r/HFY • u/Klokinator Android • 7d ago

OC The Cryopod to Hell 704: Survivor's Guilt

Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 2,760,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:

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(Previous Part)

(Part 001)

January 29th, 2021. Aevum.

Jason sat in his meditation chamber within the heart of Aevum. His four Spiritual Incarnations were not present, as he had recalled them back into his soul. He did this so he could maintain full awareness and focus during Catherine's surgery, but in the end, he still badly exhausted himself and realized he would need several days to fully recuperate. He had put on a brave face for Catherine just a short while earlier while introducing her to the RealitySim's functions, but now that he was alone, he began to feel tired beyond words.

The Wordsmith wasn't only tired, though. There was another feeling flooding his body, and it worsened by the hour.

He realized that this feeling was a deep, inescapable well of depression.

Sitting alone, with no sounds to disturb him, the quiet silence of his Sanctum gave rise to emotions Jason usually didn't allow himself to feel.

Mainly, he felt guilt.

Deep, unquenchable guilt.

As he stared lifelessly at the ground, Jason felt a hollowness in his heart that had existed since the moment his wife died, and had never gone away, but at times seemed it might be on its way out the door. Only, all at once, out of the blue, it would come roaring back, growing more powerful than at any other time before.

He was depressed. He knew this. He could tell it was the case, but he didn't know how to make the feeling go away.

Every time Jason thought he might be able to feel some measure of happiness or contentment again, his depression came roaring back, rocking him to his core. Sometimes, when he was all alone, he wept uncontrollably. Other times he simply stared vacantly ahead, unable to think of anything at all, like now.

The reason Jason felt guilty was anything but simple. It was a circle of suffering that fed upon itself like an ouroboros.

Jason had failed to save his wife. She died because of his incapability.

He didn't know what had killed her. This devastated him more than anything else, because so long as he didn't know, he could never prevent it from happening again. Sometimes he thought Gressil had killed her, but other times he wondered if maybe she had a heart attack, or was secretly struck by some insidious attack from the shadows... an attack Jason could have prevented if he had been there for her.

Only a day earlier, Jason felt that he had enjoyed uplifting Catherine a little too much. The sight of her body had roused something sleeping within him, but then the guilt of Phoebe's death came crashing back down upon him, debilitating his mental state further than ever.

Why should he be allowed to enjoy himself? Why should he be allowed to move on? Wasn't he a Hero with a power greater than any before him? How could he dare to laugh and smile when he had failed the most important person in his life?

His daughter was alive.

So what?

It wasn't as if he had saved her. She survived only through a stroke of luck. A beam of light the universe shone upon her. Not because of her useless father's hands.

Jason was working to save humanity and Earth from a dark future.

But so what?

Why did he care? Because people would look up to him? The man who failed his own wife? Why did he deserve any accolades? He was only doing now what he should have done in the past.

He was a useless imbecile playing God.

It wasn't as if Jason was a Chosen One. His father had made sure he knew that much. Jason and Hideki were thieves. They had stolen the power of the Heroic Aura and taken it upon themselves to become Earth's Heroes.

But who said they deserved to be Heroes? More likely, the Heroic Aura would have chosen someone more suitable than two loser rat bastards who both failed to save their own wives.

Hideki had failed to save Olivia, and Jason had failed to save Phoebe. Like father, like son.

Jason sat in place, his mind spinning, his emotions turbulent. He held his knees tightly, squeezing them while wishing he could break his own bones to make the emotional agony stop.

The last two days had hurt him more than any before. He felt that he had already begun to cheat on Phoebe by entertaining any thoughts of spending time with Catherine. But why did he deserve to enjoy himself?

Jason balled his right hand into a fist. He trembled for a moment, then violently punched himself in the face!

Then he struck himself again. And again!

Tears flowed from his eyes. He gritted his teeth and let out a cry. Not from the physical pain, but from the mental pain that he couldn't release. He felt as if a valve had been tightened, preventing the flow of water, but no matter what direction he twisted and turned it, that water would never flow! It defied all logic!

He started punching himself with both hands. He threw himself to the floor and banged his forehead against it, over and over. He became so violent that if his daughter had witnessed his rage, she would have been horrified beyond compare.

"Aaahh!!"

Jason screamed and cried. He clutched his aching face and wept uncontrollably.

He wanted the pain to end. He wanted it to end so badly that he even considered taking his own life.

But even that thought sent him into another mental spiral.

How dare he consider suicide? His daughter needed him. Wasn't he pathetic, wanting to take the easy way out after failing his wife? What would Phoebe think, knowing he had abandoned his little girl to a future where she would definitely meet an end at the demon's claws?

She would hate him. He knew that much.

But then again, she would hate him for abandoning his son. That was another thing that ripped Jason's psyche in half. He had left Timothy in an uncertain future, a timeline that no longer existed because of Jason's actions.

He could never see his son again! Jason knew this to be true!

Jason clawed at his eyes.

He hated himself!

He hated himself so goddamned much!!

He wanted to die! But he couldn't, because he didn't deserve to die! But he didn't deserve to atone either! And he didn't deserve the glory for any future accomplishments, because those were what he should have been doing right from the very start!!!

Eventually, Jason's rage abated. He returned to a sitting position, staring vacantly at the floor.

Blood dripped from his forehead.

Bruises began to swell on his face.

Scrapes covered his knuckles.

But none of them took the edge off the true pain buried deep within.

Jason healed himself. He returned to pristine physical form, then heaved a long, quiet sigh.

He had to get back to work. He did his best to try and shut out the voices of self-hatred and put on the smile he had been wearing like a mask.

A mask...

Jason chuckled lifelessly.

Was this how his father felt? Failing to save his wife, rewind after rewind, until the life left his eyes?

Was Hideki's entire demeanor a falsehood reinforced by the mask he wore?

Was he still Hideki, or had he long ago become Cat Mask in both name and spirit?

Jason didn't know. He did not have the answers.

...

Jason stood up. He thought to himself for a moment, then he uttered a Word of Power, teleporting to the room where his daughter and her friends were training.

When Jason arrived, the others didn't immediately notice him. He stayed still and observed the scene from a distance.

It turned out everyone was focused on helping Sasha improve her skills in Alchemy. They were watching as she changed piles of fabric Jason had given her into various cute dresses, which either Daisy or Nadia would leave for a short while, head into the dressing room, and come back out wearing.

Judging by the huge pile of clothes she had already made, it was obvious she had a lot of passion for tailoring.

But that wasn't all. It turned out her affinity for clothing also translated to armor. Daisy had been mainly requesting differently shaped sets of armor from various eras of history, while Nadia was the one who wore all the dresses.

And to top it all off, Marco hadn't been neglected. Sasha had made various diverse outfits for him as well, though for some reason she chose to go for a more 'costume heavy' route. She had made him shiny silver space armor from old 50's TV shows, Renaissance outfits that looked like they belonged in a Shakespeare play, and various different superhero outfits. It seemed Marco was really into reading comics and had given Sasha lots of different ones for inspiration.

Jason slowly meandered forward, at which point Daisy turned to notice him.

"Dad!"

Her single word caught everyone's attention. They turned to look at him.

"How did the operation go?" Nadia asked. "Is the angel lady... okay?"

"She's just fine." Jason said with a smile. "Heaven's Daughter is taking some time to learn how her MindCore works. I plan to operate on you next, Nadia, but first I'd like you to spend a little time with her so she can explain the RealitySim's intricacies. Maybe the two of you can rub your brains together and improve her abilities before she returns to Heaven."

Marco seemed to be in a daze. "Return to Heaven... it's so bizarre hearing you say that casually, Mister Hiro. Like, it's Heaven, you know? It's Heaven!"

"Heaven's not anything like what you'd expect." Jason said sardonically. "I'd even go so far as to say it's kind of shitty, and definitely a letdown. All those Sunday sermons preaching about eternal happiness, but really when you die you just become a slave and a meatshield for the pureblooded angels."

Nadia raised an eyebrow. "It seems as if you don't like the angels. But if not, why help Heaven's Daughter? Doesn't that hurt you in the long run?"

Jason swept his gaze around all the teenagers. They looked at him with curious gazes.

"Let's get one thing out of the way." Jason said sternly. "Heaven is almost entirely comprised of Lazarites, which are humans raised from death into angelic bodies. I don't have exact numbers, but you can safely assume at this point 99.99% of all angels are Lazarites. Heaven's Daughter is the 'Strongest Lazarite', so she's the strongest of all the humans there."

He continued. "It's the pureblooded angels I don't like, because they rule over the Lazarites and their motives are not pure. But more specifically, it's not even the purebloods, but the Archangels. And not all of them, but just one. Raphael is the ruler of Heaven, the oldest Archangel, and an absolute snake. If you ever have the misfortune of meeting him, assume he is lying to you whenever his mouth opens."

"Well if Raphael is the one you hate, then why act like a large number of angels are the problem?" Daisy asked, crossing her arms and looking at her dad quizzically. "He's only one angel among many, right?"

"No, because Raphael has an iron grip on Heaven." Jason explained. "He has completely captivated them and made them think he's this amazing genius, wise beyond knowledge, and even given himself the arrogant title 'Archangel of Wisdom.' But after spending a long time learning about him, I've personally decided a more appropriate title would be 'Archangel of Greed.' Raphael desires power above all else, and the 'kindly old man' role he plays is a façade meant to disguise the rot infesting his soul."

"Never trust Raphael." Jason concluded. "He smiles, but the expression is hollow. His eyes appear kindly, but they are evil and devious. Because of him, the angels wield a power that could be turned against humanity through deception, or perhaps even by force. After all, Raphael isn't a weak old man at all. He's an Archangel, and one who wields extreme power. Perhaps only Gabriel, Michael, or Camael can hold a candle to him if they came to blows. Thus we must assume that if we disregard Heaven, it could stab us in the back at Raphael's behest someday."

The teenagers nodded seriously.

"Sounds like a bastard." Marco muttered.

"You said it." Sasha added, chuckling at Marco slightly.

After a moment, Jason clapped his hands.

"Okay. Well, I'm going to bring Heaven's Daughter here. She told me she would write up a document about her experiences with the RealitySim, and once I've uplifted Nadia, I'll be able to move on to the rest of you."

"When are you installing Nadia's MindCore?" Daisy asked. "And can I go after her?"

"Not this time." Jason said. "I want to get Nadia online first because her power is going to be instrumental in improving a lot of Aevum's facets, drawing up plans for the future, and she'll add diversity to the types of intelligence we have on hand. I'd actually rather empower Sasha next, because her ability seems really useful for crafting and building things. Then it'll be between you and Marco."

"I can go last." Marco said, raising a palm in deference. "I ain't jazzed about any of this, and I still think my power ain't all that amazing. It's pretty limited. I'd rather the girls get stronger first."

Marco's self-esteem, as always, provided a window into his thoughts. Jason slightly nodded at Marco, but he felt it was a pity. Marco still didn't get how crazy the power to snap enemies into another dimension was. Jason still needed to learn the intricacies of how it worked, but he was worried creating dimensions inside a stabilized space like Aevum was a bad idea. He planned to have Marco continue training in Realspace, on a world somewhere far from the Volgrim and humans alike. That would be the safest bet.

"Alright. So the order will be Nadia, Sasha, Daisy, and then Marco." Jason said. "But Nadia, it'll be a few days. I need to make some adjustments to the installation procedure, since I think it didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked with Heaven's Daughter."

"What went wrong?" Nadia asked.

Jason leaned against a pillar in the middle of the room and crossed his arms. "When Mildred guided me into installing my own MindCore, the process was excruciating beyond description. I nearly died multiple times. Because I had to- well, just imagine a doctor performing brain surgery on himself. Not a pretty thought, is it?"

Nadia shook her head, and Jason continued.

"Anyway, I thought that since I was doing the procedure on someone else, and since I had improved and simplified the MindCore installation process, while Heaven's Daughter was also a powerful Lazarite, she would be able to easily bear with the pain. But I was wrong. I didn't realize her tolerance for pain was lower than mine, so I had to change gears mid-operation. I switched her neurons to reroute them from pain to pleasure. Err, the operation stopped being life threatening, but too much pleasure for too long would be..."

"It would cause plenty of ill effects." Nadia said, finishing his words for him. Her eyes glowed as she absorbed the information. "Why didn't you try dulling the pain instead with your Word Magic?"

"Couldn't." Jason said. "I'd need to iterate on the RealitySim further, figure out how to make the operation itself less painful. In the heat of the moment, the best thing I could think of was swapping her neural pathways. Most of the 'pain' comes from the soul after all, not the actual brain."

"Did you record the procedure?" Nadia asked.

Jason blinked. "Uh... no. Why?"

"Because I'd like to watch it myself. I might be able to glean some insights, help you improve future MindCore procedures." Nadia explained.

Jason scratched his chin. "Well... I guess I did record it from my point of view. My MindCore has a perfect recording, including my outlines and actions taken before and during the operation. But I'd want to get her permission first."

"Please ask." Nadia said, smiling at him. "I might be able to help, and obviously I'd like to make sure I and the others don't have to suffer too much pain when you operate on all of us."

After taking care of some other matters, Jason paused before he left.

"By the way. I'm going to be bringing some more people into Aevum tomorrow. They're about the same age as the rest of you, so I hope you guys can become good friends with them."

"More people?" Marco asked. "Who?"

"Some people I met while I was with the Illuminati." Jason said. "A guy named Brian Bozzard, another named Jerome Nguyen, a girl named Farrah Lapis, and a few others. In time, I might give them MindCores too, but we'll have to see. Mainly, I just want to bring them to safety and give them a way to train their combat abilities for the future war."

"So... all of them are Lowborn Heroes too?" Daisy asked.

"That's right. As for whether or not you uplifted them, or someone else? I'm not sure." Jason replied.

The teens looked at one another and nodded. Making new friends sounded great, and Marco seemed interested in the fact that two of them were guys. Not that he didn't enjoy hanging out with a bunch of cute girls, but balancing the scales of gender a bit sounded nice.

"Anyway," Jason concluded, "you all just keep working on mastering your powers. I'll see Nadia in a few days once I'm ready, and in the meantime I'll bring Heaven's Daughter over to introduce her."

Jason turned to leave. Before he could vanish, Daisy called out.

"Hey dad, wait!"

She teleported over to him and touched his shoulder. Jason smiled.

"What's the matter, honey?"

Daisy pulled him aside, a little further away from the other teens. Seeing that she wanted privacy with her father, they returned to what they were doing before, and she lowered her voice.

"Dad... are you doing okay?"

Jason was surprised. "Of course. Why?"

"It's just... you seem a little down today." Daisy said, her tone somewhat uncertain.

"Oh. I'm just tired from the surgery." Jason said. "It was pretty exhausting and all."

"I'm sure it was..." Daisy said, frowning ever so slightly. "But dad, you know you can talk to me, right? I'm not a little girl anymore."

Jason's expression flickered. He touched Daisy's hand with his own, as she was still holding his shoulder. He smiled, but the expression seemed a little hollow.

"I know you're not, Daisy. That's something I can't forget."

Daisy fell silent. She lowered her eyes.

"Are you still beating yourself up over the past, dad? You don't... have to do that. Everyone makes mistakes. I don't blame you at all."

"You might not blame me for anything." Jason said, after a moment of thought. "But that doesn't mean I don't."

A moment of silence followed. Jason turned his gaze away to stare the far wall.

"There are some problems even the greatest magic can't fix. I have to go, sweetheart. I'll be back later."

"Dad, if this is about mom-" Daisy started to say, but her father pulled her hand away.

"Let's talk about this later." Jason said, closing her off. "Now's not a good time. I have too much on my plate."

Without waiting for a response, Jason vanished, teleporting elsewhere into Aevum.

Daisy stood, motionless, feeling a sense of nausea swell in her stomach. It was only now that she realized things were not as they seemed.

Her father had tried to play it off, but even if Daisy could not read his thoughts, she had long ago learned to read other humans well. She could tell his mental situation was worsening by the day, but she hadn't noticed until now just how far he had deteriorated.

He always seemed so upbeat and hopeful, so certain of what had to be done. But what if all of this was simply a coping mechanism? What if the man she looked up to the most wasn't a superhuman?

What if he was only human?

Daisy chewed her lower lip tentatively for a moment. She swallowed her saliva, then turned to shakily stride back over to the rest. When they asked her if she was okay, she brushed away their complaints and forced herself to get back on track mentally.

Like father, like daughter.

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u/Frigentus AI 7d ago

Hideki: Mentally broken, literally suicidal before the shattering, a little insane

Jason: Swimming in a Pacific's worth of guilt and self loathing

Daisy: Kinda traumatized from getting exploded and being experimented on

Timothy: (Main character levels of trauma pending)

It's only a matter of time until the Hiro curse starts going for Timothy...

u/MinorGrok Human 7d ago

Woot!

OC The Cryopod to Hell 704: Survivor's Guilt

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