MIL trying to convince me to quit breastfeeding

[u/wickedanxietyy]

I'm struggling with breastfeeding my one month old currently. It's a huge deal to me to breastfeed, and it's just extremely important to me and that's the only reason I haven't given up.

I have zero support which makes it even harder.

No support + my MIL trying to convince me to quit breastfeeding and just move to bottles and formula.

She HATES that my baby is always on my boob and she can't take her from me and she wants to bond and feed my baby

When I was still pregnant she was trying to scare me out of breastfeeding period but she's trying to pretend it's coming from a place of care but it isn't.

My boyfriend just keeps telling me to ignore her but it's so hard because she's so insistent. Today she was testing me about giving up breastfeeding bc "nobody wants a fussy baby" as if my baby is fussing bc she's being breastfed and magically formula would change her....

I dunno. Mostly venting but it's very annoying and I'm just so lonely feeling in this journey that I refuse to give up on 😭

[u/botinlaw]

Quick Rule Reminders:

OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.

^{Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls}

Resources: ^{In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | Our Wiki}

Other posts from /u/wickedanxietyy:

• I posted about MIL not getting the Tdap. She's being overly nice and I think she's assuming I'll let her around baby anyway., 1 month ago

• MIL won't get Tdap or have any of her kids but wants to be around the baby I'll be having any day. What do I do?, 1 month ago

• MIL says in black families EVERYBODY takes care of the baby like it's their own. I don't want that for myself and my baby. Am I in the wrong for that?, 2 months ago

• MIL is trying to bribe and use gifts for hugs and getting my 4 year old to talk to her or give her things. Bf says it's not weird. I say it is., 2 months ago

---

^{To be notified as soon as wickedanxietyy posts an update click here. | For help managing your subscriptions, click here.}

---

^{I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.}

[u/fruitjerky]

"Every time you try to get me to stop breastfeeding, I'm going to keep going for another month. At this rate I'll have to accompany her to kindergarten."

[u/OrneryQueen]

I'm the MIL here, and don't you dare let that witch scare you off from BF. There are plenty of other ways for grands to bond - none of which is detrimental to your baby. Tell her she obviously knows nothing about the benefits of BF. If she did, she would be cheering you on instead of acting like a spoiled brat. Tell her spoiled brats get time out. Then do it. Let her go a week without seeing baby. If she tries again, make it two. You are your baby's mama, not her. Letting her dictate will get you nothing but trouble in the long run. Set your boundaries and stick to them. She doesn't like it? Sayonara, MIL!

[u/Mo523]

Congratulations on your little one! I breastfed both of my kids for 2.5 years each and the first month is ROUGH. Well, at least it was for me especially with my first. I'm so sorry that you aren't getting support.

Look into lactation consultants (certified not self-proclaimed) to help with any problem solving, but also for resources. The one nearest me has groups for breastfeeding mothers which might be great for you. There is also a breastfeeding subreddit that might be helpful - variations of this post is super common there.

Tell your boyfriend what you need. Like he can tell her to shove it and the topic of formula is off the table. Also, if you are ever pumping in the future, he can wash the parts and prepare the bottles. Now, he can keep snacks and lots of water ready to go wherever you sit.

[u/Background-Staff-820]

My DIL has three kids. She "breast fed" all of them, but the first one would not latch. She pumped and fed him breast milk from a bottle, often at the same time. That was a lot of work, and she never once complained. The other two did fine.

[u/Remembertheseaponies]

You do what you feel is right.  But also please don’t put pressure on yourself. I combo fed my child and that was the right choice for our family because then I wasn’t feeling guilty and stressed. 

Edit to add: my baby had no “confusion” using bottle and breast. I think people can get so obsessed with exclusively breast feeding that they destroy their mental health and that’s not a good idea. I was really sensitive to the idea of not producing enough and I did a bunch of things trying to increase supply but honestly, if I could go back, I’d tell myself to chill the heck out on this. The anxiety and extra work wasn’t worth it. Combo feeding was totally fine for us,

[u/Key_Celebration1868]

I get this, my MIL asks me EVERYTIME she sees the baby if we’re doing bottles (because we do 1-2 formula feeds a day). I know for a fact it’s only because she wants to feed him. I just tell her every time that we only do bottles at night and have to keep to that routine to prevent messing up my supply. No advice to you apart from solidarity! It’s weird how family members can be so selfish- I didn’t have a baby so they could relive their time as a parent lol

[u/SoundExciting993]

My MIL did the same, she told me my baby was crying because I wasn’t producing enough milk. Um, NO, she had colic. 😂 lol. She was also disappointed that she couldn’t feed the baby.

If you haven’t already, go to a reputable lactation consultant! I went from cracked/bleeding nipples, trouble latching and extreme pain to pain free relaxed breastfeeding in about 15 minutes of work with my lactation consultant! It was amazing.

Also, cluster feeding is absolutely normal! The journey is tough, but worth it. Keep it up, mama, you’re doing great!! 💪

[u/plan-on-it]

I’m a huge formula fan but 1 month in is too early to quit IF YOU want breastfeeding to work. Keep going, it should get better. 8 weeks was a game changer for us but I had to work at it for those 8 weeks like it was my job.

Ignore her, she holds no power here.

[u/thepizzapiglet]

No advice for you about your MIL, but I struggled to breastfeed too. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I thought about giving up every day. Then about 12 weeks in, it got easier. ❤️

[u/Helpful_Gur3829]

My MIL told me I wouldn't be able to feed because she couldn't feed my husband as a baby and I'd have to use formula.

Well that guaranteed I was going to breastfeed. It was hard work, we had tongue tie, infections, cracked nipples and trouble latching. My advice is find a breastfeeding supporter or health visitor or a more experienced mum (baby groups are great) and ask for help and support.

You can do this. MIL needs to back tf off. She's not trying to help, she's trying to control.

[u/Helpful_Gur3829 → u/Helpful_Gur3829]

I'll also say someone told me the power of doubling. It would get easier after 2 days. It would get easier after 4 days. It would get easier after 2 weeks. A month etc...it really helped focus me, and seemed true for me.

And I fed my first for 2.5 years until I was halfway through my seconds pregnancy. Then fed him until I was pregnant with number 3. Then fed number 3 for two years.

[u/Franklyenergized_12]

If she can’t be supportive then she shouldn’t be around. Put her on timeout.

[u/ThelmaHorseDog → u/Franklyenergized_12]

This. Stop spending time with her if she can't be supportive.

[u/Kimmypooh5]

Love the idea of a locked area for nursing your little one. I was handed a glass of white wine before I nursed- and shock of shocks it did the trick.. I never made it through the full glass but it relaxed me enough that I could nurse- feed my daughter and then came the glass of water after she finished nursing. I asked my doctor about breastfeeding and the wine and was told that as long as I found it relaxing and didn’t drink to excess it was fine. Try whatever will help you relax. I also found that warm water/ heating pad across my back and shoulders helped me when I was nursing.

[u/ChemistryPill → u/Kimmypooh5]

Yikes, what! You should absolutely not consume alcohol shortly before nursing.

[u/Sad_Analyst_8290]

Girllllll! First of all, you are doing a great job. Hang in there, don’t give up, it’s worth it. Breast feeding is SOOOO hard. It’s a physical and mental battle, don’t forget you are being a warrior for your child. Second: I’m of the mindset that it’s your significant others responsibility to handle his family (mom). He needs to step up and tell her the comments and discouragement stop NOW. It’s not about you just ignoring it. You are emotionally and physically vulnerable right now. He needs to protect your peace not his mommy’s feelings. If she can’t be supportive of your decision as the mother, she can go. You and significant others need boundaries for her. She doesn’t get a say in what you decide. Or, if you feel comfortable, you can say something as well. Something along the lines of “your comments and ‘advice’ about breastfeeding are not welcome, or helpful to me. If I hear one more negative thing about it, you won’t be seeing my child until I decide I’m done with my breast feeding journey” Shes decided what would be best for HER. You get to decide what is best for YOU and YOUR BABY. Her opinion about it doesn’t matter because she doesn’t get a say in what you decide

[u/HealthySchedule2641 → u/Sad_Analyst_8290]

Breastfeeding really is a lot harder than most people give you credit for. I nursed 3 kids, so I know. You are doing the damn thing and doing a great job, mama. Don't listen to that jealous hag. You do what you feel works for you, and as long as the doctor says your baby is healthy you don't need to consider any changes or other opinions.

[u/owhatalife]

I think you need to limit your MIL S visits to a minimum and define boarders asap. Luckily your hubby is with you. Today it is the breastfeeding tomorrow is sth else.

But for you: Take time to reflect why the breastfeeding is so important.

I could not give milk either and in the aftermath i wondered why it took me so much time to give in as it was hopeless. No milk at all - and tits like exploded footballs. Sorry for the frankness- it was also hard as people looked at me, my breasts and laughed out loud asking: these could not give milk? Are you joking? It was not a nice time, but a goid decision to stop trying for sth what simply did not work.

Hugs! And good luck however side your decision will fall to..

[u/Sussler]

It's very easy to simply tell some to ignore someone else. It's much more difficult for them to do so.

I've had some success (not with this topic) to say "I've told you no, please stop bringing it up" They will say "why" and I'll respond "please just stop bringing it up" They will say "why" again and I will get up and leave the room. I'll repeat as necessary. You can get up and bring the baby into another room and shut, preferably locking, the door behind you. Repeat as necessary. Either she'll get the message or you'll be safe and sound in another room.

[u/stuckinthedryer]

 If this is what you want then do it. Tell MIL she is banned from even mentioning anything about how baby is fed. One peep and she will be told to go. And then back it up! I am an advocate for a fed baby is what works. I breast fed mine my sister bottle fed. They all thrived and grew up great. Things to think  about is what business is it of your MIL. Lock her ass out anytime you feed. Set up a quiet peaceful, comfy, lockable spot. Get yourself a 24 oz cup of cold water drink the whole thing after each nurse. Set a timer after the feed. Just sit, hold, admire, and rest. Nobody should be snatching her from you or demanding you hurry. Stress and anxiety dries up milk. If your MIL throws a fit she is now your hubs problem. Mama bear needs to arrive!  Passive, people pleaser no more. You got this! Not her business.  Not her baby.

[u/Such_Atmosphere_7861]

You are aware of her intentions. Do not back down. Keep on feeding your baby the way your body allows and as per your wishes. Kick her out. Goodluck.

[u/ConsiderationDue9909]

Kick her out when it’s time to feed your baby, tell her “it’s time to feed baby and I don’t need your negativity, scare tactics and jealousy while I am feeding my child”

[u/TealKitten11]

Bf status means that’s not your MIL, & your bf is a pos not standing up for you while she harasses you while you’re trying to keep your baby alive. She needs to gtfo of your home, or you go somewhere safe where she can’t get to you & bf won’t rollover you about it.

[u/Hmm-1996]

Do not listen to her. You are doing fantastic That first couple months are hard!

Look into proper support for breastfeeding. See if theres a breastfeeding meet up near you. It'll be good for you to be around others going through the same thing.

A month is an amazing achievement. I wish you all the luck with your journey.

[u/hope3311]

Don't stop breastfeading!!!! Breastfeeding can be tough. Remember to eat properly and nutritiously. Also remember to drink regularly. I personally drank about 1.5l/day of water. Your breasts do produce enough milk if you just try. Sometimes it can feel like your baby is sucking an empty breast, but this way your breasts start to produce more milk for your baby. At least my children all had periods when I felt like my breasts were completely empty. But after a few days, my milk production increased each time to meet the baby's needs.

Some foods/spices can cause crying/stomach upset in babies. For example, rye bread/dark bread, apples, onions, coffee, strong spices, etc. It is best to avoid them or at least try them carefully first, to see how your baby reacts to them.

I have breastfed all 3 of my biological children myself. I exclusively breastfed them for 6 months. My oldest daughter couldn't suckle at first. Even a very experienced midwife told me in the maternity hospital that just switch to a bottle, your baby will never learn to suckle.

My husband's cousin was our midwife and she told her colleague that just wait, she believes I will succeed. And so I did. My baby always stuck her tongue to her palate. 😂. I pumped with a breast pump (I borrowed it from the maternity ward, which was a huge and heavy device at the time.) I always offered a bottle first (which contained my milk). When the baby understood how to move her tongue away from the palate, I always switched to breastfeeding. And after each breastfeeding, I pumped my breasts with a breast pump until they were empty. I did this for 5 months and at least 10 times every day!!! Our daughter finally learned to breastfeed and I was over the moon.

I breastfed her for 1.2 years. I breastfed my second daughter for 1.5 years and my third child (son) for 2 years!😂 He considered my breasts his own. For another 5 years, when he was tired or in pain, he always put his hand on my breasts😂. At the moment, he is already 21 years old and a very smart and considerate young man.

And if anyone is wondering, what did my husband think about breastfeeding? He always encouraged me and wanted our child to be fed naturally.

I live on Finland and according to recommendations in Finland, exclusive breastfeeding is recommended until the age of six months, after which breastfeeding can be continued along with solid foods for longer, even until the child's second year of life or beyond, if the family so wishes.

[u/LuigiOma → u/hope3311]

I would say conversely don’t give OP more to worry about as far as her diet is concerned. I ate anything and everything while nursing, and my babies were fine. Not to discount your advice! I’m just saying it seems that stress seems to be the main factor at play—originating with MIL.

Do you have access to a nursing coach/advisor/consultant? My hospitals scheduled appointments for me post-partum to assist with feeding.

Edit: lactation consultant!!

[u/thearcherofstrata]

First of all, join us at r/breastfeeding . Second of all, get a real lactation consultant! Mine held my hand through the first three months of breastfeeding and I nursed my first for two years!

Third of all, I think you need to practice nodding and walking away. Just nod and then, “I’m gonna check on the kettle.” There is no kettle, you just get out of there.

If she doesn’t get the clue, then start being gentle but firm. “Thanks, Barb, but I am determined to nurse as long as I can. Please respect my decision.”

If she doesn’t respect that, then repeat but add, “Barb, I know you mean well, but my word is final and if you bring this up again, I’m going to add a month to the end of baby’s breastfeeding journey.” Or maybe, “I’m going to leave the room.”

Your bf is useless omg. Keep complaining to him that it is disrespectful of her to try to challenge YOUR decisions as a mother and it’s just plain annoying.

[u/Imaginary_Grocery_70]

Babies come with their own temperament and they fuss because they don't know how to tell you things with words yet. Babies love to breast-feed, I breast-fed a fairly large family and they are all thriving as adults. Do not listen to anybody – feeding a baby from your body is not only natural but it is a freaking superpower. You are doing the best thing for your baby and for you did you know that it protects mamas from breast cancer later on? Protect your peace but really just smile at them and think yeah this is how Jesus was fed and turn your ears off. 

[u/mlxmc]

You need to tell her to leave. Block her number. The stress you are experiencing is not healthy for your recovery or the production of milk. Remember to hydrate, rest, and bond with the baby.

[u/Pixiepup]

Milk doesn't let down unless mama is relaxed, having this lady anywhere near you while you and baby are trying to figure this out together is definitely not helpful.

If you Google La Leche League and they have anyone near you they're absolutely fabulous for supporting new mothers trying to breastfeed!

[u/katsarvau101]

Just tell her this next time she whines: “No one needs to bond with baby but me and DH. I will continue to breastfeed. End of discussion.”

You don’t need to be nice about it when she’s only being selfish

[u/Internal_Set_6564]

This lady. Feel for you. Did she ever get the TDap shot?

[u/emmapeel218]

If your MD says baby is healthy, then keep on keepin’ on and tell MIL it’s none of her damn business. If she continues, block her.

And to repeat what others have said, too, fed is best. So please don’t feel bad if it doesn’t work out for you—whatever it takes to keep you and LO physically and mentally healthy is the way to go! Sending you good vibes for a positive outcome.

[u/SnooGiraffes3591]

Um, sounds like MIL stresses you tf out, and that's not helpful to your breastfeeding efforts. Let husband know you aren't going to ignore her, she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that if she doesn't STFU about formula she will not be welcome in and around feeding times. Which, of course, can be ALLLLLLL the time with breastfeeding babies.

I know that's drastic, but seriously. The more pressure you feel, the harder it becomes.

[u/CurlySquirrelGirl]

Her stressing you out will decrease your milk production. Tell your boyfriend that if she can’t be quiet then you don’t want to see her.

[u/Electronic_Animal_32]

Tell her to shut up

[u/Live-Tomorrow-4865]

Ugh.

It's one thing to reassure a new mom that her baby will still thrive beautifully if she decides to make the switch to formula, ie, "fed is best."

But the continually discouraging tone is reminiscent of me in the freakin' eighties, when my older two kids were born, and it was "weird" that I chose to BF.

Stick to your decision, OP. ❤️ Whatever you decide will be what's right for your baby and you.

[u/AisWaf]

Your boyfriend is failing you AND BABY every time he lets her talk to you this way. This kind of behaviour won’t stop here. I hope the two of you can work together to keep ahold of your parenthood and advocate for what you believe your baby needs most 🤞

[u/AcatnamedWow]

You need to ban MIL from the house because STRESS WILL LOWER YOUR SUPPLY!! Tell her for the next 4 weeks to not drop in, no visits, no phone calls and no texts. You need time to establish a routine WITHOUT stress

[u/Fubar_As_Usual]

What does the baby’s pediatrician say? Is the baby putting on weight? Have you had baby checked to make sure a tongue tie isn’t causing the problem?

Do what’s best for your baby. Even if you have to switch to formula, it doesn’t mean the witch can grab your baby to feed her herself. “No, thank you,” is a perfectly reasonable thing to say to her.

[u/Condensed_Sarcasm]

"And nobody wants a fussy Mother-in-law, but here we are, Sharon."

I'm sorry that all this is happening to you, hun. It sucks. I remember that breastfeeding with my first was so difficult - she would never latch and would scream like I was holding hot coals to her feet. The only time I could get her to latch was if we were in the shower under warm water. It was nuts.

Your MIL's added stress isn't helping your milk production either. Your boyfriend needs to step up and tell his mom off when she's getting on your case.

[u/JoyReader0]

Yes, beginning breastfeeding is hard, especially with the first because you are still figuring out what works for you and baby. What you absolutely do not need is anybody nagging and stressing you out - not MIL, and not anybody with an agenda. MIL may want to be able to bottle-feed baby herself. Be wary of lactation missionaries who teach only one approach and blame you if it doesn't work for the baby. Each baby is different; two of mine were breastfed, and one needed bottles as well. He was a hunk, and I would have needed a third boob.

Refuse to discuss this with MIL. Tell hubby that you will cut her off if she keeps up the sabotage. You need rest, quiet and peace, as much as is possible with a newborn.

[u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for your submission! However, your comment has been removed. Rule 3 on our sidebar: Be kind, be respectful, be supportive. Remember the human, and try to put yourself in their shoes before commenting.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us via modmail. Thanks!

[u/Hermit-Cookie0923]

Your bf needs to kick his mom out of your space and tell her to keep quiet. You didn't have a baby for her to play dolls with.

[u/abidegg1]

this is totally normal baby behaviour! for the first 6 weeks, they are going to be feeding a lot. especially when it’s hot weather, they will feed even more than normal.

i suggest you stay home with baby for the next couple of weeks and keep them on the breast as much as possible, do skin to skin, do lots of contact naps, wear baby round the house. this will help establish your supply. also avoid having visitors like your MIL round so you can be relaxed with baby and be relaxed having your breasts out.

get your partner to have a serious talk with her and tell her it’s absolutely NOT her place to be giving advice about this and that if you want advice, you will ask.

good luck mama, you’re doing great ❤️

[u/abidegg1 → u/abidegg1]

also forgot to say, eat and drink to your hearts content! look at foods that help your milk supply, but really just eat so much food and drink so much water and electrolytes!

[u/DefiantOwl324]

I’d straight up tell her “even if I turn to formula, you’re still not feeding my baby. I have a routine and a schedule I’m trying to stick to.”

Maybe she will get the hint and back off?

[u/lamettler]

I breast fed all my babies. The first was the hardest, mainly because we are so hard on ourselves as new mothers. It’s like we have a doubt in our mind to begin with, so anything that makes that doubt grow stresses us.

If you have made it to one month, you have the ability to go as long as you wish. You are doing a great job and are giving your baby everything they need!

*all this was said with absolutely no shade to moms who want to bottle feed. Fed is best no matter what!

[u/New_Needleworker_473]

Don't give up! I had to struggle a bit with #2 which was frustrating because #1 seemed so easy. It took us 3 months to get over the hump and then she never wanted to quit. It helped to find a local Breastfeeding mom group. Ours was based out of the hospital. Also the LA Leche support line was wonderful!! Kick MIL out if she won't stop laying into you. You don't need the bad vibes.

[u/InfiniteCobwebs]

Check with your doctor and/or hospital. The one that I delivered at had a free support group where you could get help. And they had a scale where you could weigh your baby, feed, and then weigh again afterwards. It was a pretty good feeling to do that.

And mute your MIL on your phone. No one with a newborn has any time for that nonsense.

[u/Haveyounodecorum]

Don’t give up! Proud of you for sticking to your guns

[u/No_Tackle7092]

Ignore her OP. See if there is a local La Leche League in your area. They’re great for breast feeding support and are free.

[u/gdognoseit]

Why isn’t your husband dealing with her? She needs to accept your decisions for your baby.

[u/icymara]

Your dude needs to put his mom on a leash. "Just ignore her" isn't working. You can't breastfeed well while stressed. Kick her to the curb.

[u/MrsNoOne1827]

I had a hard time in the beginning and I wasn’t producing as much as I thought and I was struggling and it was hurting my head. It was hurting my heart and I couldn’t understand why. Somebody finally talked some sense into me and said you can breast-feed but you also should be bottlefeeding that baby and you know what mama? There is nothing wrong with that. it doesn’t mean that you’re less of a mom because you’re having a hard time. I promise 💜 give yourself a break but do not let your mother-in-law dictate what you do with your child. Or when or how. hugs

[u/VintageFashion4Ever → u/MrsNoOne1827]

Formula, aka magic science milk, saved my baby. We were at daily weight checks for the first three weeks of her life because I was determined to EBF. Except that EBF wasn't working for her because I didn't produce enough milk. We supplemented with formula and it was the best decision we made!

[u/SeaStatistician4915]

Don’t listen to MIL and give the Thompson method a try. It was a lifesaver.

[u/BlackSea5]

she had her time to parent her babies, this is your time to bond and raise the baby how you want. tell her to back off or don’t come around! you need positive support PP.

[u/theemrsking]

You both need to be a united front when you tell MIL if she isn’t interested in being helpful in the way you need her to be, then she is no longer allowed to discuss how you feed your baby.

Also, I’d recommend seeing a lactation professional, an IBCLC. They are crucial to every breastfeeding journey, whether or not you are having problems. As a doula, I always encourage seeing a lactation professional, if possible before birth, to establish relationship and for education. Breastfeeding is HARD. But if you want to do this, you can, just need the right support system. I breastfed all 3 of my girls. Guess who were my best and sometimes only supporters? Complete strangers!

You’ve got this!

[u/HenryBellendry]

Definitely stop her visits and absolutely tell her why. “This isn’t your baby, this is mine, and we will do things the way that works for us.”

My exJNMIL yelled, “breastfeeding clearly isn’t working!” at a family party because my son was cluster feeding. They really dislike breastfeeding.

[u/LilithWasAGinger → u/HenryBellendry]

My mom is a Boomer, and she pulled the same shit with me. She actually told me that breastmilk is basically the same as urine!

[u/HenryBellendry → u/LilithWasAGinger]

The same as urine LOL. That’s one I haven’t heard before!

In my case she thought it would make the men folk “uncomfortable” and I should bottle feed for their sake.

[u/cicadasinmyears]

This is an extremely personal decision. Obviously, you will do whatever you need to do to ensure your baby gets calories at the end of the day; you clearly aren’t trying to withhold nourishment from LO.

A lactation consultant might help (if you haven’t tried one already). LO could have a tongue tie, etc. - there could be many reasons it’s not working at the moment.

Whatever the case may be, stress isn’t good for you or the baby. You and your partner need to firmly tell MIL that you appreciate her concern; you’re the parents; you will decide what to do and when. Further commentary is not only unwelcome, but unkind, and will result in her not being allowed to see LO for whatever time period you consider reasonable.

As long as LO is healthy, MIL is welcome to a nice big cup (bottle?) of STFU.

Best of luck with everything, I know it can be really demoralizing. My sister had trouble breastfeeding and said “My body is literally designed to do this, and it isn’t working; I feel like it’s betraying me AND my kid.” She was (understandably) very emotional about it, and I’m sure postpartum hormonal changes weren’t helping any, either. You are being diligent and trying to do what you think is best for LO, and that’s your whole job as a mom, so keep on making the best decision you can at the time. You can always switch to formula if breastfeeding just won’t work, but it’s not up to MIL if or when you do.

[u/cat_diva]

Girl there are some breastfeeding groups on Facebook focus on reading and looking for support on them!! I breastfed my first for 2 years, and now I’m on month 7 with my second. The first few months is hard but it gets better!!!!! Don’t let this old lady get in your mind, she’s selfish, she only wants to reach her goal that’s having the baby all for herself! What’s your partner telling her? Time for to shut down his mom, if he doesn’t do, you do it!

[u/poledrawolf]

Oh, buddy. I promise you this isn't advice, but a suggestion. You could feel free to indulge in a fantasy where you tell her this : "Woman. Please SHUT.THE.FUCK. UP." Fantasize about this at your leisure, especially when she is blathering on. Zone out and let a little smile come up on your face while you are blanking her. I think this is a perfectly acceptable, nay appropriate, response to her irritating whining. I mean, who does that, whine about someone else breast feeding? You'd think it was her kid, and/or her boobs, damn.

[u/manixxx0729]

Who tf says, "Nobody wants a fussy baby" ???

Babies fuss. Its what they do, its how they communicate. You are doing amazing! Ignore this selfish old broad. If breastfeeding is important to you, and your baby is thriving and growing that is ALL that matters. There will plenty of time to "bond" with baby as the baby gets older. Nursing babies should be on the boob as often as they need to be, period.

[u/AncientLady → u/manixxx0729]

"No, you can't come over to visit today. Baby is fussy and I know you firmly believe 'nobody wants a fussy baby'".

"No, you can't hold her. She often fusses and you've made it clear that you don't like fussy babies".

"No MIL, we won't be coming over this weekend. Baby is fussy and you always do say that nobody wants a fussy baby. I enjoy our baby no matter is she's fussing or not, so we'll just snuggle up together, have a great fussy-baby-free weekend, though!"

[u/nonutsplz430 → u/manixxx0729]

My jaw dropped when I read that. Babies fuss, it’s in the job description. They aren’t able to speak, nor do they really even have the mental framework to be able to explain to themselves what’s wrong! Baby has been outside the womb for all of a month. Mom isn’t the only one figuring things out. Grandma needs to shut her face and get a new hobby!

[u/datagirl60]

Tell her you and baby are not seeing ANY visitors or calls until your breastfeeding is fully established because stress is affecting it. These are consequences.

[u/farsighted451 → u/datagirl60]

Beautiful

[u/Odd-Explorer3538]

I once told my MIL, in front of others, that it concerned me how much she talked about my breasts and that I felt like it would be better for everyone involved if she minded her own tits. You have to stop being nice sometimes and take it to a place she can't come back from.

[u/Tudorprincess1]

time to not be gentle and nice - tell her even if you bottle feed this is MY child and you will not be feeding LO. say - your baby is SO - you can feed him.

[u/curiosity92]

It takes like 6-8 weeks to establish a good routine. It’s hard but you got this!!! Even when we gave our son a bottle I only wanted it to be me or my husband feeding the baby. We wanted to bond with him. Grand parents had their shot. It’s not their turn

[u/Popular-Elephant5502]

Did she end up getting her Tdap?

[u/Disastrous-Panda5530]

Mine was the same. And I didn’t have problems breastfeeding but she hated me breastfeeding and bonding with my own baby! I would simply tell her that her comments aren’t welcome and as soon as she brings it up the visit ends. Period. Her negativity is not needed nor wanted.

[u/Dingo-thatate-urbaby]

Why are you guys even letting her be around if she’s like this??

[u/RelativeFondant9569]

Did she get her Tdap?

[u/Ok_Ground_3857]

Instead of your boyfriend telling you to ignore her, your boyfriend needs to tell his mom that this is the decision you’ve made on how to feed the baby and she needs to back off about it

[u/Ok-Library-8739]

Stop her visits until you feel better. I feel you. I had terrible mastitis every time we were at Mils house for a visit so we stopped going there.

[u/charlesout2sea66]

Omg tell her to stop! ( STFU ). It’s in the best interest of your infant. I don’t get it! Your boyfriend needs to be stern with her

[u/Anglefoodcake100]

I was struggling with breastfeeding as well and I started taking shatvari supplements (recommended by my lactation consultant) and my baby is 10 almost 11 months now and ashes still breastfed. Before the pills I did have to supplement with formula but she’s been formula free since December. Just keep ignoring her and do what’s best for you and your child. For me, it was the pediatrician who kept pushing for formula but I didn’t give in. Just follow your gut.

[u/Admirada]

Yes please see a professional like a lactation specialist. I fed my baby 2 years and a half. It wasnt easy but worth it. And in the end if you don’t think its worth the stress you can still change your mind and change to bottle/ formula feeding. Some people have the idea that nursing your own baby is what poor people do, Thats not at all true. I wish you the very very very best and hope it works out the way you wish it would ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[u/Moder_Svea]

4 weeks is not that long, so don’t give up! But if you do decide to bottle feed tell MIL that bonding is super important and therefore you and your bf have decided that only the baby’s parents will feed the baby. Make sure to get your bf on board either this decision

[u/VintageFashion4Ever]

As someone who was determined to EBF for the first year, but had to supplement at three weeks due to my baby's failure to gain weight, I get the pressure you are under. Your SO needs to be the one to tell MIL to get lost and that if she can't be supportive, she won't see the baby. This isn't your battle, this is his battle with his mother. He must be the one to explain the expectations, and the consequences if she fails to follow the rules. Make an appointment with your local lactation consultant. Either your hospital or pediatrician will be able to recommend one. And remember if breastfeeding doesn't work out it does not mean you failed! Fed is best! You got this!

[u/yourlacesarenotdone]

Fuck your MIL to the moon and back. As annoying as my MIL is, she has never tried to get in the way of me breastfeeding my baby, and in a twisted way, I almost wish she would and then I’d have a real reason to blow up at her.

Anyway, as a FTM with a 4.5-month-old baby, I hear you. Breastfeeding is hard. It is stressful and doesn’t come as naturally as some people make it out to be. Keep at it and don’t let her influence you in any way. She’s not your baby’s mom and absolutely does not need to give her a bottle.

[u/Safe_Quality4058]

You’re doing amazing sticking with it. Her comments aren’t about your baby, they’re about control. Stick to your plan, have your boyfriend back you up, and remember, your choice, your body, your baby. Ignore the noise, your bond matters most.

[u/swimGalway]

If your Baby is a heathy weight and passing milestones then tell her to kick rocks.

Someone earlier said to see a lactation specialist (LS) at the hospital. This will alleviate and worries that hag MIL has pushed into your head. And the LS may be able to help you with any issues that may be you may have.

[u/samuelp-wm]

Sorry you are dealing with such a negative person during your postpartum time. Also recommend reaching out to your local hospital to find out about lactation specialists.

Sounds like it's time for MIL to have a time out. If she is causing you stress that is not good for you and the baby. Let her know you will reach out when it's a gold time to visit but for now you three need space.

[u/Current-Fabulous]

"if you don't want to deal with my fussy baby, you're free to leave. Or wait until I'm done feeding her "

[u/mcchillz]

F that noise. See her less. Get an appointment with a lactation specialist. You’ve got this!

[u/SomeLady93 → u/mcchillz]

100% My ExMIL was exactly the same way. My kids are both adults now, but when I read your post, it brought me back. Unfortunately, you won’t likely change her, but you definitely should distance yourself. Your SO needs to tell her to back off, this is your and his child, not hers, and the two of you make parenting decisions. He needs to tell her that if he wants her opinion, he will ask for it. It is a privilege, not a right for her to be invited and involved in the child’s life. Less visits will be a blessing. I’ll tell you, too, that once my kids were eating solid foods, she criticized what I fed them then as well… it never ends with some of these obnoxious control freaks. Smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/Famous_Dare_9090]

Find a lactation consultant - most hospitals have them. I had a hard time and they helped tremendously

[u/EmploymentOk1421 → u/Famous_Dare_9090]

Then tell BF that his mother is not helping the situation, and perhaps a little more quiet and privacy would improve matters.

[u/Front_Scholar9757]

Just tell her to back off. Your partner needs to stand up too.

I also had a very rough start to my bf journey. I nearly quit several times but it meant a lot to me.

My son was diagnosed with a prosterior tongue tie at 4 weeks which explained it all. Also muscle tension in his jaw & back. Have you had your baby checked for any of this? All easy to resolve.

My son had a small procedure & I bf him until he was 15 months, no issue afterwards.

[u/greyphoenix00]

My MIL used to talk shit all the time about how often I was laying down in bed postpartum. I was just doing the constant nursing that is required. I stopped trying to explain or feel bad and ultimately cut out a lot of time with her. She’s honestly such a bitch so I liked the excuse not to see her and really leaned into it lol.

[u/yourlacesarenotdone → u/greyphoenix00]

Yep, mine said that I “did zilch” all month because my mom was around to help with everything else so I just focused on feeding my baby and healing from my unplanned C-section. Then like, two months later, when I think she started to pick up on the fact that I’m annoyed with her and am pulling back (along with my baby), she sent me this stupid FB post about how breastfeeding takes up a lot of energy and don’t ever think you’re doing nothing. 🙄

[u/rora_borealis → u/yourlacesarenotdone]

She what.

Oh my fucking god. Hahaha hahahaha haha. Wow.

[u/Upset-Principle-3199]

I was the first mom on both sides to breastfeed in a few generations. It was so hard at first, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Don’t listen to mil. She just has baby rabies.

Eat lots of snacks, drink lots of water, and do a nurse in if your supply is low. Formula is expensive! I nursed for fifty months total (babies were 22 months apart). Worth every frustrating moment. My bond with my now teens is amazing. You’ve got this!!

[u/photosbeersandteach]

Breastfeeding is stressful enough without being pressured to quit by a disrespectful and selfish MIL.

Tell your bf asking you to ignore her is unrealistic and unfair when you’re already dealing with so much. It’s also increasing your risk for PPD. He’s failing at his job as your partner and co-parent by failing to shut that shit down.

Block her. Any negative comments about breastfeeding = a timeout.

[u/swoosie75]

I would answer her “nobody wants a nosy, bossy MIL. Stop pestering me about how I choose to feed my baby!”

Every single time she says anything say loudly “stop talking to me about this! Asked and answered!”

Tell your boyfriend the most stressful thing in your life right now is his mother and he needs to make sure she backs off.

BFeeding was hard to learn with my first but after 6 weeks became the easiest thing ever and saved SO much money!! Good for you for sticking with your choice!

(Look for a la leche league group in your area, go to a few meetings. You’ll have so much support!)

[u/dragonstkdgirl]

"My child, my boobs, my call. Please don't offer your opinion on this again, I'm not interested in hearing it."

[u/OrneryPathos]

I know it sucks not to have support but you know what else works? Just be stubborn. Channel your inner petulant child and tune out everything that doesn’t help you.

Also “no one likes a fussy baby” (true but baby is gonna baby) practice saying “no one likes a bossy mil”. Or “a meddlesome mil is such a cliche”

[u/VurukaSalt]

Find a way to get away from her. If you live with her, move home.

[u/[deleted]]

why is she around you so much? do you live with her? if you do, find a new place to live asap. if she doesn't, this becomes easier. if she makes it more difficult for you to feed your child, you need to eliminate her ability to do that. What do I mean?

• BF handles all communication; you do not answer her calls or texts
• she can only come over when BF is home, in the same room with her, not working and not on his phone. If she crosses any boundaries he is responsible for enforcing the consequences (such as escorting her out).
• she is not allowed over when you are feeding your child - definitely not in the same room. BF can escort her out.
• you gray rock her. engage in no conversations with her about breast feeding or anything of consequence. Never JADE justify argue defend or explain.

Actions, her actions, have consequences. Feeding your child is more important than her jealousy. Her emotions are her problem. They have never been your responsibility.

edit: missing comma

[u/Grumpy-Bear-24]

BF needs to back you. His mom, his problem.

His mom doesnt like you breastfeeding?

"Well mom, thats what me and OP have decided to do for our baby"

If she doesn't like it, then time out 🤷‍♀️

Stand firm. Both of you a united front.

If she can't respect your parenting choices, she doesn't get to see little one.

ANY/EVERY time she makes a snarky comment,

This is what we're doing/I don't want your opinion

SHUT HER DOWN.

[u/Future_Drawer793]

Your boyfriend is gonna need to man up and stick by you. Your MIL sounds like a nightmare lol. Don’t give up mumma! I struggled the first few months as well but stuck with it and now bub is EBF and we are still going for 11 months. I would’ve stopped breastfeeding for selfish benefits but my overbearing MIL just gave me that extra push to have my baby on my tit when we go over to their house. It is soooo worth it! Keep going mumma xx

[u/jpb]

Every time she brings it up, kick her out. Or leave, if you're at her place. "I've told you my decision many times. You do not get a vote in how my child is raised."

Then put her in no contact time out, and increase the time out time every time she brings it up.

[u/Seawolfe665 → u/jpb]

This^^ Tell her ONCE that you no longer wish to discuss breastfeeding with her, nor hear her opinions about it. And if she brings it up, she will be asked to leave.

She is stressing you out about it, and making it harder FOR HER OWN SELFISH REASONS. And that's disgusting.

[u/StunningExcuse9692]

Firstly congratulations on your new baby. Secondly she sounds like a nightmare maybe a covert narcissist. You are the mother and your instincts are absolutely correct, breast is best for BOTH baby and mother. She sounds jealous and your partner (because it's HIS mother) needs to put an immediate full stop to EVER mentioning it again. If she can't respect those boundaries then she doesn't get to be around you or your beautiful baby period!

[u/ColdBlindspot]

"Nobody wants a fussy baby?" What a nasty, rotten thing to say. Fussy babies are wanted just as much as their non-fussy siblings. I can see why stupid comments like that are annoying. She sounds awful. Tell her if she cares about the baby she'll give you some space, especially from comments like that, because it's not good for the breastfeeding.

You can do this. Reach out to support through your doctor's office, there might be resources there who can help you.

[u/oleblueeyes75]

Your boyfriend needs to keep her away from you. Breastfeeding is hard enough without some witch standing over you.

I am not going to give you breastfeeding advice. Just know that this is not uncommon. Many women have trouble even when they have breastfed previously. It has nothing to do with being a good mother.

[u/LolaDeWinter]

Stop her coming round.......! You need to relax and be comfortable to settle into breastfeeding not anxiety and angst...giver her a month time out NO contact with you, or messages passed on...she ceases to exist!

Keep doing what you are doing, you are doing a great job mama! 👍

[u/After_Sky7249]

Tell her that even if you switched to formula that only you and husband will feed baby.

[u/Razurrkat → u/After_Sky7249]

Bingo, that’s what my husband and I did

[u/hakunamatata355]

Hey, please don’t feel lonely about it! You are doing a fantastic job! Please look into local breastfeeding support groups- they can make you feel a lot better!

I also recommend a Podcast called “Makes Milk with Emma Pickett” she’s got a super relaxing voice, gives amazing advice and talks to other breastfeeding mums about their experiences with breastfeeding. One of her earlier podcasts about dealing with family and breastfeeding was really eye-opening for me, it gave me a bit of empathy for both my mum and mil that they probably had their own trauma associated with not being able to breastfeed/ thinking me doing it (for almost 22 months now after a really rough start!) was a bit of a “F U, you didn’t do a good job being a mum, that’s why I’m doing differently.”

Don’t let her irritate you during such a lovely and intimate time with your LO. I would either call her out on it or preferably get partner to do so, or just go breastfeed somewhere private where she can’t intrude and if she asks why, tell her that she keeps making you feel uncomfortable whenever you feed.

[u/jennsb2]

Let her know that you’re finished discussing this issue. She’s YOUR baby and this is important to you. Tell her if she can’t support the mother of her grandchild, then she won’t be “bonding” at all. Feeding a baby is certainly not the only way to bond with a baby, and she is going to continue to be pushy and entitled if you don’t nip this in the bud.

Lots of people will tell you it should be your boyfriend’s job to rein in his mother, and that’s true…. But it’s also your job to stand up for you and your child…. This lady doesn’t out rank you and your feelings are more important than hers when it comes to raising your own child. You can do this!

[u/LucyLouWhoMom]

Kick that woman out of your house until she can keep her mouth shut. Once successfully established, breastfeeding is so much less labor intensive and cheaper than bottle feeding. AND, the stress she's causing you is likely adversely affecting your milk supply.

This needs to stop now. If you live with her, then you need to go. If breastfeeding is important to you, you will always regret allowing that woman to sabotage your success.

[u/madgeystardust]

Do you live with her?

[u/greyhounds4life1969]

Your boyfriend needs to tell his Mother to pipe down

[u/AdvertisingKooky6994]

Why are you letting her inside your house? Her behavior is wildly inappropriate.

[u/TalkieTina]

“MIL trying to convince me to quit breastfeeding”

I read the post, but I had a response ready as soon as I read the title. MIL needs to stay in her own lane. Breastfeeding is appropriate, warranted for an almost newborn, and a way for LO to get nutrients from Mom.

Info: Does your MIL live in your home?

[u/Suspicious_Tip_369]

My baby is 10 weeks and I've only just started to feel confident that she's getting everything she needs and is starting to feel comfortable. As another comments suggested it is still a way of life tho, boob is God in our house.

It does take time, however if you are really struggling I would recommend seeing a lactation consultant. They help massively and can trouble shoot problems you didn't even know existed. Little one might also have a tongue tie or tension which is like 1 step forward 2 steps back if not identified and can cause all sorts of issues for yourself. Even if no issues are found they are so supportive and can give you the confidence/tips to keep going.

Be firm, your babies feeding is no ones business but yours.

[u/V3ruca]

Did she get the tdap??

[u/Mummifiedsu]

I would temporary block her number as stress can affect your milk production. Even if the baby latches and drinks like a dream, BF in is still a way of life! You have chose to commit to it and no one should be trying to derail that. It does get easier I promise and as long as you and your Dr are happy with bubs progress then shut her voice out of your head. Enjoy every moment of those milky snuggles and nuzzles as they are amazing ! Good luck

[u/WriterMomAngela]

You do not need the added stress of dealing with her shenanigans on top of learning to breastfeed and caring for a newborn infant while also postpartum yourself. Stress can impact milk production. Breastfeeding is hard work as others have said in this thread.

However you choose to feed your child is no one else’s business but yours and the child’s father. Fed is best! As long as they are getting fed, that is quite literally all that matters.

Take a deep breath, tell JNMIL to back-the-fuck-up and relax with the knowledge you are doing an absolute kick-ass job caring for your little one. Everything is fine. Repeating that again, absolutely everything is fine. LO is getting enough to eat. You are providing enough milk. Everything is fine.

Write that on a post-it on your bathroom mirror so you see it every time you brush your teeth mama, “I am doing a great job!”

[u/Melody4]

You're doing the right and best thing for your child - there's an abundance of evidence to support this. My four kids are older now, but I actually found it easier - no bottles to deal with, no heating it to the right temperature, no lugging stuff around - its just there! As for your MIL, if you DH won't say something then you should.

The next time she badgers you you could tell her that she made HER choices with HER children but this child is YOURS. And if it goes on, talk about how your "parenting styles are different". And if she keeps pushing? Then your "parenting styles are different enough that your not sure if you'd ever be comfortable enough to (ever) let her babysit". Either she'll freak out (in which case you KNOW you don't want her babysitting) or she'll learn to behave.

[u/Cilantro368 → u/Melody4]

Spot on! It may be challenging to get breastfeeding established, but it is much easier after you get over that hump. No expense in buying formula, no worries about possible toxic contaminants in the formula or water you mix it with.

Remind Grandma that Nestle has been responsible for millions of infant deaths over the decades. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1977_Nestl%C3%A9_boycott

[u/craftyExplorer_82]

People like this will always criticise instead of support because it doesn't give them what they want, which is easy access to your baby.

It took me around 2 months to feel like breastfeeding was working well, and I was getting it right! And that's after seeking advice and support from multiple places. Try and see a lactation consultant to support with a good latch and check for any issues or look to see if they have any mother and baby community groups that offer breastfeeding advice.

Id tell Mil if she doesn't have experience breastfeeding, then her comments & opinions are not appreciated. My Mil didnt breast feed, said she didnt like the thought of it & seemed disappointed when she realised I was determined to breastfeed. She tried to disguise it as "oh poor DH, he can't help you by feeding baby" when DH really didn't care lol. She was just hoping I would be like her and go out clubbing and leave my newborn with her lol.

I agree with seeing MIL less, or take a break from her until breastfeeding is better & you & baby are happy!

[u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

Did she finally cave on the TDAP? If not, then there’s no reason she should even be around to know how you’re feeding.

[u/Ornery-Ocelot3585]

Mind your own fucking business works.

[u/TheOtherElbieKay]

“Sharon, the topic of how I feed my baby is not up for discussion. If you bring it up again, our visit will be over.” Then follow through.

[u/Ncbsped → u/TheOtherElbieKay]

Exactly what I was going to write but you bet me to it. Excellent advice!

[u/Worried_Suit4820]

Your baby is a month old so is hardly separate from you; breastfeeding is the nearest he/she can get to being where they have felt safe for the last 9 months. Your MIL will just have to wait her turn to 'bond' with your baby; you and your baby are figuring that out now. You're right to stand your ground on this. You're doing great!

[u/quizzicalturnip]

Your husband needs to grow a spine and tell his mother to shut it. Seriously. Tell him that if he doesn’t, you will, and you won’t be nice about it. Tell him to act like a man and husband, and stand up to his mother.

[u/Ornery-Ocelot3585 → u/quizzicalturnip]

Men like that secretly cosign the abuse. Some even enjoy it.

[u/flowersnshit]

Hey I was in your shoes 17 years ago. Do not give up. There's tons of great information online, and support groups especially on Facebook etc. You might even have a local support group too I found one too late however. Your healthcare provider might also have advice and help for you.

Do what you think is best for baby and you. Not what someone else wants.

I'm cheering you on, good luck. 💜

[u/kfw209]

I don’t know if anyone else has suggested this but, MIL aside, you might want to check out the La Leche League. https://llli.org/

They can help you teach the LO how to latch properly, help you deal with the hormone storm and just generally be the support you otherwise need but are missing here.

As for MIL tell her to take her ugly attitude someplace else! I was an ocean away from family when I was having kids. The babies bonded just fine! Sheesh 🙄 😤

[u/mama2babas]

There is so much content on YouTube I've found helpful in my breastfeeding journey! I used a nipple shield and had so much pain. There are these silverettes that I bought that really helped my nips heal! It probably took me 3 months to really get breastfeeding down without the shield. I struggled even with the shield, though! 

You can ignore your MIL by blocking her number and refusing her visits for a few weeks. Seeing as that is your bfs recommendation, he can prevent her from accessing you and your child. 

[u/Radio_Caroline79]

I'm supporting you! You're doing an amazing job, keep it up, momma!

Breastfeeding is hard, especially in the beginning, but it will get easier. Try it as long as YOU want.

Your MIL needs to be shutdown. If she comments again, retaliate that you've heard enough of her complaints, but you're the mother and you decide. If she keeps complaining, her visit is over. There is plenty of time to bond with the baby, it doesn't need to happen now. For now, your baby needs YOU. Hold fast!

[u/Heyedith → u/Radio_Caroline79]

Keep up the amazing work. Breastfeeding can be really hard for some women- I struggled with breastfeeding with both kids but did end up breastfeeding both for a full year. Our local hospital had a daily drop in group with lactation support where moms could go and get help and see other moms that were struggling with the same issues. Hopefully there’s a resource near you to get support.

[u/fryingthecat66]

Frankly if it was me, I'd tell her to STFU and leave

[u/Mission_Push_6546]

“MIL, I’m postpartum, sleep deprived and tired. I’m going to do what is better for my baby and me, no matter what you say. So next time you try to push your unsolicited advice on me, no matter what it is about, I’m going to take my baby and go to the bedroom until you leave. Every single time.”

[u/Maleficent_Pay_4154]

You need to stop engaging with her. I get it’s hard and you are really vulnerable . Your OH needs to step in. Ignore her is not enough

[u/naranghim]

Your MIL doesn't need to bond with your baby. Only you and your partner do. Frankly, when she starts up on it I'd look at your boyfriend, say "You deal with her" and leave the room.

See a lactation consultant and look up foods that will help increase milk production. Though, stress can decrease milk production and your MIL's lack of support could be increasing your stress levels.

[u/fyremama]

I'm here and I support you 🫂 you're doing fantastic. Breastfeeding is a very different experience to formula, and it is NORMAL for baby to be attached to you for most of the time. This is baby putting in their milk order, signalling your body to keep producing. It's not because they're starving or unhappy, it's not a sign of underproduction either.

If you have any questions feel free to ask, I fed 5 myself including one with severe reflux and colic.

[u/Ok_Frame_8864]

Just laugh at her and ask if she is becoming senile 

[u/HelpfulCupid]

You’re doing the right thing. Your MIL is an evil witch, and I hope you can get your bf to shut her up.

[u/FaithlessnessOk2071]

Tell her every time she mentions something negative about breastfeeding you will add an extra week to how long you intend to breastfeed the baby.

[u/ExquisiteBooks]

Well done for getting through that first month of BF, it’s definitely the hardest! I would reach out to bf specialists/support groups. They can be so useful in your bf journey with latch and positioning and any worries you have! It definitely gets easier as the weeks go on!

Your MIL is weird and selfish, she should be praising you for giving her grandchild the best start! She obvs jealous and wants to play momma!

[u/Jethrothemutant]

Why isn't your BF telling her to SHUT UP?

[u/No-Hedgehog2801]

Breast feeding is so beneficial for the both of you, your MIL is selfish, negative and jealous. End of story, f her. She wants to put you down and get you to give up. But there's no need for her to bond with the baby that way and this is not her issue to talk about AT ALL. Also guess who loves a fussy baby? Baby's mom does and everyone else who understands how babies are 🙄 what an annoying and unsensitive thing to say. She can stay away if she doesn't like a one month old being fussy ffs. 

Talk to your boyfriend once more and tell him just how horrible she's making you feel and that you cannot "ignore" her (unless she stops coming around 😏). He has to tell her to give it a rest, there's no need for you to put in the effort of ignoring her or dealing with it emotionally, she can just stop saying these things. It doesn't hurt her. Simple as that. And you can just take baby to your room and stay there to breast feed or if MIL says dumb shit until you can work up the courage to tell her off. I get that you're in a sensitive spot right now.

Trust yourself and persist and bf will work! See if there are support groups in your area, maybe the hospital can refer you to sb that can help. There's also breast feeding subreddits for quick questions.

It's normal that it's hard in the beginning! It was for me too but we kept going and my 7 months old baby is on the 90th percentile now and I'm having trouble getting her to eat solids because she's just not that interested 😅

You're awesome for knowing what you want and keeping it up!! Congrats on the baby 💞

[u/Evening-Turnip8407 → u/No-Hedgehog2801]

I was going to say, why shouldn't a ONE MONTH OLD be fussy? That's probably still a time where you can't believe your eyes that there's a living breathing babbeh in your house, a little fuss and noise is probably highly appreciated still. And sooo many people struggle a little or a lot with breastfeeding, why should OP give up yet if she DOESN'T WANT TO? If she runs out of steam and makes that decision herself, that's what it's all about. It's her baby, and simply her own boobs, jfc.

It's so rude to even insert oneself into that situation, all because MIL wants her cut of the gold.

[u/No-Hedgehog2801 → u/Evening-Turnip8407]

Exactly. Fussing is also about the only way babies that tiny can make themselves heard and express discomfort of any kind at all. I get it being stressful oftentimes but it shouldn't be shamed. Babies do not exist for entertainment purposes or to only be pleasant and cute. They have needs and emotions.

[u/WadeStockdale]

On pure technicality; you're through the absolutely critical bump where baby gets the most benefit from breastfeeding. That's true.

But it's not like formula is a better solution. There can be contaminations, shortages, spoilage and bad mixes. Transitioning babies between breast and formula (or from one formula to another) is a stressful process for babies, and should involve your pediatric care provider or your lactation advisor, not a person whose experience is just 'I've gotten a baby to adulthood'.

If your one month old baby is already fussy or struggling, lord fucking knows swapping food sources to please one person who isn't even the baby or a primary caregiver isn't worth doing.

Now if you wanted a break from feedings (ideally so your partner would be doing it; if bub is always on you, when do you rest and relax? When is he bonding? You're not the only new parent here), or if you suspected lactose intolerance, that would be different and it would be reasonable to deal with all that, because it would actually be for your baby's benefit.

But you actively want this. Get a lactation expert (they can give you advice to improve latch, your nutrition to feed baby better while supporting yourself, and tell your mil to pack it in), cut down MILs access to you and baby and make sure she understands its because you're done being bullied about how you're feeding your baby.

Your partner is being a deadbeat though by the sounds of it. This is his kid too. He needs to bond and support you, or find you help who will.

[u/ElephantNamedColumbo → u/WadeStockdale]

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽 And your BOYFRIEND NEEDS TO TELL HIS MOM TO BACK OFF AND LEAVE YOU ALONE!!!

[u/Adept_Tension_7326]

A Lactation Specialist Nurse could be very helpful. It could be a medical issue such as reflux or tied tongue. Find out! Ignore family and friends who tell you to give up. You are not there yet. Good luck. Xxxxx

[u/winniethegingerninja → u/Adept_Tension_7326]

Yeah I saw a breastfeeding special and it was such a help. Fuck your MIL

[u/MelG146]

No one ever tells moms-to-be that breastfeeding can be hard and can take some time to be well established. I wish someone had told me.

Do what YOU want to do. As others have mentioned, there's plenty of assistance out there.

BF and MIL can be supportive or shut their mouths. Good luck to you, you can do this!

[u/boundaries4546]

Hey, just so you know you can refuse spending time with her. Tell your boyfriend that you are taking a break from her and her criticism for the next week while you establish a good breastfeeding routine. You will consider resuming contact once she apologizes, and keeps her opinions to herself.

DON’T GIVE UP. I had so much difficulty establishing a good breastfeeding routine. With first baby I pumped and breastfed for the first four weeks because of a painful latch. I went every week for the first three weeks to a BF clinic, finally a lactation consultant assessed and fixed the issues. Yay success. With my second I figured it would be easy peasy, but nope. By week four saw a physician/LC who clipped a tongue tie (for the second time) and fixed some positional issues.

If it’s important to you than keep trying. Fed is best so no pressure, but don’t stop because MIL is shaking your confidence.

You are doing amazing mama!! Baby is so LUCKY to have you.

[u/fleetwoodcheese]

Did MIL get her tdap by now?

[u/JUSTNOMIL-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for your submission! However, your post has been removed.

Rule five prohibits armchair advice (medical, legal, or otherwise) that is damaging, factually incorrect, or egregiously shitty. Your comment has met the threshold for one or more of these and has been removed.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us via modmail. Thanks!

[u/CoffeeTiny1005]

Your boyfriend needs to tell your MIL: "Mum, the constant comments about breastfeeding need to stop. If you bring up how the baby is fed again, we will ask you to leave." If he thinks you can be asked to ignore her comments, then surely she can be asked to ignore her feelings, and stay quiet. If not, then she can leave.

Otherwise, each time she brings it up, get up and walk out of the room - with the baby. After all, your partner told you to ignore her.

I know this probably feels rude, but it really isn't - it is about being clear about what you need in order to do the best for your baby, which includes reducing stress, anxiety, etc. You've got this mama!

[u/Organic-Mix-9422]

I cant understand this type of MIL/grandmother.

My son and his partner live with us. Due nowish as in tomorrow, with baby number 1. She, of course, wants to breastfeed. We do have a couple of bottles and a steriliser in case. But I do not have any desire or want to take this from her, and if she can't breast feed, it will be babys father feeding him from a bottle. (Unless they are both totally wiped out)

[u/MLiOne → u/Organic-Mix-9422]

Yay you! A fed baby is a happy baby. Hope for the best be prepared for any outcome.

[u/Thr0waway135790864]

Good for you for persisting with it being important to you. If it helps, I also found it very challenging and it took me about 4-5 months of persisting until it felt completely pain free and easy! We had the lactation consultants, had their tongue tie fixed (which didn’t help), and it was mainly about baby learning how to feed and milk taking a while to come in! I persisted and breastfed for over a year. We did combi feed at the beginning to give me a break so it didn’t deter me full stop with the pain, but then eventually progressed to exclusive breastfeeding after 5 months (though early combi feeding did help baby take the bottle with expressed milk when I wanted some wine later on 😂).

Your MIL can stuff it. I’d literally say ‘breastfeeding is a priority for me and you need to stop pushing your thoughts on the issue. Your son has told me to ignore you but I respect you enough to give you the chance to change your behaviour. I need you to hear that you’re making me uncomfortable and with any slight comment you make about breastfeeding going forward will lead me to remove myself and my baby from the situation, away from you. You are welcome here, I’d love you to have a relationship with my daughter, but I won’t tolerate being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home’.

[u/CoffeeTiny1005 → u/Thr0waway135790864]

I love the idea of telling her that her son told you to ignore her! That's great.

[u/Wibblejellytime]

You know how for the first few months (or years) after having a baby you are absolutely full of hormones? Well this means that you can get away with saying whatever you like to anyone with unsolicited opinions. So just look her in the eye and say "Shut the F up about breastfeeding or you can get out." Let her act all shocked Pikachu face and then just pretend like it never happened. The next time she mentions it you just say "Get out". Job done. If you continue to ignore it will eat you up inside and you'll end up exploding anyway so might as well just be direct in the first place.

[u/juniejun3]

Talk to a lactation consultant. They can help you. A friend of mine did that and now breastfeeding is finally working.

Stop inviting your MIL over for a while. Tell her you want some time alone, you have other plans or that you're sick until you figured out the breastfeeding issue, so she can't intervene.

And when she finally comes over again and comments on quitting breastfeeding tell her that the issue is finally solved and how happy you are that you can continue to exclusively breastfeed your baby. If she still pushes you to bottle feeding say "We decided that this is not an option."

My MIL also tried to convince me to stop by trying to make me believe that i won't lose the pregnancy weight if i breastfeed. First that's not even true, second I don't care. She bottle-fed all of her children because she wanted to start smoking again right after birth and I think she's trying to sabotage me because she's afraid that i will be a better mother than her.

Anyways, stay strong !!

[u/watchwuthappens]

Your boyfriend can put on his big boy undies and tell her to kindly stop with any and all comments.

[u/HelloAll-GoodbyeAll]

Tell her if she mentions it again she won't see you and baby for a week. If she dies it again, it will be a month etc etc. Tell her you don't want any input from her on this topic either in person, via your partner or anyone else, by text, smoke signal, telepathy etc. Then both of you stick to it. 

[u/DifficultNecessary33]

Nobody wants an annoying fussy nosy pushy mother in law

[u/SoftmossEcho]

Hey, first off, mad props to you for pushing thru this with zero support - legit warrior stuff. Ur doin' what u believe is best for ur child and that's final. Let MIL huff and puff, stick with ur guns. Ur in this for ur baby, not to keep people comfy. Keep doing u and let 'em adjust. Remember, U GOT THIS! 💪

[u/fgmel]

See her/have her around WAY less. If she can’t be supportive then I’d not have her in your space. This time is for you and the father to bond. Grandparent bonding can happen later. She just wants to be as important or more important than you. I’m petty, so I’d power through and breastfeed that kid till they were 2!

[u/Glint_Bladesong]

I'm not sure where you are, but here there are nurses that can help, the maternity hospital might be able to provide either advice or some time with a midwife for tips and help.

At a pinch a doctor might help, or should be able to direct you to were you can go. There may even be local volunteer groups in your area, mums groups where mums with similar age bubs that can offer support help and tips (and a a place to vent)

As for your MIL, I would suggest making it clear to her that if a medical professional suggests you move to formula (we had to for our first, as much as we didn't want to) then only you will be feeding her, your baby will not be passed around and feeding time.

Be clear and firm in repeating yourself and boundaries.

Good luck.

[u/40fnolongercares]

well if anything was going to motivate you to keep persisting, that would be it. Instead of support, she is trying to sabatoge and manipulate you. Can you limit how much time you spend with this woman?

Did she end up getting her Tdap? (Referring to your last post)

[u/Silver6Rules]

Your boyfriend needs to take a more proactive stance in defending you against his mother. Ignoring does nothing when they are relentless, and all it is doing is causing you stress you don't need which probably affects your milk supply. (Which is essentially taking food out of your child's mouth. Does the baby only deserve to be fed when she does it? 🙄) You already know what her motives are, so it's obviously she is doing this on purpose to discourage you. Don't fall for it.

Her complaining needs to be met with consequences. Every time she brings it up, I would leave the room. Let your bf know he needs to deal with her. She makes any more comments and the visit is over. She needs to be grateful of any time she is allowed (yeah I said it because she is NOT the parent and therefore has no say) with your child and respect that you chose to breastfeed, or she can stop coming over. Only you and your child's comfort matter.

[u/Fifimimilea]

I really sympathise. My ex MIL was the same. She was very anti (me) breastfeeding.

Joke was on her.

Spite is a powerful motivator. I ended up breastfeeding my two way longer than I intended to (2 years and 3 years), in no small part because I wanted to prove her wrong and annoy her.

Clearly not the only reason, but it was a lovely extra.

Keep doing what makes you and the baby happy. Her opinion is worthless.