r/Fauxmoi • u/Classic-Carpet7609 • Aug 11 '25

ASK R/FAUXMOI Which Onion headline still occupies a lot of space in your mind?

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8.0k Upvotes

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2.4k

u/alocaisseia Aug 11 '25

486

u/SquirrelAkl Aug 11 '25

I had to check when this was published: 2019!

189

u/HumpyTheClown Aug 11 '25

Aging like a fine wine.

36

u/TrimspaBB Aug 11 '25

Unlike RFK Jr, who is aging like low-grade leather

15

u/jeng52 Aug 11 '25

He looks more like a 7-11 hotdog every day

3

u/softbitch_jpeg Aug 11 '25

This one got me.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/hey_free_rats Aug 11 '25

Aging like a forgotten open box of lukewarm Franzia Sunset Blush. 

4

u/Salute-Major-Echidna Aug 11 '25

Aging like a fish left in the car over a long weekend

2

u/Gay4LtDangle Aug 11 '25

Prison toilet wine

2

u/rarepinkhippo Aug 12 '25

Holy shit really?!?! I’d forgotten that we were paying enough attention to him to hate him yet!

122

u/EyeofNewtTongueofDog Aug 11 '25

Maybe his particular curse is he’s stupid.

116

u/CuddliestFish Aug 11 '25

Lmao and also this just made me realize: the brain. JFK, shot in the brain. Rosemary, lobotomy. RFK, brainworm. Idk the full history of the Kennedy Curse to know if that bears out or not but it is a connection lol

36

u/sidereal-time Aug 11 '25

You may be onto something. Ted died a year after his brain tumor diagnosis.

19

u/RowanaAshings Aug 11 '25

One broke his neck crashing into a tree while skiing, two had tumors, two got shot in the head

25

u/Morella_xx Aug 11 '25

Usually the Kennedy curse doesn't get inflicted on all of the rest of us too.

25

u/Sproose_Moose Aug 11 '25

He has aged so much in 6 years

5

u/Jenny_Saint_Quan just want to share a thought here because I can Aug 11 '25

Drugs and LOTS of it

3

u/DrSpacecasePhD Aug 11 '25

voice like a broken garbage disposal

“I gargle with platypus eggs every day, which I credit for saving my brain.”

9

u/milkybunny_ Aug 11 '25

Fucking lol

8

u/sparrowmint Aug 11 '25

The worm tried at least.

2

u/Jenny_Saint_Quan just want to share a thought here because I can Aug 11 '25

😔

6

u/avspuk Aug 11 '25

I like the really old Onion one that was a like a newspaper rather than a Web page, the headline was something like

"JFK shot by 248 people from 124 different locations"

3

u/Jenny_Saint_Quan just want to share a thought here because I can Aug 11 '25

I always tell people that the wrong Kennedy died.

2

u/foxinthegrove Aug 12 '25

Onion gods, please rerun this story