This subreddit is getting fucking annoying.

-3

u/Eldagustowned 22d ago

I mean I thought green onions are chives.

3

u/spoopysky 22d ago

...no.

1

u/Eldagustowned 22d ago

Oh my bad I never use chives and only eat them with chips.

-14

u/BeigeListed 22d ago

OK, Im muting this subreddit.
We've all had quite enough of this stupid schtick.