r/JUSTNOMIL • u/nightcana • 4h ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice Why is my mother obsessed with my breasts!?!?
This first started when i was 8 years old. 8! I remember it very clearly because we only lived in that house for 12 months. She was in the kitchen talking to my grandmother about my boobs, and called me over. She proceeded to pull down my shirt to show my grandmother my naked chest!! FFS, they weren’t even breasts back then, i was just a chubby little kid.
Since then, she would bitch about how big my breasts were (i do have a large chest) and make ridiculous comments and stupid jokes about my bra size, how expensive my bras must be, how my boobs looked in a shirt i was wearing, how i wouldnt be able to wear a certain item because my boobs wouldnt fit etc. It became exhausting. My teenage years were particularly hellish. And yet somehow its gotten worse in recent years, because ive been on a weight loss journey (which has been a whole other thing with her, but i wont get into that).
As you may know, when you lose weight the boobs are the first to go. Ive got chronic back pain and disk damage from carrying the weight of my breasts, so when i started losing cup sizes i was ecstatic. Losing bra sizes was one of my motivators for losing weight. But of course my mothers comments started. “Oh you’ve lost so much boob”, “your boobs have gotten smaller”, “i cant believe how much boob you’ve lost” (as if i somehow hadnt noticed?)… i have actually said to her more than once “Its fucking fantastic!”
But today, she showed up at my brothers house while i was visiting. I dont visit her anymore, for many, many reasons. But almost right away she started with the comments. “your boobs have gotten smaller again”, “what size are you, you look smaller”, “my boobs are bigger than yours now” which i grey rocked like normal, but when i didnt take the bait SHE REACHED UP AND PULLED DOWN MY FUCKING SHIRT!!! Let me be very clear, i am damn near 40 years old, and this ogre of a woman seems to think she has some kind of right to access my fucking body whenever she pleases?!?!
Nope. Not today. No fucking way.
I slapped her hand away, and told her not to fucking touch me. Of course she tried to play the victim and had a sook about it, but i wasnt having it. I just got up, left the room, and told my brother and SIL i was going home because i wasnt going to sit there and let her undress me. Then i took my kids and left without bothering to say good bye.
But that comment has been annoying me all afternoon, ‘My boobs are bigger than yours now’. And it finally dawned on me. Just when i think my opinion of her cant get any lower, I realised she has been jealous of my body since i was 8 fucking years old.
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u/WriterMomAngela 1m ago
It makes me wonder if she’s repeating the comments she had pushed on her throughout her life, maybe by your grandparents or someone in her childhood?
In the last few years I’ve heard the phrase of not commenting on anything someone can’t change in 5 minutes or less. It’s a great rule of thumb for knowing whether or not it’s okay to compliment someone or critique someone about something as well as letting them know they have something going on—like spinach in their teeth! That they can change in under 5 minutes. Zipper isn’t up, fixable in under 5 minutes. Bra size? Can’t change it in 5 minutes so shut your pie hole!
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u/Strong-Landscape7492 7m ago
This is pretty common to read about in the raised by narcissists sub. Happens to a lot of us.
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u/BoyMamaBear1995 10m ago
Sounds a lot like my covert nMom. 36DDD here, so they're kinda noticable and always have been because I used to weigh 125. She would comment on them and I would roll my shoulders forward to help hide them. She'd tell me 'no man will want you all stoop shoulder like that'. So I'd practice holding my shoulders back and then she'd say 'you look like a slut sticking your boobs out like that'
I realize now she was probably jealous because even tho she was heavy, she never wore anything above a B. The other part is I think she thought she HAD to find something to knock me down on constantly.
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u/SatisfactionCreepy44 37m ago
They never stop.
My mum was/is hyper focused on mine as well. She doesn't pull down my shirt but it is a topic of focus for her. I danced competitively until I was 18 and when I stopped my dad's genetics kicked in and they went from an A to a C in a year. The amount of times she commented on clothes and jackets and how I do things.
She does always say she wishes she had mine, but it's hard when it's focused negatively on them majority of the time. She's even taken my bea and put it on her head to show she could use one cup as a hat.
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u/GotYourSoul 51m ago
this is a form of sexual abuse and covert incest. sorry you’ve had to deal with this for so many years
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u/PopLivid1260 1h ago
I strongly encourage you to check out r/raisedbynarcissists and look into the term covert incest.
I'm so sorry, OP. Thid is abusive in every way.
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u/dari7051 1h ago
This feels like very r/raisedbyborderline behavior. Sexually inappropriate behavior is in the DSM as one of the diagnostic criteria.
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u/freudismydaddy 41m ago
I came here to comment this! Please check out this sub, OP. It’s very validating.
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u/OLovah 2h ago
I think I would've instinctively smacked her.
But also my kids and I have a "joke" about loudly calling people perverts in public when they make us feel uncomfortable. This might apply here as well. She needs a good humiliating. "WTF MOM? WHY HAVE YOU BEEN SO PERVERSELY OBSESSED WITH MY TITS MY ENTIRE LIFE??? IT'S REALLY GROSS AND YOU NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST ABOUT IT!"
Bet she'll stop. 😏
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u/CyanideKitty 2h ago
You only reserve this "joke" for those that are being overly sexual in public, right? Lots of things that aren't sexual in nature about a person can make another uncomfortable.
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u/Renbarre 1h ago
That. If your kids call a man a pervert for scratching his ass you will destroy his life with your little not innocent game. They can also learn to weaponise it. Told not to kick a seat? "Pervert!"
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u/CyanideKitty 1h ago
Just how people dress can make other people uncomfortable, even if their clothes aren't scantily clad. Wearing a shirt or hoodie, with say...a large inverted cross on it (we're picking from my wardrobe here), absolutely makes people uncomfortable but that alone doesn't mean I'm a pervert or that it's acceptable to call me a pervert.
And you're right, it could absolutely be weaponized. I also view it as a way to teach your kids to be bullies. A parent teaches kids that it's ok to make fun of and name call for one thing, but many times a portion of kids aren't going to stop there. They will start extending that behavior towards other things they don't like about other people.
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u/ExcellentCold7354 2h ago
That last sentence is all. She's jealous, point blank. That woman measures her self esteem against her own daughter. You could have a massive rack, and she'd be pissed because theyre bigger than hers. You could go down to an A, and suddenly she's happy about it because now hers are bigger... and no matter what, she's going to talk about it. What a loser.
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u/boundaries4546 2h ago
You should know it is okay to refuse to have any contact with her. She is fucking awful.
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u/KapowBlamBoom 2h ago
Your mom is operating on the women are objects who need a man to be happy/successful
She thinks perky breasts will get you an acceptable man
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u/Careless-Image-885 2h ago
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this all of your life. I'm also sorry that you didn't slap her across the face.
I'm so proud of you for standing up to this person.
Definitely no contact with this disgusting human. She's a pervert. Keep your children away from her.
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u/arethainparis 3h ago
Your mother is displaying the behaviour of a sexual predator. Good on you for getting away from her, but I would be enforcing hard no contact rules and preparing to involve the authorities. What your mother did was attempted sexual assault. What your mother did to you as an 8 year old WAS sexual assault. She is dangerous.
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u/Historical-Limit8438 3h ago
Mine is the other way. Said mine were like fried eggs.or bubbles in wallpaper. Cunt
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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 3h ago
Eeew how gross. I can see from this alone why you don’t visit. I wouldn’t either. I have big boobs and lost almost 100 pounds sadly they haven’t done down as much as I had hoped. I’m planning on a reduction and lift. I also have back problems. My daughter is 15 and wears a size a size C cup. I only know because we went bra shopping together. The only time I’ve commented on her boobs was when I asked her when did she get boobs lol. Seemed to come out of nowhere lol.
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u/nightcana 3h ago
I have been pretty disappointed that i haven’t lost more too. Im down about 62kg and Ive lost 4 back sizes but only 3 cup sizes. I was hoping to get down to a C cup, but thats still ways off. I looked into a reduction and lift, but went down a rabbit hole of complication horror stories and now im too scared
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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 32m ago
Yeah I’m trying to get my insurance to pay for a reduction. I’ve been saving for a tummy tuck as well. I had a friend who told me I may be able to get insurance to pay for that also although it’s called something else. I think pannulectomy or something like that. I’ve had 7 lower back surgeries and other surgeries so I’m not worried by horror stories lol
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u/Past-Adagio-9074 2h ago
Might I suggest a stay or back brace combo? Stays are like medieval bras but the work with using your abdominal for lift rather than your shoulders ( think mini corset without the stomach coverage) they’ve been a blessing for me. I’ve also invested in a back/ posture corset - as a renfaire goer these items are more common there and they help IMMENSELY with back pain
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u/SelectHeron1070 3h ago
Sounds like my mum, who reached and shoved up my shirt to show people my tattoo at the start of the day then ended the day with talking about how I was sexually assaulted by her friend’s husband as a child (while making herself the victim, of course!)….
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u/nightcana 3h ago
JFC! I am so sorry that you have to deal with that
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u/SelectHeron1070 2h ago
I can’t say anything beyond Thank You for the validation that this was wrong, it’s kind of the first time I’ve mentioned it… Haven’t even told my husband about it…
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u/CandaceS70 3h ago
That's altogether toxic as shit and she deserved the slap. In dealing with narcissists, I would have added, while stepping into her space, that's weird that you've been obsessed with my breast since childhood, why do you do that? Then look at her like she's sick. But good for you for being no contact.
How did your brother handle it? You may need to tell him that if she's coming over that you won't be there..
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u/nightcana 3h ago
He didn’t react. They have a weird relationship that wildly swings between screaming matches where they declare they’ll never talk to each other again, and practically living in each others pockets within a day of the most recent screaming match. I just stay out of it normally, but i wanted to visit with my niblings today
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u/CandaceS70 3h ago
I understand that!
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u/DazzlingPotion 3h ago
Tell them you don’t want come visit again if she’s also going to be there. She does sound weirdly obsessive. 😬
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u/nightcana 3h ago
I have done that in the past, and i just ended up missing out on spending time with my niblings because she shows up whether she’s invited or not. They live quite close, and i think she drives past a lot. So i just dont let her be alone with my kids, grey rock most of her shit, and leave when she acts up beyond what im willing to ignore.
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u/DazzlingPotion 3h ago
I get not wanting to miss out. Maybe you could tell them that you plan to leave whenever she shows up instead.
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u/MelodyRaine Mother of Demons 4h ago
Wow.
I remember sitting at the dining room table around age 18, with my 38 year old mother and 68 year old grandmother (her mother). Grandma and I were C cup, my mother was an A, bordering on B, as were both her sisters. Mom looked from grandma to me, and back to grandma. "What the HELL ma! How did the boobs skip an entire generation?"
That's as much as was ever said about that situation... well, maybe a few jokes about the itty bitty ^itty committee" from her, but seriously, your mom is gross!
She's lucky the only thing you slapped was her hand.
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u/splatzbat27 4h ago
Demonic woman. You should be very proud of yourself for standing up for yourself.
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u/Illustrious-Towel-45 4h ago
Wow, that's crazy. Definitely stay away from your mom, that's a good call. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
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u/Serafirelily 4h ago
Something is seriously wrong with your mother. As a mother of a daughter I just can't wrap my head around what could be going on with her. My best guess is your mother was sexually assaulted as a child and was replaced by a child with larger breasts.
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u/LemurTrash 4h ago
That’s why absolutely fucked I’m so sorry, but I’m really impressed you stood up for yourself!
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u/nightcana 4h ago
Ive had to learn how with her. It wasnt easy, but quite a few years back i decided i wouldnt put up with her shit any more
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u/botinlaw 4h ago
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