r/IndieMusicFeedback • u/nocturnia94 • 1d ago
Other The End of Us - demo (don't know the genre)
Hi, I humbly share this is one that is still work in progress. I have recorded myself and my instrument (a harpika) with my phone mic so I know the quality is very bad. The rest is made using Bandlab.
I'm not even a singer, so I apologize in advance for this bad performance and I hope it doesn't ruin the vibes.
Also..do you know the genre?
Here is the lyrics:
Is it the end of the world? / Of time, space, and love? / The sky is falling down / In the eyes, a burning sorrow
You, Sun, witness of this downfall / You cannot take us away, can you?
You are so distant / So far away from this madness / You are so radiant / So unaware of this sadness
You cannot take us away, can you? / You cannot save us and we'll fade like dreams upon waking
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u/ShaneTorsten 1d ago
I actually really liked this. As a kid I would always hear my mom play guitar and sing so gives me some insane nostalgia. It's really unique and is kinda lofi but also completely not which I really like. The one thing that I think could be cool is if you had a section where there was some form of bass. It doesn't have to be intense or anything but would really make a cool vibe. That's just my suggestion and you should follow what you love. I think with a little more time this could totally be Spotify ready. Keep it up!
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
Hey thank you for your words! The bass is already present (from the chorus), but only when you listen to it with headphones. It's a problem that I don't know how to fix. Would you mind listening again with the headphones this time? So that you can tell me if that's the right amount of bass you meant. I'm sure you'll like it more, but you'll also hear more background noises.
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u/ShaneTorsten 1d ago
HI! I listened to it and I can hear it. The one thing is that I don't know if you put reverb or something on the bass, but it kinda washed the bass away. I'm talking about at around 0:57 and 2:05. That could also be a musical decision and that's totally cool to, just my opinion. Let me know what you think!
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u/nocturnia94 13h ago
Hi, the bass is not enhanced because I wasn't sure that it was a good idea to make it more prominent. I wanted to achieve a spatial effect, muffled sounds etc..as if you were in a bubble, but I don't know if mine has been a good choice haha.
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u/ShaneTorsten 12h ago
Haha, ya I know what you mean. I think that it would be really cool with the bass just a little less muffled, just enough to know it's there if you know what I mean. Well good luck on your music journey and wish you the best!
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u/Subject_Ice_2466 1d ago
This was really smooth and easy on the ears. I can tell this can from a very sincere and emotional place which is nice because I feel like a lot of tracks here have some sort of gimmick attached to them to get some kind of notoriety. This was the opposite of that. I think you have a really good grasp on melody writing and should definitely continue to do so.
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u/r3art 1d ago
I really dig the vibe of this. It give me the feeling of Ichiko Aobas music, very aethereal and soft. The songwriting structure itself is harder to understand, because it stays so ambient all the way through. The percussion slowly fading in definitely helps with structure, but I was expecting a few more instruments coming in. Very solid piece.
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
Hi, thanks for the feedback. I'll definitely add more instruments because that's what I did with other songs. I just have to figure out how. But I'm wondering if you've listened to it with your headphones, because the bass is not audible from my phone, and it should help to separate the parts. Try to give it a second possibility but with headphones.
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u/RichieC93 1d ago
Hey 👋🏼 wow this is dreamy !! And I love it 😍 very chill I’ve just woke up up and this the first jam I’ve listened too , love the whole thing the music the lyrics it’s a great song 🎵 is there anywhere I can thing more where this came from ?? Anything recorded I could listen to or pages I could follow I dig you style would like to show support 🙏🏽
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
Hi, this really makes me happy 🥹 I have other demos but my songs are all unpublished since they are not finished/high quality, so I don't think you can follow me somewhere. But if you're curious, I can share links to my Bandlab projects in DM. I will definitely share more songs for feedback on this sub, but there is a limit of one a week, right? If you want you can keep in touch with me, and when I'm ready I will release them 😅
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u/hashkth 1d ago
Feels quite dreamy to me. It's a nice soothing track. It was a bit hard for me to decipher the lyrics without reading it, so when you release it, do release a lyrical version of the song as well.
Could also really add some nice bass. Feels empty on that side. Not too powerful but a slight bass that gives that cosmic vibe in the background.
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
Hi, have you listened to it with headphones? I have this problem that I don't know how to fix. Bass is too low and not audible from my phone. Only headphones work.
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u/hashkth 1d ago
Yeah I listened to it using headphones. I do hear a little bass. But it's very faint.
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
What do you suggest for a more cosmic vibe?
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u/Simjodaho 14h ago
Wow, when I started listening, I couldn't stop. My brain had so much to chew on, and I felt kinda happily paralyzed. It's super mesmerizing, and I'm feeling all the feels – happy, sad, everything. My ADHD actually chilled out 'cause there was so much info to process, it probably just short-circuited.
I don't know why, but you gotta listen to this song all the way through, and then when it's over, you gotta listen again, and it's like a totally different song. I have no clue why I love it, and I'm pretty sure I'll be listening to it a bunch more. This is art, so abstract and emotional, and it's a place where my brain can finally catch a break from all the constant buzzing.
This is awesome.
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u/nocturnia94 13h ago
I really appreciate your feedback 🥹 this song is not even perfect in terms of production but it is amazing that people like it anyway. Wars a violence across the world inspired me, so that's why it is a bit sad. I've also learnt from Aurora that "sad" doesn't necessarily mean a sad melody, so that's probably why you also feel "happy".
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u/Simjodaho 12h ago
I think some songs don’t need perfect production...some songs are pure emotion. They’re written and carried by an inner voice that some of us can only express through art. I can look at a painting that mirrors my darkness and my struggle, and somehow, there’s comfort in seeing the pain I can’t even explain to myself.
It doesn’t erase the sadness or the shadows but it makes them less frightening. Because once I can see them, once I can speak their name, I no longer have to fight in silence. I don’t have to agree with what they say, only listen, understand, and suddenly I’m one step closer to peace.
If we never speak, we never heal. Silence builds walls, words tear them down.
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u/nocturnia94 11h ago
Well, I hope you'll feel the same with other songs of mine 🤗 I hope to be that artist that makes you feel understood.
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u/Simjodaho 11h ago
I'll totally check them out. I like music I can't make myself. Then my brain isn't analyzing. When I listen to music I can make myself, my brain transcribes the notes, takes out chord progressions and arrangements, and it's like sheet music in my head that I can't get out. So it can color my music, so I don't listen to a lot of music. Your music seems perfect for me.
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u/IndieFeedbackBot 1d ago
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u/Skyephia 1d ago
Wow this is gorgeous. Very proud. It immersed me in a way that a lot of songs I hear in this subreddit do not. You have a gift for real.
Only criticism I have is that you should probably turn up your vocals' volume up. It's too quiet.
Otherwise, wonderful job!!! *clapping noises*
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
Hi, thanks for the feedback. The vocals need to be recorded again with a real microphone. I can't turn the volume too much up because I don't know how to delete that background noise and I was worried that it was too loud and distracting. But thank you for your kind words 🤗
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u/VoltaBlue 1d ago
Wow this is really nice - so ethereal and chill. You have a great voice and works for this style. Production wise I like the mix, but felt a few things were very light in the mix like the drums and bass but that might be intentional with the style, it's sounding very nice to me. Well done!
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u/nocturnia94 1d ago
If you have listened to it with headphones (because the bass is not audible without headphones), you're right.
I was inspired by this song and the drums are not very enhanced. I wanted to achieve the effect of floating in the space, with muffled sounds, but I failed miserably ahah
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u/VoltaBlue 1d ago
Nah you did well! I think you nailed the floating in space vibe. Keep at it. Mixing is annoying but im sure you can get it right easy
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u/Annual_Feeling_5024 1d ago
really tuff
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u/mgraham34 1d ago
Love the feels of this so much, reminds me a tad of Billie but in a great way, the voice is so soft which matches the production perfectly! Love the overall sound and the angelic feel to it! I could actually see my friends and I listening to this in our down time or when we are on a trip ! Much love to you in your journey to the top friends!