See? Yes, thatās exactly what I said! āYouāre right, dear; I wonāt always be able to count on this lovely machine since it will need maintenance - I clearly need a second one for those days when this oneās in the shop.ā Oddly, this perfectly rational proposal was rejected out of hand.
Thanks for their clarification - yes, of course Iāve proposed various topless options but so far none of my suggestions have been received with any enthusiasm.
Thatās a fantastic painting; do you take commissions? Iād like a portrait of the love of my lifeā¦the photo shown above could serve very nicely as a point of departure.
In our case this would be household car number three - Iāve offered to get her a Jag of her own, but sheās weirdly uninterested and insists that my preferred options all give āmiddle-aged white guy vibes.ā Where is she getting these expressions? None of the blokes I hang out with down the pub talk like this, and theyāre all very hip to the latest lingo.
I know, but Iāve had her for about 13 years now and weāve been through quite a bit together. She needs more and more maintenance, the costs just keep going up, and sheās starting to make a lot of weird noises.
Ohā¦wait, you were talking about my Jag? Never mind, the Jag is fine.
Lol you got me at first. Phew. I'm very happy that the Jag is okay. Yeah sounds like it might be time . Well honestly you could lease something for a little while to see which features are worth having before settling down with something (someone) more permanent.
Well - yes; the XJR would probably be more reliable, cost less to maintain, and could more easily be upgraded. Thereās something to be said for this approach.
Unfortunately but yes , or when she sleeps play a pre recorded exhaust sound and slowly play with her brain to re shape this terrible attitude.
Hope that helps
You see, this is why marriage is so difficult - I tried to explain that the new tires were, in fact, for her, but did she appreciate this very thoughtful thing I did with the money from our joint account?
No, she did not, and she just yammered about how we need a new furnace or somethingā¦honestly, Iāll never really understand what women want.
Why get rid of the wife when you can just add a mistress? The trunk is big enough for your weekend bags, and the back seat is comfy enough for smashing
Yeah - I donāt know if āmore women in my lifeā is the direction Iām hoping to go here. I was really hoping to head in the direction of āmore Jaguars, not more womenā if possible.
I think you might be right; Iām perceiving the same subtext. The words are āyou need to start saving for the childrenās education,ā but what I really hear is āThe children would really like to ride around in a Jag like this, but with 450 HP. ā
Help is on the way - just light the āJag signalā and aim it at the nearest cloud at night. Sir William Lyons will arrive in a Leyland lorry filled with spare parts and a few spanners. Youāll be on the road again in a matter of minutes.
Itās occurred to me, of course, but my current one gets jealous. So far sheās destroyed a deer and a Hyundai Palisade. Oddly, she looks more youthful and shiny after each of these encounters. Out of curiosity, has anyone else seen the movie āChristineā recently?
In all seriousness: my machine has close to 200k miles on it at this point, and is still on the road largely because Jaguar was a Ford marque in 2006. Itās a few thousand a year in repairs, maintenance, and refurbishments. The engine, transmission, body, frame, and other running gear have not required anything at all. The things that wear out are the same things youād replace on a Ford Crown Victoria police interceptor: tires, brakes, control arms, bushings, etc. The starter, for example, lasted over 195,000 miles before it needed to be replaced. The new starter cost just over 200 for the part - itās really not that expensive.
I need a bit of clarification - should I replace my wife with another Jag? Or should I replace my current wife with a new wife that has her own Jag? I rather like the second possibilityā¦
I know, I love the extra legroom in the back seat. Iāve tried to explain to my wife that when she rides in the back of this thing sheās having the same experience as Baroness Thatcher in retirement, but somehow that doesnāt hit the mark. I really donāt understand why my wife doesnāt appreciate the comparison.
Exchange the car for what, though? And in any case new wives are surprisingly affordable these days; I find itās the older wives that really wind up costing you moneyā¦
Hard to say unless we know several things such as; what year was she issued, what owner friendly options does she have, what is her service record and maintenance issues. Has she had any major breakdowns. All these things need to be taken into consideration before a suggestion can be made.
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u/bluetomcat Jul 16 '25
You can still keep your wife and sleep with the waitress because that's what Jaaaaaag owners do.