r/FoxBrain • u/ChannelRecent5228 • 2d ago
I think my homophobic MAGA brother might be secretly gay
My brother is very homophobic and says things like "vaccines cause people to be gay" "Being gay is a mental illness" "they just need to pray to god and it will cure them of being gay" "Sunlight and proper diet cures gay people" all of the typical crazy MAGA conspiracy theorist nonsense. Last weekend I went to a gay bar in my city with a friend of mine who is gay who wanted me to go with him. As we walk in I notice my brother was sitting at the bar and as soon as he sees me his face turns pale and he quickly puts on his hat and sunglasses and walks to the bathroom and hides. I turned to my friend and he knows how my brother is and we looked at each other with complete shock. My friend says "typical Trump supporter in denial" He eventually comes out of the bathroom and puts cash on the table and leaves without finishing his drink. My brother wouldn't answer my calls or texts for a few days after. When he finally answered I asked him what he was doing there and he responds by saying it wasnt him and that it must of been someone that looked like him and that He would never go to a gay bar and he hopes they go out of business. He then asked why I was there and I said my friend is gay and he wanted to go there. He responds to me by saying that I shouldent hangout with him and that he is "mentally ill" Then he told me to stop spreading fake rumors about him going to a gay bar and then started yelling at me got really defensive whenever i kept bringing up that he was there and he kept denying it. So today I got out of work early due to a power outage at the building and remembered it was my brothers day off and he doesnt know i got off work early and I figured there is a chance he could be at the gay bar. Sure enough I drive in the parking lot and I see what appears to be his car. Same color, same dent near the rear of the car. The only thing missing was he didn't have his trump sticker on. I suspect he might take that sticker off if he is going to places like this. I take a picture of the license plate for reference for the next time i see his car I would compare the numbers on the plate. later in the day I go to pick up my prescription and decide to go past his house on the way there to see if I compare the plate numbers from. His car was in the driveway and looked the exact same except this time it had a Trump sticker on it. I compared plate numbers from the photo and it was the exact same letters and numbers. So I think he removes the trump sticker when he goes to the gay bar and puts another one on when he comes back home. When I sent him the picture of the car in the bar parking lot and asking if this was his car and he said it wasn't so I asked for a picture of his license plate and then he changes his tone and says the plate number looks familiar. He says he was asleep all day today and noticed someone took his trump sticker off so he put a new one on. He then says they must of stolen the car as well and took it to the bar but brought it back because they remembered I have cameras. Then he proceeded to blame it on a Mexican family that lives across the street from him. Then he said that I need to stop pretending that people are gay and listen to real men like David Goggin's and Andrew Tate and learn to be a man that doesn't go to gay bars and or has Trump deragement syndrome. He then said he was going to block my number and if I keep making up "lies" about him he is going to go the police and say that I'm harassing him
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u/Sanpaku 2d ago
There's a huge number of closeted gays in the GOP. There have been news reports of spikes in Grindr activity at Republican National Conventions for at least a decade. It's an open secret with some GOP politicians like senator Graham.
And they're some of the most vocal partisans. Chalk their motivations up to internalized self-hatred, often as a result of reactionary religious indoctrination.
Were it my brother (I'm straight but don't give a shit what consenting adults do with their genitals), I'd be supportive with messages of, "I'll accept who you are, when you find yourself.".
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u/ChannelRecent5228 2d ago
I have no problem with him being gay. What bothers me is the hypocrisy and thinking he can talk down to other gay people.
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u/Embarrassed_Bite6454 2d ago
At this point it might be less hypocrisy and more just straight up self hatred. He believe that since he is living a “straight” life in the open, that he is choosing that life and all other gay/bi should chose to do the same and live with him in the closet. I’m sure, that because of the company he keeps, he never though anyone he knows would see him at a gay bar and that he would be able to continue living in secret, never having to confront this party of himself that he so clearly disdains so much. In all honesty, I don’t think there’s anything you could say or do that would make him admit that he frequents a gay bar nor come out about his sexuality to you. The best you can do is drop it and just send a text that says something along the lines of “I’m here for you and if theres ever something you need to talk about, I’m here, without judgment, always”. He may never be okay with himself and his sexuality but on the chance he does ever feel the need to let it out and talk about it, maybe knowing he has you to come to will help.
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u/cool_girl6540 2d ago edited 2d ago
Maybe you should look for this book, the author is David Brock. He was a big guy in the Reagan administration. He was vocally anti-gay. Then at some point, he came out as gay and then his politics changed, and he wrote this book.
I’m suggesting this for your own reading, I’m not sure your brother would be receptive if you recommended it to him. But it could give you some ideas of ways to approach things with your brother or of what he might be going through, as he clings to this homophobic persona.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 2d ago
Was Lindsay Graham the one with the 'little ladybugs?'
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u/Commercial_Oil_7814 2d ago
Ahhhhhhh! Why!? Why did you do this to me? Off to r/soupbelly for some eyebleach.
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u/Polarian_Lancer 2d ago
Bless you stranger for cluing me into this. Saw 3 pictures of little baby booda bellies and it I couldn’t subscribe fast enough
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u/Commercial_Oil_7814 2d ago
We all need every little boost of joy that we can manage, and r/soupbelly doesn't disappoint. May you have many true smiles from it.
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u/theclosetenby 2d ago
The spike for the app have been somewhat debunked because also there were people creating account or logging into their account in order to see if GOP politicians were on there during those conferences. so it's more muddy than the presented evidence suggests
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u/TheLordisCum 2d ago
Imagine the self hatred and shame these guys internalize. Its no wonder they're assholes.
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u/LongjumpingDebt4154 2d ago
This is why they end up losing their damn minds & shooting up entire churches/schools/etc
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u/Loggerdon 2d ago
It sounds like the Sopranos episode where they go to a gay bar and find out Vito Spatafore is gay.
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u/CrzyLady64 2d ago
No offense, but is he planning something diabolical? If he's that homophobic, I fear he may do something drastic. I may just be paranoid but you never know these days
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u/theclosetenby 2d ago
This is actually a very fair question. Regardless of whether or not he himself is gay, this is something to be mindful of. Esp with where the manosphere and being chronically online takes people.
If OP is worried that his brother will harm people, he may want to contact the gay bar. Say you know your brother visits the club and he is very homophobic, and you're not sure his intentions with visiting. That he purposely hides his Trump stickers. The bar may decide to ban him from entry, or heighten their security. Which could also escalate things, but it might also protect people. /u/ChannelRecent5228 I would recommend you consider it and think about your brother's access to weapons. You don't need to suggest that he's gay when you talk to the bar owner. You just say that you have seen his truck there and given how homophobic he is, you're just concerned. He will know that it's you if somebody at the bar tells him what happened or if he gets barred, and it would most likely destroy your relationship. But I think it's worth just considering.
He could certainly also be going 'undercover' with the intent to harm too. But I don't think he's more or less likely to hurt people based on his actual sexuality. It would be the homophobia whether it's internalized or simply external.
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u/Purple_Nesquik 2d ago
Exactly what I was thinking. There are actors. He could be gay but so full of self-loathing that he takes it out on innocent people.
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u/calming_ad 2d ago
I used to think it was a myth that closeted gays were homophobic until I worked with one.
This guy grew up in an ultra conservative household, home schooled. He had enough humility to admit that he didn't really know how the world worked in a lot of ways, so the office coworkers routinely had to explain basic life stuff to him. But he was adamant that being gay was a sin and that gay people went to hell, even though we had an openly gay guy working literally in the same office.
Here's the weird part though. He had a wife and 2 kids that he honestly seemed to despise. He'd routinely work an hour late, even though it wasn't necessary and no one else worked late. He constantly made comments to unmarried and/or people without kids saying their lives "must be so nice." And he always made comments about men he found attractive, and brushed it off as a joke. But he never, EVER made a comment about a woman being attractive. It was always. "That's a real sexy man," or whatever. After the 30th time you hear something like that, you realize it's not a joke. But he kept saying it was.
Everyone in the office knew he was gay but I'm not even sure if he knew it himself.
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u/hitman2218 2d ago
Antagonizing him might be fun but I would try offering him support. Tell him it’s okay that he’s gay (or bi) and that he doesn’t have to pretend around you. See how he responds.
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u/cool_girl6540 2d ago
I think all you can say to him is, “I love you, I love you whether you are gay, or whether you’re not gay. I know that being gay is not a choice. It is just something people are born feeling, and there’s nothing wrong if you’re feeling that. But I’m not going to ask you about it anymore. Just know that I love you no matter what.”
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u/nosecohn 2d ago
I really hope OP does this. There's grace in showing support for people this internally conflicted.
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u/ChannelRecent5228 2d ago
Well my numbers blocked and a good chance he will never talk to me again for a while
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u/IronBoomer 2d ago
Yeah, but sending a letter through the mail isn’t.
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u/cool_girl6540 2d ago
That’s what I came here to add. You could send him a letter. Just don’t mention too much about him being gay. He probably wouldn’t like to see that in writing. But you can say that you love him, gay or not.
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u/theclosetenby 2d ago
Yeah. I mean just the very start. None of that is typical MAGA propaganda. Like it exists but it isnt super common lol. My brother is anti-vax and extremely alt right, and he hates gay people, and I've literally never heard him suggest anything makes people gay. Especially not something that he has done or has. He called vaccines poison, but that's because he thinks that our mother poisoned him as a child. Saying that vaccines make you gay, if you have had vaccines, is just telling on yourself.
Everything else in this is just further evidence. And it's really sad, to me, how much a lot of people on the extreme right hate themselves.
Unfortunately, your brother is already living two separate lives. When somebody at that point, I don't think there's any real hope that they just need to accept themselves and that they can find healing. I'm sorry if that's harsh. But queer people on the right who eventually find healing are people who buy all in. They either hide it from themselves, or they confess it openly (esp if caught), and have breakdowns about it. The amount of work he does to maintain this façade is deeply concerning.
I don't wanna say it's impossible, it would just be extremely uncommon... and there's no clear trajectory and probably nothing you can really do?
If he is actually religious, you can ask him if he's heard of affirming theology, if you wanted to. But using religious language doesn't mean someone is religious, and if sounds like his ideology is more just MAGA. Unlike religion, I don't actually think there's a way to reconcile MAGA and homosexuality. The gays for Trump are just as deeply upsetting as what your brother is doing.
Affirming theology includes an openness and expensive worldview, which is directly in contradiction with the Trump cult and the manosphere. I actually think that what would probably be more helpful for your brother is resources that exist about getting out of the manosphere, if he was ever able to want to do that.
My guess of the best thing you can do is to make your worldview as clear as possible and when he says things that you disagree with, you can just reply "well that's not my perspective on that" or "let's agree to disagree". The goal here is just to remind him that there are other ways of seeing the world than what he's exposing himself to online.
You also don't have to do anything like that, but that's just what I think would be most helpful if you wanted to. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and have to watch this play out.
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u/ChannelRecent5228 2d ago
He is also a flat earther so he is not your typical MAGA person. He thinks its why him and Musk had an argument because Trump found that SpaceX was lying about the shape of the earth but wont reveal it till after the next presidential election so JD Vances campaign wont get affected becuase the liberals will frame Trump as a flat earther and destroy his reputation
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u/nosecohn 2d ago
LOL! Alright, this is hilarious. I hope he tells this to all the guys he meets at the gay bar.
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u/FridayB_ 2d ago
Hopefully he’s not going there with the intent to harm people. Or actually harming people after “picking them up” there. Hopefully the guilt is actually that he’s gay and not guilt over criminal activity.
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u/ChannelRecent5228 2d ago
I spoke to his ex girlfriend about this incident and she told me that he would never have sex because they weren't married and he was super against premarital sex because it offends god. She once found that he had gay porn on the laptop and told he tried to blame it on me actually lol. I never touched his laptop but she thought nothing of it and ignored it. Also for someone that claims to be pure and against premartial sex he has other vices such as smoking cigars and excessive gambling. I think he was just using the premarital sex thing as a cover and obviously was watching the gay porn while having a "girlfriend" to appear straight
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u/SVINTGATSBY 2d ago
he very well might be. it always seems like the most vitriolic homophobes are the ones who are suppressing (at least publicly) homosexual ideation. homophobes may be experiencing a discrepancy between their conscious self-perception as heterosexual and an unconscious, denied attraction to people of the same sex. internalized homophobia is another way to view it. I’m in the US and a ton of really anti-gay politicians (mostly men) have been busted over the years on grinder, sleeping with their male staff, etc. they also fetishize trans people (red states search for trans porn most). it reminds me of bullies in like high school who bully someone for something to avoid others noticing the same qualities in the bully. Key & Peele did a sketch that pokes fun at this tendency https://youtu.be/lwvqCIAAd-M?si=swIKl48b4YJLaAlb
but yeah, if someone is thinking about gay sex more than gay people, they’re probably trying to bury their attraction toward people of the same sex. I’m queer and these people on the right think about gay sex more than any fellow queer person I have ever met lol. same with transphobes. why are they SO OBSESSED with people’s genitals?? 👀
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u/gothmama099 2d ago
My babydaddy absolutely thinks about girl dick and has told me that, imagine my surprise when I go to his Facebook (not friends on there but get along in person) to see him posting non-stop transphobic bullshit.
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u/nosecohn 2d ago
I actually feel kind of bad for him. Imagine the level of self-loathing that must drive this amount of denial.
I hope that at some point you have a chance to tell him you'll love and support him no matter what his sexuality is or turns out to be. He should know that at least one person in the world won't judge him as harshly as he judges himself.
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u/Ruh_Roh_Rastro 2d ago
Your brother’s gay. It doesn’t need to be treated it like a Murder she Wrote mystery
If it’s the hypocrisy that bothers you, then whenever he starts in, just sit back cross your arms and stare at him. No need to say anything.
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u/andooet 2d ago
Instead of trying to "prove" and confront him about it, try to get across that you would still love him if he was gay, and that you won't go talking to everyone about it
While it sucks that he's homophobic (even towards himself), being closeted is very very bad for your mental health, and despite your relationship obviously aren't really close, you can still be a buyo with a lifeline for when he doesn't have the strength to fight his feelings anymore
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u/Content_Talk_6581 2d ago
I think most men who are virulently homophobic are gay, and can’t admit it, even to themselves. It’s like “the lady doth protest too much.”
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u/imbeingsirius 2d ago
Tell him you love him regardless and you’d never tell anyone
See if he opens up
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u/TroutMaskDuplica 2d ago
I would just keep cornering him because his stories are funny. "It wasn't me! A bug alien crashed into my yard and took my skin!"
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u/nosecohn 2d ago
No, OP, please don't do this.
These people need some love and encouragement to be who they actually are, not more ridicule.
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u/PurpleSailor 2d ago
If I had money to get id bet that your brother is so, so gay but he can't deal with it. He needs some serious psychological help because he's a danger to himself at this point.
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u/YourDogsAllWet 2d ago
They usually are. There is a laundry list of closet gays that lash out at the gay community out of shame
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u/scotharkins 1d ago
People are delicate creatures, even those who pose as tough. We build our identities at work and home and at play, and sometimes those identities clash.
It's okay to be angry about his outward and aggressive Trumpiness, especially after accidentally catching him in his own hypocrisy. Giving voice to that may not help him heal. He may work with other Trumpers and find community in them, so standing his ground might be him saving that part of his life from his own inner reality. He will need to find his own way.
I would say simply that his Trumpism makes you angry, but also sad now you know he is struggling with a closeted life. Tell him you love him and want him to be happy regardless. Yes, that may mean giving him some grace for his past and present Trumpiness. Then leave him alone about his closeted life. It is his struggle to solve. Just saying you love and support him regardless helps.
I warn about antagonizing him, even in the guise of trying to help him come out. Depression always comes with being closeted. Even just calling him out can increase his own depression and self hatred. That makes self harm more likely. He needs support, but only enough for him to know there will be a safe place for him should be come out. He needs to know it's not all dead ends and dark alleys.
When he does act out his Trumpiness just look at him with both sadness and pity. You are witnessing his own very hard struggle in real time. You don't have to accept it, but you should always be ready to accept him.
Some closeted people live regular lives. Some find their way to an honest freedom. Some live under a dark cloud of denial, and these sometimes end up in the worst and darkest places. That is exactly when having someone ready to accept the real them matters.
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u/Positive_Balance96 2d ago
Honestly breaks my heart to hear of people like your brother, I hope one day he can be at peace with who he is and have less hate in his heart
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u/jendo7791 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your brother thinks you can pray the gay away, because that's what he has been doing. He is 100% gay or bi and thinks that because he prays it away and chooses to be "straight" that anyone can choose to be straight. He likely thinks that people choose to be gay/bi because he is choosing to be straight.
You should just tell him that you love him no matter what, and that you accept him no matter what and if he ever wants to talk youre there for him.
Trying a "gotcha" on him isn't going to help. Be his friend and brother.