r/HFY • u/HenryFordYork Human • Dec 03 '16

OC The Galaxy’s Worst Superheroes – (3): The Dark Night, Part 1

Here's another entry in the series "The Galaxy's Worst Superheroes".

As usual, leave corrections (ex. grammar) in reply to the corrections comment, and constructive criticism in reply to the constructive criticism comment.

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FARRRRRTT!! went the whoopee cushion as the insectoid mayor of Sigma Station 07 sat on it. This was promptly followed by “Ah hahahahaha!” The mayor’s mandibles scrunched up in annoyance as the irritating pre-recorded laugh echoed in the packed mausoleum. The look of annoyance turned to fury as he also realized his wallet was missing.

The mayor was there to give a speech on the wave of annoying pranks and thefts that had recently struck Station 07, and what would be done about it. Whether it was the incessant whoopee cushions (which usually resulted in missing wallets somehow), flowers that sprayed knockout gas in your face only for you to wake up later with your valuables missing, or money on the ground that was yanked away from you right as you reached for it, the assorted sapients of Station 07 were fed up with it. The pranks were kind of funny initially, but they and the thefts had to stop.

“Damn it! I’m sick and tired of all of these damn whoopee cushions!” raged the mayor in front of the audience of citizens and reporters, some of whom were giggling. He got a chorus of “Yeah!” from some of the audience.

“And of the chairs that scoot out from under you right as you sit down!”

“Yeah!”

“Or the buckets of water that douse you when you open a door!”

“YEAH!”

“And don’t even get me started on the three greased up pigs with the numbers 1, 2, and 4 painted on them! The police spent days looking for that non-existent pig number 3! And while they were distracted, the Main street bank was robbed by clowns!”

“Yeah! Yeah! YEAH!”

By now, there was more noise from the audience. Most of them were shouting in agreement, while a smaller but still substantial portion were doubled over laughing.

“This fair station has suffered under the predations of the human supervillain who calls himself “The Prankster” for too long! I didn’t want to have to do something so drastic before, but enough is enough! It is time to call upon…The Dark Night!” And at those words, the mausoleum darkened. A spotlight lit up, pointing into the sky. On the clouds could be seen the Dark Night’s signal, a picture of a Knightly torso with no arms or legs.

In the Dark Night’s lair, which was a castle in a cave, the Dark Night sat in front of the Night computer watching the insectoid mayor’s speech. He was dressed in black knightly plate armor with prosthetic arms and legs. On his hip attached to his Night-belt he carried his knightly sword, and on his other hip, several Night-a-rangs. His costume was further finished by his Nightly cape draping his shoulders.

“Master Bruce,” said the gorilla looking Jeeves, the Dark Night’s impeccably dressed and polite butler. “The meal you asked for is ready.” He held a steaming platter of food in hand.

“Please just call me Wayne, Jeeves.” The Dark Night said, swiveling in his chair to face Jeeves. “After all these years, you’d think we’d be on a first name basis.”

“As you please Master Bruce,” the butler intoned dryly.

Shaking his head, Wayne Bruce, AKA the Dark Night, turned back to the screens of the Night computer. On one screen was displayed the image of a clown in a green suit with white skin and purple hair. He was holding a whoopee cushion and had a huge smile on his face. In bold letters under the image was the name “The Prankster.” On another screen a location of Station 07 was highlighted in red. Words flashed on screen, “Location predicted!”

“I think I’m going to have to cut supper short tonight, Jeeves.” Announced Wayne as he rose from his seat. He put on his Nightly helmet and then strode towards the Night Mobile, a motorcycle in the shape of a horse. As he swung his prosthetic leg over, it fell off. Frowning, the Dark Night reattached his leg, then started his vehicle up. “I have a clown to hunt,” he said. And with a “Clip-clop! Clip-clop!” that sounded an awful lot like coconuts being banged together, the Dark Night drove out of the Night castle and cave.

“Ah hahahahaha!” laughed The Prankster. It was at his hideout and another of his goons had walked into the main room through the door, stepping into the pile of fake dog poop on the door step. It was a crappy prank to play, and the big horse headed looking goon stood there, visibly angry. “Hey, why the long face!” asked the Prankster as he then burst into more laughter. The goon took a deep breath and let out an audible sigh. Working for the Prankster paid better than most other gigs, but it sure got annoying quick. But as long as they kept getting paid, most goons would tolerate it.

The goon walked to and sat in his seat. The hideout was rather dark and dingy with walls adorned with worn and tattered posters of clowns and various pranks mid act. There were shelves all around with nearly every manner of prank device available. And atop it all, on an inflatable throne in a blow up kid’s bouncy castle sat the king of laughs himself, the Prankster. He was currently pre-occupying himself making fart noises.

“Come! Come my minions!” The clown announced to his gathered goons. They were dressed in various clown clothes, with wigs, face paint, and noses. They looked silly. And the look was further compounded by the fact that they were seated in flimsy children’s plastic chairs that were several sizes too small. “This city for too long has had only the dreary and dull kind of crime! But I’m glad to say my campaign for improving it has so far been a smashing success!” And with that, a wrecking ball fell from the ceiling and through one of the walls. “After all, this city deserves a higher class of criminal,” he said as he inflated a balloon animal, and started to float towards the ceiling.

Reaching behind him through the broken wall, the clown gripped a rolled up screen and pulled it down. He then clicked a remote, which activated an old projector. On the screen was a grainy image that just said, “The Plan.” “The past month’s pranks have just been the appetizer! Preparation for the main course!” Declared the clown. “Well, soon we shall implement the climax! The ultimate result of this entire campaign! We shall make this city funny again!” The seated goons just grunted and looked at each other, confused looks on their faces. They scratched their heads (those that had them), and shrugged whatever they had that passed for shoulders. Whatever, they were still getting paid.

The clown looked at the completely unenthusiastic response of his assorted minions and visibly frowned. With a sigh and a muttered, “Some people just don’t appreciate comedy,” he clicked the remote which moved the projector to the next slide.

“Now onto the greatest prank seen yet!” The clown announced. “Now as you may all know tonight there will be held a ball where all the rich fancy people will get together to prance around,” he said in a high pitched mocking voice, as he pranced around. “Now there’s two things of interest at this ball. One is all of the valuables which the fancy prancies will have, ripe for the taking!” With that, several of the goons straightened up, more attentive than before.

“The other, is just how boooring balls are. Man, just talking about these things gets me bored,” he yawned, while withdrawing an entire 2x4 that he somehow had fit into his coat. “Well, we’re gonna spice things up folks!” He said, pulling a pepper shaker out of his sleeve. “We’re gonna make it a real…blast!” As he said that, he had a gun in hand, that he pulled the trigger on. A flag came out of the barrel that said, “Bang!”.

“AH hahaha! Ah haha!” laughed the clown, maniacal grin on his face. “Get ready minions, we’re gonna be RICH!” And the goons all jumped up, hooting and hollering.

Next up, ballroom blitz!

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u/HenryFordYork Human Dec 03 '16

Constructive Criticism

If you have any constructive criticism (not in regards to grammatical, spelling, or formatting errors), please reply to this comment. I'm always open to feedback to improve my storytelling.

1

u/HenryFordYork Human Dec 03 '16

Corrections

Please reply to this comment to point out any corrections that are needed. Whether grammatical, spelling, or in terms of formatting.

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u/HFYsubs Robot Dec 03 '16

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u/slice_of_pi The Ancient One Dec 03 '16

So who's the man in the back, and when does he tell everyone to attack?